Chapter Nineteen

Agreements

It was extremely hard to sleep that night. Not only because I couldn't stop thinking about Mikel's smile or his kisses -- which brought a blush to my cheeks each time I thought about them -- but because of Mikel himself. It seemed as though he couldn't go to sleep, either. And as I laid next to Evanen, who was once again dead to the world in his human-like sleep, images kept appearing in my mind's eye that weren't conjured by myself.

A particular image of an orange marigold flower (which now Mikel knew to be my favorite flower) flew into my mind, followed by an image of a field of orange marigolds. I smiled, amused at the continuance of these mental images and Mikel's voice sometimes whispering such sweet things that made my stomach boil. At some point, an image of my own reddish copper hair was sharp in my mind, and it blended into the same-colored vision of oak leaves in autumn. I wondered where the tree was located from his mind, and suddenly I knew it was from Duncombe Park, Helmsley, Yorkshire, England... I got the point.

And so I fell into a sleep at last, but not without knowing Mikel would be in my dreams. I was okay with that.

It was hard to hide the fact that when I looked around a corner of a room expectantly, I was looking for Mikel. Evanen hovered behind me protectively everywhere I went, and when he looked around suspiciously, I wondered if he was looking for the same person but for different reasons. Mikel seemed to appear out of nowhere, almost casually, and I had to avert my eyes each time so that Evanen wouldn't take too much notice to his presence. And then it would be hard to keep my face straight when Mikel would glide the back of his hand against the side of mine as he walked by.

Then would come a day.. night when Evanen would be off doing something, and as I walked along down a hall, Mikel would suddenly snatch my hand and pull me out to the garden. Like today.. or night. Technically it's night, but I've adapted to being awake during the dark hours and asleep during the day. Mikel had ahold of my wrist lightly, leading me to the garden where nobody would seem suspicious to find me wandering alone at. Automatically, I moved towards the pond, always intrigued by the little hydrogens and oxygens combined to make water. When I sat down on the ground next to the pond, Mikel followed suit, sitting down as well. I'm sure when you learn the concept of the possibility of living forever, decency where you situate yourself no longer concerns you anymore. Or you could be like me and learn to accept the possibility of dying too soon so that the concept of where you sit down no longer concerns you as well. Whichever one fits for the occasion.

After messing with the surface of the pond water, I smiled at Mikel, once again noticing the silver film in over his eyes. It was slightly creepy.. like sunglasses on strangers, where you can never tell a trace of what they're thinking because they're true eyes are being blocked by some force. But I could handle it.

"Do that thing again," I said slowly, moving closer to him.

"Which thing," he asked, seeing as I liked to suggest doing abnormal things like crushing rocks to dust or making a comment in my mind. It was interesting the things vampires could do. Once I tried to get him to show me his fangs, but it was a futile attempt. That was uncomfortable to him.

This time, my suggestion was, "The vampire language thing." And I smiled in anticipation.

"It's not another language," Mikel restated something I've heard before, but ignored.

"I know, it's just talking real fast, but go on and do it," I said.

"And say what," He asked. I shrugged, and waited for him so say something. I really didn't care, it wasn't as if I was ever going to understand it.. or much less hear it. Sure enough, when his lips parted, a wisp of air was heard before it was gone. And I had been concentrating so hard this time to hear a word, but nothing of recognition came out. I would've been frustrated, but I reassured myself in deciding it was indeed a vampire language.

"How do you understand what it is each one of you say," I asked curiously.

"Well, it isn't as fast to me as it is to you. In fact, it's nearly effortless to understand what each other is saying.. it's just hard at first to keep track of what every normal person is saying. They go so slow, and we have to go slow as well," he said, "It's quite annoying, actually, but you've got to live with it." It brought back my thought about how Evanen had to use my own speed to keep track of his speed... of how boring it must be to have to be slow in order to stay in tuned with this word.

"So what if you were to just start going your own speed," I suggested. I got an image of someone running around superspeed, snatching things up when they needed. I wonder if they'd tire out eventually.

"It'd be pointless. At some point, you'd have to slow down because you wouldn't exactly be with the world... it'd be like an explosion, I guess. Because normally, to get something out of something, you'd have to go through a process, but if you just skipped the process, it'd lead to an explosion. And in an explosion, you don't exactly get anything from it... just distaster, chaos, and death," he smiled, amused by his own word choice.

"I guess it's good you all don't go off into your own orbit," I stated, "Then I would never understand what's going on here, and everything would be just a wisp of air." I laid back on the ground, looking up at the sky. Mikel laid down next to me, looking at me instead. I turned to glance at him when he traced his fingertips over my own hand lovingly. "What'd you say that one time on the couch, just before Katha showed up in all her fury and hissness?"

Mikel smiled at the sudden insight of memorization. Maybe he'd hoped I had forgot about it, but I was curious as to why Katha had been so enraged by what he'd said. Her words were so furious. 'You think so? Who would've thought?' I wondered what exactly he had thought. And I looked at him expectantly. "Well," Mikel said slowly, "I remember that... didn't know that Katha was there to hear it so it's no wonder why she got mad."

