A/N: I was so sad by the lack of reviews! But all the favourites and follows were enough to keep me posting on time. These two were the only two prewritten chapters, some reviews will motivate me to keep writing on time! :D
Chapter 2
The bliss of finding how to love Peeta is all but forgotten and the remainder of our wedding night spent with me sobbing, Peeta's arms holding me and helping me keep a grip on sanity. I wish that we had had an evening wedding like the organisers all wanted because at least his announcement would have waiting until the next morning. Instead I insisted on a morning wedding in the Gardens, with the reception being a garden party which Peeta and I managed to escape in time to watch the sunset from the hovercraft which delivered us to our suite. At which point our few guests from 12 left, catching the train home so that their travel could be completed overnight. Peeta and I were supposed to return in a few days, using the top Bridal Suite the Capitol had to offer to get ourselves acquainted as husband and wife. I wonder if Snow knew what that card held, deliberately held the announcement when he did as another punishment for my defiance. I suppose the girl who outsmarts the Head Gamemaker doesn't deserve a blissfully peaceful wedding night in his eyes.
We arrive at the station the moment they begin operating and demand they take us back. As we are ushered on the train and away a few minutes later, I make a mental note of the power I have over the Captiol idiots with the furious Girl on Fire routine. No doubt that will come in handy later.
A pair of Avox arrive not long into the journey, placing a platter of pastries and a pitcher of orange juice in front of us and though the food repulses me, I thank them, eyes fixed on the beads of condensation that run down the glass.
When I finally glance at Peeta, who has remained by my side for every moment of the hours passed since the announcement, I feel a pang of guilt as he watches me with lines of worry etched in his face. Peeta who has always protected me, even from things so far beyond his control. Who deserves so much more than I can ever offer him.
"I'm so sorry." I whisper, gripping his hand. "I wanted last night to be special and I ruined that."
His lips press to mine with none of the heat and all of the love I felt from him the night before. I open my eyes as he leans his forehead against mine.
"This is not your fault. You're perfect. Last night I made love to my beautiful wife, gave her pleasure I thought I would never have the chance to and held her in my arms until morning. Last night I learned the girl of my dreams was starting to love me. That is what you gave me and that is more than I could have ever dreamed. Anything else was the Capitol and you need not be sorry for anything of that. You never need to be sorry for anything with me, I love you."
I nod, wanting desperately to say the words in return, but knowing I shouldn't, not until I mean them the way Peeta does. I need to really know the words first.
The majority of the train passes in near silence. The Avoxes come and go, replacing the untouched food in front of us.
"Peeta you should eat something." I tell him, breaking the silence as a platter of sandwiches so gourmet I can't even name the fillings is put in front of us.
"I'm fine." He answers, pressing a kiss to my temple which fills me with warmth and only fuels my determination.
"If you don't eat something, I will, to stop all this food going to waste and this nauseous that will only make me feel worse so you're effectively making me sicker if you don't eat."
He chuckles at my reasoning and shifts to face me, keeping his left hand reassuringly on my thigh as he reaches out and take a cutting of the least offensive sandwich from the plate. I watch him eat for a moment before the question that has been plaguing my mind tumbles from my lips.
"Peeta how are we going to watch these children die every year?"
He pauses with the last bite on its way back to his mouth and he drops it, letting it fall with disregard that would make effie shriek at his manners to wrap his arms around me. In the tightness of his embrace, I feel my fear just as strong in him.
"We do everything in our power to save every single one of them. That's all we can do."
We don't move, even when the Avox girl returns to pick up his forgotten sandwich and take away the tray of food. She doesn't return.
When the train pulls up to the station Peeta stands first and offers his hand to me. I take it gratefully and slowly we disembark the train and Peeta leads me through the streets, the town almost empty as twilight slowly moves to night, until we are standing outside my house.
He leans in to kiss my cheek and I grip his hand tightly before releasing it and turn my head to lightly peck his lips.
"I'll be around later." I tell him and he smiles at me and I can tell he waits for me to go inside as I make my way to the door, something that makes me smile even as I slip into my house out of his sight.
I don't expect what awaits me in the living room.
I stand frozen at the sight of Gale standing with my mother and Prim and all three seem equally shocked to see me.
"Katniss, what are you doing here?" My mother asks, crossing the room toward me. I allow her to embrace me briefly.
