Tips For When You Jump into The Deep

By: Forgotten Sunrise

AN: Again, Thanks to all that reviewed last and for all of you who answered the trivia question! More trivia might come later on. Also Happy late Birthday to Artemis Fowl!

Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn- Anonymous

Chapter 6: Badminton and Yoga

For the first week and a half, gym hadn't been so bad. There hadn't been a need to wear the standard issued navy-blue mesh shorts or the ugly grey gym tee. Coach Lee had spent the first week going over parliamentary things such as locks and what the class was for and what not. The half a week was spent in free time, so that the girls and boy could get to know each other better. Artemis could handle that.

What he couldn't handle was actually playing the game, and after one week of playing, he decided to quit. It was truly beyond him as to why some idiot in the school board would want him to waste time smacking a birdie around. But the Board of Education never made sense anyways. Badminton, simply was a pointless game, and he'd much rather spend his time talking with Holly.

But his skipping days were short lived. People began to notice his absences and Juliet could only cover for him for so long.

"We just started this bloody quarter and already you have seven absences! What's the big idea mate?" Roger demanded as he entered their dorm room after his fifth period.

"Relax Roger; it's just a bit of skipping. No harm done." Artemis spoke easily as he flipped through the pages of Sun Tzus 'The Art of War' for the ninth time that day.

"No harm done?" Roger sighed and plopped down on top of his bed, opposite of Artemis.

"Off the record, I'm the one who said the skipping can be therapeutic. That said, a week missed right off the bat? As your student Governor, but also as your mate, I'm going to need to intervene. Because it would suck big balls if you failed this year because you skipped too many days of Badminton."

Roger was right of course. And it wasn't everyday that Roger said something sensible. It was only wise to listen to him when he said something that actually made sense.

"Of course you're right, of course." Artemis said laying down his book. "Apologies, for any inconveniences I might have caused you. That class is just pointless to me. My time was much better spent here."

"Yah I know, I know. You probably would have had a more productive time at the library than at that class!" Roger laughed at this own joke. Artemis just raised his brow.

"Ah, well I guess there are things that you can do in there, like use the computer and sit in those nice chairs…Those chairs are so great…The point is, it doesn't matter how dull it is, you still have to show. Promise me that you'll go?"

"I'll be there right of the start of tomorrow."

"You had better, or I'll get Juliet to drag you there."

Artemis scowled at that. Roger and Juliet had been spending a lot of time together lately. Artemis didn't like it much. Roger could mess with any gir he wanted to, as far as Artemis was concered, so long as it wasn't Juliet. She was too close to him for him to see her heart get broken by Roger.

"Your Lit class starts in five Roger, You had better go before you're late."

"Actually, I'm skipping today. For therapeutic reasons."

Artemis just rolled his eyes and sighed. Typical Roger.

"It's about time boy! Where the hell have you been?" Coach Lee bellowed as Artemis entered the gym, clad in the navy mesh shorts and cotton tee.

"I hurt my wrist and Juliet refused to let me play under such a condition."

"Juliet? Why didn't you just say so boy! Okay, so that takes care of your attendance."

Coach Lee was yet another fan of Juliet.

"We still need to find you someone to play with. Lucky for us, David is out sick today, so you can play with Miss. Britva today."

"I can't do that Lee," Artemis said causally, "Anyone but her"

"Oh yes you can. She's only a girl after all. Even you can handle her. BRITVA! HERE, NOW!"

Coach Lee yelled to the other side of the gym. The blue haired girl whipped her hair around to see who was calling her. She first spotted Artemis, and gave him a lethal stare. Then she saw Coach and smiled wickedly before she gracefully skipped across the gym to them, racket in hand.

"Is he my partner today?" She asked ever so innocently.

"Sure is, Miss Britva. Why don't you two take the far left court huh?"

"I'd prefer the center court."

Maféia laughed lightly, but her eyes raged with passion.

"Why, so everyone can see me murder you on the gym floor?"

"That's precisely why." Artemis said evenly. Maféia narrowed her eyes at him her lips curled up, as if she was about to growl at him. But Coach Lee just laughed.

"Those were fighting words Fowl! Go show her what you got!" He said and shoved Artemis in his back before turning away. "Whip into shape for me Britva!"

"Will do!" Maféia shout back with a smile.

"Maféia, I know that you're angry at me. But really am I the one to-"

"Left coroner. Now." She said as pointed with her racket.

