I'm so sorry for not posting this sooner. But my best friend has been trying to get me to get back to my original stories again. So I'm apologizing now in advance if I don't post for a couple of days again sometimes. But I'll try for that not to happen.
Anyway since I didn't post I put the next two chapters into this one. So I'm now giving you one a little longer chapter instead of two short ones. Oh and I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes but my computer has been messing with me lately so it's kind of hard to write. I hope you like it.
ALEC POV
I fisted the phone in my hand, feeling furious.
Three days passed since the wedding was arranged. Three days that seem to have passed in just a blink of an eye. Too fast. Way too fast. Leaving only four days now for me to get out of this wedding.
Four days.
I know what I have to do to stop this. I have known from a beginning but I just can't make myself get out the words. Something is enabling me to say it.
And I have tried everything else I could think of.
Every time I needed to be near my family of Caroline I was complaining and arguing with then. And saying again and again that I won't do it. That I won't merry her. But they don't listen. They just continue with all the arranging and everything. They ignore my protest entirely.
And on top of that Caroline is always cornering me. Every chance she gets she try's talking to me. Saying that she will be my wife soon and we should get to know each other better.
If I try to ignore her she just gets closer and closer to me and if I pay any attention to her at all she makes me furious with her words in a matter of seconds ending up in me yelling at her and then going as far away from her as possible. After which it takes me hours to calm down.
Not to mention Jace and Izzy. They are being supportive and trying to understand. But they can't. They can't understand this. They don't understand how it is when you are afraid for years that someone will find out about you. That your own parent's will find out your secret.
They can't possibly know how it is to have nightmares about losing everything because you slipped and they found out the truth. When you look over your shoulder every second of every day. When you know that one slip is enough. When you know you can lose everything, your family, marks, life, only because you are different. Only because you are how you are and can't change that. But if someone finds out you're as good as dead.
They don't know how it is. They can never understand. They can try but they never will.
And on top of that I can see the sad glances they cast my way while were all eating and Caroline is trying to get as close to me as she can. Those hurt the most. Because I see the same look when I see myself in a mirror. It makes me feel hopeless.
So I have been spending every second I can at Magnus's loft. Sleeping there and sometimes not even coming back until the afternoon when the calls from my mother spam my voice mail.
But I can't do that anymore. I thought throwing my phone across the room. It hit the floor with a thud and then slided into the wall but still didn't break.
Shit! I thought yanking at my hair furiously in anger. Why am I such a coward!?
FLASHBACK
I looked up from a spot on a wall that I was staring at, lost in thought for who knows how long only to find Magnus watching TV but seemingly equally lost in thought.
And he definitely didn't look happy.
"Magnus…" I Started softly moving a little to get closer and reaching to touch his shoulder. The second I did he flinched away leaving me staring at him in shock.
"Alec you can't do this anymore." Magnus suddenly said breaking the silence.
I blinked at him confused. "Stop what?"
"You need to stop avoiding it." He said avoiding looking at me.
"I'm not." I argued and reached for him feeling anxious all of the sudden. "Magnus look at me. Please." I pleaded but the hurt and sadness I saw in his eyes when he did made me want to take it back.
"Yes you are." He said taking my hands in his. "You have been hiding here since that day. Avoiding it. But it won't disappear if you just ignore it. You know that."
"I know." I looked down at our hands."I'm sorry. I'm trying I really am. They just don't listen."
"Then make them listen." He said and cupped my cheek at him again. "I love you. But if you get married I can't…"
"I won't get married. I told you that." I said desperately, pleading him with my eyes to stop. Because this hurts more than anything that happened in the past three days.
"Yes you did but the days are passing by and you're just avoiding it." He looked at me with hurt clearly visible in his eyes. "If you want to stay in the closet hen do it. Merry her and continue living a lie. But if you do I can't stay with you. Do whatever you want but the stop denying the truth and avoiding it. You need to stop."
END OF FLASHBACK
I knew he was getting more and more distant since I told him but I didn't see this coming. I didn't expect that he will doubt me like this.
I told him I will not marry her. Why does he doubt me now?! Why is this all happening?! I thought angrily. Shit!
I fisted the blanket I was laying on, hearing it break at a few places.
Shit!
Four-a little hesitant-knocks on the door made me snap out of it.
"What?" I growled at the door feeling angry tears pool at the back of my eyelids.
The door opened a little and I saw a few strands of long blond hair. Making me want to get up and throw her out even before she got in.
"Can I come in?"She asked sounding a little hesitant. "I want to talk to you about something."
"No." I said immediately glaring at her.
She hesitated for a second before getting in anyway and closing the door behind her. But not getting any closer than that.
"I… You need to stop this affair you have." She said. Starting off sternly but ending the sentence so quiet I barely heard her.
"The what?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
She pressed even more onto the door at the tone of my voice.
"We are going to merry in four day. And I don't want you seeing this girl whoever she is when we do. So please end it now."
"I don't have an affair." I said simply.
"But you barely sleep here and you're always out. And I'm not blind. I can see the hickeys from here." She pointed towards my neck.
