Chapter Fifteen
Sweet Cruelty
Something was whispering my name in my head. I wouldn't know why I'd be whispering my own name, if it was me, so I assumed something else was calling for me. Except I didn't want to wake up just yet. It felt as though I had just fallen asleep, and anyone who has just fallen asleep never wants to wake up automatically. Still, 'Hailence' slid into my head coaxingly. Being stirred with the annoyance, I moved my hands from my throat and head to my sides, stretching across the bed on my stomach. Of course, I ended up hitting one fist against Evanen's shoulder, but it didn't bother him awake because I tend to punch him a lot in my sleep. Then I was relaxed in mid-stretching position, and I started to slip back into sleep.
Hail-ence.
I rolled my face into my pillow, followed by smacking myself -- not in a violent manner -- in the face and rubbing both my eyes and my cheek at once. My hair was back in the frizzy, all-up-in-the-orbital-range state, and I had to shove it out of my face before pushing myself up partial. Then I looked around to see utter darkness. 'Hailence', I heard calmly in my head, and now that I was mostly awake, I realized how insane it is to have your name being repeated in your thoughts as though by some other force. And then when another wave of thoughts that included walking outside into the garden came into my head, I knew for sure that it wasn't my own inclination that was coaxing me out of this room.
And, being the type of person who doesn't go looking for obvious signs of trouble, I let myself collapse into my bed. I know, people usually are curious, and they start blindly walking towards the outer force like a stupid moth. But Hailence here is well into the lesson of 'curiousity kills the cat'. In fact, that's how I got here in the first place. So, I allowed myself to start drifting back into sleep; as safe as possible in this freak house at the moment.
Hailence. I ignored it. Hail-ence. Not going to convince me any more than I'm convinced now that I"ll die if I head towards some unknown voice. Haaaaiiilllleeeennncceee. No, no, no, no no no, you're not the one for me. HAILENCE!
I turned over sharply, my heart now pounding with fear. My mind is being infiltrated. I'm going to die. Being the only thing I could think of to do, I hissed loudly, "Evanen." I couldn't see him, so I couldn't tell if that woke him up. But I continued by saying cautiously, "Evanen?"
"What," his voice startled me in the darkness.
"Someone's talking to me in my head," I whispered, fearful that talking too loud would alert the intruder. Though... I hadn't heard my name called again since I had first hissed 'Evanen'.
I heard Evanen scoff, "It's called thoughts. I'm glad you're finally experiencing them. They won't hurt you, though, so go back to sleep."
Now angry, I growled, "I know what thoughts are, you... Whatever. Something was..." I paused, now feeling very disgruntled. "Nevermind. I don't even want to tell you anymore." And I turned my back on him in annoyance. Evanen was already back to sleep. Jerk. My inner demon, which I hadn't heard from in awhile, told me I should start punching him and jumping on the bed so that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I ignored it.
...
When I woke up, the bedroom was empty. I assumed Evanen went off to do something or another, and I stayed in the room for a length of time. But after I had taken a shower and dressed, I could only sit on the middle on the bed for so long before I got bored. For a moment, I gripped the silver necklace around my neck, once again attempting to make it warm without prevail. Then, after I convinced myself that I could call Evanen if any sign of danger appeared, I finally moved myself up to check if the door was locked. It wasn't. Which meant that Evanen had left the house and was going to be gone for awhile.
I once again hesitated, but it wasn't long before I was lightly stepping down the hall. All I needed was a bit of toast and I'd be satisfied until tonight. And it wasn't hard to find the kitchen, seeing as that seemed to be the only reason why I'd leave the room lately. Plus, on the way through the house, I took notice to how deadly quiet it was. Nobody seemed to be here. And when I caught a glimpse of darkness through the windows, I could see how they all would be gone. I also could take notice to the fact that my sense of time was becoming screwed up. I had assumed it was morning. It could be early morning, but it was most likely late night. Either way, I was headed for toast in the kitchen, now considerably content with the thought of being left alone.
As I bounded into the kitchen, I halted ubruptly. Instead of Cecilian greeting me at the counter -- which she did commonly in order to try to catch me trying to escape.. and to threaten me to not get any weird thoughts --, Mikel sat in her place. He didn't look up, and so I started to back out slowly from the kitchen.
"Are you hungry," he asked sincerely, looking up to glance at me guiltily.
I shook my head, "No, thank you."
