I'm so sorry! I fail at updating on time, I know!!!

This took a long time because of the fights. I'm not a good fight scene writer. Also, their villain names still suck. And the author's notes took awhile. Forgive me!

Also, this fic is getting cut down a chapter. Not necessarily a bad thing, but still kind of sad. So there will only be six instead of seven (meaning it ends next chapter. Aww…). A few people have voted, but I would like to see some more! But I'm thinking of writing the extra epilogue anyway, and maybe an alternative SanRob epilogue later just because I like the couple.

Reader Review Corner!

Lolo popoki: Thank you for your review! It warmed my heart!

ShoalinQueen: Yes, it is happy. I hope this lives up to your expectations.

DancingNightmare: Yay, I fooled somebody! I is happy. And we've been in the same boat before, eh? Haha! Oh, we found the jerks who stole my stuff; a couple of sevies (seventh graders). As if I needed another reason to hate junior high schoolers. They gave me my stuff back after we started talking about payment and trial dates, but they scratched it up. It's times like these when I wish I had a Clima-tact or something…

Monkeypoo: No, this isn't a rewrite, though I'm sure the idea has been used before (stuff like this is obvious fanfic fodder). As for it having the same name, it wasn't on this site; I checked (unless it has since been deleted). And sorry Nami's in Zoro's space… I think… O.O

Blueraven: Just for you, an Usopp fight scene! For your apparent love of Usopp.

A special aside thank you to everyone who read and reviewed both "On The Hook" and "Claustrophobia." And again, thank you for your patience!

A Chef's Hands

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 5

Sanji decided after returning to the ship to celebrate the return of his hand with a feast. Sure, they had already had a party, but now that they were restocked he could it right. And since when has any Straw Hat turned down a good party, anyway?

It wasn't as grand as some celebratory meals he had prepared in the past, but that was understandable with only one hand to work with. Still, there was quite a spread of soups, salads, meats, breads, and desserts. Everyone stared at it while Sanji stood back in quiet pride, eyes wide and mouths watering.

"Woo-hoo! Let's eat!" yelled Luffy, abruptly breaking the silence.

And then everyone was talking at once, rushing to fill their plates before everything disappeared into their captain's fifty gallon mouth.

"It looks wonderful, Sanji-kun!"

"Not as wonderful as you, Nami-swan!"

"Truly delicious, Cook-san."

"Only the best for my Robin-chwan! Oi, shitheads, let the ladies in first! And Luffy, there's seven other people here, you know!"

"But this meat is SO GOOD!"

"That doesn't mean you can eat it all!"

"This is great, Sanji!"

"Thanks, Chopper."

"Better than mine?"

"Erm, well, Usopp, he is the cook…"

"Haha, calm down, Chopper, I was kidding!"

"You must be. This is way better than that crap you made."

"Z-z-zoro! Jerk! You didn't have to be that blunt about it!"

And thus the party raged on, fully of merriment and much kanpai-ing. Slowly the sun sank beyond the western horizon.

"You're sure this is the ship?"

"Aye, Captain."

"Very well. You three better not fail me this time." The captain fingered the handle of his giant butcher knife.

"Aye, Captain!"

The food was gone and everyone was settling down somewhat, except for the three youngest crew members who were dancing to some ridiculous song of Luffy's invention. Sanji sat at the table with the others, smoking a cigarette and watching his nakama's antics with amusement.

"That's a lot of dirty dishes," Nami observed candidly. "And someone's gonna have to wash them." She threw a pointed look at Zoro.

"The hell? I ain't washin' the dishes." The swordsman glared at her.

"That's fine. I'll just up your interest another five percent, and we'll call it even."

He sighed, defeated. "Devil woman."

Sanji smiled broadly. "Nami-san's so lovely when she's blackmailing others."

Zoro shot him a look. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood, dartboard."

The cook shrugged, in a good mood himself. "Just leave 'em; I'll wash 'em later."

"Are you sure, Cook-san? We could help-"

"I would never have lovely Robin-chan wash dishes!"

Robin was about to answer when Zoro held up his hand for silence. The trio kept up their atrocious singing but the other three looked at him in confusion before listening intently themselves.

After a few seconds of hearing nothing, Robin spoke up. "What is it, Swordsman-san?"

"I thought I heard someone on deck," he explained slowly, still concentrating.

"But we're all in here," Nami pointed out. When he didn't answer she crossed her arms and shook her head. "I don't hear anything; you're probably just drunk."

