A seagull screamed somewhere close by and the high-pitched sound woke me up. I stayed still as I started to awake from my heavy slumber and didn't move until my vision was no longer blurry.
I had been here a week but I was still getting used to being on a ship. The constant sound of waves and the rocking of the ship was an ever-present thing while something as normal as birds' singing was so rare. I was lucky to only having been seasick once so far and that was during a storm. Two days after I had gotten on board, I learned how different a storm is depending on being on land or the sea. It was brutal out here. There was nowhere to escape the harsh wind or the biting rain.
I frowned as I remembered the night where my stomach had been emptied several times.
Despite that, being the only woman on the ship and sharing a room with Eduardo had turned out to be something else. In some ways, it felt like we were kids again but it also meant that we would have stupid small fights. We mostly avoided them though and I got used to seeing him and Russell being at each other's throat. Eduardo would badmouth the blonde whenever he got the chance but I had the feeling that if it ever came down to it, they would have each other's backs. It was a weird crew, every member had their own personality but it seemed to work well together.
I sat up and started to tie my hair into a ponytail as the door opened. I looked up and found Eduardo looking at me from the door.
''About time you decided to wake up on time.''
''Are you always this nice in the morning?''
''You're getting special treatment, believe me.''
''Really? I feel sorry for your crewmates then!'' I stretched and smiled at him.
He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest. A smile was on his lips and it made my pulse quicken a bit.
''Just get up. You're helping Russell today.''
''What? But he hates me! Can't I just stick around Thomas again?'' I sulked.
''He's an idiot so just treat him like one. You usually know how to handle yourself around those types.'' He smiled before opening the door again. ''You have five minutes or I'll drag you out of bed myself.''
''Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time.'' I groaned at him and watched him leave.
I still hadn't fully understood that he was currently back in my life, and sharing a room with him didn't help. The bed was big enough for both of us to sleep in but I couldn't get used to the fact that someone was sleeping next to me, especially not him. I had barely slept the first two nights but on the third, exhaustion got the best of me and I finally got a full night of rest. The lack of sleep wasn't the biggest problem of it; it was how my heart wouldn't stop beating so quickly when we lay there, back to back, in the same bed and in a dark room. It was unsettling and I frankly didn't know what to do with myself or explain what was going on.
I couldn't possibly be…?
No. I shook my head and stood up; leaving the shirt I had borrowed from Eduardo on the bed and got dressed in my own clothes. I hurried out of the room and went straight out on the deck. It wasn't hard to spot the blonde I was looking for and I slowly made my way to him. Russell stood with a sword in each hand and looked like he was training, given the rare, serious expression he had.
''Morning.'' I spoke as I got closer to him.
He stopped and looked at me. The expression he now had reminded me of a kid being told no when asking for candy. ''Man… Why do I have to babysit the chick.'' He grumbled but it was loud enough for me to hear.
''You're certainly full of yourself.'' I huffed and glared at him.
''Oh yeah? I'm gonna be the most famous swordsman one day!''
''Really? I bet I could kick your ass right now.''
''Captain says we don't hurt women.'' He scuffed.
''As if you would even get the chance to do that.'' I smirked at him.
''You're challenging me to a duel?'' He asked, his eyes narrowed and his head tilted upwards.
''Yes.'' I smirked and watched as he gradually got more interested.
''Why the hell not. Let's go.'' He smiled and got himself ready.
My hands located the two daggers I had in my belt and unsheathed them easily.
''You're gonna fight me with those tiny things?'' He asked and looked at me in disbelief.
''They're called daggers but yeah, I am, and I'm not going to go easy on you.''
''Quit the talking and let's just fight already!'' He shouted and began charging at me.
I took a deep breath while tightening my grip around the handles. I had seen him train earlier and I somewhat had an idea about his fighting style. I was no match for his strength but he was slow and his tactics were brutal but they were focused on his strength and not agility.
