At precisely eight in the morning, the black digital clock atop his bed stand sounded an alarm. The jarring beep reverberated throughout the small studio apartment unchecked until it stopped a minute later due to its preprogrammed function.
Izumi was awake. Yet, he had made no move to turn the racket off. He hadn't the will to do anything, let alone move his arm to do something as simple as pressing a button.
He hadn't slept since collapsing onto the bed in a heap of sodden borrowed clothes; his mind a jumble of rambling thoughts and memories. Izumi felt more lost now than when he fled that night, almost three weeks ago. Oh how wrong everything had turned out since then. He no long felt vindicated with his righteous behavior that he was the injured party. He didn't have the right to be angry due to his pitiful efforts to be in part of a supposed loving relationship. How could he be so selfish and not see that he was the one who caused Takamiya to seek out Kuroda in the first place? He had practically pushed his ex-lover towards the other.
Regardless, he was the hypocrite. Not only did he allow himself the guilty pleasure of enjoying his friend's attention, Izumi practically invited it. How can he rightfully say he loved Takamiya when Izumi voluntarily cheated on his own feelings for the man last night? How can he truly say he loved the man when he had just as easily succumbed to temptation?
He wasn't the victim. No, not by anyone's standard. He had cast his own die of fate long before Kuroda showed up at their front door, cheery smiles and all. He had no right to claim Takamiya as still his.
He knew the only thing he can do now is carry out the jargons he had been spouting to himself the past few weeks and truly move on.
Even though Izumi had reached such a realization, he couldn't even mutter enough energy to get out of bed. He didn't have the motivation any longer. What was the point? Before, he wanted to prove that he can live without Takamiya. That he can live the rest of his life as if the man never existed just as long as Izumi kept himself busy. Now, there was no point in living out such a lie. He had enjoyed the life he had with Takamiya. He loved every minute of it.
i No, stop it! /i He scolded himself. It was pointless to dwell on the past and berate his self any further. Izumi already had his epiphany. i Takamiya is better off with Kuroda. /i
He had already lost his chance. It was time to let the past go even though he'll always cherish the memories. It's no use to go in circles and cry over what ifs and what might have been.
But first, Izumi decided to stay in bed for a bit longer till this new found motivation truly sinks in.
-Takamiya's POV-
It was near ten in the morning when the translator finally woken from his comatose-like slumber. He tried raising his head to check the hour, but felt dizzy doing so. Instead, Takamiya opted to turn his head and squint at the blinding rays shooting from the late morning sun through the window on his right. He could barely make out the large red digits and decidedly gave up entirely. The effort had taxed him severely.
It had been a while since he had been able to sleep for such long hours. It should have been refreshing, yet he felt drained. His body felt sluggish, his mind disoriented. Somehow, this morning felt so familiar. He couldn't put his finger on it, not just yet.
Déjà-vu came into mind. He had woken up to the same discomforts several weeks ago then to the horrible realization that his Izumi had disappeared. He could never forget the agonizing and frantic search he'd conducted to locate his young lover since.
Despite the outcome of that particular morning though, he'd hope that the similarities ends there and not be a prelude to the same demise. He'd hope that today would end the long drought and bring his Izumi back to him. He could never forgive himself otherwise.
It was ten minutes till noon, when he stood before the same wooden door once more. Despite knowing that he'd finally located his Izumi, Takamiya was hesitant to knock. He knew there was a huge chance that the boy could be out for several reasons, but he couldn't wait. Takamiya knew that no matter even if he has to stand sentinel for several hours, he'll do it. And this time around, regardless the company Izumi is with, he'll not be persuaded from reuniting with the other again.
He knew now that it was fruitless of him to wait at the hotel yesterday. But he had stubbornly tried to give Izumi the benefit of the doubt and hoped the man he'd met the other night would give his hotel card information to the other. Yes, he should have known better. That man had emitted a challenging vibe the minute he'd realized somehow or other Takamiya's appearance that night. He didn't know or could care less how the other knew about him, but Takamiya should have known that his request would have been discarded as easily with a toss of the information into the trash bin. If the other was truly a rival to contend with, Takamiya was ready to fend the other off of his Izumi. However, if the man did provide Izumi with the information and it was his young lover's choice to not see him, then...
Takamiya shook his head of that notion. He couldn't afford to think that route. He had too many things to say to Izumi as is. He needed to apologize and explain to Izumi the errors of his ways and beg for forgiveness. It was expected of him and Takamiya would willingly do anything to have the other return to him. He was that desperate.
Thus once again, Takamiya fidgeted to straighten his attire and checked the bouquet of long stem red roses he have within his grasp for any signs of wilting. He wanted everything to be perfect.
Once assured, Takamiya raised a hand and rapped on the door. He half expected his solicitation to be unanswered, but when the lock clicked on the other end upon the third knock; his hopes soared through the roof.
His Izumi appeared before him and paled immediately as shock overrode the annoyance on the other's face. Takamiya couldn't fathom that response. He couldn't have, for he was blinded by his own excitement. He couldn't contain his eagerness any longer and reached out to draw the other in within his tight embrace. For that brief moment, it felt like heaven.
Review Responses (thank you for the comments):
Pombella4 – Thank you. I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far. You're right. I believe that Izumi still has reservations regarding being a homosexual. That is the basis of this fanfic, to see how Izumi and Takamiya handle such a situation. So I hope I've managed to establish a good premise for this.
Cougars shades – Yeah, I've been through the whole internet deprivation before. It wasn't funny then or now. I felt out of touch with the world without it. Yes, Kuroda does have something up his sleeve, but you'll just have to wait to read the rest. Sorry about that.