"You're afraid of me," Mikel stated, and he looked pained as he looked back down at his hands. I figured I should turn and run away, but something told me that would be rude. And so I stood there awkwardly with one foot raised from the heel onto my toes behind me, preparing to sprint away backwards at any warning signs. If I could spot them this time. "I wouldn't blame you. For being afraid of me. Everything should be afraid of me. I'm a demon, a monster... I shouldn't even be alive." He looked up sharply. "That's what everyone else here says. I can't even be a good monster. I suck... at everything." He looked disgusted with himself.
Well, I'm not a therapist, and I suddenly realized why they left these types of things to the therapist. And so, with my innermost professionality of psychology, I said sincerely, "It's okay. I suck at drawing, and it disgusts me. Especially when I had to take an art class. Horrible experience." There was an awkward silence.
Mikel suddenly made a small exhale of a half-laugh, and he said, "So are you actually hungry? Because I'm not, if that's what you're worried about." I hesitated, reaching to the necklace, but nodded before walking completely into the kitchen. I started on making toast for myself. Then I sat down a bit of distance away from Mikel. Better safe than sorry.
"I'm sorry about what happened before," Mikel suddenly said, that guilt still clear in his voice. It made me feel bad, as though it were my fault that he was in pain. Well, in a way it was, but how was I to fix that?
"It all right. At least you didn't kill me," I shrugged, "No harm done." Just mental damage, but no one cares about that.
"I would've killed you if Evanen hadn't come in," Mikel stated with pain.
"But you didn't. That's the point," I said with annoyance. I didn't know what exactly I was annoyed about; him whining or the people who made him that way. But either way, he got the point, and he stopped talking. I took a couple of bites from my toast before I said anything. "That mercy type of killing is helpful, isn't it?" Mikel looked at me dully, and I paused with the toast in my hand. For a moment, I just stared at him expectantly, and then I began to wonder if maybe I asked the wrong thing. "Is... it?"
Mikel bent forward towards me, his calm, carmel eyes seemed to be able to focus on the core of my own pupils exactly so that his eyes didn't twitch at all. It was unnerving. And he said coldly, "Even old... sick... dying people... can scream." That's a bit harsh. It wasn't as if I didn't know that, of course.
I hesitated. "Okay, is there anything else you can do?" I put down the toast. No more hunger for me. Solve world hunger; scare it out of everyone. Or make them sick. Whatever works.
"Nope."
"Not blood transfusions? Blood banks?"
"Nope."
"Well," I flustered. "How about becoming a vegetarian?" I finished it lamely.
Mikel sighed, "You mean animals?" I nodded. Mikel looked off in another direction as though looking for someone in the shadows before he looked back. "Animals don't last long. It's like transfusion of animal blood into humans; not a good mix. It makes us tired yet restless, leaving us more hungry than we were anyways. And if you were to keep that up, it's a monstrous result." He darkened his voice and growled, "They didn't tell me that. They just let me go on and on until..." He cut off his voice angrily, apparently torn between guilt and rage at that memory.
"And I'm sure not drinking blood doesn't work," I added curiously, not so much horrified as intrigued by this information. Mikel shook his head, foreshadowing his answer.
"I did do that at first, but that's starvation. Very painful, actually. It's almost like your body starts to rust; like blood is its oil. And it hurts to move. It scared Katha, so she waited until I was mad with starvation, and she kept throwing some random people in the room they had me in. And when you're in that type of madness, nothing else is in your head except relief," Mikel informed me shortly. "I don't know why she didn't just let me die while I was at my peek of suffering then."
For a moment, I didn't respond, not sure how to talk about Katha without remembering busting through a window. "I'm sure Katha just cares a lot about you," I said slowly.
"She just wants me to suffer," Mikel stated darkly.
"Actually," I continued carefully, "I'm quite sure that she just wants you to be happy... as a vampire... as her vampire, actually. I mean, there must have been a reason why she changed you. Maybe you were appealing to her, and you've just been so caught up in this vampire change drama that you haven't noticed that Katha is still there... wanting you."
Mikel scoffed. "Well, I'm very sure I don't want her. I may have thought her attractive as human, but after you see the monster side of someone, they no longer appear the beautiful light of happiness as before. She was a lie, and she tricked me into this doom." He trailed off into a mumble, and I heard, "... just like a woman.."
I gasped, "I'll have you know I believe Adam was the stupid one to take the fruit from Eve. Everyone aaaalllllways blames the women; says women are the deceivers, but I don't happen to know any women who scout out for cherries to pop." And I smacked his arm, offended.
