LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WE'RE BACK!
In the not-too-distant past -
Last Sunday A.D. -
There was a guy named Yuri,
Way too different from you or me.
He fought to save world many times,
Alongside with his girlfriend Alice.
He did a good job fixing up the place,
But his enemies didn't like him
So they shot him into space.
Gilbert: We'll send him cheesy fanfiction,
Nicolai: The worst we can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his sanity (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Yuri can't control
Where the stories begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts
To mess with Nicolai.
Roll Call: (All right, let's go!)
Shania! (I'm not a stripper!)
Alice! (My dad picked my dress out.)
Johnny! (How can we escape?)
Yuuuri! (I'm the guy.)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a story,
I should really just relax (Really)
For Mystery Science Theater 1000!"
"Hello!" Yuri shouted. "Welcome back to the Hunk of Junk, after a nearly a year, we're back!"
"We just barely survived the second run of My Immortal." Alice chipped on. "The one saving grace we got was that we could sleep through the story. Nick and Gilly were too busy reclaiming their ship from the menance of Tara to monitor us. We got some good sleep in."
"Save for me!" Shania shouted from another room. "Johnny snored."
"I said I was sorry!" Johnny replied.
"Anyway, Tara left a mess, so we got some time to ourselves." Yuri continued. "We played board games, computer games, console games, and imaginary games. We also worked on other projects...save for the escape pod, we don't have enough graham crackers. But still, we're ready to tackle whatever those two are going to throw at us!"
"In fact, one of the projects we finished was the story predictor!" Johnny came in, showing a cash register with a long electronic bar. "We can now predict what sort of horrible mess of writing is coming to our humble abode and prepare accordingly." Johnny clicked some buttons and the bar went alive with red light as it started to calculate. "Of course, having handled the worst story in the world kinda defeats the purpose."
"Especially as I'm just going to tell you." Nicolai said over the monitor. "It's a Kingdom Hearts story set in high school and involving a Mary Sue called Kingdom Hearts High At War. It was supposed to go on longer, but the author just gave up, being crushed under her own ego." He cleared his throat. "This is an easy one, not even compared to My Immortal. A little training for bigger stuff."
The predictor rang, showing the title.
"You're a big help." Yuri said without any emotion.
*Wheep* *Wheep* *Wheep*
"MOVIE SIGN!"
The First Day at War
Yuri: First day back for us anyway.
The twin's were trying to get to school but the fan girls had every door blocked.
Alice: And they cut the phone lines!
Shania: And then they called in a airstrike!
When their friend showed up in his black Camero.
Johnny: Good plan! He can ran over the fan girls!
He walked out and his sliver hair like diamond's on the sunny day.
Shania: So all he has is a single strand of white hair?
Alice: But it's shiny!
With a *beep-beep* his car locked,
Yuri: Wow! He's so cool, he can make noises and things happen!
Alice: He pops popcorn by saying 'pop, pop!'
Johnny: He says 'bang' and the evildoers fall down!
Shania: SFX-Man! Coming to a theater…Syl time!
and as he walked up to the school he heard screaming and the ground started to rumble he looked up and he saw fan girls charging for him.
Alice: And sadly, fifty-two girls were trampled that day. Blood rained down the stairs like a river.
Yuri: Wow…
He smirked and stood there as they asked the for his number and to go out on a date and so on
Johnny: And then he was naked!
He saw the twin's heading to the school and just shrugged 'I'll get them back.'
Shania (Riku): I'll cut off all their hair, and leave a single hair! We all be equals!
He thought. As the brother's walked in the school they headed for homeroom. "I can't believe it, we're in high school!" Roxas said with a jump.
Yuri (Roxas): Oh wait, I'm in hell.
"Yea! Today my brother, we are men!" Sora put his arm around his brother's shoulder.
Alice: Men with girlish haircuts, but men!
*BRRRINNNNGGGGGG!*
Johnny: A story with a focus on sound effects.
Riku, Sora and Roxas all sat down in their homeroom.
Shania: They don't need chairs! They got the room!
Johnny: Woo!