"Can we please just get a few things straight-"

"NOW!" for such a little girl, there was a lot of power behind her voice. And with the racket in her hand…There was no need for her to tell him again. There was no escaping his coming punishment. As slowly as she would allow, he made his way to the far left court.

"I said. Pick up. Your racket. Artemis." She said each world clearly, even thought her voice was laced with venom. He picked up his racket and held it weakly in front of him.

"Good. I don't want this to look like murder…"

"Murder? Ms. Britva, we really need to talk about-"

"Yes Murder. I'm going to wring your neck like the squawk you are Fowl. Pun intended.

"Maféia, we can be adult about this all-OW!"

Maféia had volleyed the first birdie right over the net and square into his face, hard.

"I told you to keep your racket up!"

It was then that Artemis saw the basket of birdies that Maféia had acquired. There were dozens of them in there. She grabbed one form the top, and her assault began. She was ble to fire off182 birdies at him before Coach Lee even notice what was happing. Artemis was able to fend of three of the incoming birds and she missed five. Even still, 174 birdies still made contact with him.

"This is just unacceptable, we cannot allow this!" Juliet yelled to Coach Lee, as she spotted over Artemis's buries with a damp towel. "I will not have my charge go back there. Look at him! He's bruised like a banana!"

"I assure you, Ms. Butler, as soon as I saw that he was being hurt, I took immediate action. But I'm sure Miss Britva just got carried away. She didn't mean him harm."

"I'm sure, but weather or not there was harm meant doesn't change a thing. He will be pulled from that class."

"Ms. Butler, he needs gym credit, and there is no other gym class. He could always sign up for a winter sport, but I doubt that he'd make the basket ball or wrestling team."

"Arty play basketball? Ha, I'd love to see that!" Roger said as he walked through the doors to their dorm. "Damn, you look bad! Artemis."

"Oh really? I haven't notice…" Artemis muttered weakly.

"What's the news form Guiney, Roger?" Juliet asked.

"The news is: Maféia has been given a day's suspension, and Artemis is still going to have do some physical activity that's moderated by someone with credentials in order to wave the gym class. The Board won't allow you Juliet to moderated him cause you might lie for him. But don't fret Arty boy! You have other options beside B-ball and wrestling!"

"And will you humor us with this option?" Artemis asked testily.

"Me? No, but Xia will."

Right on clue, Ida poked her head through the threshold, her curly brown hair framed her face, and scanned the group of people over before she popped into the room and crossed over to them.

"Dear God, what did she do to you?" Ida reached out to touch one of the many bruises, but Juliet moved quickly and blocked her form doing so by reaching over Artemis to tend to his other bruises. She gave Ida a pointed stare. Ida pulled her hand back, quick, as if she had just tried to touch something forbidden. This transaction of movements wasn't lost on Artemis.

"Juliet, Xia wasn't the one who hurt me. She is not responsible for Maféia's actions, or are you Ms. Perry?" Artemis asked as he gave her a small smile. Any talk before about him not wanting her near was out the window now. She had once again managed to worm her way back into his life, and he was finding that it wasn't so bad having her as a friend.

"No, I'm not her keeper." Juliet only relaxed by a bit.

"What is my other option, Xia?"

"Well, I'm certified to teach yoga, so if you'd like to practice with me, the Board would let that count. Mind you, yoga is an intense practice and I won't go easy on you just because we're friends."

"So long as you don't go as hard on me as Maféia."

"Humor is always a good sign of recovery." Ida smiled. "So you'll practice with me?"

"It's really my only option, all the other ones I didn't even consider."

"Sweet! It's a deal then!" Roger clapped his hands together. "Now to make it official, Coach Lee, I'm going to need you to sign this wavier-Xia already signed it- and Arty, you're going to have to sign at the bottom to say that you agree. Then we're all set. Tomorrow, your sixth period will be with Xia."

" Xia, don't you have sixth period? Can you just drop it?" Juliet asked.

"My sixth block is just for planning. But I find I do most of my planning over meal time, so I end up not doing anything, so this is going to be okay."

"Hmm, well after today I rather not leave Artemis alone with you. No offense, but you are Britva's close friend."

"I can understand that. Feel free to pop by whenever you want then! You're more than welcome to join us too."

"I'm taking that as an open invite Xia." Juliet said warning as she pulled back form her protective hunch over Artemis. Roger flashed his trademarked smile at them all.

"Well, it's a date then! This is one gym class I bet you'll never skip!"

Review. NOW! You know you want too! :)

Up next….

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