Chapter 4--Shargenshole

Ed should have known that following a witch into a marsh at night was a bad idea. A very, very, very bad idea. He should have known that following Luna Lovegood into a marsh at night was, if possible, an even worse idea than that. Much, much, much worse. The night Ed followed Luna into her marsh was full of bad ideas, and following her was just the first.

Ed had followed Luna into the marsh in her backyard, still slightly angry at himself for thinking that she was going to do what he had thought she was going to do, and he hadn't really been paying attention to his surroundings. This is a very bad idea. So it came as a great shock to Ed when he found himself thigh deep in a slimy wet mud hole. Ed stood for a moment, letting the shock of mud oozing into his boots fully register. It was not the most pleasant feeling. Kind of like stepping into a gigantic, slobbery mouth. Grumbling something about the stupidity of "this alchemy-less world," Ed grabbed onto a handy vine and started to pull himself up. It was then that Edward Elric discovered that mixing metal legs and mud is an extremely bad idea.

He was stuck.

So, Ed did what he normally did when he was in a dire situation.

He swore.

Ten Minutes Later

"…and then I'll rip out your eyes and stick them up your a--!"

"Are you stuck?" interrupted Luna.

Much as he was glad to see someone who could help him, Ed couldn't help but be slightly frustrated. Patience is not one of Ed's most prevalent virtues, especially patience involving answering stupid questions. "Oh, no, Luna," said Ed, "I'm not stuck. I figured I'd stay here in mud up to my armpits just because I felt like finding out what it was like to have mud oozing down my pants."

"Oh, research!" exclaimed Luna. "How's it going? What does it feel like? Can I join in?"

"It feels kind of like my butt has the 'poop' button on maximum and someone forgot to turn it off—wait, what are you doing?! Stop, don't come any closer! If you come in, then no one will be able to pull…us…out……How are you doing that?"

For Luna was walking on the mud, without even sinking the tiniest bit. She stopped in front of Ed with her hands on her hips. "Do you like my boots? They're my mother's special marsh boots. See?" She stuck a very clean boot up in front of Ed's nose. "They have Shargenshole saliva rubbed into them, so they repel water, dirt, mud, and anything else I happen to step in. They also make a thin layer about six inches around that allows me to walk on mud."

"And a Shargenshole is--?"

"A little gnome-like creature that lives under beech tree roots."

"Right. Where can I get a pair of boots?"

"There's only one pair."

Ed sighed. Of course. And her mother was probably the only one who could get the Shargenshole things to spit. He should have expected that. "Well then, why don't you pull me out and we can figure out how to get me to whatever it is you want me to see."

"Oh," said Luna, "are you done with your research?"

"I was never doing research to begin with!"

"Then don't tell me you were!" Luna grabbed Ed's reaching hands and pulled. Somehow, with the help of a few handy spells, she was able to get him free. Ed scrambled to the edge of the mudhole and Luna sat next to him, panting.

"I—think—," wheezed Ed, "that—I left—one of—my—boots—in—there."

"….accio…boot…" Ed's boot squelched out of the mud hole with a giant popping noise and fell next to Luna's wand. Mud oozed from between the shoelaces.

"Luna…."

"…scourgify…"

Unfortunately, mud taken from a marsh at night under a quarter moon is quite resistant to magic. Ed and his boot were stuck dirty, smelly, and a little worse for wear.

"Well!" said Luna after they had rested for a bit, "There's really no point in sitting here any longer! I still need to show you something! Come on!" She dragged on Ed's arm.

""Luna…I only have one boot."

"Oh. Well…um…you can use one of mine!"

"Then you'll only have one."

"No, watch." Luna reached down to tickle her boot right next to the third shoelace hole. The boot began to giggle and squirm, and then expanded to twice its original size. "See? Now we can share."

Ed shook his head, but it wasn't to disagree. He was never, ever going to get used to magic.

"Okay, let's go!"

"Ed, are you sure you tied it tight enough?"

"Of course."

"Now, we'll start with left…?"

"No, that wouldn't work. Your left is connected to my right."

"Then maybe we should connect lefts."

