Chapter 11—Proper Use of Skemy Pods

Dean Thomas hadn't been expecting visitors. He really hadn't. In fact, he had just settled down on the couch in his small apartment with a big bowl of sugary oatmeal to watch the morning news when his doorbell rang. After arguing with himself about pretending not to be home, Dean finally put his bowl down, grabbed his shirt, and went to answer the door. The doorbell kept ringing. And ringing.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he muttered to himself as he pulled on his shirt. Whoo. He needed to do his laundry. The doorbell still rang persistently. Dean pulled open the door and was almost blinded by the morning sun glinting off a head of white-blonde hair. Dean was suddenly very happy he had answered the door.

"Luna!"

She looked up, her finger still working away at the doorbell. "When I push this round white knob it makes a sound like a Yuriloken! How did you get them stuck inside there?"

Dean sighed and grabbed her hand, silencing the annoying 'bwing-bwong-ooong' of his slightly decrepit doorbell. He ignored the tingle that raced from his fingers to his chest and back down again. That always happened when he touched Luna. "Luna, what is it?"

Luna looked confused for a moment, then suddenly seemed to remember what she had come to Dean's apartment for. Her big eyes widened and she rushed past him into his tiny, dirty living room.

"Dean, I need your help! They've got him, and they're going to set their Man-Eating Swarl Monkeys on him, and they're going to kill him, and I promised I'd get him back home, and, and, and--!" Luna twisted her hands in front of her and looked up at Dean with big eyes. Dean felt the same falling sensation in the pit of his stomach that he always felt whenever he looked at Luna. He hated seeing her so worried.

Fighting back the urge to gently tuck a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear, Dean folded his arms. "What are you talking about, Luna?" It was one of those questions that always came up in his conversations with her. Luna would go on and on and on about things he didn't understand, but that was one of the things he liked the best about her. At the moment, though, it seemed to be a good idea to get as much information as possible. That was his job, after all. He was working part-time in the MMIA: Magical and Muggle Intelligence Agency. Well, he was just an underpaid pencil-pusher right now, but after a little luck and a few promotions and the completion of his final year at Hogwarts…

Luna took a deep breath.

"I met this guy named Ed who's from another world and I'm trying to get him back home, but since he's got metal limbs Harry and those guys think he's involved with Voldemort when he really isn't, but they think he is and they've captured him and I need you to help me rescue him."

There was a pause where the only sounds came from Janice Reddingford, the cute peppy brunette that did the morning weather on channel seven.

Dean absently grabbed the remote and switched off the TV. "You need me to what?"

Luna repeated her tirade.

Dean liked the shape of her lips when she talked. Especially when she talked fast. He shook his head and collapsed onto his couch. "Okay, let me get this straight. There's a guy that is under Ministry custody and you want me to help you break him out of jail?"

"He's not in jail. He's in the second room on the right on the third floor of the Burrow."

"Uh-huh." Dean scratched his chin thoughtfully. He needed to shave. But his razor was dull. Had he already put that on his shopping list?

Luna grabbed Dean's hands and moved her face closer so that she could look into his eyes better. "Dean, please! I need your help!"

She was inches away. He could reach behind her neck, tilt his head slightly to the left, lean forward, and—

No, Dean, no!

Dean snapped himself out of his reverie. Jeez, why was she even asking. All she had to do was look at him and he'd follow her off a cliff. Though for a wizard that might not be deadly. He'd follow her into a pit of—what did she call them again?—Man-Eating Swarl Monkeys? Whatever.

"Alright, Luna. I'll help. Tell me what I need to do."

Luna smiled, a big, happy, wonderful, beautiful smile that showed nearly all her teeth. Dean loved her smile. He could look at it all day long.

But, alas, it was not to be. Luna grabbed the least smelly of his socks and shoved his shoes into his hands.

"Come on! We've got to get going!"

Dean hopped on one foot toward the door while trying to shove a crispy sock onto the other one. "Luna, shouldn't we make a plan first?"

Luna turned and gave him another smile that made his heart skip in his throat. "Silly, the best plans always come in laboratories!"

Dang it, thought Dean as he ran out onto the crumbling fire escape to the waiting broomsticks, I forgot to eat my oatmeal.

"And that's it!" exclaimed Luna. She had just finished outlining her plan.

Well, I'd give her ten points for originality thought Dean. Out loud he said, "Um…sure. So let me get this straight one more time. You want me to use these," he held up a few nose-shaped pods, "to disguise myself as this 'Ed' person. I'm supposed to go into the Weasley's house, up to the second room on the right on the third floor, and create a distraction so that their attention is taken away from the kid, and I'll look like him so they might follow me. You'll be outside his window and you'll help him escape from there."

