I can't believe I forgot my password and haven't updated this story in forever! It may be a suggestion to go read back to the first chapter just to refresh. I'm going to post this chapter and I hope that I get a response, I don't know about anybody else but for me Chax still hold a very dear place in my heart, I hope this is the case for most of you and people are still interested in reading about stories that revolve around their characters! They are and always will be my number one...

Chapter 2 – Memories are such...

Snippets from the past

She looked in to the mirror, floor length crisp pure white fabric adorned her body, she was the epitome of beauty, the fragrance of perfection, her body was a temple, it filled the material with such ease, her tan, the flawless of her skin, her long brunette hair cascaded down her back, she truly was a picture. She couldn't help but smile, her eyes shone bright, brighter than normal, she was happy, truly happy, life couldn't get much better than this could it, there was less than a couple of hours before she would take his last name and forever became bounded to him.

''You look beautiful Mum'' with grace she turned her head to see her teenage daughter stood in the door, both of their eyes glassed over with tears,

''as do you, can you believe it, I'm getting married'' the excitement was evident in her voice,

Ruby just nodded her head; she didn't want to speak in fear of bursting into tears,

''I just want you to know, nothing is going to change. Nothing at all, you and only you will be the most important person in my life, and no one, not even Brax will ever come between us...'' Charlie took her daughters hand as she spoke, they had been through ups and downs, more of the latter, but the bond they shared now was stronger than ever.

''I love you mum!''

...

You have to believe in a concept, an idea to be able to feel it, to experience it, to let it engulf your life, this is what he thought all his life, if you believed it you experienced it but how wrong was he, because there was something, a feeling, a concept, an idea which he never believed in, he never thought of it more than a word, but it was more than a word, it was something that hit him, out of nowhere, a grown man and suddenly there had been a time in his life where he was in Love! He had never realised it but it was something which would become such a big part of his life. When did he totally let his guard down and let this feeling creep into his life, was it when she laughed cluelessly and he would clutch his heart entranced by her , or was it her quiet glances or every time she made a remark against him and he used to go out of his way to give her a reason to complain. Whether it was kissing her without permission or riling her up with his games but it didn't take long before she was in his arms and he had become infatuated by her.

Today she was the most important person in his life and he couldn't see anything beyond that...

...

''it's difficult to put into words, how much you mean to me... when I think about you my heart is overwhelmed , no one in the world is more precious to me than you Brax, I don't know what my life would be like without you, I don't know how or when but I became mad about you, when I look at you, not just once or twice but every time I look at you, a unfamiliar desire stirs in my heart, a desire of content, commitment... '' she had to control her voice because it wavered, she was overwhelmed by the feeling, she had thought about these vows, it was all that she thought about but now saying those words to him which she had rehearsed more times than necessary, she couldn't help but let her tears well her eyes.

''life is a confluence of both joy and grief, laughing and crying was normal but since I've met you I don't cry because of hurt, I cry because you make me laugh so much. Even memories of my past which once tortured me, they were like my shadow but since I fell in love with you even they have disappeared, I don't know how but it's like you worked some enchantment on me, I never knew this before but now I do, I want someone in my life who can make my life worth living, with happiness and smiles at every step, that person is you, I have an unlimited longing for you and I never want this feeling to end. , I want to get lost in dreams with you, I want to share every moment with you, I never want loneliness to consume me, I want you to catch me if I falter and stay adorn in your eyes forever. I will love you more than forever, I will never stray from your eyes, I will always endeavour to be the best wife possible, I want us never to forget where and how we started, never forget the promises we made but most of all I promise that we will thrive in love, we will be forever and that starts with today where my heart is now yours...''

He listened to every word she said, he could never top that, as much as he tried he would never be able to put into words how much she means to him but he as sure as hell would try his best. He had never publically described his feelings but now he was about to let it all out...

''wow, there is no way I can top that! Charlie if I knew you was going to say such vows I would certainly have googled it!'' the guests laughed at his joke, it made him feel a little bit of ease, maybe he should just blag it... or maybe speak from his heart, and that's exactly what he did...