"But then one of us would be walking backwards. It has to be right and left, left and right."

"But Ed, your left isn't connected to my right."

"That's the way it works. Only one pair needs to be connected. It's supposed to be that way."

"I don't get it."

"It doesn't matter. When I say 'in,' step with your left foot. When I say 'out,' step with your right. Got it?"

" 'In,' left, 'out,' right."

"Yup. Alright…now. IN!"

"Wait, what?! You said right! Ed, you're going to fall--aaahhhh!"

Squelch.

"….Ed?"

"Shut up, Luna. And get off me."

After the trouble at the beginning, Luna and Ed made fairly fast progress through the marsh. They had perfected their three-legged style down to an art when Luna finally called a halt.

"This is it! Isn't it beautiful?" She spread her muddy hands to take in a large, moldy, dead tree.

Ed was about to comment on the fact that he was exhausted, his mind was still trying to wrap itself around the concept of magic, that he now had mud in places he didn't even know he had, and all she had wanted to show him was a tree! when Luna dug her want out from her sleeve, muttered a few words, and a section of the bark on the tree peeled away to reveal a staircase. She turned back and grinned at Ed's shocked face.

"This," said Luna, "is my clubhouse." They stepped together, sidled though the door, and started making their way up the stairs.

Luna's clubhouse was exquisite. Built to leave the branches of the dead tree intact, there were many different rooms and hallways twisting and turning, as well as many different levels. There was a small kitchen, a living room, three bedrooms, a game room, and a few doors that led to nowhere, all connected by seven staircases and eighteen long winding hallways. And, to Ed's great relief, there were a few bathrooms, all complete with a shower and a large old-fashioned bathtub.

Ed got out of his hot shower to find his clothes already dried from their wash in the sink. He dressed and went out to find Luna curled up with a book on a squishy chair next to the fireplace.

"Hey, Luna?" he asked.

"Mmm?" She turned a page in her book and didn't look up.

"Why can't you see this place from the ground? From below all you could see were the branches."

"It's a specialized invisibility spell. You can see it from the inside, but not the outside. In my Muggle Studies class at Hogwarts they said that muggles made something sort of like it for their car windows."

"Um…sure." Ed didn't want to go into how little he really knew about how 'muggles' in this world behaved, so he quickly asked another question. "So was that kind of spell like the one on the cemetery? When I left it just disappeared." He had been curious about that spell since the beginning.

"Kind of. That one's a little more advanced. It's meant to keep just muggles away. It dates back to ages ago when muggles tried to kill all witches and wizards. We didn't want our ancestor's bodies defiled, so we hid them. That's why you can't see it, but all wizards and witches can." She closed her book. "But that doesn't really matter for my mother." She got up and headed to the kitchen. Ed followed. He wanted to keep her talking while she wasn't being as weird as usual.

"Why doesn't it matter for your mother? Isn't her grave in the cemetery? I couldn't see it when I looked back."

Luna glanced at him. She stepped closer and took his face in her hands. She touched his forehead with her own and took a deep breath. Ed stepped back.

"Yes, Luna. I'm your friend."

She looked at him and shook her head. She raised a finger to tap on his chest. "Are you my best friend?"

"I don't know. Don't you have one already?"

"Not really. I don't have any friends that know everything about me."

"I don't know if I can be your best friend. I already have one, and he has me."

"Who?"

"My little brother."

"If your little brother is your best friend, then why can't you go home?"

Ed looked away from her. "It's a long story."

"We have all night." She looked more serious than Ed had ever seen her.

"How about you tell me your secret," Ed suggested, "then I'll tell you mine. That way, even if we're just friends, we know something about each other that no one else knows."

Luna thought for a moment. "Alright. But we're going to need something to drink."

Once they had both settled themselves on the couch with a blanket, a mug of cocoa, and a bottle of what she called 'butterbeer,' Luna told her secret.

"My mother was a brilliant witch. She knew everything, and if she didn't know it, she wanted to find out about it. One day, she was experimenting, and I believe she was quite close to a breakthrough. Unfortunately, the experiment went wrong, and she died." Luna took a deep breath. "I saw her die. And then her body was…taken. So the coffin in the cemetery is empty."