He proved me right by charging straight at me and I easily avoided him. He let out an annoyed groan and turned around to face me again. It quickly turned into him continuingly charging at me and me dodging him until I found an opening in his defense. It wasn't exactly easy though. His stamina was good and it took a while before I found even the slightest opening. We were both out of breath once I started to move. I didn't hesitate to lunge at him, striking at him and forcing him to dodge me now. I waited until he caught my left hand and once he had pushed it away, I used the moment to slip pass him and stood behind him with the tip of the dagger in my right hand at his throat.
''I win.'' I smirked while huffing for air.
''As if! Fight me properly!'' He shouted in anger and suddenly moved.
He caught me of guard and I stumbled backwards, barely saving myself from falling. I took a few, quick steps back to gain some distance from him but he was instantly in my face again. His strength and speed had intensified; making is harder to dodge him without using my daggers. He was obviously controlled by his feelings, fueled by rage, and it was definitively giving me trouble but I was far too stubborn to give up.
If only I could…
''Hey! What the hell are you doing?!'' A voice I recognized as Eduardo's shouted behind us.
I lost focus on Russell and instinctively looked over my shoulder. As I saw his rage filled expression, I felt the sharpness of a blade slicing my skin on my right shoulder. I flinched that second the pain shot through my body and made my skin tingle. Both daggers fell from my hands as they moved to cover the wound in slight panic.
''Shit!'' I heard Russell curse while someone yelled my name.
I was used to see blood and wounds. The feeling of the warm substance trickling down my skin or ooze through my fingers. It was normal but I still couldn't help but freeze whenever something happened. I stared at the blood on my shoulder, easily getting smeared by my hand currently pressed against the wound.
''Tess! Hey!'' A pair of hands grabbed me and a voice demanded my attention.
I blinked and looked up, meeting Eduardo's stern stare.
''It's alright.'' I swallowed and moved my hand. ''It's not very deep.''
''What the hell were you idiots doing?'' Eduardo snarled, quickly glaring at Russell before returning to glare at me.
''She challenged me to a duel. She's the idiot, not me.'' Russell groaned and crossed his arms over his chest in defiance.
''And I won.'' I tilted my head upwards as I spoke.
''Daggers doesn't count!''
''Yes they do!''
''But you didn't even attack me!''
''It's called dodging you idiot!''
''Stop acting like stupid kids or I'll feed you both to the sharks!'' Eduardo shouted and made us both fall silent. ''Russell, go do your chores.''
''What? Why?''
''Because the captain ordered it. Your useless brain should be able to understand that, right?'' He glared at him again and Russell narrowed his eyes in annoyance.
''Fine.'' He spat and turned around on his heel.
I watched him go but looked back up at Eduardo once his hand closed around my arm and he started dragging me along with him.
''Hey! That hurts!'' I groaned.
''Just shut up.'' He muttered.
For once, I did as he told me to and stayed silent. He dragged me down the hallway and pushed the door to the infirmary open with his foot. He shoved me inside and ignored me when I glared at him.
''Hey, Doc. Do something about her wound.'' He called and Christopher appeared from the back of the room. Once he was in sight, Eduardo turned around and walked out of the room with a frown. The door was closed with a heavy thud and I heard Christopher sigh behind me.
''Good morning Tess, how did you end up wounded this early?'' Christopher smiled kindly and gestured for me to sit on a chair.
I sat down and moved my hand away from my shoulder so he could look at the wound. ''I had a duel with Russell.''
''Really?'' He chuckled. ''Who won then?'' He asked while he started to gather what he needed.
''I did but Russell is obviously a sore loser, so even when I had my dagger at his throat, he kept going. Then Eduardo caught us.'' I sighed with a slight frown but I quickly cringed instead, forgetting about my annoyance.
He applied pressure to the wound while cleaning it and I pressed my lips together to avoid making any sounds.
''And how did this happen then?''
''Well, Eduardo yelled so I made the mistake of focusing on him instead of Russell. I think Russell expected me to dodge but that didn't happen.''