"Yup, that's about it!" said Luna happily.

Dean looked momentarily at the pod he was holding in his hand and took a bite of butter tart. He needed to ask Rosa if she delivered. "So how does this thing help me disguise myself as this 'Ed' kid?"

Luna grabbed a pod and shoved it on her nose. "They're called Skemy Pods. If you put them on your nose they disguise your head as a different person's for around twenty minutes. They're inferior to Polyjuice Potion, of course, but you don't have to acquire a part of the other person." As she spoke the pod secreted a tendrilly, oily substance that inched its way across her face, changing her eyes to gold, darkening her hair and skin, changing her face so that it was no longer Luna's but that of a rather attractive young man. "You have to be thinking about the person you want to look like, which is why I'm showing his face to you now. Think you got it?"

Dean nodded, his gut twinging slightly with what he knew to be jealousy. Stupid Amestris kid, coming and taking Luna away from him—who did he think he was?

"Dean?" Luna waved her hand in front of his eyes. "Wrackspurt got you?"

"No," he muttered. He sighed. "'kay, Luna. How do I distract them?"

Luna smiled again and leaned forward to whisper in Dean's ear. Dean got a little distracted by the sensation of her breath lightly falling under his ear, and had to make her repeat herself. Luna complied, whispering just a touch louder.

Dean sat silently for a moment.

"I'm supposed to say what?!"

Ed had seen Luna outside his window. Luckily Pecksniff and Harry and everyone else were watching him struggle against the Truth Liquid and didn't notice her. Ed was proud of himself that he could think clearly while fighting against such a powerful force. But he couldn't hold out, he knew that. He had to trust Luna would save him before he said anything too revealing. He really, really didn't want to tell these people about how he had lost his limbs. He couldn't keep fighting though. The force inside him wrenched his mouth open and his captors leaned forward to hear what he had to say.

Ed's mouth moved in barely a whisper, which made it very easy to hear the voice of the person who had just burst into the room.

"I am a Ferrous Molkenbloder."

Ed strained against his chains, mouth still rebelliously telling his story in a barely audible whisper. He pulled his head up and saw—himself!

Well, it wasn't really himself. This person was wearing worn jeans and a white long-sleeve T-shirt with what appeared to be the remnants of a butter tart crumbled down the front, but the faces were the same! What the heck?! Was this a wizard thing?!

"Ha ha!" cackled the fake Ed. "You've got the wrong one! Now I really will bring back Lord Voldemort and you will all suffer the same fate as Albus Dumbledore!" The fake Ed cackled again, shot a curse into the group, and raced out the door.

His acting skills need some work. But Ed wasn't about to get picky. Especially when the group surrounding his bed jumped up and ran to follow the fake. Ed, still inaudibly muttering his entire life story, watched as his window burst open and in flew Luna, bright hair looking more windswept than usual. She winked and held up her wand.

"Alohomora!"

Nothing happened. Ed strained against his chains. Luna frowned. "They must have put a stronger spell on these chains than normal. Hmmm…."

Ed felt himself quickly losing hope. There were shouts downstairs and the sounds of curses being cast and furniture breaking. It sounded like his fake was putting up a good fight. But even the best fighters couldn't keep back all those wizards forever. They needed to hurry. But what was stronger than a wizard's spell?

"Luna I need you to put some powder on my hand. No, not that one! The other one, the one that's real! Okay, now if I just draw a star on this link in the chain…two circles…let's see…iron...carbon…a little silicon…oxygen from the rust…wait, that's just…blood? Whatever. Umm…hydrogen…" Ed frantically scribbled a transmutation circle on a link in his chains. There wasn't much time. "Luna, is there a spell to break things?"

"Yes, but these have probably been spelled against breaking."

"We have to try anyway. On the count of 'three', I want you to aim that spell right at the center of this star, got it?"

Luna nodded and positioned her wand.

"One." Someone was pounding up the stairs.

"Two." Fake Ed burst into the room, panting as he ran to stand by Luna's side.

"Three!"

"Luna!" Harry Potter cried out as he entered the room with wand raised. The Weasleys and the Ministry workers were not far behind.

Harry's shout and Luna's spell were lost in the gigantic CRACK of Ed's chain breaking. The pieces glowed bright blue, striking the walls of the room like bullets. Streaks of lightning shot from one segment of chain to another.

Ed laughed as he pulled himself up. The noise seemed to remind his former captors that their prisoner was escaping. But Ed had already clapped his hands together, and a giant wall formed between the three escapees and the others. Fake Ed turned to look at him, and Ed recognized the look of fear that crossed the fake's eyes. Ed didn't care. He was almost free!