Ed and Luna sat there for a little while, listening to the fire crack and sipping their drinks.

"So, what's your secret?"

"I…um…" Ed didn't really feel comfortable telling her that he was from another universe. "I also saw my mother die."

"Oh. I see." Luna said. "We're more alike than different, aren't we."

"Trust me, Luna. You don't want to be like me."

Luna took another sip of her cocoa. A few minutes went by, and Ed was starting to feel drowsy. He had had a long day, full of trying to comprehend new things. To think he had been bored at the start of it! Ed was startled from his reverie by Luna's voice.

"Would you like me to tell you a good-night story? My mother always used to tell me stories when I was trying to fall asleep."

Ed nodded sleepily. It couldn't hurt, after all. It would probably be a bit comforting.

"Alright. This is a story my mother used to tell me all the time when I was little." Luna peered into Ed's half-lidded eyes. "And the best part is—it's all true!"

Thinking that that Luna's (and probably her mother's) version of true versus the rest of the world's might be a little different, Ed closed his eyes and snuggled deeper into the sofa. But Luna's story did anything but lull him to sleep.

"There is a world connected to this one—a world without wizardry, but also without muggles. In this world, there is a different kind of power, one that controls all aspects of life. All know of it, but not all use it. It is the power of transmutation. The ability to take something and make it something else. The people there call it alchemy.

"In this world, they are governed by a law, a law that is as cruel as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and as merciless as a cold spring wind. The Law of Equivalent Exchange. It is not like the law in our world, where something can be created out of anything. A teacup to a mouse. A person to an animal. Not so in that world. In that world, they must use materials they already have in order to create something. Living things cannot be made from nonliving.

"This is the story of a man who couldn't live by those rules, and discovered a way to make it to our world. This man lived in a place called Amestris. This was--"

"Don't say anymore!!" Luna jumped, startled at being interrupted. Ed had jerked awake as soon as Luna had said the word 'transmutation.' He had started to shake when she mentioned alchemy. He clenched his hands together and pressed his thumb onto his automail as she talked about the Law. And during the rest of the story he stayed deathly still. But when she had said the name of his country—his country­—he couldn't stay silent anymore.

"How do you know about Amestris?!"

"My mother told me stories when—"

"How did your mother know?!"

"She researched alternate worlds, and the world of Amestris was--"

Ed grabbed Luna's shoulders and shook her hard. "How did your mother die?! Tell me! I want details!!"

Luna shrank under his harsh stare. "I don't--"

Ed shook her again. "Tell me!"

"She was doing an experiment and --"

"What kind of experiment?!"

"I don't--"

"What was she doing?!"

"Wait—stop interrupting!" Luna was angry. "I'll tell you, I just--!"

"Then tell me already!"

"Why do you want to know so badly?!"

"Just tell me!!"

"Fine! My mother was trying to get to another world. She was trying to get to the world of Amestris. She had finally figured out a formula that would get her there, or at least that's what she thought. I was in her lab when she figured it out and decided to try it. She drew a big circle—a..a..a transmutation circle--filled with little designs and symbols that I didn't understand and then tried a spell with it, but it didn't work. While she was inside it trying to fix it I knocked a bottle of that same silver powder that was covering you over and—and—and--" Luna could go no farther. But Ed needed to know more.

"Tell me Luna. Tell me what happened."

Luna stifled a sob and continued. "The powder flowed over the lines she had drawn and started to glow blue and then she turned into something awful--" She stopped.

"You don't need to describe it. Then what happened."

"Her body was taken."

"Her body was taken?! By who?!"

"Arms," Luna whispered.

A cold shiver ran down Ed's spine. "Arms?"

"Yeah. Black ones. They came from the center of the circle."

Ed stood up, knocking his butterbeer to the ground. It stained the rug, but at the moment he didn't care. "Where's your mother's lab?! Take me there right now!"

"But it's dark and we just got dry--!"

"I don't care! Take me there right now!"

"Why?!"