''It's a good thing you're not taller, the wound would have been more severe then.'' He chuckled when I frowned at him. ''Don't look at me like that. Your height is one of the things that make you cute.'' He smiled while continuing to treat my wound.
''Thanks'' I mumbled, slightly embarrassed.
The door opened and we both looked to see who it was.
''Good morning, captain.'' Christopher hummed before looking back at his hands.
''Morning you two.'' Morgan smiled. He seemed to be in a good mood, like always. ''I heard someone decided to duel on the deck.''
I felt myself getting nervous and I had to swallow before speaking. ''He's been a douche ever since I got here. I thought it might put him in his place or just to show him that I'm not useless.'' I cast my eyes down as I spoke, somewhat preparing myself to be scolded.
''Thomas told me you won. You've definitively got some backbone for a young woman. Are you sure you don't want to join us permanently? You would be a good asset to the crew.'' He laughed.
''Wait, Thomas saw us?'' I asked.
''He was the one who told me and Eduardo. You and Russell looked pretty serious so he got nervous.'' He scratched his chin as he spoke. ''Eduardo practically stormed of like a mad bull.'' He laughed fondly.
''Yeah, he was pretty pissed when he showed up.'' I commented and bit my lip.
''At least his mood has been better since you came aboard.'' Christopher hummed softly. ''There we go. Your wound should heal just fine now.''
''Thanks, Christopher.'' I smiled and stood up.
''Your dress is ruined though.'' Christopher spoke almost sadly as his fingers touched my dress tattered shoulder. Not only had it been ripped, it was also bloodstained.
''It's fine. I've fixed worse.'' I mumbled as I looked at it.
''You don't have any other clothes?''
''What I had on me as I came aboard is what I own. But as I said, it's fine, really. I just need some thread and a needle to fix it.'' I smiled but it didn't change the displeased expression on his face.
''I might be able to help.'' Morgan spoke and I looked at him.
The smile he was wearing was one I didn't trust.
My gut feeling had turned out to be right.
''So, does it fit?'' Morgan called from the other side of the door.
I stood in the bathroom, biting my lip almost nervously, and looked down myself. His 'help' had not been what I expected and it had left me standing in the bathroom, hair still damp from the shower and wearing a dress that wasn't mine.
''It's… awfully tight.''
''Nonsense! What you were wearing looked like a bag anyways!'' Morgan laughed in the hallway.
I sulked and looked up, meeting my own glance in the mirror. My hair had dried enough for it to begin to curl and frame my face. It was the first time I had seen my own reflection without it being blurry but once my glance moved to the scar, I looked back down.
The dress was about the same length as my own but this one was actually my size and that was making me nervous. I had gotten used to hiding myself and the curves I had gotten during the last years and that habit suddenly made something my own size hard to wear. It was mostly dark green but the details on it along with the undershirt were white. It was pretty, no doubt about it, but I felt so awkward in it.
''Just come out and let me see!'' Morgan groaned impatient.
With a sigh, I moved to the door and reluctantly opened it but kept my eyes down in embarrassment.
''Would you look at that. I knew it would fit you!'' He smirked proudly before laughing.
''It's very different from what I'm used to.'' I mumbled and looked up at him.
''You have a much better body than I expected, you should show it some more!'' Morgan laughed and I felt all blood rush to my face.
''Morgan!'' I groaned loudly and listened to him laugh even more because of my red face.
''Maybe I should convince you to stay in my room instead of Eduardo's. I'm sure I'm much more fun.'' He teased and winked.
''Stop it! I'm taking this off!'' I groaned and began to turn around.
His hand caught my arm and prevented me from moving. He was smirking once I looked back at him, my face still red.
''Just keep it on. It suits you and it's definitively prettier than that ragged thing you were wearing.''
I stared at him for a bit before sighing softly. ''Fine, but if anyone says it looks weird, I'm giving it back to you.'' I mumbled and watched how he looked satisfied with my answer. ''Thanks.''
''You're welcome. Now, go out and show it off.'' He grinned at me and looked awfully pleased with himself when I nodded. ''Good girl.'' His large gave me a pat on the head before he walked down the hallway and left me there.
