Disclaimer:I don't own these fab characters...or at least most of them, they belong to Steph Meyer!

A/N: Thank you all for such lovely comments. I hope you all enjoy this one. I doubt there will be much more after this. Enjoy…though there's very little to enjoy in this chapter.

Chapter 43 Heartache

The searing pain was all I knew. It clawed at every ounce of me as Seline continued to suck the life out of me. I felt it fluttering away. Try as I might to hold onto it, it escaped into her. My vision was gone because my eyes had shriveled up like prunes. I was no more than pile of dust and bones. Not even a well preserved mummy now, no I was less than that, and yet, my mind remained. It was evil. I knew that she could not kill me now, but she was right, I certainly wished for death. If someone killed her now, I would be locked in this state forever, my mind fully aware, and the pain indescribably fearsome.

Seline had refused what had to be her heart's desire -- to reign over the Volturi as Aro's queen. She must have known that they were going to kill her, but I was really hoping they found a way to convince her to restore me before that happy moment.

Edward's panicked face kept haunting my thoughts. My pain hovered in the background at times and allowed me some moments of lucidity. Normally, one would consider that a treat, but I assure you, it was not. To be aware of your body decomposing, no, that was not a treat.

Without warning, I felt life flowing within me again. The pain, though still scorching, had lessened slightly as my essence was returned to me. It was the oddest sensation to feel my muscles plump under my leathery skin, my eyes return back to their normal state. I watched Seline. She looked like she was physically being forced to perform this act.

As she dropped her hand from my cheek I found that I could indeed sit up again, but I felt dreadful. I needed to feed worse than ever before, and I truly did not care what I ate at the moment.

"You have the thanks of us all, Siobhan," Aro said appreciatively as he gave her hand a squeeze. I called my power over memories so I could make sense of what he was talking about.

Demetri had been watching Seline as she threatened to destroy me and had decided to search the battlefield for Siobhan who seemed to possess a peculiar power. Her will had to be obeyed. She said what she wanted, and it was done. She used that power against Seline; had told her to restore me, and Seline had been powerless. She had to obey.

I fell back against the wet earth; the little amount of energy I'd used to relive that memory had taken the last of my strength from me.

Demetri stood behind Siobhan, horror still etched into his face.

Edward all but slammed into me and wrapped me into the warmth of his arms, pulling me from the cold wet ground and into his lap.

Emmett came forward with a deer in his bulging arms and set it before me. You won't be able to help Alice…" he faltered looking away for a second. "If you don't drink you won't be able to save her…to bring her back," his voice broke on the last word and he collapsed against the ground and Rosalie sank to the earth behind him and enveloped him in her arms, her head resting on his upper back as she tried to whisper soothing words to him.

I didn't need to be told twice. My teeth sank deep within its neck and I drew every last drop of blood out of it, taking no time to savor the taste or texture. It was like being stranded in a desert for weeks and finally getting your first taste of water.

I pushed the deer to the side and Edward helped me to my feet and kept a protective hand on my elbow as he guided me to Alice's crumpled form. Jasper had not moved since the last time I saw him. His body was still heaving in silent sobs, his head bowed to hers and hands gripping her close to his chest. Carlisle and Esme were crouched beside him offering comfort, for all the good it was doing him

I fell beside her, mainly because I didn't have the strength for grace at that moment. Could I save her? I just wasn't sure. Even if I'd been at full strength and full of human blood, I'm not sure I possessed enough power to heal her after this long.

The Cullens would never forgive me if Alice did not make it. Even if she lived, they still might insist that I stay in Volterra, which was okay. Though, I'd rather it have been my decision, not forced on me because my family didn't want me anymore.

Edward helped me place my hands against her tattered throat while Carlisle held her head in the proper place.

My healing energy poured from me easily enough and her body seemed to be absorbing it, but so far I could see no noticeable change in the wound. Still, I kept my hands on her and fed it into her, my hands growing uncomfortably hot. I was becoming lightheaded and my vision was once again clouding over in a thick haze, though it could have been from all the vampires burning around us. I fell against her, no longer strong enough to remain upright, but I dug my fingers into her flesh to keep the connection going.

"Bella," her musical trill fought to penetrate my foggy mind. "You can let me up now."

Well, that's all fine and dandy, but physically, no I couldn't. I felt hands under my arms lifting me off of her, my head lolling forward and my knees giving out.

"She needs human blood," Aro noted softly.

"I've sent Emmett, Christian, and Kattra to fetch some more deer, Aro. She will be fine once she feeds," Carlisle countered curtly.

Weren't Kattra and Christian supposed to be doing something else? I tried to shake my head, to clear the cobwebs from it. Whatever they had been doing had been important…

Edward set me gently against a rock, or at least I thought it was a rock. I smelled Demetri sit in front of me, his hand tenderly swept some of my hair out of my face and he tilted my face up to his. "Open your eyes, Bella," he said gruffly.

They fluttered, but I couldn't force them open yet. "I think Aro might be right," he whispered to Edward. "She probably won't even remember doing it," he added, like that made killing a human more acceptable.