Ed grabbed Luna's hands. "Luna, please. I am your friend, and I say this is urgent. Please, don't ask questions right now. I'll explain everything after you show me your mother's lab. Please."

Luna nodded and got up. They both quickly put on their boots and Ed threw his red jacket over his shoulder as he ran out the door.

This could be a way back home!

The lab wasn't far from the clubhouse. Ed stood looking at an empty clearing while Luna looked for the right knot on the stump in the middle so that they could both go into it. Ed was shaking with fear and anticipation. He might find a way home, he might find a way home, he might find a way home—

"Ready?" asked Luna, holding out her hand. Ed grabbed it, and they were sucked through the stump to land on a pile of old sheets. Ed coughed up dust and scrambled to his feet. The lab obviously hadn't been touched in a long time.

"My daddy left everything the way it was when Mum died. I haven't been here since." Luna was cowering slightly, finger and thumb on Ed's coat. He almost felt sorry for forcing her to bring him here, to this place that had so many bad memories. He had burned all his away.

He picked up the edge of a sheet that was covering the floor. He swore when he saw that the transmutation circle had been smudged beyond recognition.

"Luna, do you have any more of that powder?"

She nodded and pointed with a shaky finger at the lab bench across the room, where a tipped bottle was still about a third full. Ed made his way slowly over to the bench and looked down at the silvery substance. He grabbed a handful and rubbed it all over his hands. It made a filmy glove-like covering, turning his automail white.

"Ed, what are you doing?" asked Luna, peering at him from the other side of the room.

Ed shook his head and put one silver finger to his lips. He looked at his shaking hands and took a deep breath. We'll start simple, thought Ed.

He clapped his hands together and prayed.

Mrs. Weasley had just taken little Teddy back to his crib after his first cry of the night, and she was just going back to bed when she saw something that disturbed her quite a bit. She bustled into her bedroom where Mr. Weasley lay snoring lightly. She shook him awake and in response to his inquisitive snort just told him to get dressed and she'd wake up the boys.

"Molly, what in Merlin's name is the matter?"

"I'm sure it's nothing dear, I just want you to go check on the Lovegoods."

"But…why?"

"Someone's doing something in their marsh."

Mr. Weasley put a leg out from under the covers and paused. "In their marsh? Molly, more things happen in that swamp than you could possible count in a lifetime."

"Yes, I know Arthur. But I think this time we've really got to do something!"

"Why?"

"Because this time some muggles might notice. Someone's flashing blue light out there, and there's a pillar sticking out twice as high any of the trees."

"Blue light."

"Yes."

"And a pillar?"

"Yes."

"…Alright, I'm getting up."

"I'll go get the boys."

Sooooooooooo...There it is! Chapter 4! I didn't really like the flow of this one as much, but at least I got my little plot bubble a little more out into the open. I've got a few ideas about what exactly is going to happen next, but you can be assured that Ed will NOT be going to Hogwarts!! (or, if he does, it will be for a very, very, VERY short time. Like a chapter or two. Yupyup.)

I got some really good feedback and tried to put it into my story and writing style a little bit more. I can tell I've either improved or gotten worse, but I can't really tell which. haha

I'm thinking I might change the title of this story. 'A Picnic' was just something I threw on, and it fit the first chapter, but not really anything else. My characters do eat a lot, though.

What do you think of the way Ed got a power? It's like alchemy, but with wizardry mixed in, and it connects him to Luna as well. Yayness! Yippee skippy and all that.

Are the characters still in character? I had a little trouble with Luna when Ed was trying to get info out of her. I wasn't sure how she'd react, so I played with submissive and then challenging, but in the end had to go with...um...both? I think? I have no idea what I was doing there.

Thanks to everyone that's reviewed!! To future reviewers: Thanks!! Would you guys like me to personally respond to all of you down here? I haven't been doing it, because I always feel cheated whenever I think a chapter is long but then the bottom half is filled with personal responses. But, hey, if it makes you guys happy, then it's fine by me.

Hugs, kisses, and many anime men/women (whichever you prefer) in your room in the morning,

churu