"No," said Robin, now fully alert. "I think I hear it, too." She crossed her arms and muttered, "Ojos Fleur." The other three waited with bated breath until she opened her eyes again, arms falling to her sides. "Three men are sneaking around on deck."

Zoro nodded toward Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper. "Let them keep going; it's better if they don't know we're on to them."

The others nodded, then rose as one and slowly advanced to the door.

Usopp noticed them first; he broke free from the chorus line and looked at them curiously. "Oi, guys, what's up?"

"Enemies," said Robin casually.

It probably wasn't the best plan; Usopp immediately went into his weak-kneed stance of fear. "O-o-on the ship?"

Nami nodded, then turn and held a warning finger to her lips. He nodded back and quieted, though his knees continued to quake. Luffy and Chopper remained blissfully ignorant.

Zoro pushed open the galley door with a soft creak and the four stepped out into the moonlight. The swordsman glanced around, but the three intruders had concealed themselves somewhere. He walked down the stairs onto the main deck casually and went to stand by the mast, pretending to be interested in the stars. The others waited silently by the galley door. From inside the tone-deaf trio continued to bust their vocal chords.

A spinning blade appeared from the shadows and whirled towards Zoro, who dodged in the nick of time. The weapon imbedded itself in the mast. It was circular, and Sanji felt a strange twinge of recognition.

"So that's where the rats were hiding," said Zoro, two katana already out and ready. Sanji and Robin jumped over the railing to stand beside him while Nami ducked back into the galley to alert the rest of the crew.

"Come on out," ordered Sanji, taking one last drag on his spent cigarette before crushing it under his heel. "You're ruining our party."

"Wait for me!" cried an excited voice, and then their captain was standing next to the three by the mast, peering into the darkness. "Who is it?" he asked curiously. Chopper, Usopp, and Nami remained by the galley door.

Knowing they could no longer hide, the three enemies emerged and stood exposed in the moonlight. A giant of a man holding a large gun, a dignified man in a suit, and a short, weasel-ly looking man holding a long dagger.

Sanji's eyes widened in recognition; he gritted his teeth and curled his right hand into a fist.

Robin caught the motion and assessed the situation. Realizing what was going on, she decided to alert the others by asking softly, "Cook-san?"

Zoro glanced at the blond and noticed his tension. His eyes narrowed. "Oi. These the guys who…?"

"Yeah. These are them."

Zoro studied him for another second then smirked, looking back to the men. "Well, I was in a good enough mood to just kick them off the ship, but now I think an ass beating is in order."

"Wait, you mean…" Luffy interrupted, trying to catch up. Then realization dawned. "THESE ARE THE GUYS THAT HURT SANJI!?!"

"Geez, you're slow," groaned Nami, Usopp, and Zoro together.

"Ahem." The suit man, his top hat still buried in the mast, cleared his throat to get their attention. "I assume you are Monkey D. Luffy, the captain of this fine… crew?" He said the word as though it were a ridiculous overstatement.

"Yeah," he answered simply.

"Ah. Then allow me to introduce myself." He bowed elegantly, moving his hand as though the top hat were still there to remove. "I am Baron Colfelt, first mate of the Golden Chef crew sailing on the good ship Marmalade."

"Marmalade?" repeated Robin, hiding a laugh.

"You got a problem with that?" the short man snarled.

"I only found it amusing," she replied truthfully, and he glared at her.

"Ahem," Colfelt began again, demanding their attention. "These are my associates, Micki," he gestured at the big man. "And this outspoken man is Danni." Now he waved at the other. "We have come for only one reason, and that is to kill your chef." He nodded at Sanji, who glared back at him. "We apologize for mistakenly attacking the sword wielding gentleman." He nodded at Zoro, who likewise glared back.

"Jerk!" yelled Usopp from his spot with Chopper and Nami by the galley door. "What makes you think we're just gonna let you kill him?"

Micki looked up at Usopp with dangerous eyes, and the sniper took a step back and slightly behind Nami.

"We had no reason to assume so," Colfelt answered, still as calm as before. "But we hoped to make this all as painless as possible. Hand him over now and we won't have to hurt or kill any of the rest of you."

Luffy cracked his knuckles and glared darkly at Colfelt. "No way."

The man sighed and held up his arms in exasperation. "Have it your way, then." He crouched into a fighting stance. "Danni, Micki. Let's go."

"Do you really think that wise?" asked Robin coolly. "There are seven of us and only three of you. You are overwhelmingly outnumbered…" She crossed her arms and smiled. "Not to mention completely outmatched."

