A/N: Sorry for the delay! I had computer/internet troubles! However I will most certainly be on time with next chapter which means only 4 days instead of a week? Sorry again and thanks to all my new reviewers and favouriters I've decided to whore myself off a little and once I receive 10 new reviews I will post the chapter early (Generally give me 24hrs from reaching 10 to finish things I haven't and allow for timezones etch aha.)
Chapter 3
Getting from the stage to the train where we await the tributes as they say their goodbyes is a blur to me, but when we make it into the familiar dining area, I come to myself and I scream, taking a bottle of wine and throwing it with all my might to the opposite wall.
I see the shock on the Avoxes' faces and when Haymitch dismisses them they don't hesitate and I take another bottle and hurl it at the door they exited through. I feel Peeta's arms embrace me and I struggle to pull free as he pins my arms to body, muttering beautiful things to me trying to calm me even as I scream at him and it's the pitcher of iced water Haymitch dumps over my head that silences me, staring at him in disbelief.
"Get it together." He hisses and the tone in his voice is enough that I force myself a deep breath and nod once, Peeta cautiously releasing me from his grasp. "You can't do this."
"They're sisters, Haymitch." I whisper. "I used to live a few houses away. They have five children, I would listen to Janine fight with her mother about tesserae, her brothers wrestle in the street until their mother would scold them for making such a mess of their clothes. It's not fair."
"They should be honoured to represent our District." and from the look he gives me, I know he is telling me that we could be overheard. I nod sharply and he quickly embraces me, crushing me to his chest. In spite of myself I grip him back just as hard. "This is your life now." He breathes into my ear. "You are a victor and mentor and forever in love with Peeta Mellark. Most of the time you're not faking the latter and I'll still be here to mentor you through the rest. We're always in the games, Katniss and you can never win, so quit crying and start playing if you want to stay alive."
He pulls back and I nod again, taking a deep breath and smiling at him and the expression is hard to force.
"I suppose it just bought me right back to last year and I only wished I could volunteer for her. It's such a shame they didn't get drawn in the reverse order, I just know Janine would have volunteered and it would have been a breeze to get her sponsors when the comparison to me was so easy."
Haymitch barks out a laugh and Peeta looks between the two of us confused.
"The comparison? What, is she a headstrong pain in the ass too, eh?" Haymitch asks and I roll my eyes at him, crossing my arms and feigning my best look of arrogance. It's not hard when despite knowing he is trying to protect me right now I know he can care so little for the children he watches go to their deaths.
I suppose when you're up to forty-nine and fifty and only two have come home it's hard to let yourself be attached. I vow not to let myself become like him.
Even if it destroys me.
Peeta must be aware that some secret exchange has occurred because he shifts into gear flawlessly, sitting me down on the couch and fussing about how I've not been myself lately and he doesn't understand where all my mood swings are coming from. He suggests that we go see a proper doctor in the Capitol to get me checked out and Haymitch snorts, suggesting I'm pregnant.
I let it slide, because if anyone troublesome did hear my outburst, it gives a nice cover and the way Peeta squeezes my hand, I know it will be a cold day in hell before he lets that happen.
Haymitch calls the two Avox back, asking them to clean up and as they do I apologise in the most sincere voice I can fake, telling them I've been feeling out of sorts lately, even going so far as to allowing my eyes to flicker down to my stomach for a moment. When Haymitch starts drinking, I hold a glass to him to fill he shakes his head, clicking his tongue.
"Better not let you drink, sweetheart, just in case and all."
I immediately regret letting it slide.
The Avox begin bringing in food and I despite the disgust that still upsets my stomach, I eventually go and take a bread roll and then throw another to Peeta, who fumbles it before getting a grip. I tear mine in half as I return to the lounge with a boat of gravy I claim for myself to dip the bread in. Regardless of everything, the food is amazing after days of hardly eating and I groan in pleasure as I swallow, with Peeta choking on his bread causing Haymitch to burst out laughing.
"I am not drunk enough to watch him get hard over your eating noises, Katniss, get a room or cut it out."