He smirked, amused. "Well, you may seem normal now, but if you were turned into a vampire, you'd be the ultimate woman of deceits. Usually a woman's talent is enhanced by vampirism." I couldn't help but smile myself. He moved close enough towards me that I could smell his soothing scent, widening his smile, and opened his mouth in preparation to say something. Suddenly he paused, his eyes traveling to over my head, and I felt hands grip my shoulders protectively.
"Evanen," Mikel said slowly, but there was no guilt in this greeting. This assured me that he hadn't been about to attack me in any way, and I was suddenly curious as to what he was going to say. I was suddenly wishing Evanen hadn't appeared to protect me from contact with Mikel. And I frowned as I looked up over my shoulder to see Evanen glaring suspiciously at Mikel.
"Mikel, it's nice to see that you trust yourself enough to come near a healthy human you'd like to devour. Finally deciding to hunt like a real vampire instead of scrounging around pitifully for the near-dead ones," Evanen questioned harshly, but Mikel didn't wince.
"No, I was just talking to her," Mikel looked from Evanen to me, his eyes softening, "And I see why you took her for yourself... and why you'd want to keep her safe so much." He paused, his eyes darkening as he looked back at Evanen. "But maybe this wasn't the best way to go, Evanen."
Evanen scoffed, still suspicious as he said, "Yeah, and I'm going to trust that advice from you... the most uncontrolled, disgusting vampire on this side of the world." He growled at Mikel, and bent down to my ear to say quietly, "Time to go." Before I could try to suggest staying longer, Evanen had a grip on my wrist and was pulling me away from the counter without taking his eyes away from Mikel.
Meanwhile, I snatched the toast, struggling a bit from Evanen's grip. And as I was shoved out of the kitchen, I looked back to wave goodbye to Mikel, who was back to his depressing gloom that had been set around him when I had entered earlier. We reached the bedroom when Evanen finally decided it was a fitting enough time to turn on me and demand, "You've got to stay away from him." He looked suddenly desperate, and I frowned in confusion.
"Wait, did I miss something," I asked, looking back at the hall as though I could look back in time.
"Something must have been triggered when he attacked you the other day. Maybe it started the day I allowed him to drink from you, but either way, he's starting to accept his vampire side. He's starting to focus his predator side on you," Evanen stated darkly. I was shocked.
"No, no, he was just apologizing for going after me the other day. He's not intending to hurt me... he said so himself." I couldn't help but noticed how I sounded even a bit hurt in this declination.
Evanen scoffed, "He'll want you to think that. You don't know vampires, Hailence. Especially the kind that Mikel ends up becoming. Coaxing you. Using disguises in order to gain your trust. And when they have you in their grip-" With such speed that I didn't even account for, Evanen appeared directly in front of me and had my neck in a paralyzing grip. He pressed his cold cheek against my cheek and said into my ear, "You're dead." For a second, I just waited there, breathing short, rapid breaths, and wincing at the grip. And then he let go, lifting his hand to rub the back of it against my other cheek.
Evanen pulled away a bit to look at my eyes with such an expression that sent chills of fear in my heart. But not because I was afraid of him per say. Either way, he flicked his eyes from my own to my lips and back to my eyes. And slowly he moved forward, aiming to place his lips over mine.
Without hesitation, I thrusted my head away from his hand and his face before any contact could be made. "Don't," I said, my heart pounding in fear of the consequence of what I had just done. I lifted my hand to my lips, covering peices of it with my fingertips before looking back at him. "Please, don't." It seemed like eternity, standing there, looking at Evanen's shocked face, who was looking at my own pained, wincing expression as I bit down on my bottom lip with stress.
Suddenly, he moved away towards the bedside table, leaving me to stand there. But he said, "I nearly forgot, I got you something." He said this as though nothing had just happened, and I wondered if maybe I had imagined it. But that was just a small thought before Evanen was suddenly back in front of me, holding something behind his back. "Sit down." I hesitated, but obliged.
Before he could show anything to me, I said cautiously, "I don't really think you should feel obligated to get me things... it's not going to make me feel any more warmer towards yo--" Evanen cut me off when he opened his hand in front of my face with self-pride shining from his own. But I didn't freeze from shock... or from joy. I froze from utter horror. In the palm of his steel hands was a familiar object; a skull pin. Such a pin that had been in Kyler's hair the night she had died. And seeing it sent such a wave of horror and pain through me, that all I could do was stare at the pin.
