In the not-too-distant past -
Last Sunday A.D. -
There was a guy named Yuri,
Way too different from you or me.
He fought to save world many times,
Alongside with his girlfriend Alice.
He did a good job fixing up the place,
But his enemies didn't like him
So they shot him into space.
We'll send him cheesy fanfiction,
The worst we can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his sanity (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Yuri can't control
Where the stories begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts
To mess with Nicolai.
Roll Call: (All right, let's go!)
Shania! (Black humor gal!)
Alice! (Hi, girl!)
Johnny! (What a cool guy!)
Yuuuri! (He's a wisecracker.)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a story,
I should really just relax (Really)
For Mystery Science Theater 1000!"
So the boys had a room, which they began marking their sides of the room, and the girls had their room. Both Alice and Shania left their room actually simple, Alice had some Christianity stuff (Me being Jewish leaves me with little knowledge of Christianity) and Shania had nothing. (She came here empty-handed) While Johnny and Yuri were debating about who was the strongest (With Yuri winning) Alice and Shania were doing girly things, like brushing each other's hair.
What? Stuck in space, you get bored, so you do boring things.
"All right." Said Alice after putting down her brush. "I'm brushed your hair a thousand times." She turned around. "Now it's your turn." Shania began brushing. She only got to 10 strokes before throwing the brush away. Alice looked at her, quite unhappy about the fair deal.
"So?" Shania replied. "I got bored."
"But I did your hair."
"It didn't need to done."
"…I sense that you're lying." Alice senses were right.
"Why would I lie, especially to you?"
"To get your hair done for free!"
"You think I care?" Alice said nothing. She leapt onto the Indian, and a catfight ensued, but it was just screaming, rolling and scratching. They knocked over lamps, stools, and anything else that they could knock over. Normally the robots would settle fights by beating the snots out of everyone, but the rooms were the only room without cameras.
Yuri and Johnny came out, hearing the ruckus. Instead of breaking them up, they watched. That lasted all for a minute, as tomes and tomahawks flew into the corridor. Yuri and Johnny only lost some hair from the top. Alice and Shania breathed hard and lay on the floor with their faces up. Alice kicked the door to close it.
"Truce?"
"Truce." The two shook.
"You know? I'm actually waiting for the next story." Shania said.
"HEY, HEY! Did someone call for a story?" Asked Gilbert on the monitor. Alice screamed and Shania jumped back. Johnny and Yuri came running in. Gilbert snorted and laughed, but mostly snorted. Nicolai remained in the background, reading a book. Gilbert hogged most of the camera.
"So I heard you guys had fun with the 'Adventures of Grand Papillion' last time?"
"No, no!" Yuri tired to stop him. But Gilbert pressed a button, and the lights and robots came on.
"No time for talk! YOU…" Nicolai took out Gilbert and pressed the button with his book.
"You got movie sign." He said rather plainly.
"You seem bored." Yuri said. Nicolai walked over and grabbed his book.
"Eh. Have fun." He pressed his own button, and the whole process started again.
AN: What do you think?
Yuri: Not much.
Could this be a mini series?
Alice: Mini, as in two chapters, then yes.
Oh and I'm taking requests for episodes tee hee:-)
Johnny: Next episode, Grand Papillion Does His Homework!
And just so you know I have nothing against gay people k! My bro's gay:-P )
Shania: That WAS necessary. Thank you.
Alice: This is a bit offensive.
Featuring: Joachim (Grand Papillion)
Yuri: No! Really?
Keith Valentine (Bat Boy)
Alice: We know that.
Lucia, Anastasia and Yuma (Guests on TV Show )
Johnny: They have absolutely no part in this!
Yuri Hyuga (TV Host)
Shania: Aww, no Hunky Harmonixer?
Yuri: ARGH.
Kurando Inugami (Biggest Fan)
Yuri: His fear of leather shall be used as nightmare fuel.