In my embarrassment I throw the other half at my roll at him, just as Effie chooses to walk in with the Brackett sisters behind her.
What follows as the train starts is a five minute lecture on how she thought this year might be better considering Peeta and I had some semblance of proprietary and she leaves us alone only an hour and we're already throwing food at one another like Neanderthals. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean but I assume it is some kind of insult to my manners. She wraps it all up by telling us the standards she expects in the Capitol and how she won't accept this kind of behaviour.
I allow myself to be thankful to Haymitch for having the sense to have the evidence of my earlier outburst cleared.
"Here you are lecturing us on manners when you leave our guests of honour standing and don't introduce them. Good one, Trinkett."
Effie straightens abruptly and bustles about making more fuss than necessary as she introduces the two girls, settling them at the table and snapping at the rest of us to join them. They're sitting side by side and Peeta and I take the seats across from them, leaving Haymitch and Effie to take either end.
It's almost like we're some messed up family.
"So, first off, she's got to be the one to get out safely." Janine says, as she piles her plate with the lamb stew I was so fond of last year.
"Eat that slowly, or it will make you sick, trust me." I warn her and she offers me a scathing look in return.
"Did you not hear me? I said she's the one you save, not me."
"I heard you perfectly well, but considering I assume you'd like to remain at this table discussing this for some time, I figured I'd start with some advice to keep you here rather than puking your guts out all night."
"Katniss, table talk!" Effie trills, exasperation evident in her voice but Haymitch laughs.
"It's like dealing with you all over again." He tells me, shaking his head serving a dollop of stew on his plate and then swapping it with Janine's. She yells indignantly at him in response and Effie sighs, putting down her cutlery to cover her face with her hands. "She's right, take it slow or you're not going to do yourself any favours. I know how to make you pack some weight on before the arena and shovelling down food so you spend your nights, as Kat says, puking your guts out, isn't the way to do it."
She relents and watches me as I scoop up the food with my fork and bring it to my mouth. She copies and I see Effie smile as if this is the first sign of hope she's seen all afternoon and it must please her, because she doesn't even bother to purse her lips at the terrible grip this girl has.
I glance over at the young girl and the pain hits me as she is staring glumly at her plate. Twelve is too young, she's still so small.
"Marie." Peter whispers and though we all look at him, he has eyes only for her and when she glances up at him, he contorts his face into the stupidest expression I've ever seen, all crossed eyes and poked out tongues and a small giggle escapes her and I soften, watching as the girl across from me does the same.
Haymitch is right, it's going to be like dealing with me all over again. And I hate small talk.
"It's our job to help you and keep you alive and it is your job to accept that we know best and to listen to what we have to say and do as we say no matter how much you might hate it. If I hadn't learnt to listen to Haymitch I can almost guarantee I would have died in that arena. In fact, every time I have disregarded what Haymitch has told me, it has almost gotten me killed."
The two girls hang onto my every word as the others stare at me in disbelief. I suppose no one expected me to take the reins like this. I can't really believe I have either.
"The games have already started, I could see in the way you carried yourself to the stage that you know this Janine." Haymitch continues and she nods sharply, allowing herself a small smug smile. "It's obvious you forgot this the moment your sister's name was drawn, but luckily since you plan on protecting her, that will all play in very nice with how we play your image."
"You guys have a huge advantage, because everyone is watching District 12 this year. Katniss and I are still a hot topic from last year and Haymitch won the last Quell so we are right in the spotlight. This means not only will everyone be interested in you, even more so since you're sisters, but we are in the best position of any of the mentors to get you sponsors. I'm sure you saw last year how vital those were for us. As far as the odds go, they're definitely looking to be in your favour. We've still got plenty of time to talk strategy though and it's been an emotional day, let's all have a bit of something to eat and a bit of downtime so you can spend some time together, maybe have a bath and get yourself feeling your best before we watch the reaping replays tonight. We can go from there."