"Yes, I suppose that is a problem," said Colfelt, though he looked as disturbingly unperturbed as the archeologist did. "Micki, do you plan to do anything about that?"

"Yes sir," he answered and without warning turned the large gun on the three by the galley door.

The massive bullet sailed over their heads and split open, a net falling onto them. It wrapped around Nami and Chopper, but Usopp managed to dodge and scramble away.

Doctor and navigator struggled against the net, but it was incredibly heavy and resisted all efforts to tear it away.

"You remember my ability, don't you?" Colfelt asked, watching their attempts with amusement. "I can turn any cloth or material into metals. That net has been turned into very strong steel, and it's weighted, like all good nets, so they can't get away."

Usopp glanced down at the men and gasped. "Hey, where's the third one?"

Zoro and Sanji cursed simultaneously; they had been so focused on Colfelt's explanation that they hadn't noticed the shrimp sneaking off. He had hurried up to the net and with two punches knocked out the trapped strugglers. "Nighty-night," he crooned mockingly.

"Nami-san!"

"Chopper!"

Sanji jumped up to get to Danni, but he proved to be fast, running off to the front of the ship. "Come back here, bastard!"

"Sanji!" yelled Usopp, running past him. "I'll go after him; you help take care of those guys."

The cook stared at him for a split second, then nodded and turned back while Usopp gave chase.

Meanwhile, Zoro had launched himself at Colfelt and was swinging with all his might. His opponent blocked the blows effortlessly with his hard-as-steel sleeves, smirking.

"Viente Fleur!" Twenty of Robin's hands appeared, wrapping themselves around Colfelt and holding him still. Luffy rushed past Zoro and began his own attack.

"Gomu Gomu no Pistol!"

The man jerked back, taking the full punishment of the blow to his face, only Robin's hands keeping him from flying into the sea.

Then there was a scream of pain and her hands disappeared in a burst of petals. Robin fell to the deck, unconscious, hit in the head with the handle of one of Micki's pistols.

"Robin-chan!" yelled Sanji, running at the huge man. He spun into a kick that met with the gunner's gut, and he grunted and staggered back.

Shit. That should have sent him flying. Instead, he felt the force jar his whole leg and pelvis. This wasn't good.

Colfelt was back on his feet. He rubbed off some blood that had trickled down his chin and looked around at the remaining Straw Hats. "And then there were three."

Ah, man! Where'd he go?

The front deck was strangely empty, Danni nowhere in sight. Usopp looked around in confusion; there wasn't anywhere to hide out here.

To be sure, he walked to the very front of the ship by the figurehead and turned back, examining the ship from a different angle.

Maybe he went back, or maybe he- "Ugh!"

The dagger's blade sunk into his thigh from below, and he looked down in horror to see Danni clinging to the underside of the figurehead, smiling up at him.

"Ow!" yelled Usopp as the other man yanked the blade free. He scrambled backward, favoring the hurt leg, as Danni clambered back over the rail and smirked at him.

"I saw the way you hid behind that girl," he taunted. "You're the wimp of the group, I'm guessing."

"Oh yeah? You think so, jerk?" Usopp stood straight and smiled at him dangerously. "Well, you're wrong. I'm the real captain of this ship: Captain Usopp!"

Danni quirked an eyebrow. "Then why are your knees shaking?"

"Sh-sh-sh-shut up!" He pulled out his slingshot and loaded a lead pachinko pellet, which he aimed at Danni. "It'll be no problem for the great Captain Usopp to take you out!"

His opponent laughed. "Yeah right. I'd like to see you try."

Usopp obliged. "Namari Boshi!" The lead ball was perfectly on target but Danni batted it away with his dagger. Then he ran at the sniper, weapon raised.

"Is that all?"

Usopp back stepped quickly and ran backwards across the deck, loading another pellet. "Hissatsu Kayaku Boshi!"

This time the pellet connected and exploded, sending Danni reeling. He hit the deck and skid back a little before stopping and glaring up at the sniper.

"I think I get it," said Usopp, voice low. "You're the wimp of your group; that's why you had to hide under the figurehead to hurt me."

Danni gritted his teeth and staggered back to his feet. "You wish." He lunged forward again, but Usopp was already running in the other direction.

"Tabasco Boshi!"

The hot sauce missed Danni's face purely because the man was just as quick and agile as Usopp. Still, it managed to knock into his shoulder.