Johnny: Once again, no part in this.
Karin Koenig (Fashion Critic)
Alice (Karin): Oh dear, this purse doesn't match this button!
Johnny: Like the other four, no part!
and Yoshiko Kawashima (brat in Audience)
Johnny: Well, this should be predictable. As in, no part.
Shania: Did you read this before?
Johnny: Nah, I cheated.
Pierre and Gerad (Queer Eye Master Minds.)
Shania: Nothing against gay people, except that they're EVIL!
Big booming voice,
Yuri: Buy Folgers's Dark Coffee Mix.
'This week Grand Papillion and Bat Boy Take on the Queer Eyes for the Vampires!
Alice: I don't get it.
Shania: Don't dwell on it.
Will they turn our hero's into stylists in their ever growing army of straight men?
Johnny: Keith is already straight, ain't he?
Or will Grand Papillion and Bat Boy be able to thwart their dastardly plan!
Shania: Will they be able to completely destroy the studio? Let's watch!
Scene One – Twins of Terror…
Yuri: I concur. They're scary, all right.
'Look Bat Boy we're on a set for my favorite show!' Grand Papillion squealed in delight jumping up and down.
Alice: Tax-Payers! The show where celebrities go and see who could do their taxes the fastest!
'Oh I can't wait to meet the Queers! They have the best fashion taste!'
Johnny: Ah, the fashion styling of a football is always the best!
Bat boy groaned. 'If they tell you that you dress well I'm going to jump off a cliff.'
Shania: You could just throw HIM off the cliff, just saying.
'Oh there he is Gerad!' One man said slinking up to Grand Papillion with a grin on his face.
Yuri: INCOMING HAM.
'Oh Pierre he is magnificent!' Gerad answered an evil smile crossing his lips.
Alice: As he also addressed his sinister mustache.
Yuri: He also yelled in his brother's insane ear.
'Come now Grand Papillion we must get you ready for your performance.'
Johnny (Gerad): The first act is where when we put you into a giant hamster wheel, and spin it faster and faster each second you stay in.
'I get to perform!' Grand Papillion asked excitedly. 'Oh my!'
Shania: Is it just fabulous?
'Yes, It will be… your last performance.' Pierre said leading him away.
Yuri: Why, yes, it's the last chapter.
'Hey Grand Papillion I think..- ' Bat Boy started.
Alice: Oh, hey, ab-lib. "…we should be in other stories.
Yuri:…you should hit your head with his lamp.
Johnny: …eat this poisonous hotdog.
Shania: …nah, go have fun with the murdering freaks.
'Will I get to wear accessories?' Grand Papillion answered ignoring his side kick.
Johnny (Gerad): This sword will look FABULOUS in your face!
They walked away leaving Bat Boy standing there on an unused set.
Shania: The set of the Jerry Lewis show!
'Why doesn't any one listen to me?' He whined turning back to explore the studio. 'Honestly…'
Yuri: Ab-lib! "…I'm the only sane one."
Alice: …I think mayo should NEVER be on a sandwich.
Johnny: …I'm not honest enough with my brother.
Shania: …killing him would be so easier.
Scene Two – Bat Boy learns of their Evil Plan…
Alice: To make all the man in the world wear pink hats!
'Oh what a brilliant plan! Grand Papillion is finished! Hahahhahaha!'
Johnny: Yes, I shall…I shall…wait, who the hell am I?
'Shame isn't it brother, that a man with such beautiful muscles will have to be destroyed!' Gerad finished sighing.
Shania: As Pierre finished singing.
Bat Boy neared the door suspiciously, knowing that the twins were up to something.
Yuri: After all, they're the master minds of this story.
Something terribly evil.
Alice: Like help Uwe Boll?
Yuri: Promote Justin Bieber?
'I have to stop them…' He started. 'Wait what am I doing? I'm thinking like my brother!'