"Good." I said with a smirk. "That's why I stopped healing them." I got up off the bed and started towards her. "Because you need to see that I'm in a relationship already. And it's not an affair. It would be an affair if I was with you. And I will never ever be with you."
By now I was standing in front of her. Making her look at me with even more fear.
"Now leave." I growled yanking the door open and with that almost pushing her to the ground.
"Why do you hate me so much?" She asked looking hurt as she hurried out of my room.
"You want to know why?!" I spat at her. "I hate you because you ruined everything. You are making my nightmares come true. You. Ruined. Everything!"
And with that I slammed the door at her shocked face and went back to my bed. Picking up my phone as I went and curling into the blankets completely alone for the first time in what must be weeks.
And that is how I fell asleep hours later.
Feeling too cold while covered by blankets and holding my phone securely in my hand under the pillow.
IZZY POV
"He hates me." A crying girl said for the tenth time since she came into my room and sat on my bed.
Why did I even let her in? I thought as I looked at her continue crying. Will she ever stop?
"I tried being nice but he just glares at me and tells me he hates me."
"I know." I said with a sigh.
Please stop crying. I thought again.
Caroline looked up at me at my words. "I tried confronting him today about the afire his having. He just said it's not an affair and threw me out again. Do you know the girl?" She asked me looking at me pleadingly.
"Yes." I simply answered just wanting to get her out as fast as possible.
I don't have anything personally against her but Alec is hurting because of her. I have never seen him look so broken. And today when he came from Magnus's he seemed even worse. Something happen and even though she doesn't know it she is ruining his life.
That's enough of a reason to hate her. Because she made my strong and calm big brother crumble. She is making him choose between his life and his life. And I can see what a toll on him it's all having.
I just wish I can help him somehow.
"Does-Does he love her?" She asked me slowly.
"Yes."
Her tears picked up again and a whimper escaped her. "What does she have that I don't?"
"Let's just not go there." I said instead of answering her. "You just need to calm down."
"He really doesn't want to marry me." She mumbled looking down at her hands before looking back up at me again. "You can talk to him. Please. You can make him leave her."
"Caroline…" I started feeling sorry for the girl because of what I'm about to say. "There is one thing you need to understand. I have seen them together. I have seen how much they love each other. And I know that nothing, absolutely nothing, can make my brother leave that person. Or marry you. He is willing to do the thing that scares him the most just to not marry you. Even if he's not aware of that yet."
Now her crying was even worse than before.
"Don't cry. That's just how it is. I'm sorry." I tried comforting her as she continued crying.
She really doesn't deserve to be i the middle of all of this. I thought. In the end she will be the one getting hurt the most.
ALEC POV
"Alexander." I heard someone call me as the doors of the library opened.
I looked up to see my father and Caroline enter the library. My father's eyes looking furious as they met mine.
"What is the meaning of this?!" He asked getting closer to me until he was hovering over the couch I was sitting on and glaring at me.
"The meaning of what?" I asked, closing the book and getting up. But already knowing what it's about by the look on Carolinas face.
Unbelievable. I thought before looking back at Robert.
"The meaning of this affair I just hear about. You told me you don't have a girlfriend." He said his eyes flashing.
"I don't." I answered simply. Not allowing myself to freak out this time.
Not this time. I thought. If I don't stop the wedding now at l be over. I will lose Magnus. Pictures of Magnus flashed in my mind. Our first kiss. Our first date. The three days…
I can't lose Magnus. I thought as I looked my father straight in the eyes. I won't live a lie anymore. Never again.
"Then why did Caroline come to me saying that you are seeing someone?" He asked me suspiciously.
"Because I am." I answered simply not showing any emotion to him. Keeping myself in check so I don't choke up this time. If I don't do it now I won't be able to ever.
"But you just said-" He started getting more angry in seconds but I cut him off while I still could.
"I have a boyfriend. Not a girlfriend." I said and then breathed out a sigh of relief. Finally.
That left them both speechless and looking at me in shock.
Now that I said it I couldn't keep myself in check anymore. I was freaking out again. But at least I didn't let them see it.
Roberts's eyes flashed again but this time looking more deadly than ever before. The next second he grabbed me by a shirt and pushed backwards. Making me almost fall over but I managed to stay on my feet.
"Take it back!" He growled. "My son is not a sick fag. Take it back!"
"I'm not sick." I said with a new found confidence. "And I'm not taking it back because it's true."
"Get out!" He yelled at me furiously. "You are not my son and are no longer welcomed under my roof. Get out!"
"Gladly." I said glaring at him as I started out.
The second the door slammed behind me I could breathe again. Feeling like a big weight was finally lifted off my chest. And as I walked to my room to get my stuff I felt freer than ever before.
Because now no matter what happens I will never again need to look over my shoulder in fear that I slip and they find out about me. Because I told them.
And I have never felt this free in my life.
Did you like it? Tell me what you think.
I'm good again right? Really hope you liked this chapter. Well anyway you know what you have to do to get the next one. At least 15 reviews please. So review my lovelies.
And if you haven't yet please go check out my two other ongoing stories 'Different' and 'All Fall Down' (yes it has a character death but its good and there is more to come)