I watched him leave and started to feel more unsecure. I took a minute or two to pull myself together before walking back out on the deck. The wind greeted me and it felt as if it kissed my face and I smiled softly while it blew through my hair. I moved up to the ships helm, hoping to find Eduardo there but I found Thomas instead.
''Good morning, miss Tess!'' Thomas smiled kindly, a faint red crawling across his cheeks.
''Morning, Thomas.'' I returned the smile momentarily and leaned against the ships railing. ''Where's Eduardo?''
''He was checking something in the storage last time I saw him. Do you want me to go and get him?''
''No, no. It's fine, but thanks.'' I smiled at him and turned to look down. I watched as the waves hit the ship and the sound was calm and steady. I was starting to understand why some people preferred life on the sea.
''You look really pretty right now.''
I looked back at Thomas. The red line in his cheeks had only turned more noticeable as he stood and smiled at me, his hands steadily holding the wheel.
''What?''
''Your dress really suits you. You look very pretty.'' He smiled, almost flustered.
I bit my lip in embarrassment and mumbled thanks while my fingers brushed some curls away from my face. I looked away from him but my eyes quickly returned to him once I heard him giggle softly.
''Your face is almost the same color as your hair now.''
''Oh stop it!'' I let out a slight groaned and pushed myself away from the railing. While he continued to giggle, I bit my lip and moved the stairs. I got halfway down when someone blocked my way and I looked up.
''Tess.'' He breathed as we both stopped and stared at the other. He seemed as surprised as me. He averted his eyes and cleared his throat. ''How's your shoulder?''
''It's just a cut but Christopher put a bandage on it.'' I looked at my shoulder shortly. Once I looked back up I noticed that he was looking at me again but it wasn't my face he was looking at.
''Where did you get that dress?''
''Morgan gave it to me because my own got ruined. Why?''
I watched as he frowned at me, a mixture between annoyance and slight anger.
''What's-?'' I started to ask him but stopped myself at he passed me on the stairs and continued up. ''Hey! Are you mad at me?'' I asked and simply watched as he kept walking in silence. I bit my lip in anger and to prevent myself from voicing that anger.
Fine. If he was going to be that way then I wouldn't do anything to change that.
I almost jumped down the stairs to get away from what was causing my foul mood. The fact that I didn't understand why or how he could possibly still be mad at me only acted as fuel to my annoyance. In my stubbornness, I made sure to avoid him for the rest of the day but the idea was apparently mutual. Once evening had come around, I was leaning against the railing and staring at the ocean.
It was so lonesome at night. The slow rhythm of the waves seemed so solemn and sad, as if it was calling something. I closed my eyes as I listened to the waves but opened them again when I heard footsteps behind me. They were too heavy to be Thomas', so I expected to see either Morgan or Christopher as I turned around but it wasn't either of them.
''Russell.'' I breathed in surprise and stood up straight.
''Hey.'' He grumbled and avoided looking at me.
I glanced at him for a bit, studying the reluctant expression he had and the way he was standing. He looked like he was about to defend himself from something or someone. I took a deep breath when I decided to to the first to address the problem. ''What's wrong?''
His glance flew to mine when I asked. ''I just wanted to say sorry for earlier.'' He grumbled, now looking rather flustered.
''You don't need to say you're sorry, I was the one who challenged you to a duel.''
''Maybe, but I still wounded you.'' He looked like he was mentally kicking himself.
''Look, Russell, I appreciate the thought and everything, but this isn't like you. Who asked you to do this?'' I watched as he started to panic and even get frustrated.
''No one asked me to do anything!'' He almost shouted and frowned. ''Just accept my goddamn apology, will you?''
''Fine, sorry… thanks.'' I hummed, slightly smiling from his obvious frustration.
''Good.'' He frowned at me and crossed his arms over his chest. ''Sorry about your clothes as well, but it seems like I did you a favor.''
''What are you suggesting?'' Now it was my turn to frown.