"What'd you say," I asked again.

"I said," Mikel moved closer to me in amusement, "I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world, Hailence Truit. Your brown eyes are beautiful. Your bronze hair is beautiful. Your skin is beautiful. Every freckle on your face is beautiful. Your lips are beautiful. Your long eyelashes are beautiful. Your tears are beautiful. Your smile is beautiful. Your frown is beautiful. Your breath is beautiful. Your voice is beautiful. Your laughter is beautiful. You're beautiful in every way, and I think it's cruel you're here. I think you should leave, no matter what it takes, because something so beautiful shouldn't suffer." And he watched for my reaction. I continued to look at him, thinking over those words.

"I'll tell you what I think," I said at last, "I think that after that speech, the word 'beautiful' no longer sounds like a word." And I smiled as he moved close enough to press his cool forhead against my own. I sometimes could forget what he looked like with that old guilty expression on his face, seeing as he no longer seemed to be feeling guilty about being around me. I looked into his eyes, and I could almost forget he was a vampire. And suddenly I was guilty instead. The thought of the reason behind his being able to be around me caused me to look away suddenly.

"What's wrong," Mikel asked, noticing the guilt automatically. He would be one to spot guilt a mile away.

"Nothing," I muttered, "I just.. You're not mad at me for making you feed on humans now so you can handle being around me?" I looked at him to make sure he couldn't lie to my face. "I thought that the last thing you liked to do was hurt people.."

Mikel smiled, "I'm not mad at you about that... I... well, you wouldn't understand it, but if I was to be mad at anyone, it definitely wouldn't be you." And he suddenly glared in the direction of the house. I took that as a glare meant for Katha. "Evanen's back." Or it could be a glare meant for Evanen as well, whatever.

Mikel frowned, obviously disappointed, but then he pressed his lips over mine before disappearing as always. Evanen appeared out of the darkness, moving his face into my view by stepping just above me. He looked down at me in obvious displeasure; something was eating him. I got up without a noise to follow him back to the house.

As the days/nights passed, I continued to sneak around in order to find some time to be with Mikel alone, but it was getting hard because as I continued into my inner peace, Evanen turned to inner turmoil at my quiet when it came to him. No longer was I asking him my curious questions towards vampirism, nor was I moving into my depression and in need of some sort of comfort by him. No longer was I waking him up at night in my annoying habit of being disturbed in some way. Ultimately, no longer was I agitated into a state of bothering Evanen for a sense in knowing I was alive myself.. and though it would seem my past acts of agitating Evanen would be tiresome or annoying, it turned out that Evanen thrived on those moments when I couldn't seem to be pleased into finding my own way towards amusement. Now that I had Mikel to think about... to hear his voice in my head every once in a while, and to be pulled out of the monotony of my slaved life into his arms, it seemed as though Evanen served as nothing but a guard against ultimate freedom with Mikel. Or that could be known as an enemy. And who wants to affiliate with the enemy everyday?

Not me. Exactly.

So, as I laid on the bed after another time of being with Mikel... this time we were talking in the living room without the presence of others while they all were hunting... Evanen appeared next to me on the bed. He was abnormally close, but I'd gotten used to his habit of wanting to be either my outer layer of skin.. or to be me himself. I turned to look at him, nose-to-nose, with a small smile. I hadn't talked to him in a long time. If I wanted to, I could just forget what his voice sounded like. Even though he tended to nag to me often.. but that didn't count when you weren't listening.

The smile seemed to be enough because Evanen looked relieved as he smiled as well. "It's been awhile since I've heard from you." And he placed his hand over my cheek as though he were affectionate of me. I ignored it.

"Maybe I don't have much to say," I stated, and I started to touch the strong texture of his face as well, always interested in how different he was from Mikel and me. It was weird how his outer skin seemed to hold some warmth, but then it was cancelled out by the sudden vampiric layers of skin underneath. Yet it was stone through and through, unlike the softer surface of Mikel's skin. I wondered what his blood looked like. It'd be cool if everyone had different blood color based on what type of person they were. I hoped mine would be orange. But only because it was my favorite color. I suspected Mikel's to be a soft pink... and then Evanen's would be a peircing blue, like his eyes.

Suddenly, Evanen moved his hand away from my face, gripping my own hand on his face, and he moved it to across his face. Then, without warning, he moved my hand to his mouth and bit down on my finger. With a sudden fear, I tried to jerk my hand back, but he kept a good hold on my hand. I started calming down when he didn't move to drain me dry, but instead just looked at the prick of blood on my fingertip that he had caused almost curiously. He suddenly let go of my hand almost relunctantly, and moved his gaze to my face.

"What would you say if I were to offer to change you into me right now," Evanen asked, and I looked at him suspiciously. I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not, and I was afraid to even think about it. "You could live forever, and all those questions about us, you could figure it out yourself. And if ever you change your mind about living the life, you could just throw yourself into the sun." And he paused. I was speechless.

