Wow you're fast. I didn't think it would get to ten reviews so fast. But I promised you the next chapter so here you go. Hope you like it.
I just need to lean forward a little bit more. I thought. Just one little movement and our lips will touch.
And with that thought in my mind I did just that. Very slowly I leaned forward. Our lips were just about to touch. I could feel his lips so close to mine. A feather light touch…
Suddenly a sick feeling came over me and I could see golden green eyes staring at me from behind my closed eyelids. And suddenly my whole mind was taken over by thoughts of kissing Magnus. All my body wanted was a kiss from Magnus. Not Jace.
That is when I finally realized what I was about to do and jerked backwards, fighting the urge to gag.
I felt like vomiting just from the thought of me kissing Jace. It just felt so wrong.
The realization hit me. And it hit me hard.
No! No, I can't do it! I can't kiss him! The feeling would be like kissing Izzy! No way! I stumbled backwards a few more steps with a hand over my mouth and only one thought in my mind.
Magnus.
If I kissed Jace-now or ever-it would have felt forced. Wrong. I know that now. I thought, slumping to the wall for extra support. I think I always knew that to some extent.
I looked at the sleeping boy, trying to calm down, but my mind kept racing and I couldn't stop my train of thought anymore. It is time I finally face the truth.
Because all of this proves that I don't love Jace. I have never loved Jace.
The thought clicked right in my mind. The second I realized it I knew it was the real truth. He really was just my safe harbor for all those years. Something I needed to hold onto when I was young and confused.
My mind continued racing and I felt like it was hard to breathe. I looked at Jace one more time before fleeing the room.
I need to get some fresh air. I thought while practically running into the elevator.
After all these years…after everything…all the struggles I had…it ended up that the one thing I thought was solid and true in my life- the only constant…wasn't even real.
What does a twelve year old know about love anyway?! Nothing. I just assumed…
but now…Do I know?! I thought, leaning onto the outside wall of the Institute. Do I know now what love really is because of Magnus?! Do I really love Magnus?! This feeling I always get when I'm with him…I have never experienced it before. What if-
"By the Angel this is all too much for one day!" I groaned out loud, putting my head into my hands, and feeling exhausted.
I need to go somewhere to sleep. I'm way too tired for this. Before I could even think it through some more I pushed myself off of the wall and started walking the familiar path to Brooklyn.
Well I guess that's really the only place I can go to. I thought, bowing my head down as I continued walking. Maybe I'm still a little confused about some things but I don't need to work it all out today.
I can think about this some other time. Maybe after sleeping on it a little. Yes- a good night's sleep will be good.
And there is only one place where I can get that: Magnus's.
I quickened my pace wanting to get there as fast as I can.
Because Magnus will make it better. Magnus always makes everything better even if he isn't aware of it himself. His presence just relaxes me. His touch makes my mind stop racing so much.
Yes I need Magnus.
I know now. I know that the place in my heart and mind that was usually only reserved for Jace is now safely and surely vacated and replaced by Magnus. It probably has been for a long time now without me even noticing it.
I was just too stubborn to realize it. To acknowledge it. To accept it.
Because that would mean that I wouldn't be safe anymore. My heart wouldn't be safe anymore if I just give it to someone else. If I just let him take it.
But I gave myself over without even noticing it anyway.
There is just one big question that needs the answer now that I finally see the truth.
How does Magnus feel about me?!
That question scares me the most. I thought with a sigh. I don't even think I want it answered. Maybe it's better if it stays a mystery. That is better than being rejected. Especially after everything.
I was able to calm down a little by the time I got to the brick building. And with one last deep breath I walked inside and up to his loft.
As I unlocked and opened the door I could see that the lights were off.
He's asleep. I guess that after a day like this he would want to retire early to bed too.
I closed the door as quietly as I could and tiptoed towards Magnus's bedroom.
I felt a little guilty and weird for coming here while he's sleeping. But I was dead on my feet by now. And I was already here so I tried to tune out my meddling thoughts while I opened the bedroom door quietly.
After I stepped inside and closed the door behind myself I stopped for a second. Looking towards the bed I could see Magnus's form by the light of the moonlight.
He was lying on his back and was covered with the comforter up to mid waist- leaving his belly button free stomach exposed.
He looks so beautiful. I thought. How could I ever think that I don't love this man? I can see it so clearly now. I can feel it so clearly. I think I did from the very beginning but just didn't want to accept it. I was so stupid.
But the fact still scared me. The fact that I really do love Magnus. It is the scariest thing in the world right now. Because the feeling is new. Foreign. Something that I don't know anything about. Something I can't control.
I tried to put all of the thoughts out of my mind as I moved closer.
When I came to the bed I could see that Magnus really was fast asleep. I hesitated for a second before striping to my boxers and climbing in next to him.
As I lay down I could feel him shift and embrace me, bringing me flush against him.
"Alec, darling?" He whispered sleepily into my ear.
"Sorry I'm late." I replied, snuggling into his warm and familiar body. Feeling that easiness and safeness I did whenever I was with him. The feeling I loved so much.
I could feel him smile into my neck. "No need to apologize, darling. You came to me in the end." I registered some kind of an undertone to his words but was too tired to think about it.
"Don't I always?" I said, yawning and closing my eyes. "Now sleep. I'm tired."
He chuckled. "Good night, sweetness. Sweet dreams."
"Night Magnus." I whispered back as sleep began to take me.
But before I was completely out I could feel his breath on my skin as he whispered something else into my ear. I couldn't catch what it was though because by then I had drifted off to peaceful sleep.
You didn't actually think I would let Alec kiss him did you?! I could never do that to the poor guy. Anyway, did you like this one? Review and tell me what you think if you want more.