"I saw the card last night, I had to come." Prim rolls her eyes and I raise an eyebrow at the unexpected attitude.
"Trust you. Honestly, I can't believe you give up your honeymoon in the top bridal suite in the Capitol to fuss over me. I do not need fussing. I'm fine. This hardly changes the odds at all. I have one more chance at being drawn out. It's no big deal." The tone in her voice stuns me and I'm reminded once more this is not the little girl who I volunteered for in the reaping. She's growing up too fast.
I take the moment to look at Gale, his fists clenched by his side and I wince. He'd been expected at my wedding, as my cousin, but was apparently down with the "flu" on the day. The day Haymitch told me my life was with Peeta, I accepted it was time to let Gale go. Despite my insistence it wasn't necessary he severed the tie completely, having hardly spoken a word to me since. Seeing him right now hurts and for a moment I'm glad he wasn't at my wedding, so I didn't have to deal with this feeling yesterday.
"Thanks for the medicine, Mrs Everdeen." Gale murmurs and I watch him walk out without a word. It hurts a little more.
"Seriously, Kat, unbelievable, please go across the street to Peeta, coming home the day after your wedding, ridiculous." I can tell her words aim to distract me from Gale and I try to let them. I glance over at Prim, smirking at me in a way that makes me blush. I can't believe she is talking this way after the Quell announcement yesterday. I look at my mother and notice the embarrassment at Prim's suggestion mirrored on her own face.
"I'm so scared for you." I whisper and she softens and all at once, I feel like the little sister. It was supposed to go the other way, with me comforting her, dealing with the pain together. I wish for her bravery.
"If my name does come out, I'll have you with me every step of the way." She whispers in return as she hugs me, before holding me at arm's length to smile. "Besides, they all love me in the Capitol, you'll have sponsors for me lining up out the door, I don't think I could want for anything."
I laugh nervously and this time when she orders me across the road, I obey and when I let myself in Peeta rushes to me, seemingly concerned by my quick return.
"Turns out Prim is the brave one after all, sent me straight home, rolled her eyes at me in fact."
Peeta laughs and embraces me, his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back.
"She gets her strength from you." He tells me and I shake my head because returning from the arena has made me weaker, not stronger.
I'm not sure how long we stand there, but when I finally pull away, I tell Peeta what I know to be true.
"She's going to be reaped again. Because of what I did and this time I can't protect her. I can't volunteer and no matter what she says, if they want her dead, no amount of sponsors will change that."
Peeta promises me she will be safe. That her name being drawn last year means she has only one entry this year. It would be too suspicious if it was her one name in thousands drawn again. That she is right and the Capitol loves her too much that her being reaped would cause more trouble than my stint with the berries. As I start crying, he lifts me and carries me up the stairs to his bed, where he gently undresses me and in just my underwear lays me under the covers and after doing the same, climbs in beside me. His hands brush over my hair, my face, my shoulders and he kisses me and tells me everything will be fine.
I spend the night falling into snatches of sleep before being pulled up mercilessly by dreams of Prim in the arenas of every Games I can remember. Watching her drown, burn, butchered, freeze. Each time I wake screaming and Peeta pulls me closer to him, his gentle whispers bringing me back to sanity until the next episode.
By day, Peeta joins me at home where he teaches Prim to bake and just like that she begins to create the beautiful cakes she always admired. I watch them and wonder to myself how many days in the arena I will be able to keep her alive. She asks me to sing, to dance with her and knowing she will die I can't refuse and despite myself I laugh as she swings me around the room, smile at Peeta's eyes fixed on me as though I am the most beautiful sight in the world. I go to town and buy the most stunning dress I can find because she deserves every wonderful thing the world has to offer and I need to fit in everything I can in the limited time left.
By night, nightmares plague me worse than ever before, until I am too afraid to sleep and despite the tiredness that overwhelms me, I am thankful because it allows Peeta a brief reprieve from being pulled from his own rest by my screaming.
The night before the reaping is the worst and in my sleep deprived state, I can't hold back flashbacks of all the worst things I remember from the Games. Watching a girl from 9 decapitated by a particularly bloodthirsty Career. Cato's moans last year as the mutts tore painstakingly at his flesh. A young boy who must have been barely twelve crying for his mother before the last stages of dehydration consumed him. Only each time it is Prim. Suffering every horror the Capitol produces to torment the Districts. I cry all night as the images assault me and I can feel Peeta's own tears as he holds me until the sun rises, when I tell myself that today, I need to be just as strong as Prim.