"Right now," I asked uncertainly. He nodded, and I frowned. Then I turned away to look at the wall. Was this some sort of trick? I suspected it to be a trick. But then a weird thought flew into my head. If I were changed, I could escape from here. Even with Mikel. In fact, I could be with Mikel forever, and he wouldn't have to worry about accidently killing me... but this is vampirism here. Something that seems so seductive and sweet, yet may end up being the worse mistake to make in life. That's usually how it is.

Suddenly, Evanen moved closer to me, gripping my waist tightly before moving me closer to him. My heart started pounding in my chest with confusion, not sure what to say. "It'd be quick, and it'd solve so many different problems," Evanen said slowly. And he moved my hair away from my neck. Then he bent down, and I could feel his breath just above my skin. I could remember the pain of his fangs stabbing into my skin, and I tensed in anticipation. He rubbed his cheek against mine and kissed my neck sweetly before moving back beside me with a smile on his face.

"Nah," He said, "I think not... at least not now." And I turned to look at him, smiling back in relief. "I don't want you to leave this room anymore," he suddenly said. The smile fell from my face in half a second. Just the thought of being trapped in one room left an inner feeling of doom and dispair... along with rage.

"What do you mean," I asked, trying to keep myself from seething.

"I mean that I don't believe it's safe for you to leave this room anymore," Evanen stated, now himself no longer smiling. I felt like doing something, such as sitting up... walking around.. throwing things... punching Evanen. But I just continued to look at Evanen's serious face before turning to look up at the ceiling again. "Is that an agreement?"

I hesitated, and thought about being stuck in the room again. Just in one room. Forever. And without warning, tears burned into my eyes, and I lifted my hands to my eyes in a sob. I know, I'm a crybaby. But I felt Evanen's sudden concern and regret as he gripped my wrists gently.

"I don't want to be stuck in here all day everyday forever," I whined, rolling over to bury my face in the pillow. I felt like a two year old, but one does lose their age when presented with a problem like this. And it seemed to be working, because Evanen was biting back on his words.

Then he said, "I don't mean for you to be in here all the time. I mean when I'm not with you, I want you to be in here. And when I'm here, you can just call on me, and then you can leave here. I'll even take you to the garden all the time." I quieted my sobs to sniffling as I thought about this. How was I suppose to be able to be with Mikel anytime? But then again, that was better than being stuck in here all the time. Then I'd never even see Mikel.

"Okay," I said bitterly. I didn't want him to think I was up to anything, anyways. Plus, I could always just sneak... and be extra careful this time. So, I agreed to stay in the room unless Evanen was around to be my escort. It was a painful agreement, but one none-the-less.

~...~

I sat. It was a major feat to sit in one place for extended amounts of time, not counting the times I shifted positions in order to satisfy a pressurized pain of uncirculated oxygen. I wondered how it would be like to stay completely still so long that you gain pressure ulcers. Stage one must be bad enough, but I wondered if I could reach stage two... or even stage three. Probably not. It does hurt, after all.

And so, I sat. I was at the corner of the bed, leaning against the bed post. I was thinking; back into my placid state of deep thinking. Except this time, I had my eyes closed, and I was trying to draw the image of everyone I could imagine into my mind's eye. If I didn't do this often, I would forget Kyler's face indefinitely, but with the others, I may see them again. If not, I liked to see what I could recall on their image.

I could start with dad. Imagine his face of wrinkles, freckles, and old grey eyes that seemed to be getting more watery lately. From what I could remember, at least. Plus, his greying hair, which was starting to thin into apolcia (baldness). He was getting old... but it happens to everyone. Mostly. Unless you were a vampire. Sometimes I would imagine dad dying, and it would depress me so much I had to stop. But now I could do it without hurting as much.. It was as though he were already dead. But I used to imagine seeing his corpse within a coffin. I always assumed I would die before everybody I knew died, though. It seemed likely that I would forget about insulin or something.

Then I could imagine Kyler's face sharply, seeing as from the beginning, I was reminding myself of every aspect of her I could remember. I believe losing her image now would cause complete suicidal thoughts within myself. I could see her long, black hair with spikey ends. And her green eyes that seemed scary when she glared at anyone. She was smiling in my image. I always assumed she'd live forever. I never assumed I'd live forever. I didn't think that'd be possible.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep because I thought I would die before I woke up. They say it's because I have a fear of losing control, but it didn't happen too often. And when it did, it took forever to go to sleep. Sometimes I had to turn on some music or something, so that when I was falling asleep, I could know I wasn't dying.

I always assumed I would die some point soon. So becoming a vampire would be against any sort of plans I had made.

I missed being home. Who wouldn't miss being home? Well, besides those who were abused and ultimately had a dissatisfactory life... I miss walking around my neighborhood with Kyler or anybody. I miss hanging out by the bridge or going to concerts with my friends. I miss school. I miss the homework, the annoying teachers... Ms. Genny..., the gabbing during lunch, the daily checkup with the nurse, the boring lessons, and basically anything to do with being more free than I was now.