I take Peeta's hand to show him how thankful I am, that he always knows just what to say and when the girls agree, I stand, taking him with me, ignoring the knowing look that Haymitch gives me and drag him from the room. I open the door which leads to my quarters and am surprised to see the small suitcases we each packed for the Capitol at the end of my bed. I should have realised that us being married reserves us the right to share a bed now.
He wraps his arms around me and I allow myself to relax as he holds me.
"I was so thankful that Prim was safe that for just a moment on that platform I couldn't bring myself to care about either of those girls." I whisper, hiding my face as the shame of the admission overwhelms me.
He kisses me head and draws my chin up to face me.
"Every year before I joined the reaping, when someone who wasn't my brothers was chosen, I would silently cheer. We're all guilty of it. You're allowed that moment. I know that every other moment after that one you will spend doing your best to help them."
"This morning and again right now, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I want you to take me to bed like you did after our wedding and I'm disgusted with myself for thinking about something so trivial when there were so many other things my thoughts should be directed at." As I say the words I can't work out which confession I'm more ashamed of.
I feel him relax in my arms, gripping me tighter before pulling back. I suppose he was still worried about my behaviour this morning then.
"Katniss, even when there are other things that need doing, you still deserve time for yourself. Tonight," his voice drops and it's that same husky tone that sounded so foreign on me, but on Peeta it makes me weak at the knees. I can feel his breath on my neck as he moves closer to my ear and I clutch tighter to his shoulders. "once the girls are in bed and there is nothing to do, I will bring you back here and make you forget everything but me."
The promise makes me want him more desperately but he pulls away, giving me the same smile he does my mother when he brings the bread for dinner at my place and he opens the door, gesturing out of the room, as though his statement was nothing out of the ordinary.
I think it will take daily promises like that to get me through the next few weeks.
He nudges me through the door and I follow him back to the sitting room, noticing the girls and Effie gone, no doubt she is shepherding them around train before settling them in their rooms and politely suggesting they bathe, but Haymitch still sits, making good progress on the food and the liquor. I return to my seat, piling my plate with food, intent on trying to dull my appetite for Peeta with it and Haymitch chuckles.
I turn to look at him, along with Peeta who has just turned on the television. Haymitch takes his napkin and wipes his mouth in a rare display of eloquence which makes me believe he has all these manners and turns them off solely to rile up Effie.
"Well that was fast, poor form, Peeta." He says with all the seriousness he can muster and even as I upturn his plate so that what is left on it falls in his lap, he leans back in his chair and howls with laughter.
"Bugger off, Haymitch." Peeta says calmly, and we're both stunned silent by the casual curse which is so uncommon for him and he sits beside me and takes my hand to kiss the back of it before turning his attention to the food. "Katniss just needed a moment, if there'd been any going-ons in there you'd have certainly been aware being just a few doors down."
Haymitch laughs again, banging his hand on the table with mirth as I stare at Peeta with disbelief. I'm torn between my desire to slap him and tear his clothes off and when he gives me the cheeky grin I've grown accustomed to when I know he is stirring me, I settle for focusing my attention on the television and folding my arms, hoping they understand that I hate them both right now.
"Perhaps this job wouldn't have been so bad these last twenty-five years if there had been someone else suffering with me to make fun of."
Haymitch's words soften me and I serve him some stew to replace what I tipped into his lap and offer my napkin to him and after standing and pushing the majority of the food off his legs he accepts it and he wipes his hands as he sits back down. I look pointedly away when his attention turns to cleaning his pants.
I eat slowly, because whilst I eat so much better now the cooking we do at home is never as rich as the food I am served by the Capitol. I can't help but feel that after the next few weeks of this Cinna will be taking my dresses out, not in.
"So, before we start on those girls, ground rules for you guys." Haymitch says, with a mouth full of food.
"We have rules?" I question him and I can tell by the way he snorts that my displeasure is obvious.
"Well of course, sweetheart. This is your first games as a mentor, you need to know how a few things work. First off, don't get emotionally attached. Or don't make it obvious. No crying over deaths, that kind of thing."
I already hate these rules.