He growled at Usopp. "Aren't you going to do anything besides run away?"

Usopp smiled back at him. "Maybe I won't this time."

"Psh, yeah right. You're a big chicken, and you're gonna run again. Ba-gawk!" And then he came running full speed, actually seeming faster than before.

This time, Usopp didn't run. He held his ground until Danni was close, and then sidestepped. "Usopp Hammer!"

The hammer connected with Danni's gut.

The man gasped, the wind completely knocked from him.

Now Usopp was on a roll. "Usopp Hammer! Usopp Hammer! Usopp Hammer! U-sopp! Ham-mer! Usopp Wagomu. USOPP HAMMER!!!"

The man lay in a whimpering heap on the deck while Usopp eyed his handiwork. "That's what you get when you face the mighty Captain Usopp!"

…"Jerk!" yelled Luffy angrily, glaring at Colfelt. "Stop hurting my nakama!"

"Gladly, as soon as you surrender your chef."

Luffy yelled in fury and sprung forward. "Gomu Gomu no Bazooka!" His palms slammed into Colfelt's chest.

The man staggered back several steps, winded but otherwise uninjured. Luffy, however cringed and wringed his hands. "Ow! What was that?"

"The Cotton Cotton no Mi," Sanji supplied. "He can make his clothes as hard as steel."

BANG!

Micki was completely ignoring the rules of good battle etiquette, attacking in the middle of a conversation. The bullet from his pistol met with Luffy's back and ricocheted off.

"What the…?" The big man looked confused.

Zoro was in front of him in a instant. "That won't work on Luffy," he said with a smirk, and then he was attacking the man.

Like with Colfelt, his attacks merely pinged off Micki's shirt. Sanji rubbed his now-bruised leg ruefully.

"His clothes have been changed, too."

"I noticed, ero-cook. Luffy, aim for his face!"

"Yosh!" Luffy grabbed the mast and whipped his leg around. "Gomu Gomu no Muchi!"

Colfelt ducked the kick and rolled to the mast, springing up and wrenching his top hat blade free. "You're made of rubber, right? Well, even rubber can be pierced!" He spun the blade toward him.

Luffy dodged the hat, then stopped to watch it spin with wide eyes. "Wow! Do you think my hat can do that?"

"Pay attention, idiot!" yelled both Zoro and Sanji at the same time.

PHWIP PHWIP PHWIP!!! The blade came spinning back toward the captain, who ducked it again. It boomeranged to Colfelt, who flung it again.

"Maybe you should be paying attention!"

Zoro barely had time to move before Micki shot at his side, grazing his side. He danced to away and glared at the gunman.

"You're really starting to piss me off, you know." He pulled out Wado Ichimonji and placed it in his mouth. "Oni Giri!"

Micki cocked his head to the side. "Ongiri?"

And then Zoro slammed into him, slashing through with all three swords at once.

"AAH!"

Sanji watched as Micki hit the deck in a pool of blood, unconscious. "Wha… But I thought his shirt was made of steel."

Zoro shrugged, nudging the man with one foot contemptuously. "Looks like it was just his fat gut."

The cook sighed in exasperation.

Meanwhile, Luffy was trying to get a shot at Colfelt's head, but the man was keeping the blade hot. He would set up and then have to dodge the hat again. "Cut it out!"

"We have to stop that blade," Sanji observed.

Zoro nodded. "Leave it to me." He waited for the next throw, and then jumped between it and Luffy.

CLANG! The hat smacked into Zoro's katana and then clattered to the ground.

"Thanks, Zoro," said Luffy, before turning back to Colfelt. "Gomu Gomu no Bazooka!"

This time he made sure to hit the other's face.

Zoro looked from the unconscious man at Luffy's feet to the other by Sanji, who was observing the scene while producing a new cigarette. "That all of them?"

"If Usopp got the last one."

Usopp appeared at that moment, laughing loudly. "Yosh! I took care of the fearsome enemy pirate! Cower before the might of Captain Usopp!"

"That's all."

"Yosh! We kicked their butts!" Luffy cheered, hands in the air.

"Yeah," said Sanji, trying to sound happy and ignore the fact that he had been completely useless. He walked up to the galley and tugged at the net with his good hand, only feeling increasingly depressed when he couldn't get it free. Usopp came over and helped without a word.