It is that thought which allows me to pull myself from the safety of Peeta's embrace to pull on my clothes from the night before. I long to simply crawl back in, almost wishing for the morning of a year ago, where I was so convinced of her safety I hardly considered her, before I was a Victor, haunted by the memories of the time that had come to pass. I remind myself of the dangers of living in the past, think of my mother, who almost allowed us to die when the past trapped her and when I think of all the future children who will be reaped and will depend on me, I know I can't do that.
Peeta stands to dress and I gently push him back to sit on the bed and study his face, the dark circles that weigh down his eyes, the tightness of his jaw as he considers me just the same and I smile, knowing he needs me to be strong too and lightly kiss him.
His eyes flutter closed at the contact and when they open he manages to smile back at me and allows me to lower him back to the mattress and cover him with the blanket.
"I'm going over to see mum and Prim, you try and get some more rest. I'll come back later because I'll need your help if I'm going to pull Haymitch out of it, he's been drunker than usual since they announced the Quell."
He mumbles a protest but as I shush him and sit on the side of the bed, running my fingers through his hair, he soon drifts off and I slowly creep from the house, hoping he can stay free of nightmares while I'm gone, before making my way across the street and opening my door silently in the hopes that everyone is still asleep.
I'm met with the sight of Prim in the kitchen, hovering over a cake as she ices it and it amazes me how quickly she can master almost anything she tries. Knowing the fate that awaits her I wish that she had shown some form of aptitude in hunting.
I'm reminded that Prim is a healer, not a hunter and I wonder how I'll ever get her out alive.
It's then that she notices me and she smiles widely, causing me to smile back at her.
"Happy Hunger Games." She trills and her imitation Capitol accent is so much better than either Gale or I ever managed. I ignore the stab in my heart as I think of Gale. "And may the odds be ever in your favour." She must feel bad at the look on my face, because she sobers immediately. "Okay, not funny. I knew today would be hard for you though and I remember you and Gale mocking the accent and I thought it would make you laugh. Did you sleep at all? You never slept well, let alone before a reaping."
"Stop fussing about me, Prim, I'm safe, it's you I'm worried about."
She puts down the piping bag and takes a deep breath before looking back at me and when she does, she is so much older than thirteen.
Thirteen. Even if she is safe I have four more years to worry for her like this.
"Kat, the odds could not be more in my favour given the circumstances. It could have been so much worse, the year Haymitch was reaped, the last Quell, the district had to produce twice the number of tributes." I feel my eyes widen and I wonder how I never knew this. "If I have to be reaped, this would probably be the best time for it. I know you'll disagree but I would feel my odds are better in a group of females than with the likes of that Cato from last year! None of that is the point because I'm going to be fine, but you're going to have to mentor whoever is unlucky enough to get drawn from now on and even if you had a Victor every year you will still have to watch one of them die and I am the one that's scared for you."
She finally cracks and when her tears fall I rush forward to embrace her and we cry together for a moment before Prim pulls herself together and stands back, wiping her eyes.
"Now, please, Katniss, last Panem saw you was as a beautiful bride, let's not fall quite so low as this."
I laugh despite myself and allow Prim to fuss over me and the selection of dresses Cinna sent me to choose from. I indulge her and try them all on and when she's torn between two I tell her I want the orange dress and she doesn't question and as she zips me into it, I smile, sure that this is the sunset orange Peeta meant. When we're joined by my mother, she fusses and I let her braid my hair the same as last year. Prim takes the opportunity to go get herself changed and when she returns in her new dress, I watch as my mother tears up and tells Prim we'll leave her hair out because she's perfect as is.
Peeta arrives with a tray of cheese rolls as my mother is going over the last few finishing touches over my hair and I try to give him a stern look, because he obviously didn't stay asleep but as he looks me over in my dress, I can't help but smile and he puts the tray on the bench and comes forward and hugs me. I forget for a moment my mother and Prim stand by and when Peeta picks me up and spins me around the sound of surprise I make is enough to make them both laugh and draw the pair of us back to the present. He puts me down and steps back, hands rested on my waist and when he smiles at me, it's so bright I can almost forget it's reaping day.