''when I think about my journey, it doesn't start all them years ago when I was born, my life never started until that very night a few years ago, singles night, single and ready to have some fun, I entered that restaurant with a boy's head and left with a man's heart, Charlie I want you to listen carefully, in this silence I hope you can hear it, my heart beats for you, it has been beating like this since the moment I met you. I owe you so much, because of your presence I learnt to live, in you I found everything, wherever you are I see myself there, wherever you are I want to walk together with you, I will become your shadow, if you are disturbed I will ease your mind, I never thought I would have someone that will be mine, someone who will know all my secrets and still love me, I have wondered if I open my eyes, maybe this has all been a dream, maybe even this now me standing here is a dream, I don't know whether it's an intoxication but your definitely my drug, when you look at me, when I touch you, when I'm with you I forget the world, I want you to forgive me for my mistakes and I want you to promise me you will never let me go back to the dark days, because I like the light. I promise you whatever has brought us to this moment I will carry it forward, I will give my life for you, I will forget the world for you, I will take away all your pain, I will never let you be lonely but most of all I will love you unconditionally, I will love you like I've never loved before because the reality is I never have loved before, these vows I'm taking today I promise to obey those and I hope that the way we stand today, clutching our hearts and admiring each other that we stay like this forever, because I have no doubt about it, my life starts with you and ends with you, I love you Charlie….''

XXX

Back to the present

Today had been such a long day, actually it wasn't just a long day, it seemed to be like a long life, never breaking from this mould, every time there is a glimmer of hope something sets them back. He endured the pain every day, every moment, every time he looked at his daughter; he felt it, like a blunt object piercing his heart. Skylar was a bitter truth yet the most precious being in his life, she was the reminder of what his life should have been, she was the future for him, and his other daughter, not bound by blood but she was the reminder of the past, her uncanny resemblance.

They all sat in the living room, him, his brothers and his daughters, the sadness was in the air, nobody saying anything incase they said the wrong thing, even an energetic Skylar today sat down next to her uncles and just read her book absentmindedly, no matter how hard they tried, days like today were the hardest.

''I'm going out, the silence is killing me'' Brax couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to escape, just let go and leave, he didn't want to be here, he didn't want to be there, he didn't want to be anywhere but by her side. With her, loving her, making her laugh, doing everything he promised her when they took their vows...

''Brax don't you think its best you stay here'' Ruby said, she didn't lift her head and spoke barely audible,

''no'' he replied bluntly,

''Please Brax, she needs you, your daughter needs you, Skylar needs you''

He scoffed at her words,

''Brax this is not the right time'' Heath intervened, he knew it would escalate to something more than it should,

''Why is it not the right time, I think it's the perfect time ''

''Ruby thinks my daughter needs me, she needs a lot of things, she needs me, her father! What about her mother? What about her sister, eh Ruby, tell me, if she needs me, she needed you too, where was you, where have you been for the last few years''

''I can't listen to this I am going to leave'' Ruby spoke as she got up to leave,

''you do that best don't you, leave, when the going gets tough, you leave, don't you think sometimes I want to leave, don't you ever stop to think what everyone else is going through, you talk about needs! My daughter needs me, isn't she the reason you left, isn't she the one who you couldn't be around anymore, wasn't she the reminder that your mother was dead and she is alive!''

At this point Casey and Kyle both left the room with an upset Skylar, she may be too young to understand everything but she knew, she knew that she didn't have a mother, she knew her father was always a little lost in his thoughts, she knew her uncle's would do anything for her and she knew she had a sister, she knew of her existence but she was rarely mentioned.

''and don't think that I don't know!'' Ruby and Heath both knew what he was referring to, she had a distinct rounded tummy, she had that tired look, it was like an elephant in the room.

''this has nothing to do with you'' Ruby replied instinctively putting a hand to her tummy,

''well you're not keeping it! I don't care, you get rid of it!

Ruby couldn't believe what he was saying, how can he tell her to get rid of her baby, this was something after so long where she felt happy, there was a sense of hope, that everything will be okay, she admitted it was a shock, she had only been with her boyfriend for just a couple of years but it was something that she wanted now more than ever.

''you have no right to say that to me! How dare you, you are nobody to me''

He felt his heart break at her words, nobody?

