Even though Kuroda demonstrated not the maelstrom beneath his reverted calm exterior, the editor's eyes spoke otherwise. A storm was brewing. Izumi's hackles peaked as he unconsciously took a step back and waited.
He had no idea how damning that decision was, for it sealed his fate.
"I... I know we have never quite gotten along with each other. I've tried to be your friend or at the least... make peace with you. But you've only been nothing but hostile towards me. I'm sorry for whatever I did to cause you to feel that way towards me...
Perhaps... it was unintentional on your part, but I certainly did not enjoy your brand of hospitality. I'm terribly sorry that Takamiya-san had to walk in just when it happened before you left... Sensei feels terrible for hitting you and he's been racked with guilt. In fact, he's been torturing himself with it ever since you've disappeared. But you've always have such an effect on him don't you, Sakashita-san?"
Izumi visibly flinched.
Like wind gathering mass, Kuroda's initial soft words garnered weight and sharpness; even the editor's demeanor transformed in minute increments towards a fierce yet beautiful oni of fury before him. Izumi had never seen the likes of it from this man. It was almost too fantastic to behold. He had to take another step back from the full force of the other's presence.
In the next moment, the brevity of Kuroda's impassioned speech intensified, latching onto Izumi's conscious for ransom. No pittance was given as the other continued.
"Your words, your silence, your actions, even your simplest expressions have such impact on him. Yet, you cut him down to size every single chance you get. I'm not blind, Sakashita-san. Sensei loves you. He cherishes you. Yet, you hardly acknowledge his feelings and affection. Sensei dotes on you and yet you've managed to stomp on his good intentions at every turn."
Izumi flinched once again while he took several more steps backwards when Kuroda pressed onwards quite literally and figuratively. The other's baleful words continued to cut.
"How can you be so callous? How can you continuously ignore and take advantage of such a kind and generous person who wants nothing more than to have you return affections?
Sensei doesn't deserve such treatment from you.
I don't care if you hate me and feel even more contempt towards me, but I will not allow you to continuously hurt Sensei. If you have any sort of feelings for him at all, please release him from this torturous bind. You'll break him one day and I'm afraid I won't be able to patch him up again when that time comes."
Upon hearing that, Izumi stopped short as he tried to recoup from the shock. Kuroda's castigating words-- each a truthful rendition of his past behavior-- sank like stones within his gut, where each addition continuously thumped against his heart during its descent.
Thus reality settled in, numbing his body instantly with the influx. The cold front spread until all warmth vacated towards the outer extremities. Izumi finally grasped where he erred. There was no comfort in the truth.
Perhaps Kuroda must have sensed the change in him, for the editor stopped as well and stood but more than a foot directly in front of him. The other seemed to have guessed where his thoughts lay since the man nodded in affirmation upon Izumi's forgone conclusion.
"Yes, I've been comforting him. Although at first, he'd felt guilty from cheating on his feelings for you, he keeps seeking me out to cheer him up. I'll be honest with you Sakashita-san, even though you might hate me more for saying this: I am gay and proud of it."
That declaration held no surprise. Izumi had suspected that as much of Kuroda since the first time he'd met the man. But for the editor to admit this fact so proudly confirmed to Izumi that perhaps the sole reason he'd committed such despicable juvenile acts was because he'd felt threaten by Kuroda. Yes, his tantrums were nothing more than a means for Izumi to mask his insecurities. He had been foolish; he'd selfishly blame Kuroda, Aoe Reiji and especially Takamiya for his own bias faults.
Izumi had always felt uncomfortable demonstrating his love towards Takamiya, notably when others are around. He still hadn't acknowledged his relationship with Takamiya to his family at all despite their twice yearly visits on certain holidays ever since he moved in with the man. Even with people like Aoe Reiji, Naoya and Kashima-san who knew about their relationship, Izumi still feels agitated by the fact that they knew. Thus, his outburst of violence would kick in and cause him to punish Takamiya for his own discomfort.
He had stubbornly allowed his resentment to build despite the rare instances in which he'd demonstrated his affections for the man, not so much with his words, but by his actions. Izumi had naively, smugly thought that that was enough. It wasn't though...
He'd succeed to hurt his lover more often than not. In fact, Izumi could only recall one instance in which he'd ever declared that he loves Takamiya to the man's face. Even in that, he had reluctantly growled out the words as if a gun was pointed to his head. In knowing this, Izumi had many times felt astonished that their relationship lasted as long as it did.
Thus ever since he declared that it was Takamiya's fault for turning him into a homo, essentially Izumi had omitted all responsibility. He was happily playing the victim over and over again as Aoe Reiji had said to him seven years ago. So many years ago and it seems he has yet to learn his lesson. Izumi couldn't very well blame Takamiya for seeking out someone else who is capable of providing the translator the kind of love the man deserves.
Despite how his heart cried at the renewed thought of Takamiya loving someone else beside him, Izumi knew that Kuroda was right. Takamiya doesn't deserve to be treated like that from him. And truthfully, he doesn't deserve Takamiya.
If only I...
Izumi stopped short of completing that thought. The time for recriminations and lamentations was over. Takamiya deserves better than what he had given. There was no turning back.
Izumi quickly blinked away the converging tears that demanded an outlet and voluntarily addressed his former opponent in a civil manner for the first time.
"Kuroda-san..."
He paused for a moment. It was harder to get the words out than he thought. His tongue felt like sandpaper scraping within his mouth as he searched for the right words to form. Somehow or other, he managed to speak what his heart had once and for all decidedly relinquished. The voice that spoke sounded foreign even to his ears.
"I don't hate you... In fact, I envy you. You are able to follow your heart. I am truly sorry for mistreating you and causing you such a painful injury."
In saying this, Izumi bent over and bowed deeply to show his sincerity. When he returned upright, he tried to continue but the words choked within his throat.
"Please tell Takamiya, I... that I..."
Despite his best efforts, tears began to flow unbidden regardless. Through blurry eyes, Izumi tried again upon seeing Kuroda's openly sincere and concerned expression.
"...Please take care of him."
Visibly encouraged by Izumi's blessing, Kuroda broke into a genuine smile when he quickly responded in return.
"Thank you Sakashita-san. I will." Review Response: COUGARS SHADES – Thank you for your comments. It reminds me dearly that there are readers in who are still interested in reading this. I hope you like the new development with Kuroda and Izumi.