"You are the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen, Girl on Fire." He whispers and I blush, pulling away.
"Can you help me make sense of this makeup? I insisted I didn't need my prep team since they spent so long going over me for the wedding but I didn't consider being required to do this myself."
As I sit before Peeta, he paints me and I find myself entranced by the look of concentration on his face. When he finally sits back, I can tell by Prim's gasp that he's done well. He hands me a mirror and I wish I could have Peeta every time because I look like myself, but radiant with just my eyes decorated, each lidded by a subtle but glowing sunset with orange blended into a deep red and finally a perfect twilight purple.
"You're an artist." I tell him, and he laughs, leaning forward to brush his lips against mine.
"It helps that I have such a beautiful canvas to work on." He replies, standing as he checks the time on the clock on the wall. "Portia sent me a stack of ties with my suit, I figured they must colour match the dresses you got. I'll go get changed and we'll tackle Haymitch together in ten minutes?"
"Deal." I tell him and grip his hand briefly and he returns the pressure, before saying goodbye to Prim and my mother and leaving.
Prim grabs another cheese roll – I'm sure that must be her third by now, I'd never understand how she still stayed so thin – and grins at me.
"You look so beautiful, my girl on fire." She breathes and I flush pink and throw the cushion beside me at her and she laughs as my mother scolds me for my temper and begins bustling about in the kitchen.
"I'll make some coffee for you to take over to Haymitch. I'm sure you'll need it today." I notice her hands are trembling but I don't comment and when she gives me the mug, I let my hand grip hers, silently promising her that if the worst should happen, that I will get her out of there safely. She nods and when she turns to fuss over the crumbs Prim is getting on her dress, her hands and voice are steady.
I step outside and the breeze is unseasonably chilly and I carefully make my way down the few steps at my door where I wait only a few minutes for Peeta. When he exits, the slim fit of his pants and the broadness of his shoulders as he turns his back to lock his door makes my face flush and I quash down the moment of desire I feel, which is quickly replaced with disgust that I could think such a thing with the reaping today. When Peeta approaches me I turn and walk swiftly to Haymitch's house, pushing open the door which isn't properly closed, let alone locked, before he has a chance to touch me.
"Wake up, Haymitch!" I yell and the noise doesn't rouse him so I place his mug on the table before slipping the knife from his hand and throwing it across the room where it lands with a clatter on the tiles before I slam my fist on the table by his head.
He jerks awake and I step back away from him before he swings at me. He squints at me and barks out a short laugh, settling back in his chair.
"Ah, look at you, all girl on fire." I shove his cup of coffee towards him and he raises his eyebrows when the force causes the liquid to spill over the sides. "Easy, sweetheart, you need to warm up for the cameras."
I feel Peeta's hand on my arm and I pull away from him, eyes still fixed on Haymitch. Seeing him amused at my anger succeeds only in fuelling it but I force myself to take a deep breath.
"We'll be expected at the Justice Building in thirty minutes. Peeta, make sure he's dressed and don't let him drink anything. I need to take my sister over."
My mother insists we leave when I return, stressing the importance of my punctuality and the nagging is so reminiscent of Effie I resist the urge to laugh, wondering which of them would be more horrified by a slip in my manners.
Effie is her usual self when I meet her at the Justice Building. I struggle to focus my attention on her as she excitedly tells me the whole Capitol is still talking about my wedding and how she was offered a promotion but she chose to stay with 12 since we were 'all so exciting now.'
When she asks me why I didn't arrive with Peeta I am conscious of the cameras and manage a small laugh.
"You should have seen the state Haymitch was in when we got there. Peeta offered to get him cleaned up and ready while I bought my sister over."
Right on cue the pair appear, Haymitch appearing as though Peeta managed well to keep him away from the drink and I approach Peeta, leaning up to kiss his cheek and as Effie sighs and fusses about how we're the romance every person in the Capitol wants to have, I feel sure the cameras captured that moment and it will be broadcast somewhere at some stage. No doubt they will run another television special on us after these Games to keep the Capitol entertained.
If Peeta is confused by the change in my behaviour, he hides it well, his arm slipping around my waist with ease. I manage to keep myself from shying away from his touch.
"Places, everyone, places, we're on a very, very strict schedule, we need to be ready for air at two!" Effie insists, ushering us around to our respective places.