''No Ruby, I am your father and you will listen to me, you will get rid of that...'' he pointed towards her stomach,

''this is my life''

''exactly and everyday that is growing inside you, you are risking your life, you are not having that baby, you are not, I won't let it happen, I will not lose you, I will not let Skylar lose another person in her life, I will not be left with just one daughter... ''

''Brax... I know this may be hard but it won't happen to me the same as it happened... '' she refused to acknowledge her mother,

''Ruby I won't let it happen'' and with that he walked upstairs to get some comfort from his other daughter because sometimes as much as she needed someone, so did Brax and the best person was this innocent 6 year old who has endured more than she should have.

Standing in the doorway he watched as she played with her doll house, she moved the family members around, it pained him because there was one character clearly missing, he had never seen it come out of the box, as far as she was concerned this was her family, and she didn't know anybody called mother. You couldn't help but feel sorry for her in one way and in the other envy her. She didn't know her mother, she would never experience that love, that bond between her and her mother, her mother was an exceptional women, she was the reason of her fathers existence and for that reason you felt for her but then envy her, because she never had met Charlie she would never experience losing someone like her whereas for Brax and Ruby, they knew her and suddenly she had gone, leaving in her place one bundle of joy and a million bundles of hurt.

Walking in kneeling down he sat next to her, moving the figure a little so it was not as crooked, she welcomed his presence with a smile,

''are you okay daddy''

''I'm fine darling, how are you''

She shrugged her shoulders,

''I'm sorry about today''

''It's not your fault, mummy just didn't want to see me''

He heard his heart crack what was left of it that was...

''No, no Skylar, mummy would have loved to see you, she loved you lots...''

''no she didn't, daddy don't lie to me''

He just didn't have the energy to argue with her, to tell her that her mother loved her more than life itself hence why she gave up her life for her to have one.

''daddy please can you tell me things about mummy... I want to know things about her''

''how about we go and see mummy and then we can talk lots eh?''

-x-

Sitting on the beach he couldn't help but let a tear roll, on the way to the beach he promised her that he would tell her everything she asked, and not leave anything out, everything she wanted to know, he only asked for one thing in return that if he cried that she promised not to cry as well, because he couldn't take her crying, it would break him apart.

''daddy I am ready, please tell me everything''

''are you sure, everything''

''yes daddy everything, don't leave anything out''

''okay madam'' he ruffled her hair as she sat across him, legs folded, hands in her fathers hands and he waited patiently, almost like he could see the cogs working in her brain trying to ask the first question,

''was she beautiful?''

''very beautiful, she was like a princess, pretty just like you'' he looked at his daughters features and even though there was little of him in her, her dimples and the same nose but the rest, she was her mothers daughter. She had the distinct chocolate brown hair, her eyes that piercing blue and Brax knew he would have to warn the boys away when Skylar becomes a certain age. They continued to talk a while longer, things like her favourite colour, favourite food, what was her mothers favourite pizza toppings, it was the little things a 6 years old may ask but then the questions got a little deeper.

''Daddy what was mummy to you?''

''she was my wife''

'' no not like that daddy, like what did mummy mean to you, like you, uncle heath, Casey and Kyle and even Ruby are my all things''

''do you mean your everything darling?'' she rolled her eyes at her father for correcting her,

''tell me daddy''

How could he tell her how much her mother meant, words would never do justice but he was going to try.

''mummy, mummy was my soul mate Skylar, you won't understand what that means right now but it's like the way we are your everything, mummy was my soul mate, as you grow old and ugly like daddy you will find somebody and they will be so special that you will remember daddy telling you about soul mates...'' he could feel the tears threatening to come out but he had to try and keep them in, surely it was not healthy to always break down in front of a 6 year old, a very aware 6 year old who didn't miss a trick.

''Daddy why are you so sad?'' he was brought out of his trance by the gentle voice of his baby girl,

''Baby, daddies not sad, look I'm smiling''

''That doesn't mean you're not sad''

''Oh Skye when did you become so wise''

''I didn't daddy, I knows why you sad, mummy tell me in her letters'', that tight feeling had now expanded and threatened to take over the whole of his body. He couldn't control the tears this time he let a tear roll down which was quickly followed by another, he then felt soft tiny hands rub across his cheek and a gentle kiss was placed. Looking down at his daughter, an image of her mother, he picked her up and placed her on his knee, she turned to look at him and she smiled his favorite toothy smile,

''Daddy do you want a Braxton bear hug?''