"Perhaps she does not have to actually kill the human," Alyria suggested. I felt the stir of all the vampires. Without my sight, I still knew that they had all turned quickly to her and were waiting for her to elaborate. But I did not need her to explain, I knew precisely what she meant. A blood donor. And you know what? I was perfectly okay with that. In fact, if I was being honest, I was excited. The thought of human blood sliding down my throat. Oh yeah, it was sounding very good to me.

"Brent fed off of Laura for the last five months. Could she not feed off of another human like that?" Alyria asked. I noticed that she did not mention how her coven relied on blood donors, but Aro might already know that. After all, I had allowed him to read my memories without my shields. Ah well, that's something to worry about at a later date.

"Go! Round up several." Aro's tone was frantic as he issued the order.

My body was positively thrumming at the prospect that I had yet another excuse to drink down the most precious of all liquids.

The scent of the deer wafted towards me as the wind kissed across my face. I involuntarily turned my head in the direction of Emmett and my soon to be meal. Edward and Demetri guided me to the first one and I drained it in a matter of seconds, but I still did not have enough strength to move closer to the next one. I waited anxiously while they removed the carcass and brought me another. I drank a little slower this time and could finally open my eyes again and grip the deer to me. I pushed it aside as I reached for the third one. I could hear whispers in the background now, but couldn't quite make them out. I wasn't sure if I was hearing their thoughts or if their words were being spoken out loud. Didn't really matter. All that I cared about at that moment was my teeth tearing through that thick fur and skin and freeing that delicious treat.

As I was finishing my last deer, the intoxicating aroma of humans bombarded me and I growled in my excitement. I was up on my toes in a crouch without meaning to move, but Demetri and Edward restrained me as Alyria brought the first man forward, a stream of blood already flowing from his arm.

"Bella, please love. Listen to me." Edward touched my face so gently. "You cannot bite them. Do you understand me? You must only suck the blood out. No teeth," he added sternly like I was a five year old being told how to behave at the playground.

I relaxed in their arms because I knew it would bring that stream of blood to me sooner. If I looked calm they would quit lecturing me.

Alyria moved forward, the man in her arms whimpering, but unable to struggle free of her iron grip. And suddenly his blood touched my lips. No teeth. No teeth. I kept chanting as my lips locked around his wrist tentatively. Most vampires did not have the strength to drink like this. The first taste of human blood immediately brought on a feeding frenzy, but somehow I managed to only sip softly from him. His scared noises dissipated and became, much to my horror, very happy noises. He was moaning the way a lover would. That, more than anything, helped me to have the strength to release him before I drained too much of his blood from his yummy veins. I looked past Alyria to Felix, who seemed to be favoring one side as he pushed another human towards me.

I lost track of how many I fed from, but I felt better than ever. I finally stood of my own accord and glanced around at the carnage. My eyes finally found Alice. She and Jasper were on the ground and she was feeding from another human the way I had. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding at the sight of my favorite pixie alive and well.

I glided toward Aro. "You are hurt?" I asked in a voice that did not sound like my own. It was richer and silkier. Like the diet of human blood had made it more.

"It is a small thing. Nothing to worry about, my lovely Bella."

I pushed his hand away and opened his robe to reveal a rather large chunk of flesh missing from his right side. I hissed at the sight of it and quickly covered it with my hands and allowed my energy to mend him. It took barely five seconds to make him whole again, the human blood amplifying my powers.

The next hour was spent flitting from one injured vamp to another.

Near the edge of the forest I found Seth and Jacob. Seth seemed fine except for the tears sliding down his face, his nose so red from wiping it roughly. He turned those anguished eyes on me and asked in a small uncertain voice, "Can you heal him? You healed Leah that one time…"

I had indeed healed Leah, but her injuries, though bad, had not been life threatening and they had nearly…well, I wasn't sure what it had done to me, but I remembered the current of electricity arcing between us. Her so alive energy meeting my cold dead energy. My power was not meant for the wolves, but this was Jacob. My Jacob. We'd been best friends…he had a young wife. A pregnant wife. No matter the risk to me, I had to try.

I knelt beside him. Blood pumped from his fierce wounds and dribbled out of his mouth. He was bleeding internally, his breath haggard. He had minutes left if he was lucky. "Oh Jake," I whimpered as I tried to decide where to place my hands. His eyes opened at the sound of my voice, and a sob escaped my tight lips as I caught sight of the panic in those dark eyes. He knew he was dying. He tried to talk, but blood just gushed out and caused him to choke and cough.

"Shh," I shooshed him as I laid my frigid palms against his clammy chest.

I heard Seline's thoughts in my head and I ordered Demetri to go help Eleazor. "I would so hate for her to escape," I snapped under my breath as he trotted past me. That was where Christian and Kattra were supposed to be. Guarding that bitch.

As soon as my power met his skin he screamed a blood curdling scream that I echoed as the jolt of liquid fire seared through my veins. Who needs Blain for torture when you could just do this all bloody day? I'd be on my best behavior for a very long time as long as someone promised I would not have to endure this again.

