Disclaimer: I do not own most of these characters, they belong to Steph Meyer.

A/N: Sorry about the long delay. I was actually revising both of my stories while I tried to work through my first true bout of writer's block. If this chapter is any indication, I wasn't terribly successful. On a positive note, my fall semester is completed and I don't have classes until January 13! Surely I can finish this fic in that amount of time!

So this is a very brief chapter. I'm just trying to get back into the writing thing again. Thanks for all your encouraging comments. Glad to see that Seline's death made everyone as happy as it made me. Though, I'm kinda missing my troublemaker now. Maybe Alyria can fill her role???

Chapter 44 Selfish

Coldness, more frigid than any vampire's skin, seeped through me as I laid curled in a ball soundlessly sobbing, my hand wrapped tightly around Leah's. Her dark hair intermingled with mine as her moist, hot face pressed against my icy cheek. Demetri was sort of trapped under both of us with his arms wrapped around our limp forms.

I stared unblinkingly at our clasped hands. I couldn't bear to close my eyes, not even long enough to blink. Each time I did Jacob's carefree face flashed in my mind and my chest would constrict in pain as another tear was rendered into my cold, dead heart. Then the vision morphed into his frightened gaze as my powers poured uselessly into him. The fear slid away and all that was left was his blank, dead stare.

Every once in a while I heard Edward's velvety voice as he murmured something to Seth who was in one of the rooms close by. He was beside himself with grief, but wanted nothing to do with me or Leah. Quil was staying with Jacob's body. We had tried to get him to come with us, but he'd flat out refused.

"He came here because of you," she whispered because she had no voice left. Her screams would haunt me for many years to come. Even now I could see her wounded body limping its way to us as Demetri rushed to get me back to Volterra, back home. A place that had oddly become a source of comfort and safety to me, don't ask me why. I hadn't forgotten my two days with Blain, but that had not marred the rest of my experience here.

I averted my gaze at the sound of her voice, no longer able to meet the accusations so evident in her eyes. "I know."

Her sobs finally quieted and she sat up, pulling me into sitting position, as well, her hand still firmly in mine. Memories of Leah kept trickling in at odd moments. I could clearly see her walking amongst all the bodies and fires in her grief stricken haze. She'd torn me out of Demetri's arms and slapped me across the face so hard that I stumbled and fell to one knee as she spat horrible things at me. Somewhere amidst the physical assault she'd collapsed in front of me and hugged me like a long lost friend. We were not friends. Not by any meaning of the word, but still she seemed, no, we seemed unable to release each other, even now.

"Will you come back with us?" She finally asked, as her tears slowed to a trickle. When I didn't answer right away, her face flushed with anger. "It is not my job to tell his wife that he's dead. You should have to look her in the eyes…should have to see her world fall apart."

She was right, of course, but that didn't seem to be enough to make me want to do the right thing. I couldn't face them. Any of them. My only comfort at this point was that both Leah and Seth had survived. "I'm not sure," I admitted softly. Demetri placed a hand gently on her shoulder, but I could tell he was restraining her from another violent attack. I would have taken every punch, just as I had out in the woods. I wouldn't have fought back.

"You are the most selfish…thing I know, leech," she taunted me, her eyes positively blazing.

I nodded. "I know. But I just…I wasn't planning on returning to Forks. I'm staying here," I finally admitted. I hadn't known until the words tumbled from my clenched teeth that it was true, but now that I'd stated them out loud, I knew, without a doubt, that Volterra would become my home.

I felt Demetri stiffen in shock against my back and watched as Leah's eyes widened in surprise, before they narrowed contemptuously at me. "What a fucking coward." She pulled her hand from mine and stood up gracefully. "I don't know what they all see in you. All you do is hurt everyone who's close to you." She shook her head, her eyes closing briefly before she continued, "I hope you never return to Forks. We'll all be better off without you," she said softly, though I felt her rage burning against my skin. She drew herself up. "Don't worry about Charlie," she scoffed. "Not like you would. You don't think about anyone but yourself." Her mouth curled into menacing smile. "He doesn't need you…Seth and I will take care of him."

Her words slapped against me with more force than her hands could have managed. Charlie would be married to Sue in another month and he would inherit two more children. A nice instant family all wrapped up in a pretty bow which did not include me. I did not belong in his world anymore, maybe I never really had.

"Leah," Demetri's low voice rang out with a warning.

"Don't 'Leah' me," she hissed. "My brother is a wreck…" more tears slid down that beautifully dark face. I slipped away from Demetri and made my way to the door.

"Bella, don't go. You two are being utterly ridiculous. You," he pointed sharply at Leah. "Know better than anyone that Jacob would have hated himself if he hadn't aided the Cullens. All of them, not just Bella."

He turned his dark eyes back to me. "She will be your sister soon. Are you really just going to walk out the door and do nothing? Can you live with yourself if you do not personally take Jacob's body back to his family?"

I rubbed my forehead forcefully as I considered his sensible words. "Charlie, Sue, Billy…they will need all of you." He glanced back and forth between us. "It is well past time to put aside petty difference, don't you think?"

"Petty?" She snarled. "This corpse has been the bane of our existence. Bella and her family of vampires…They made us into monsters; if it weren't for them we would all be happy-go-lucky teenagers! We would never have been involved in any of your wars and Sam would never have imprinted on Emily," she screamed. Her face froze as those words reverberated around the room. Demetri recoiled from her declaration as though she'd physically hurt him. Instinctively I reached out to him, but let my hand fall to my side.

She turned away from his raw look of anguish and focused her fury on me. "The vampires have brought death to our tribe twice now! It wasn't enough that Embry was murdered so callously by the very same vampires that we fought to protect tonight, no…that just wasn't fucking enough." She strode up to me like an angry wave, her whole body trembling, close to changing shape as she spit out her vile words. "You couldn't have Jacob to yourself anymore. His heart belonged to Meghan and you resented that. If you can't have him then no one can, is that it?"

My hand struck her flesh before I even registered the movement. She crashed to the floor as I towered over her, a fine shudder coursing through me. I wasn't sure which I was angrier over-her outlandish lies about me and Jacob, or the pain she'd just caused Demetri, but either way, one slap wasn't enough to alleviate my hatred of her.

Seth and Edward had run into the room at that precise moment. Seth launched himself at me, but Edward intervened while Demetri helped Leah up. If it hadn't been for them, God knows what I would have done. Future step-sister or not, I wanted nothing more than to rip her to pieces.

Demetri looked at her for a long moment, pain still emanating from him. "So much for putting petty differences aside," he muttered as he stroked the side of her reddened cheek and held her tightly against his body; his eyes meeting mine over her dark head were a little hostile.

Edward was still physically restraining Seth from attacking me. "Bella, just go," he bit out. He didn't sound angry, exactly, just tired.

I turned quickly and stumbled to the garden.

A/N: Thoughts? Criticisms? Review and let me know, please.