''A Braxton bear hug eh?'' he questioned

''Yeah uncle heaf showed me it, he said when I am sad, I should get a Braxton bear hug, daddy I know your sad''

''Does that mean I can have one of your special Braxton bear hugs then''

She nodded feverously before swinging around and snaking her arms around my neck, he felt her nuzzle her head into his neck and kissed the top of her head and then she moved back.

''Is that it, that was definitely not long enough'' he said making a sad face,

''No silly daddy, there's more'' she told him with a cheeky grin, before he could respond she began to tickle him and vice versa until the both of them were in hysterics rolling on the beach making each other laugh.

-x-

The day had finally come to an end, his precious daughter all tucked up for the night, she could sleep and let all the worries of the world leave but for Brax it was a different story, nights were hard, harder than the day sometimes, nights were the times when he actually let go, in the confines of these walls, no one to see him, the thing was it had been over 6 years, coming to nearly seven years and he still couldn't get over the fact that she was no more, after she died he was offered counseling and he didn't attend but was given various leaflets and on one night he sat and read this leaflet, it told him that grief was like a colour of darkness and for someone to come out of it and into the light he would need to add the brightness. His daughter was the balance between the darkness and lightness but he knew he would never fully come in to the light. She was such that her absence burned him every single day, fire in the form of tears flowed from his eyes. And tonight was no different; he opened his bedside table and took out an envelope, it simply said Brax in her distinct handwriting, and like most nights when the day had more reminders of her than normal he would read this letter that she had left for him when she went away forever…

Brax

If you are reading this then that means I am no longer within your presence. Before I begin to even try and explain what is happening I just want to say I love you, I have loved you from the moment I saw you and right until the moment I took my last breath. However my love for you won't stop now that I have gone. I will always watch over you and make sure you are okay.

Brax this is the hardest thing to do, write your thoughts, feelings, there is so much I want to say, I want to tell you about what I want you to do, I want to tell you things that I never had a chance to tell you, I will try my hardest but there is one thing I will not do and that is apologize to you for not telling you. I don't regret my decision and most of all I don't regret the fact that I gave you the one thing that you always wanted. A child, I hope she is alive and well and is getting all the attention from her daddy. Yes Brax you're a daddy and you have someone who depends on you. Don't let me down Braxton!

Death is hard, death is inevitable, no matter how much you try to avoid it, it will always be following you like a shadow, death is the one thing that is a given in life and we refuse to talk about it, Brax talk about it, it will help you, let someone in, please not only for our daughter, but for yourself, do not alienate yourself from the rest of the world, I know you, you will want to suffer on your own, I would prefer for you not to suffer at all, I want to take all the pain away that you are suffering right now but I know I can't.

I'm writing this letter whilst watching you sleeping in our bed, I didn't know how to start it but once the pen touched the paper I can't actually stop. If you love me as much as I love you then I can only imagine what you are going through. I am sat here imagining if the roles were reversed and you were not with me how I would feel. It's not a pleasant thought because I can't imagine a life without you, I can't imagine being able to wake a morning and not see you smile. I know I would isolate myself, be on my own and wallow in hurt that you were gone. I don't want the roles to be reversed, I am selfish because I know I wouldn't be able to deal without having you by my side but I am asking you to grieve and get on with your life. I know its very hypocrite of me to say this but I know you will be okay.

I loved my life even the bad times; I would not change anything, not even being raped. Yes it was unpleasant but it helped me shape my life and in a totally wacky way it led me to you. If I hadn't been raped I would never have joined the police force and quite frankly never moved to summer bay.

Arresting you was fun, kissing you was better but most of all what I will most miss is your hugs and snuggling up with you in bed. Being in your arms was my happy place.