Johnny: Oh no, it's catching! HAHAHAHA…
He peered around the corner and spotted them loading up a huge amount of cash.
Shania: Their paycheck to appear in this story.
'Good thing no one will suspect that we stole that cash from the bank. I mean how could any one believe that two very stylish twins would do such a thing.'
Yuri: The security cameras say otherwise.
'I know Pierre! So very stupid! How could any one even think such a thing!' They laughed together evilly finally clamping down the case and locking it.
Alice: The detectives, the cameras, the witness's seeing the two twins yelling at the clerk for wearing the wrong-color boots with his suit…
'Well we had better make sure that big, gorgeous lump of muscle is ready for his performance.' Pierre said motioning for Gerad to follow him.
Johnny: So…they make him…a clown!
Yuri: ARGH!
Their laughter echoed down the halls after them. Bat Boy snuck in and examined the box. It was locked.
Shania: Despite him looking on and noticing it was locked.
Big Booming Voice: And so it seemed hopeless to Bat Boy as he realized that he couldn't open that box with out the key…
Yuri (B.B.V.): Buy one key at Chambers Locksmith, get one free.
'Yes I can…' Bat Boy answered the narrator.
Alice: No you can't.
No you can't… The script said so.
Johnny: Even the script agrees with us!
'Yeah I could. I'm a vampire what else am I supposed to do and what script…'
Johnny: Vampires are the masters of unlocking, you know.
Shania: You could also try knitting…
Yuri: I don't need any damn script!
The script I'm reading out! Geez are you stupid or something?
Alice: Isn't everyone?
'Did you just call me stupid? Ohhh you are gonna get it!'
Johnny: Don't talk that way, girlfriend!
CRASH... BANG... KAPOW... CRASH... OOHH... GRRR... OWWWWW... HELP! MUMMY…
Shania: Instead of actual action, enjoy the reading of the speech and actions bubbles.
Yuri: Again?
'Don't you ever call me stupid again got that….'
Shania: …or you can listen to the Wiggles CD…
Ok… Please don't hurt me…
Yuri: Your words hurt, man!
Bat Boy entered the room quietly and pondered. 'What are they gonna do to my brother?'
Alice: I guess he starts to care now for the brother he didn't care for before.
He opened the box and found the huge sum of cash and two guns. 'Well this is interesting…'
Johnny: This shall never be mentioned again.
Scene Three – Celebrities!
Shania: Not!
Grand Papillion watched the first segment of the show utterly awe struck.
Yuri: WOW…I didn't think his finger would go that far!
The three most famous dancers were on the stage before him and he so wanted to meet them.
Alice: Ladies and gentlemen, The No-Names!
His make up had been done and his hair had been curled.
All: GAAH!
He felt beautiful, which is weird for a man to feel.
All: CENSOR!
The dancers entertained them and finally sat down to be interviewed by the one and only Yuri Hyuga!
Johnny: AKA, the Hunky Harmonixer!
Yuri: WHY YOU LITTLE….
'Pinch me!' Grand Papillion squealed quietly.
Shania: DON'T GO THERE!
'Gladly.' Bat Boy answered pinching his brother hard enough to draw blood.
Yuri: They won't tell you where he was pinched exactly!
Grand Papillion yelped a little.
Alice (G.P.): I'm fine, just my skin being ripped open.
'Shhh…' The director hushed them.
Johnny (Director): I'm trying to keep our ratings high before you come on.
'I didn't say literally.' He whispered back to his brother who was grinning wildly.
Shania: At least not here…
'You seem to get quite a bit more pleasure out of it than you should have.'
Yuri: Tonight, you're my…
Alice: Yuri!
'I do what I can!' Bat Boy answered, his smile from ear to ear.
Alice: Was the plot about Grand Papillion's kidnapping abandoned? What about warning him?
Yuri: Do you actually care?
'SHHHH!' The director stood up and chased them both with Dictaphones off the set…
Johnny: And hopefully, off the studio.