"Hey!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing to turn and look at the railing. A new figure pulled itself over the side of the ship and stood there, glaring at them. It was a big man, not as big as Micki but close, with a black mustache that curled slightly at the ends and black hair in a military cut. He was wearing a white apron over simple red clothes and held a large meat cleaver in one hand.

"I see my subordinates failed," he huffed, looking from one unconscious man to the other.

"So you're the captain," said Zoro, glaring at the older, heavy browed man.

"Yes. I am Captain Servace, the Golden Chef!"

Sanji distinctly snorted in annoyance.

"Service?" said Luffy in confusion.

"No, Servace. With an "A"."

Luffy thought about it for a moment, then hit his hand with his fist. "Ah! Serv-ASS!" Then he laughed. "That's a funny name."

Servace glared at him before continuing. "I've come here for Sanji the chef."

Sanji jumped over the railing and stepped forward, the unlit cigarette still dangling from his lips. "So you're the one who thinks he can just eliminate his competition?"

Servace snorted. "To say you're my competition would imply that we are equal in skill."

Sanji laughed, pulling out his lighter with his right hand. "That's true. I'm clearly a better chef than you are."

Servace's brow furrowed. "No one is better than me."

"Heh, yeah. That's why you have to destroy every cook in your way." He flicked the lighter and lit his cigarette.

"It makes no difference what you think of my methods," Servace said darkly. "I'm going to kill you here and now."

"We'll see."

Usopp grew worried as the air grew heavy between the two men. "Zoro, Luffy, shouldn't we do something to help?"

"No," answered Luffy, his eyes not leaving his nakama. "This is Sanji's fight."

Zoro nodded, sheathing all his katana.

Usopp gulped and nodded as well, looking back at the stare down.

Next to him, Nami and Chopper slowly sat up, rubbing their heads. "What's going on?" Chopper asked, looking around out of one wincing eye.

"Sanji's going to fight the captain of the enemy pirates," he whispered back.

Robin had woken as well, and she got to her feet and joined Zoro and Luffy.

All eyes turned on their nakama as he prepared to fight the man who almost ruined his life.

Chapter 5 End

A/N: I hope that wasn't too lame. Anyway, on with the notes! There's a bunch…

And since when has any Straw Hat turned down a good party, anyway?

I just finished Skypiea and watched the mandatory party scene. Yay! Skypiea was an excellent arc but now on to CP9!

"I am Baron Colfelt, first mate of the Golden Chef crew sailing on the good ship Marmalade."

I was in my shower trying to think up names and quite randomly "Marmalade" popped into my head. Yes, it's totally pointless and makes no sense.

"There are seven of us and only three of you. You are overwhelmingly outnumbered…"

Excellent point, Robin. I should knock out some of you. Heh heh…

"Chopper!"

Episode 174-ish (maybe 175), Zoro finds Chopper knocked out and acts pretty concerned. I thought it was cute. I actually have a drabble fic idea inspired by it. Oh, and there was Sanji being his typical self and worrying about the girls first.

"Namari Boshi!"

I left all Usopp's attacks in Japanese since he's just normal old Usopp right not. This means Lead Star.

"Hissatsu Kayaku Boshi!"

A.k.a. the Sure-kill Gunpowder Star.

"Tabasco Boshi!"

Self explanatory.

"Usopp Hammer! Usopp Hammer! Usopp Hammer! U-sopp! Ham-mer! Usopp Wagomu. USOPP HAMMER!!!"

Every good One Piece fan knows that if Usopp's going to use his hammer, he's also going to use his Usopp Wagomu: Usopp Rubberband. I knew I had to fit it in somewhere; it's one of my favorite One Piece gags!

Micki was completely ignoring the rules of good battle etiquette, attacking in the middle of a conversation.

Because in any anime (or show in general), you can't attack while people are talking; it simply isn't polite!

…springing up and wrenching his top hat blade free.

Those of you who have ever read The Looking Glass Wars, yes, there is some Hatter M. influence here. But his hat doesn't go completely flat, the brim is just razor sharp. It isn't aerodynamic, but physics and One Piece aren't exactly the best of friends.

Zoro shrugged, nudging the man with one foot contemptuously. "Looks like it was just his fat gut."

Or Zoro's technique was just too hot to handle. Or the author was sick of Micki. Either way. Oh, and if you don't know, Oni Giri means Demon Slash.

Um, I think that's it. Next is the big finale fight between Sanji and Captain Servace! Woo! Hopefully I'll get it out sooner this time.

Hope you enjoyed!

This is glad to finally have her stuff back Dandy Wonderous, signing off.