''Oh come on, your own was pretty ugly and worn. In this one you can actually see that you're not a little kid.''
''I'm pretty sure you just insulted me.'' I grumbled and mimicked the way he was standing.
''I'm just saying! Man… you really are a girl…'' He mumbled the last part and sighed. For once he didn't look like he wanted to keep arguing with me. ''I didn't mean it like that.''
I watched him for a bit before sighing loudly and turning around, leaning back against the railing. ''Thanks, I guess.''
He was silent for a bit before standing next to me. We both kept our eyes on the darkness in front of us and stayed quiet for what seemed an eternity.
''He's still mad, huh?'' Russell grunted after a while.
''Yeah, I just don't get why.'' I mumbled, slightly annoyed.
''Well, you're a girl and you started a duel with me, plus you got hurt from it. It's pretty obvious why he's pissed.'' I looked at him, my eyes studying his profile, as I listened to what he said and disbelief made me frown softly. ''He's a guy and your friend, so he's trying to protect you or something.''
''I don't need protection.''
''Don't be an idiot. You can't tell a guy that and expect him to believe you. You're a girl so you're supposed to be weak… or something. I really don't care and don't look at me like you're about to throw me overboard, I'm just telling you what he's thinking.'' He frowned at me in annoyance once he looked at me and met my eyes with his.
I stayed silent and frowned at him for a bit before staring at the sea again. He followed my example and we simply stood there in a soft silence, only interrupted by the waves moving against the ship. I knew he was closer to the truth than I liked and it left me defiant but it gradually turned into sadness instead.
''He's changed so much in some way but in others, he's just like he was when we were kids.'' I mumbled softly, not really knowing why I choose to share something with the blonde I had the most problems with, but right there, it felt like it was alright to tell him anything. ''Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if he hadn't left.''
Russell remained silent for a while and didn't move. I appreciated that he didn't turn to look at me once he opened his mouth to speak.
''Why did you leave?''
I bit my lip as I thought about his question and how to answer it. In reality, it wasn't that simple to answer. So many things had affected my decision but one thing had made it clear to me that I had to leave my home. I chewed softly on my lip until I figured what to tell him. ''When he left, he took with him whatever I had left of what I considered my family. My mother died when I was born and my older brother joined the navy as soon as he got the chance to leave the house. My father was never around because he took care of his business. Eduardo was pretty much all I had and then he left as well. I guess loneliness played a big part of it…'' I trailed off before I could tell him why I had really left.
''And?''
''And what?'' I asked and looked at him. His expression was neutral but softer than it usually was. His sand colored eyes locked mine
''There's something you're not telling.''
''You're unusually bright today.'' I mumbled with a sad smile and looked down, escaping his eyes. To my surprise, he actually stayed silent but I could feel how he was still looking at me and I let out a reluctant smile. ''This is our secret then, okay?''
''Yeah, just spit it out.''
''… The thing that made me leave was that my father's business got in trouble and his solution was to promise his rival that I would marry his son. I ran away the following night.''
''What? You're engaged?''
''Not that loud!'' I hissed and glared at him in slight panic. ''No! No, I'm not. I didn't make the decision therefore I'm not.''
''But you don't want Eduardo to know?'' He asked, sounding rather puzzled.
''No…I don't know why but he can't know, no matter what.'' I breathed, once again letting my glance fall down. ''It's really ironic, I end up leaving everything and try to find him while he's here, with a new family, and he probably forgot all about me.'' I smiled but I knew it was bittersweet. ''How cruel can faith be?'' I laughed but I felt the wet trail of tears run down my cheeks.
Russell let out a chocked sound and even without looking at him, I knew he didn't know what to do right now. I felt bad for putting him in an unwanted situation but even as I desperately tried to stop, I couldn't. After I took a shaky breath, a hand touched my shoulder almost reluctantly but it still settled on it and gave it a soft squeeze. His way of comforting me was so awkward it made me laugh through the tears.
''Don't fucking laugh now!'' He grumbled next to me but his hand remained on my shoulder as a mixture of laughing and soft sobs came from me.