Scene Four – The Hero Is Captured
Shania: That last scene had nothing to do with the story! Thank you, and good night!
Bat Boy stood alert and watched as Yuri Hyuga interviewed his brother.
Yuri: So I heard you like destroying things…
'I heard you were recently arrested, could you tell us what happened there?' Yuri asked looking serious.
Alice: Until he realized he was talking to a six-foot, wrestler-superhero-vampire.
'Yes it was only a misunderstanding of sorts…'
Johnny (G.P.): I was only trying to exercise my right to destroy property.
'You destroyed the entire Shopping Mall!' Yuri blurted out. 'Misunderstanding my butt!'
Shania (Yuri): I should know! I was there!
Yuri: Grr…
The crowd applauded and laughed along with their host.
Yuri: He said butt! Hahaha…
'It wasn't entirely fault! Hunky Harmonizer did most of the damage. Him and his stupid fusions!'
Alice: …except nothing he's saying actually happened.
Yuri: Hell, his grammar is getting worse.
Shania (G.P.): What was that white stuff in his prison food, anyway?
Grand Papillion argued. 'If he hadn't done that stupid ? attack it'd still be standing.'
Johnny: What? What's with the question mark in the middle?
Yuri: I think he means !. I doubt this guy has actually played the games all the way, I never used that!
Alice: Again, why is he making this stuff up?
'All right moving on.' Yuri said. 'Your side kick Bat Boy? Is it true he escaped from prison and left you there? I mean how callous is that?'
Shania: Ah, so he is the master of unlocking…wait. He couldn't open up a simple locked box, but he can escape from a jail cell?
Yuri: Forget logic and continuity. The story gave up here. But wait, maybe the script called for him to break the forth wall…wait…
Johnny: It's a paradox. Plain and simple.
'He did no such thing. He brought me back curly fries…'
Yuri: And I wanted straight fries…wait, that was a gay joke he just made there!
The whole audience erupted into laughter at that last comment.
Alice: It was the only good joke he made all day.
Bat Boy sighed. 'Why did you have to tell every one that?' Still the audience laughed and even Yuri had to chuckle at that comment.
Johnny: Why not laugh?
'Right so your side kick escaped from prison just to bring you curly fries.'
Shania: Thanks for clearing that up.
'Yes.' Grand Papillion answered not caring that the audience had damn near wet themselves with laughter.
Yuri: Boy, the author's cool! He used damn!
After the laughing had died down, Yuri asked, 'So today we also have the Queer guys for the Vampires here to tell Grand Papillion about his fashion sense.
Alice: This should be short and not funny.
But if you ask me all leather is cool!'
Johnny: The answer is always no.
Gerad and Pierre slinked onto that stage with their weird walk that seemed to go hips before feet.
Shania: The walk that haunts the nightmares of nightmares.
'Oh my! He is just fabulous! The way he uses that colour and that bat skull!'
Yuri: And that glitter is just so darn FABOULOUS!
'Oh yes Pierre just amazing.'
Alice: Just…amazing. Yes…just…amazing.
After a few more questions Yuri cut to a commercial break and stood up. 'Curly fries hahahahahaha…' He answered walking off the set.
Johnny: Really, who likes curly fries?
'Get him.' Pierre suddenly said grabbing Grand Papillion and shoving him into a box.
Shania: Our hero. Gets stuffed into box by two gay thin Frenchmen.
'Lets go and throw him off the top of the building that way he cant interfere with our plans.'
Yuri: They are pretty strong to haul his heavy ass to the top of a building that is tall enough to kill the brickbrain.
Bat Boy groaned. 'Cant you guys be a little more original?'
Alice: You guys are less original than Avatar!
Yuri: And that's saying something!
The twins smiled at each other. 'No.' The answered in unison throwing a smoke bomb. As the smoke cleared they had gone.