I'm sat thinking what else shall I write and I'm going through the times we spent together thinking something will, stick out. Do you remember our vows, and you mentioned something about ''googling it'' I remember after laughing and mocking you, well guess what I couldn't think of what it would be like to tell you to move on so ''I googled it'. There was nothing that pointed me towards what I should write to my husband.

Every moment was special and each one made me realize how madly I am in love with you, I don't have enough paper nor ink in my pen and most importantly I don't have the time to write everything that I loved about my life but I will make it easier, there are three moments in my life that will always be the highlight of me. The birth of my babies, the day I met you and the day I became Mrs. Braxton.

I would love to have met my baby girl, I imagine her to be a spitting image of you, and no doubt she will have you wrapped around her little fingers. I know you will be angry, I made such a big decision on my own, when I got home after receiving the news, I wanted to tell you, I really did but my heart told me a different story. I listened to my heart. I had two options to have an abortion and save my life or have my baby and risk my family losing someone they love. You probably think it was a stupid decision and not many people will understand the decision I made. I don't care whether people understand or not, I want you to understand the reason why I didn't have an abortion. What that Dr didn't realize when telling me my options was that I had a third option and that was saving mine and your life in the form of our baby because that's what she is, she is a part of me and a part of you making her our life. So I live through my daughter.

I ask for nothing, nothing at all but one thing I do ask is you tell my daughter about me, please tell her I love her so much, I have not met her but I don't think it is possible for me to count the amount of times in a day I imagine her. Tell her that the thought of never knowing her is breaking my heart; tell her please that if it could be different I would have done everything. I will fight till my last breath Brax, trust me I will, I will fight till the end but it will be a losing battle because if I win the battle you wouldn't be reading this, instead we would be cuddling our daughter and I would be alive.

Your probably think how do I go on from here, how do I start over, I don't know how to answer that but what I'm going to say to you is you are an amazing man, everything I wanted, everything I needed and you were and are everything that I thought I would never find. You were my perfect man and because you are so perfect I know you will bring my daughters up to be a replica of yourself, there will be hard times and some that are going to test you but I will always be a few yards away watching over you. Ruby will need you and please don't let her feel that she has no one in this world, I know her, she might have Buckton blood running through them veins but she is an original Braxton. She will need guidance and she will need support, please be there for her and if she cries, wipe her tears. I want you to promise me that you will never let tears grace her eyes once I'm gone and that goes for you and Skylar too. (Yes Brax I love the name and I hope you do name our baby girl Skylar James Braxton as we planned).

I don't have an extensive list of what I want my daughter to know about me or what I want her to be like because that is entirely up to you how you bring her up. I want her to know who I am but if you feel I am not worthy of being remembered then that will be fine. If you can then please do the following:

Take her on walks along the beach; tell her Mummy loves walks along the beach, especially the ones with daddy. They used to be my favorite whilst I was pregnant.

Kiss her every night and tell her, her mummy sends her love. Regardless of where you are or where she is without fail you kiss her goodnight at least until she is eight.

Celebrate her birthday extravagantly and never let her be without anything. Give her everything she wants but with limits.

Never say no to her.

Make sure her godparents are always looking after her (your choice who they are)

She cannot surf or date until she is at least 12.

And finally please never let her cry and think that I don't love her. Tell her everyday that I love her and if she asks tell her that I love her more than life itself hence why I gave up so she could meet her daddy and be spoilt rotten.

I'm gone, never coming back but I know for certain you don't lose the people that you love, even when they die, they continue to participate in acts in your life, through every decision you make. Loved ones love leaves an undeniable imprint and I want you to be able to find comfort knowing that I leave my imprint on you. I want to say that you will get over it but I know you won't, instead you will get through it, you won't get by because there are no ways you can get around this, it won't get better but it will be different.

I am not leaving you wifeless, I am not leaving my girls motherless, I'm merely leaving from your eyes but hopefully not from your hearts because as cliché as it is, it's true even though death leaves a heartache no one can heal, nobody, not even me with these words I write, but love leaves a memory that no one can take, so I know in the memory of our love you will be okay because Brax what is breath, it comes and goes and I would give it up each time just for you to be happy.

Darryl Braxton I love you and don't you ever forget that, your loving wife Charlie.