Notes: I'm not as fond of this as I am of the others, but it could have turned out much worse.

Day Six: Be My Valentine

"It came this morning, sir."

Bruce frowned at the pink envelope. "And you're sure it's for me."

"I'm near certain, Master Bruce. After all, it's addressed to you." And it was.

"Who sent it?"

Jason leaned across the table, shoveling eggs into his mouth. "Maybe I'm just hallucinating," he said. "But that looks like a clue on the front." Written in red ink across the front of the paper was To my Bat, from J.

"Too bad it won't get-" Tim was interrupted by the sound of torn paper. "-opened."

"Bruce," Dick said. "Does that mean he knows who you are?"

"Correction," Jason waved his fork in the air. "Who we are. And probably."

"This doesn't have anything to do with... what you had to talk to Catwoman about?"
Bruce held up a finger. "He wrote an address.

"What else did he write?" Jason asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. "A poem?"

Tim snatched the heart-shaped card from Bruce's hands. "He did."
"I was joking!"

"'Bats are black. Eyes are blue. I'd like to spend today with you.' That's kind of cute."

"Yeah," Jason rolled his eyes. "I'm squealing with excitement. What's the body count? There's got to be a body count."
"He's been out of the asylum for just under a month," Dick shrugged. "No body count."
"Don't tell me Arkham's working?"

"It's not Arkham," Dick and Tim both said, looking at Bruce. He was too busy looking at the card to notice them.

"Master Bruce," Alfred said. "Master Bruce! If you're done staring at the card, your date for the day is supposed to meet you in several hours."
"What's her name again?"

"Kimmy."

"Tell Kiki I'll have to cancel." Bruce stood. "I'm going to go meet the Joker."

"You going to the Cave?" Tim asked.

Bruce took his jacket off the coat stand and walked out the front door."

At a cheap-looking apartment building on Twenty-second Street, he buzzed up to Room 331.

"Hellooooo?"

"Five dollars a month is out of your budget. I don't know how you afforded this place."

"Bruuuuuucey-bat!"

"Or how you figured that out."

"Are you in uniform?"

"Either way, you're probably going back to Arkham."

"Cute. I'll buzz you in."

When Bruce woke up two hours later, he couldn't see. "Joker," he growled.

"Okay, first I want to apologize. It's a force of habit. It really is. I didn't mean to knock you out, it just kinda happened. Second, I want to let you know that this is probably the first time I have a really good reason for blindfolding you, so play along please, okay?"

"Get this thing off of me."

"Get it off yourself."

Bruce went to do so, surprised to find that he wasn't tied up.

"I'd appreciate it if you kept your eyes closed."

He wasn't sure why, did. He kept them shut until he felt something touch his shoulders, then he opened them. He was sitting in front of a small, banged-up wooden table. An uneven piece of lace was laid over it, with two plates- one in front of him, and one across from him. In the center was a cup with several wilted flowers in it. With a jolt, he realized that the Joker had buried his nose into his hair.

"What's all this?"

"Dinner. Or lunch. I'm pretty sure it's lunch."

"Why?"
"I'm asking you to be my valentine."

"Why?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Brucey." The Joker moved into view, and produced a rose. "You're pretty hot, and darling, I really, really want to make out with you again."

Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, right. And you've got a great personality. Also, I figured that if we're dating, you might not always bring me into Arkham. There are lots of more, ah, interesting places in the city."

"How do you know who I am."

"Easy. Bruce Wayne is probably the most well-known person in Gotham-"

"That's not what I meant."
"Oh. That." Joker twirled the rose between his fingers. "Funny story."

"My favorite."

"Drop the attitude, honey." He leaned forward and Bruce's breath caught in his throat, but all the Joker did was tuck the rose behind his ear. He sat down across the Bruce. "Did I ever tell you about the time the bat snuck into the cat's house?"

Bruce groaned quietly.

"No, it's a good one. They had their biggest argument yet, not knowing that the fish was watching the whole time!"

"Who's the fish?"

"Me."

"You're the fish?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Ooh. That's another funny story. But you know that one. So!" The Joker clapped his hands. "On the menu tonight, we were supposed to have steak and potatoes, but then I went broke. So instead I snuck into Starbucks and made two hot chocolates, which I'm pretty sure are popsicles by now, then I went to Safeway and got us donuts, and then I went to some other places- basically we're eating barbecued ribs, mac n' cheese, and several random pastries I managed to collect. And they're probably all stale. Dig in!"

Half-believing this was some sort of joke, Bruce lifted the lid to his plate, and saw all of the things the Joker had listed- a single rib, a few spoonfuls of macaroni, and a donut and an eclair. The Joker's plate had even less food on it.

"So... you're positive Batman is Bruce Wayne..."

"Yep."

"And there's no way I'm talking you out of this?"

"The date or your identity?"

"Both of them."
"No."
Bruce sighed and stood up. "We're going back to my place."

"Really?"

"Yes. And if you're lucky, we'll talk about a relationship."

The Joker squealed and grabbed onto Bruce's arm, following him out of the small apartment, down the stairs, and out the front door.

He called Alfred, explained that his date had moved to Wayne Manor (and that it wasn't Kimmy) and then let the Joker pick the radio station.

"I like this. No! This! Ahhhh! This is such a great- I like this one too!"

A few moments of awkward silence came after that.

"By the way," the Joker said after a few minutes. "We should probably talk about you abusing your Bat-powers to watch girls change."

"What?"

"I saw your breakup with Cat-lady. And I saw what happened beforehand."
"I didn't know she was going to change!"

"Of course not," the Joker said soothingly, then giggled. He was still holding onto Bruce's arm. "That night on the ferris wheel..."

"What about it?"

"Nothing."

Bruce shifted his arm, so that the Joker was holding his hand. "No killing people."

"I know. I've been good. Haven't you noticed."

Bruce pulled over on the side of the road. "Do we have a deal?"

"Yes. No killing people."

"Or maiming."

"Of course not. I'll try and keep away from robbery, too."
Bruce leaned over and pressed his lips against the Joker's cheek. "So, do we have a deal?"

"Yes," the Joker whispered, and pulled Bruce into a kiss. He ended up with his head in his lap, the Joker grinning as he petted his hair.

"This is really uncomfortable."

"It's your mistake."

"I can't have a sore back when I abolish crime."
The Joker sighed, and let Bruce get up. "You're no fun."

Bruce stepped on the gas and soon, they were approaching Wayne Manor. "How do you want to go inside? The Bat-way or the Bruce-way?"

"I don't really care. As long as we get to eat."
Bruce and the Joker walked in through the front door. Alfred glanced at the Joker and raised a cynical eyebrow.

"The boys are all out, sir."
"Smart of them."

"Could we get some food?" The Joker asked, and quickly added on, "Please."

Alfred glanced at Bruce. "Food would be great. I'm pretty sure he hasn't eaten in a few days. And he might be needing a room, too."
"I'll alert your well-equipped staff."

"How many people are working for you?" The Joker hissed as they sat down.

"I have no idea." He stopped to consider this. "I'm pretty sure it's just him."

When Alfred came back, the chairs were no longer across the table from each other. He sighed and set the food down- not that they noticed.