"Be friendly, I'm looking at you Katniss, to the other Victors. I can guarantee you'll hate a lot of them, but you give everyone a chance. If you were from District Eleven say, when you both won last year, no doubt meeting me this year you'd think I was an asshole and want to stay away, but look at us now." He opens his arms to me to emphasise his point and despite myself I smirk at him.
"How is that different? I do think you're an asshole and want to stay away."
"That charm will work on very few people. Good ol' Chaff might take you for it but just cause he's used to dealing with me."
"We already know you two are more alike than you care to admit." Peeta chimes in and I glare at him, just to prove I'm still mad.
"Honestly though, wanting to make friends so the whole thing is more bearable aside, being friendly, especially to the right people, can mean a lot for those girls in there. You'd know the Capitol's sweetheart, Finnick Odair, of course?"
How could anyone not know Finnick Odair. Disgusting, arrogant pig that he is. Haymitch laughs and must take my expression for assent.
"Think what you want of Finnick, but he gives anyone from Four a huge advantage, because he knows the right people, who can give him not only big sponsors, but information which can make a huge difference. As a mentor, Finnick is one you want to not only watch, because his actions normally dictate what you should be doing, but also schmooze up to. You two should do well at that, he'll get a kick out of you."
"What on earth is that supposed to mean!" I reply, because I will not allow the likes of Finnick to 'get a kick out of me'.
"You're feisty. Everything and everyone comes so easy to him, he likes a challenge."
"Katniss sure is challenging." Peeta agrees and I give him a withering glare, but allow him to kiss my cheek as I turn away.
"So don't get attached and make friends. Any other ground-breaking pieces of advice?"
Haymitch's face darkens and I know that his other rules must be very breakable compared to this one.
"Do not let yourself owe anyone anything. No matter how badly you need sponsors. You get sponsors by convincing people it is good for them to sponsor your tributes. They will try and buy you. Whether it be sponsorship in exchange for taking you as a date to a party, or for you to come to tea with them. No matter how innocent the suggestion, no matter how much you think it would be nothing for you to say yes, how it could mean life or death for your tribute, you say no.Never, ever, be bought or sold. Because it seems nothing now, but I promise, it will be everything."
I nod and all at once I think of Finnick and his many Capitol loves and can't help but wonder if he didn't listen to that rule.
I will not become the next Finnick Odair.
Silence overcomes us and I let my attention shift to the television, seeing Caesar Flickerman apparently interviewing Plutarch Heavensbee. They appear in good humour – as most people do when paired with Caesar – and at my request, Peeta turns up the volume.
"-different this year, Caesar."
"We would be disappointed were they not! Though, I know I speak for our audience when I say that last year's Games are going to be tough to beat! Any sneaky hints? I promise the audience can keep a secret."
The crowd cheers in response and I roll my eyes. The excitement over a bloodbath will never fail to sicken me.
"All in good time, everything will be revealed in good time, I promise." Plutarch replies with a smirk and he manages to laugh off the groan of disappointment from the crowd.
"Well it seems someone's lips are sealed, probably best, need to make a good impression for your first year on the job!" I wonder only briefly if Caesar is making something of a political statement regarding Seneca Crane's timely death before realising the idea is preposterous. Caesar Flickerman is a slave to the Capitol lifestyle if I ever saw one. "Don't go too far, we'll be back with a replay of today's reapings, make sure you're ready to pick your favourites."
We're all silent as they shift to one of the highlights programs that always come up when they games are on, where Games officials and Capitol celebrities discuss their favourite past moments and speculate on what to expect this year. I grab the remote and turn the television off in disgust.
"I'm going to change out of this goddamn suit, especially since you spilt my food all over it, replays are in two hours, be here." Haymitch walks out, leaving Peeta and I alone and I slouch in my chair, thinking it may be my last chance for a lapse in posture.
"He's probably got the right idea. You go take first shower and get yourself comfortable." Peeta tells me, fiddling with the strap of my dress. "I'll even give you a massage when I'm done, you look like you could use one and us bakers are great with our hands."