As the proceedings drag on, I wonder how Haymitch stands this every year. I suddenly sympathise with his tendency to be particularly incoherent.
As the speech describing the rebellion is read out, my eyes sweep the rows of children before us. The group is half the size, with the boys all standing safely with their parents, granted a reprieve this time. I wish for the first time that I didn't have a sister.
The Mayor ends and I join in the mandatory applause that follows and when it stops, the silence makes me reach for Peeta's hand, my earlier disgust at the thought of him touching me after my reaction to him is overwhelmed by the desire not to face this alone. When he squeezes it reassuringly, I resist the tears that threaten me and thinking of Peeta's art on my eyes is enough to make me smile and hold it in.
When he reads the names of the previous Victors it seems strange hearing my name called out after Haymitch and followed by Peeta's. I smile graciously for the camera, knowing to do otherwise would not be particularly wise at this stage.
Effie makes her way up after the Mayor's introduction, if anything, more glowing and excited than last year. Hardly surprising considering last year she was groped at by a drunk Haymitch on national television and playing escort for the district which was effectively the laughing stock of Panem. This year we are the stars, Peeta and I the most recent Victors, the first pair of Victors from the same games no less and Haymitch the Victor from the last Quarter Quell. As I consider this I doubt Peeta and I will have a moment to ourselves for the whole trip to the Capitol.
"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favour! How exciting it is to be here with you, to share this historic Quarter Quell! I just know after the successes of last year that this year is going to be simply fabulous." I resist the urge to laugh at the way her sentence goes up as if this last sentence is a question, the way it makes her sound just a little uncertain. "Now, ladies- well, let's meet our first lady."
Even through the thick coat of makeup I can see her face flush a little at the slip up, the Quarter Quell ruining her traditional 'Ladies first'. This year, with only one reaping ball to draw from it is immediately at her side and I grip Peeta's hand tighter as she pulls the slip from the ball, I close my eyes, breath caught in my throat through the moment of silence.
"Janine Brackett"
The relief at not hearing Prim's name is short lived because my eyes snap open since I know that name far too well.
My eyes catch on Janine and she manages to remain calm as she walks towards the stage, taking a stand behind Effie, eyes set straight ahead boldly. She was the year below me in school, which must make her sixteen now. She was the eldest in her family of five and though she still had her father, the coal miner's salary couldn't support them all and despite her mother's wishes, she defiantly took tesserae for all seven of them every year from her twelfth birthday. I know it was against her mother's wishes because they lived only a few houses away from us back in the Seam and I would hear them scream at each other about it at the same time every year.
"Lovely, just lovely." Effie says excitedly, patting Janine affectionately on the shoulder. As she reaches back into the glass bowl my mind is snapped right back to Prim and as I see her in the crowd she stands tall, serene and totally calm, in stark contrast to the other faces around her. I remember I need to be brave for her and try and mimic her pose in my seat.
When Effie unfolds the next slip of paper, when she draws back slightly and the shock is evident on her face, I hold back the bile as my worst fears are confirmed. She knows that name. Prim is coming with me.
"Marie Brackett." Effie calls out and I double take, eyes finding Prim who smiles at me and is safe just as Janine screams from the stage.
Effie seems just as surprised by the commotion and Janine runs from the stage, startling the Peacekeepers who rush to follow her and it takes me that moment to realise the name belongs to her sister.
I don't know which sister it is until Janine embraces her and my eyes catch on the girl who is such a combination of Prim and Rue any elation I felt for Prim's safety drops from my stomach.
She must be twelve, the odds as far in her favour as they could be because I can tell by looking at the pair that Janine would never let her take the tesserae. She is dumbfounded and doesn't react as the Peacekeepers tear the two apart and drag Janine back on stage, with Marie simply following.
I see the rare moment of sensitivity on Effie's face and I can tell that despite the enthusiasm she has for the Games, even she is having trouble stomaching the sight of Janine, who just moments ago was so calm and collected, now frantic as she watches powerlessly as her sister joins her on stage.
"Well, shaking hands then." Effie tells them with none of her usual bubble and a weakness in her voice I haven't heard since she said goodbye to Peeta and I before our Games.
When the girls grip hands before Janine wraps her arms around her younger sister, the thought strikes me and I throw up in my mouth, gripping Peeta's hand as I choke swallowing it back down.
At least one of these girls will die.