He convulsed violently against the forest floor and the wounds closed some, but it was not enough. As painful as the connection was, when it slipped away of its own volition…My hands were still pressed against him, but his chest no longer moved with his breath, his heart no longer beat out its frantic rhythm. I met Seth's grief stricken eyes with my own and screamed in frustration and heartache.

"He can't be…" his mouth opened and closed while he struggled with the word that shimmered between us. "Dead."

I closed my eyes and could almost feel tears sliding down my own face. If only there was a way to relieve the pressure in my chest.

I felt his hand smooth over mine which was still flat against Jacob's chest. "Bella, isn't there anything else you can do?"

I wrenched my hand out from under his and snapped, "I do not have power over the dead, Seth. I can't. Heal. The. Dead!" I bit out between clenched teeth. I let out a furious scream. A scream to relieve the horrible ache building and building within my heart. I screamed because I could not cry.

Every single memory Jake and I had shared played through my mind in fast forward. I'd asked him for help. He'd come here because of me. Because, deep down, despite his imprinting, he still loved me and now he was dead. His son or daughter would never know him. Never know how very loved they'd been by him, what kind of man their father was. My scream subsided as Edward locked his arms around me, but I would not let Jacob go. Could not.

Seline would die for this. Maybe, just maybe, if I'd gotten here sooner I could have prevented this senseless…I stood up and shook Edward off of me. I silenced my sobs, my thoughts, my pain, everything. I wrapped myself in my emotionless bubble and stared at the man who'd come to mean so very much to me with absolutely dead eyes.

I very slowly began to follow Demetri's trail. I blanketed all the vampires in waves of lethargy. No one would interfere. Slow measured steps across the clearing. I could smell her fear as she watched me calmly walk towards her. I knew she saw her death in my eyes.

She struggled wildly as I hadn't used my powers on her. I wanted her aware. I wanted her to feel terror, true terror. She'd never been on the end of her power before, now was as good a time as any, I thought.

Jacob and I in his garage working on our motorcycles with Quil and Embry…Embry had died because of the vampires, as well. Where was Quil? Was he dead too? And Leah? Where was she? Last I saw Demetri had been fighting his way to her while two vampires had their teeth locked against her flesh. She had to be alright. Sue would be devastated and that would affect Charlie. I had to bring her children home, both of them. God! What would Billy say? How could I face my father's best friend and tell him that I'd gotten his only son killed? They would all hate me, even Charlie.

"Bella," Edward's voice echoed through my mind. I'd let down all of my defenses and had allowed him into my mind, "Do not do this. She will die. Aro will see to it. You do not want her blood on your hands."

I shoved him out. The last person I wanted to hear right now was Edward. He hated Jacob, had always felt threatened by him.

I looked at Demetri. I expected him to feel as Edward had, but in his eyes, I saw the same hate and rage that I felt, and knew that he would not hinder me.

"No! It is not my fault that filthy do…the wolf is dead. I did not kill him, Bella." Her lips moved so quickly, but I heard it all very clearly.

"You as good as." I grabbed her hair and pulled her against me. "You wasted all my time. So much time…No, Seline, your hands may not have been the one that tore at his flesh, but you delayed me. And for what?" I snarled, a ferocious growl emanating from me as my hands convulsed around her. "Because of your petty jealousies. We'll never know for certain whether I could have saved him, but I do know that he'd have had a better chance if I'd gotten to him an hour ago!" My voice rose into a thunderous scream and I unleashed her own power, but instead of watching her decay at warp speed, I only let it trickle into her.

The day was dawning. I had no idea how long I'd watched that wretched being dry up, but it hadn't been long enough. I poured her energy back into her in one motion and she lay gasping against the ground, her whole body trembling. "Sucks, huh?" I asked as a flame grew in my hand. A little ball of fire hovered above my palm. Benjamin had a pretty nifty power. I'm sure that Aro and Carlisle would be pleased by my newest acquisition.

Seline's eyes widened as I released the small flame. My eyes followed it through the air and watched as it landed on her alabaster flesh. The stench as it slowly licked over her writhing body was horrendous. If her shrieks had been awful before, it was nothing compared to what she was doing now.

Once there was nothing left of her I turned back to Demetri. "What happened to Leah?" I asked in a monotonous tone. I did not regret what I'd just done, though I knew Edward thought I should. She deserved that and more. If there hadn't been so many witnesses, I might have kept her around longer. She would have known what the meaning of torture was, but no, with the Cullens looking on. I could not. They were going to be disappointed enough as it was. Hopefully they would have the good sense to keep their displeasure to themselves, because I didn't know what I'd do if they decided to chastise me.

He took my hand and replied, "She's hurt, but she'll heal. Quil, I'm afraid, was not so lucky."

"Dammit." Again, there was no inflection in my voice. "I need to not be here," I whispered. I felt a throbbing ache welling up inside of me. How was I going to face Meghan? What does one say in such a circumstance? I let my head fall against his chest and he encircled me in his arms. "Take me back to Volterra," I pleaded.

A/N: I guess I owe Demetri and Leah their moment. After all, this is called Demetri's Desire even though the fic ceased to be about him a long time ago. So maybe two more posts? I don't know what I'll do with myself when I don't have to try and update weekly.

Sabrina