I laugh indulgently and lean in to kiss him, bringing my hand to my shoulder to rest on his.
"What did I do to deserve you?" I ask, running circles on the back of his hand with my thumb.
"You gave me something to live for." He replies and I blush, leaning forward to kiss him in response.
He's right of course and I spend an eternity in the shower and upon realising none of the clothes they've supplied me at all are the kind of comfortable loungewear I want, I try Peeta's drawers and settle quickly on a pair of loose fitting sweat pants and a t-shirt. Peeta sits on the bed watching me and seems amused, going to the bathroom to take his own shower when I give him a pointed look suggesting I want to get changed. When I move to the sitting room I am smiling at the thought of Effie's face when she sees me, dressed in such an unladylike manner.
I realise I must have spent even longer in the shower than I thought because Peeta joins me after a very brief amount of time and it is not long after I settle on the floor in front of him and his hands begin working magic on my shoulders that Effie comes in shepherding the Brackett girls who she has obviously had cleaned up. Both are in sweet Capitol style dresses – the contrast of their comfort in the attire is a little amusing – and Effie must have had a few Avoxes in to have them showered and groomed more than living in the Seam allows.
She smiles at the pair of us and I am surprised I've been spared a lecture on the way I'm dressed but I assume the image of perfect happy couple is enough to outweigh how improper it is.
"Look at the two of you." She gushes, sitting with the girls on the large loveseat beside us. I smile at her, relaxed enough that I can't even bring myself to roll my eyes at her. The look of disgust Janine gives us before turning her attention to the television makes it clear she has about the same opinion of relationships as I did in her position a year ago. One part of me wants to move away so she'll take me seriously but Peeta's touch is too comforting for me to voluntarily move away from. We sit quietly for a few minutes listening as Effie chatters on to the girls and Marie hangs on her every word whilst Janine stares at the screen acting disinterested.
It's just as Caesar Flickerman is appearing on stage that Haymitch comes in, hair damp and in a pair of track pants and t-shirt which seem to be exercise gear, suggesting that the wardrobes here aren't totally personalised. He ignores the scathing look Effie gives him as he pours a drink, settling in the other recliner as Caesar introduces his guests.
They're the same kind of Capitol socialites they bring out every year, decked out in only the best. I'm surprised to see the Mockingjay styles back, feathers, navys and dark eyes which no doubt came back after the subtle accents Cinna brought into my wedding outfit. I cringe at the prospect of spending the next few weeks as one of these people. A quick glance at the girls reminds me why I must and I forget my distaste.
Peeta's hands move up my neck to my scalp and I close my eyes and remind myself to show a little restraint as I think of the last time he did this. As the program starts on the replays I push myself off the ground and settle on Peeta's lap, nestling my head on his shoulder and hanging my legs over the arm rest. He slips one arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest and his other hand rests on my thigh.
The only one to comment through the replays is Effie, I just watch in conditioned horror as girl after girl walks up to that stage. There is a huge variety, seemingly more so than normal. The age spread seems quite even, which surprises me, as usually the cumulative effect means that generally the odds are in the favour of the younger ones and they are spared. I wonder if this has anything to do with the rebellion we saw on our Victory tour, if it is rigged that the Districts must watch more of their small children die, if rations have become so meagre that more and more are being forced to take the tesserae. When I glance at Janine as one young girl from nine comes on stage, I see her hoping she will be killed be someone else. It reminds me of the way I thought the same of Rue and I look away immediately.
Effie's enthusiasm wanes when they replay our district. Watching Janine scream and run for Marie, who stands numb and shocked as though she doesn't quite believe her name has been called.
When the replay ends and Caesar Flickermann is onscreen, sickeningly excited, Haymitch switches the program off in disgust and we sit in silence for a few moments. Peeta's hand which had been drawing patterns on my leg has long since stilled and I dare not look at his face, because I know that to do so would break my composure.
It is the pair of Avox from earlier entering to serve dinner that snaps us back to attention and under Effie's subdued insistence we gather around the table for the meal. Janine's determination from before has seemingly faltered, no doubt as she sees the faces of each girl that she knows must die for her sister to live. I wonder if she sees herself among them.