Then I moved. I snatched the pin from his hands, and growled, "How'd you get ahold of this?" I was restraining myself from screaming. What had he done? Gone back to her corpse to bring me something to remind me what he had done to me and the people in my life? Was this some sort of cruel punishment for not just sitting back and allowing him to do whatever he wanted with me?
Evanen seemed stalled, as though he had been in a race, and some random object had flown in his path and he didn't know whether he should stop or keep running. "I uh... I hunted down where your friend used to live, and got something from her house so that you could have something to remember her by. Why? Isn't that something you human's value or something?"
"How could you...," My voice shook and broke as I clutched the pin in my fist, "How could you just bound into someone's house and take something... someone that you killed?!" My voice rose as I finished the question, and rage pulsed through me as to bring tears to my eyes.
Now Evanen noticed he did do something wrong, and was confused. "I was apologizing for killing her. I was doing something nice... I WAS even planning on taking you to her grave soon so you could visit her or whatever it is that you people do."
I glared at him, "I wouldn't go to her grave with you if my life depended on it. Why would I want you to go to her grave; to be around her corpse after you caused her to be that way?! That's sick! And how is that being nice? Standing over her death behind me as though gloating over it. NICE?!"
He suddenly shot directly in front of me, grabbed the bed posts on each side of me as if to keep from snatching and breaking my arms, and glared into my eyes. I didn't stir, and he snarled, "Fine, I'll take it back. I'll never mention anything about anything in your life; friends, family, anything. Want to know how you're dad's doing? I saw him. But wait, that'd be mean. So nevermind. Anything to please you." At the mention of dad, my face dropped from rage to hopelessness, and homesickness was suddenly flooding my thoughts.
"My dad? You saw him," I asked softly, hopefully.
Evanen's eyes were cold as he snapped, "Can't talk about him. It'd be cruel. Now give me back that pin, since apparently it's hurtful." And he held out his hand. I pushed myself back further into the bed, torn between relunctance to give up anything of Kyler's and yearning to hear about my father. Was he torn to peices about me "running away"? What if he turned to drinking? Was he affected at all? Or was he getting a new family? "Hand if over, now."
I shook my head, clutching the pin to my stomach. "Did my dad seem okay? Is he still hurt? He's not looking for me, is he?" My voice became desperate to hear any knowledge. And I felt desperate not to let go of something as precious as Kyler's favorite skull pin.
He moved closer towards me, his face still cold and void of any compassion. "You're not going to get anything else out of me. I don't see the point. And I don't see the point in you keeping something that belongs to the dead. You obviously didn't want it a minute ago, so give it back, now," he growled the last command. I didn't feel the word latching onto my thoughts, but I sighed deeply, tears staring to burn my eyes.
I moved closer towards Evanen, and with a deep depression, I pressed the skull pin onto his palm, closing my eyes and allowing a stream of tears to fall from my eyelashes and down my cheeks. "How can you be so sweet at times," I asked, my voice choked from trying to keep from crying as I slowly lifted my fingers from the pin, "And so cruel at others." I kept my eyes shut, trying to block any tears from falling furthermore, but the liquid could always leak past the barriers none the less.
For a moment, there was silence, and I was sure Evanen had departed out of the room as usual. Then I heard, "When he's home, he sits down at the couch and stares at the empty television for a couple of hours. Then he'll go and eat some chips, have a soda, and go to bed. Nothing too bad; just grieving regularly. He's still going to work, and he's been talking to Kyler's mother every once and awhile... if you can call it talking." My eyes fluttered open ubruptly, still letting out another stream of tears, but I was relieved at the news.
"You say it as though you've seen him before now," I said breathlessly, but without bitterness.
Evanen hesitated, but said, "I've been watching him every once in awhile. I figured it would make you happy to know that he isn't killing himself. But if he was, I wouldn't have told you, which is why I hadn't told you before." He opened my hand, and put the skull pin back in my possession. No longer was his face cold, and I sighed again in relief. He reached to lightly trace his thumb over the wet tears on my cheek, and pulled back to look at the tears on his thumb.
"It's odd," he said slowly, "It's... odd how human's produce tears, even when they're not physically hurt." He rubbed his forefinger against his thumb.
I sniffled. "Do vampires cry?"
He looked up from his thumb to look at me, "I don't."