Kairi and her sister Namine entered the room, with their friend Xion.
Yuri: Sora-Kairi, Roxas-Namine, Riku-Xion. There, done.
"Okay class has begun, I hoped you all had a nice weekend." Said their teacher .
Alice: We did, Mr. No-Name.
Shania: So summer vacation is just a weekend?
Johnny: California.
Shania: Ah.
The class was silent when took roll.
Johnny: They mouthed 'here'.
There was a knock on the class room door. walked over and the class started talking, mostly the fan girls.
Shania: We can't stop here! This is fan girl country!
"So Sora what did you do this weekend?" One girl asked batting her eyelashes.
Yuri: She struck out.
Johnny: Boo!
"Hey Roxas are you single?" Another asked.
Alice: Single cell, yes.
But none of the boys in the class were listen they were looking at the new student.
Johnny: Big deal. The new hamster held their attention longer.
She had on blue jeans, a dark purple jacket, a black V-neck with purple hearts and blue shoes.
Shania: She stole Ryan Stiles' shoes!
Her hair was long and silky, up in a pony tail and stopped at her shoulder's.
Yuri: Her hair had placed a restraining order on her waist.
Her eye's were a deep-sea blue/green. Her eyelashes long but no make-up it was all natural her flawless face, eyebrows were fabulous.
Alice: Don't you mean FAB-UL-OUS?
Shania: Fake flawless face!
"Class this is our new student, Ginney." Ginney smiled and said "Hi, everyone."
Johnny: Snnooorrtt.
Her voice was like an angle's.
Shania: A ninety-degree angle anyway.
"Hi" The class replied. "Let's see, it seems you have the same classes has Sora.
Yuri: NOT CONTRIVED AT ALL, HUH?
Sora can you please raise your hand?" asked. Sora raised his hand.
Alice: Sora had been tricked into revealing himself in the crowd. The sniper aimed for the head…
"That's Sora you can sit next to him, Sora can you please show Ginney to her classes?" "Yes, ."
Johnny: Good thing, or she would wander off in a random direction.
Ginney walked over to the desk next to Sora's and sat down.
Shania: Perfect time to pull the chair out. I know you want to!
Sora stared at Ginney, she moved a round in her seat "Can you please stop staring at me?" Ginney whispered.
Yuri: What's this? Something different with a Mary-Sue story?
Alice: Considering that the story forgot some words in certain parts, I think 'seductively' came before whispered.
Yuri: Dashed my hopes yet again.
"Sorry you are just so, pretty. I mean- you seem wonderful." Sora was blushing like mad.
Alice: Puberty kicked in!
Ginney was starting to wonder if she was at the right school.
Johnny: Yes you are. Sora is crushing on you.
"Hey I'm Roxas, and this is Riku , Axel, Kairi, Demyx and Zexion." They all waved to her.
Shania: Don't forget Yuri…
Yuri: Alice…
Alice: Johnny…
Johnny: and Shania.
Syl: And Lucia as hula dancer.
Alice: Go away, Syl!
She nodded. Kairi had a evil look in her eyes after Sora said that Ginney was pretty.
Yuri: This story is going to end with her dead somehow.
"I'm Sora's twin." Roxas said beaming
Alice: Turn off the highbeams!
*BBBBBRRRRRIIIIIINNNGGGGG*
Johnny: Break it up you teens!
Sora took Ginney hand and to first period.
Shania: Her first period!
Alice: SHANIA!
"Um, locker, books, backpack? DUDE! I need my stuff for class!"
Yuri: Dude, where's my locker?
Ginney was trying to break free of Sora's grip, but it was a fail.
Alice: This is getting a bit creepy…
Sora finally stopped at the exit doors. "Dude what are you doing? We are going to be late-" Sora put her hand over her mouth.
Johnny: Okay, we jumped off the slippery slope!
"Have you ever heard of me?" Ginney looked at him with confused eyes.
Shania: Have you ever danced with the devil under the pale moon light?
"NUFF NUFF, Sore van fit um band doff?" Sora removed his hand.