His hand stayed put until I had stopped crying.
I stood in front of the door to what was temporarily me and Eduardo's room. After gathering my courage and calming down, I had decided to end this stupid fight and get it over with. Determination was making me nervous and my heart was beating faster than usual. I took a deep breath and knocked three times before opening the door slowly. I peeked inside and stepped in once I noticed his lack of presence.
A heavy sigh escaped my lips while I closed the door, now standing in a mostly dark room. The only light source was a candle on his desk and the light it offered was dim and soft, leaving the corners of the room in darkness. I let my hands run through my hair while I waited for my eyes to get used to the darkness. Just as I could make out the various objects in the room, I heard a sound behind me. Out of habit and instinct, I spun around while I grabbed one of my daggers, ready to defend myself against what or who was behind me. After years on the street, it was what I had learned to be the correct reaction and my pulse quickened drastically as adrenalin kicked me awake.
''What the hell are you doing?'' The voice was low and the anger made it hard.
I blinked then and realized whose throat I currently had my dagger pointed at. I quickly withdrew my hand and put the dagger back in its place.
''Sorry. It's a reflex.'' I mumbled and looked away from him but I forced myself to look back at him.
Eduardo looked pissed as he glared at me in contempt. ''I don't like having a dagger against my throat in my own room.'' He grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn't wearing his coat.
''I said I'm sorry! I didn't see you so…'' I started but bit my lip so I could focus. ''Look, I'm sorry for earlier. I'm sorry if I made you worry or whatever I set in motion back then, but I want you to know that I'm not a defenseless girl anymore. I've been taking care of myself for seven years, I know how to fight and how to survive, so please don't ever think that I'm helpless.'' I took a deep breath. ''I've changed and I think it's time for you to realize that.''
''You're an idiot.''
''What?'' I blinked, suddenly taken back by his unexpected answer.
''I don't care if you've changed or not, you put yourself in unnecessary danger and you got punished.''
''But-''
''Shut up. How can you tell me not to worry? If I got hurt wouldn't you do the same?''
''Yes, but-''
''Why?''
''Because we're… friends?''
''You finally said something right…'' He sighed and passed me, heading for the bed.
I turned around and followed with my eyes him as he moved. My glance was bewildered as I processed what he had just said and my eyebrows furrowed.
''Then… You being mad at me and avoiding me all day was my punishment?'' I asked, now frowning.
''That, and along with you being an idiot like the airhead. I won't tolerate you falling to his level of idiocy.'' He spoke and began to unbutton his shirt.
''You're a jerk.'' I sighed.
''So I've been told.'' He hummed, almost amused.
I stayed silent then and felt relieved enough to smile. It seemed that we were back to normal and it felt as if my muscles would finally relax. I followed his example and moved to what was currently my side of the bed. Without a word, he removed his shirt but kept his back against me. It was the deal we had made back then; he would stay still as I changed. It was much easier than having to change in the dark or in another room. I slipped the dress off carefully and found the shirt I slept in. Once I had changed, I moved beneath my blanket.
''Done.'' I hummed and looked at him, briefly studying his broad back. I hadn't noticed that he had moved while I had changed but it became clear to me once he turned slightly and looked over his shoulder. For just a moment, I wasn't just looking at his caramel colored eye and the blackness of his eye patch, but both of his eyes. I caught my breath as his rust brown eye was now looking at me, no longer hidden, and found myself unable to move until he looked away.
I turned around, pressing my hand against my quickly beating heart as if it would help to calm it down. Why was I like this? I was used to seeing him without his eye patch so why did it affect me so? I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip while I listened to him kick off his boots and then blow out the candle. As he came back to bed, I was left questioning myself in the darkness while staying completely still.
''Goodnight.''
''Goodnight.'' I mumbled, slightly surprised that I even managed to say something in my current state. I forced myself to quietly exhale and desperately tried to relax again, all while telling myself that it was nothing and everything was normal.
It was the truth after all, wasn't it?