Johnny: As opposed to staying there. Seriously. You expect us to NOT know the purpose of a smoke bomb?
Yuri: Don't worry. It's almost over.
'For Pete's sake… Why do I have to save him?'
Shania: You don't have to!
Scene Five – Daring Rescue
Yuri: Not really…
They were about to fling him off the cliff when Bat Boy burst onto the scene. 'Oh brother…'
Alice: He still owes me five dollars!
'What?' Came the muffled voice from inside the box.
Johnny: BAD JOKE.
'Now Gerad on the count of three. One; two; thr'
Shania: Err…what comes after three?
'Wait!' Bat Boy yelled. 'Look down there! There's some one wearing bright pink loafers!'
Yuri: Sacrilege!
Alice: Blasphemy!
Johnny: Madness!
Shania:…No. I'm not doing it. I'm above that.
The brothers dropped the box looking around for those delightful shoes.
Alice: It's not in the soup bowl!
'Look down there!'
Johnny: It's in the soup bowl!
'We must catch him!' With that they both jumped off the building realizing their mistake only after they had left the safety of the ledge.
Shania: I regret !
'You have got to be kidding me. Our second villains and they were so stupid they jumped off a building…' He said dumbstruck that they would actually fall for that.
Yuri: They were villains? I mean besides the bank-robbing.
And Bat Boy freed his brother from his box like prison, glad to have saved the day yet again.
Alice: Save the day from what? Two gay men trying to…do something.
'Thank you brother. You have lived up to your reputation as the best side kick ever!' Grand Papillion answered laughing triumphantly.
Johnny (G.P.): Plus, I did nothing at all! Hahahaha!
'I hate you sometimes brother.' Bat Boy answered leaving his brother on the roof.
Shania: Which he blew up!
And thanks to Bat Boy the world could rest peacefully again knowing that that dastardly duo had been defeated by their own fashion crisis.
(Everyone gets up to leave)
Yuri: Fashion crisis? What crisis?
Johnny: And thanks to the narrator, we know the plot!
Shania decided to brush Alice's hair 90 times on a random urge. She got to 30 before Yuri interrupted.
"Hey gals! Look at Johnny!" He pointed to the door where he entered. Johnny came in, with dreadlocks like Joachim. He fashioned a knife out of a broken mop and was waving it around. Yuri laughed like a insane man and ran out, with Johnny chasing after him. Shania and Alice just remained there, saying nothing. Shania continued.
"31…32…33, our friends are weird, aren't they?" Shania said.
"Yeah. A little lower, please." Alice sighed.
"Okay. 37…38…39…oh. Hey Gilbert." Shania's prediction came true, Gilbert's face appeared on screen.
"Well, congrats on finishing Grand Papillion. We will search for our next story."
"You mean, YOU will." Nicolai said blankly. He licked his finger and turned the page.
"What's his deal?" Asked Alice.
"Meh…he realized how boring it is in our ship. The electricity is out."
"Wait." Shania raised her hands to quiet him. "You're in your own space ship?"
"Why yes. Building yours was so fun, so I made two. This one is the better one."
"The television is on the fritz." Nicolai turned over two pages, then turned back one page.
Johnny ran back in. His hair was back to normal, but Yuri's hair now had the dreadlocks. The two stopped when they saw Gilbert. Yuri used this moment to rustle his hair back normal.
"So nice for you two to drop in. Anyway, expect a very popular story that others like you have gone though. The Calvin and Hobbes The Movie: Island of Doom! It maybe a story that doesn't come from our universe, but anyone with that has the Mystery Science Theater tag in its title has to review it! It's going to fun!"
"Sure, fun." Nicolai turned another page, but realized he didn't read the last page so he turned back.
"Signing off!" The screen died.
Yuri and Johnny resumed the chase. Shania continued brushing.
And thus, our short, rushed story ended.
Yeah. It was rushed. I need to work on other stories. Don't worry, the next chapter will be better.