Yuri: She trying to reference a Youtube Poop meme?
"Thank you. No, I've never heard of you or your friends since homeroom." Sora nodded and they headed off to first period.
Alice: Thanks for the near-rape scene. Much needed to move the plot forward.
Sora and Roxas did some note passing:
S-Do u have a thing 4 Ginney?
-R
R-
NO I JUST THINK SHE'S CUTE
Johnny: I HATE HER BUT I LOVE HER.
-S
S-*Roll's eye's* Yea and my name is Billy Bob, Kairi is pretty ticked after watt u said 2 Ginney
-R
R-Y? She suldnt hav a prob w/me tinkin a girl is cute
-S
S-well she did… class is bout 2 end…c u in 3rd
-R
Shania: This scene is so wrong. Why pass notes when you got cell phones?
Sora nodded and got ready to leave for his next class. "Hey Ginney, for our next class is reading 'K?"
Alice: Reading, the hardest class in the entire school!
Ginney did a thumbs up and got ready for her next class.
Johnny: She grabbed a dictionary and a pillow.
Sitting next to her was Zexion. "So you have reading next period? I love to read do you?" Ginney was smiling
Shania: Oh yeah, impress her with a good book!
"Reading was the first thing I learned."
Yuri: And the last thing.
Zexion and Ginney got warped into a conversation about what books they've read so when the bell rang they both jumped grabbed their stuff and headed out the door.
Alice: Considering Zexion's powers, warped might be literally.
Yuri: And the Mary-Sue began to work her magic on the people of the school, making the boys love her and the girls to give her their boyfriends.
Sora was waiting out the door for Ginney when he was going to ask her if she needed help carrying her books Kairi came and was in between Sora and Ginney.
Johnny: This scene shall establish the villain.
"Sora you didn't talk to me during homeroom." Kairi said making a pout face. "
Shania (Kairi): I got lost!
Um I was talking to Ginney." Kairi was really close to Sora and he was hoping she would let go.
Yuri: She forgot to bathe.
Kairi turned around and said "Listen, He's mine and if you don't back off I'm going to get ugly."
Alice: We have a villain!
Shania: Now Ginney is free to murder Kairi and date Sora!
Kairi was turning around when Ginney said it loud and clear "Wow Kairi I've must've not have backed off 'cause your pretty ugly right now. In fact I wonder when you weren't, I feel bad for Sora having to look at YOUR face no- YOU all day long."
Johnny: Wow. Let's begin.
Yuri: Just a step below yo mamma.
Alice: As far as we know, this applies to Ginney as well.
Johnny: A kindergartner has better insults than that!
Shania: Hey, hey, Ginney? You forgot about how Sora was a bit rapey earlier?
Kairi kicked Ginney's books and papers and they went flying.
Shania (Kairi): I'll harm you!
Ginney pants Kairi,
Yuri: In the middle of a fight? She's either good or she cheated.
Johnny: FACEPANT!
but she wasn't done with Kairi yet
Alice: For it was time to re-open the torture chamber.
she pushed Kairi off to the side and trip her into the mess of papers and books.
Johnny (Ginney): Time to hit the books! Hehehe, I'm clever.
"I'm not backing off." Ginney took Sora's hand and they went to 2nd period.
Shania (Ginney): In fact, I'm running away!
"Not the worse, but not good at all." Shaina said, getting her book out. "Still, it's a good laugh."
"I agree." Johnny agreed. "I can't even imagine creating a character just to off or remove a character so my character can date another character."
"Save for you and Zonda." Shania replied.
"He was a character?"
"Oh, Johnny…"
"Enjoy it while you can!" The familiar voice of Gilbert rang through the room. "We took this time to not only remove all traces of our former unwanted guest but also check out other stories. We found plenty of bad stories to torment you with and we shall not pull any punches! For we shall drive you mad and break your will to the point where you shall join us!" He finished up with a evil laugh.
"So you also spent the months coming up with that speech?" Asked Yuri.
Gilbert remained silent.
"See you!"
"He-"
Oh yes. Soon, we shall be enjoying some of the truly wretched stories…