Effie speaks mostly with Marie, complimenting her dress and telling her about all the loveliest things in the Capitol. In her naivety the novelty of the discussion is enough to bring about a brightness in Marie that warms Janine, as if reminding her what she is fighting for. I can't bring myself to eat anything else that is served to me.
Effie must be feeling maternal, because she agrees to Marie's request and at the end of the meal, takes her to show her collection of dresses. When the pair leave, so does my only excuse for not discussing the elephant in the room, but my motivation from before has all but disappeared.
"What can you do? Anything, no matter how stupid it seems."
Sometimes I am so glad to have Haymitch with us.
"I can run alright. Mostly short and fast but I can run for a distance if I need to. Marie is pretty fast for her size as well."
"Good, I generally recommend flight over fight. If you can survive that's the most important thing because people seem to find a way of getting themselves killed in there." I wonder if Haymitch considers this an attempt at humour, but his grim expression lets me believe otherwise. "You will have to fight though, so what can you do?"
"Not a lot." She admits sheepishly. "I'm certainly not harbouring any secret proficiency in archery. I would chop wood for the old lady in the dress shop for a bit of money , so I can handle an axe okay?"
"Ah, Johanna Mason was deadly with an axe, that has some potential. Close combat?"
"I know where I know you from! You're the one that broke Johnny Callington's nose, aren't you?" Peeta suddenly exclaims.
Now that he mentions it, I remember it well. We'd been on the way out of school and Johnny had whistled at her and she turned around and punched him right in the face. Lucky for her Darius had been on duty and had roared with laughter, before sobering and reminding her of the law and that next time she'd get a whipping. I doubt she believed him but the hollering her mother gave her when she got home seemed to encourage her enough to refrain in the future. She grins reluctantly as Haymitch barks out a laugh, going to pour himself a drink.
"Perhaps all is not lost. Pass her the knives you two, see if she can hit that painting on the wall."
Haymitch flawlessly leads the discussion, moving between tips for hand to hand combat and showing her how to break free of a series of holds which he has Peeta demonstrate, having me direct her in throwing knives, which he comes to discover I am not perfect at as I once led him to believe, but admits that I have better technique than either himself or Peeta. The clock is nearing ten when he finally relents, suggesting we all rest in anticipation of the next day since we will almost certainly be eaten alive. Janine exits immediately with a goodnight and Haymitch doesn't protest when I pour myself a dash of his liquor in a glass and swig it down in one. I clear my throat to hold down the urge to cough as it burns at my throat, nothing like the bitter, yet fruity fizz of the champagne I've had to drink to keep up appearances at Capitol events.
"You two should head off as well." Haymitch says, gesturing in our direction with his glass. "You're going to be interviewed and gushed over and scrutinized on end and once the games start you won't have much opportunity for sleep, so you should make the most of it."
I agree, taking Peeta's hand as we stand and bidding Haymitch goodnight before making my way to our room.
Peeta lets go of my hand to close the door and when he turns back he gently pulls my shirt over my head, before leaning in to kiss me as he tugs on the drawstring of my pants before pushing them down so they fall to the floor. He lifts me and carries me to the bed, his lips moving to my neck and my eyes droop closed for a moment as the gesture relaxes me. He sits me on the edge of the bed and pulls back, smiling.
"You're tired." He tells me.
"I'm sorry." I murmur, taking his hands in mine. "I want you, so much, I just…"
"You're just tired, rightfully so." He pulls the covers back and lies down, tugging my hand to have me lie beside him. As I lie against the mattress, which is even softer than I remember from last year, his arm comes around my shoulders and when I rest my head on his chest, my stresses immediately begin to melt away. I let out a sigh of relief resting my hand on his stomach.
"I wasn't kidding, if I wasn't already half asleep I'd be tearing your clothes off."
He chuckles quietly, his hand settling on top of mine.
"Sleep now, we have all the time in the world."