"Luna, come on! Let's go!"

Ed grabbed Luna's hand and together they ran to the window, Fake Ed not far behind. Real Ed had a moment to notice that Fake Ed was about a foot and a half taller than he was before jumping out the window onto a waiting broomstick.

Ed's triumphant shout could be heard by the wizards standing dumbstruck behind a wall that used to be a floor.

Pecksniff did not want to give his report. It wasn't that he didn't like giving reports in general. It was just that normally there weren't people from all the Ministry Departments waiting to hear what had gone wrong. Which was everything. How on earth could that tiny little boy have caused so much havoc? Things had been going so well…

"They're ready for you, Pecksniff," the orderly droned. Pecksniff squared his shoulders.

It was like any other conference room, long table, squishy rotating chairs, plate of crackers and cheese. Pecksniff shouldn't have felt so apprehensive; he had been in this room a hundred times or more. But this time he had bad news. This time he had really, really, really bad news that a delegate from every single Ministry Department would hear.

The delegates didn't look too pleased to be there. Pecksniff looked at the sullen faces and felt his upper lip start to sweat.

"Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an honor and privilege to be speaking to you today, and I thank you from the depths of my heart for your presence to hear my humble—"

"Just get on with it, Pecksniff." One delegate interrupted.

Pecksniff gulped and started his report.

"Well, you see, this morning at 8:00 we received a report from the Weasley home that they had discovered someone suspected in further involvement with You-Know-Who. My department sent me as a delegate to see what was going on, and with me came Jenepur and Heglebey. We arrived at 2:00 in the afternoon, after Mr. Weasley informed us that it was nearly time for the sleeping spell to wear off. There was a boy lying on a bed, asleep still, when we arrived. He had been captured with another girl, one Luna Lovegood, but she had been released by the Weasleys before our arrival. The boy was awoken and Heglebey administered Veritiserum. I believe the orderly has a copy of the questioning procedure…"

The orderly stood and began to read. "In answer to the question of his name: Edward Elric. In answer to the question of other names: The Fullmetal Alchemist. The People's Alchemist—"

There was a sharp snap as the delegate from the Department of Mysteries broke his quill. The orderly paused. Pecksniff took a closer look at the Unspeakable. What was his name again? It was something musical…Mozart? Staccato?

"Delegate Note, is there something the matter?" the orderly inquired. The Unspeakable stared at Pecksniff.

"The Fullmetal Alchemist?" whispered Note.

Pecksniff nodded. "Yes. That's what he said he had gone by. Just a title, I believe, but there was a name he mentioned that I believe we should look into. The orderly was just getting to it…"

"No, no!" The force of Note's negation took the entire delegation by surprise. The man stood up, leaning forward on the table. "Describe him!"

Pecksniff blinked. "He wore a red coat, black…pants I believe they're called… a black sleeveless top…"

The Unspeakable waved that aside. "Was he carrying anything? Was there anything unusual about his appearance?"

Pecksniff paused. This was the part of the report he hadn't wanted to give. "Well, he did carry a pocketwatch that had something like a snake engraved on it." Note nodded, rapt. "And…one of his legs and one of his arms were…" Note leaned forward even more.

"Were…?" he prompted.

Pecksniff gulped again. "Metal. Arthur Weasley in Muggle Relations said they looked muggle-made, full of odd things like gulleys and pears."

Note's eyes bulged. "And they worked like normal limbs?"

"Better, from what I heard. The Petrifying curse didn't affect them, so they had to put the boy to sleep."

Note's fist clenched, breaking his quill further. "And his eyes, what color were his eyes?" he whispered softly, like he already knew the answer.

"Gold." Pecksniff answered promptly.

Note straightened and turned to the other delegates. "I'm sorry you all had to take time out of your busy days, but this is a matter for my department. Good day. Pecksniff, come with me. You will continue your report in my office."

Pecksniff barely had time to register the astonished faces of the others before Note swept past him. The fat man turned quickly and scurried off behind the Unspeakable.

As much as a man with three chins can scurry, anyway.

Yay! Dean has joined the Dream Team! I think he'll be a little easier to write than Ed and Luna. You don't really know that much about him so you shouldn't really be expecting all that much! But I definitely think that he likes Luna...there's this part in the last book...:heart:.

Oh, and for those of you who don't/didn't remember what a Ferrous Molkenbloder was, when Ed met Luna she asked him if he was one. It's in the first chapter.

Don't get used to this update schedule, chicos. This probably won't happen again. I just got so many reviews I felt like I had to write something for you guys...:D

Lotsa love!

churu