Love among the war
Chapter two
September 3rd
Potter,
It is not good that I'm writing you again, I guess. But I assume the bottle of firewhiskey, I even drunk alone, wasn't good as well.
For calming you, I didn't tell anyone about your letter nor what was in it. I even don't know why. But I think I would be sucked if anyone knows that I wrote the entire holidays with you.
I know about the wedding. I realized after it how… how they talked about it. They laughed and were mocking at the guests… it was one of that moments I hated it more than ever that they spread in our house and we cannot do anything against it.
I'm lonely too. Very much. The slytherins adore me, because I was the first, who… accompany them but they don't know anything. They don't know how it is. Technically no one does who haven't experienced it.
Merlin, I really, really don't know why I'm telling you this… MUST been because of the alcool. I can't imagine anything other.
I doubt that my term will be pleasant, Potter. There will be loads of blood. Everywhere. I hope I'm not going to come in contact with it. I honestly would never be a Gryffindor. I'm not courageous. In contrast, I'm a quite coward. I'm scared, Potter.
Are you scared, too?
D.M.
September 5th
Malfoy,
I really didn't expect that you would answer me. But I guess the last letter didn't write you but rather the alcool inside of you.
But I must admit I'm glad about it. Am I sick? Probably I am. I shouldn't be glad to write with a slytherin, a Malfoy, with you! I do it anyway.
I want to say I understand you but I don't do it so it would be a lie. But it is similar in Gryffindor. They look up to me. I'm something like a leading figure of the light since Dumbledore's death. They want me to kill Voldemort but they don't look behind the scences. They don't know what it means to have this mission. And I doubt that they understand one day.
We're not better than the death eaters, Malfoy. We kill, just like you. Some torture, just like you, admittedly not for fun but for getting some information. We split up families.
I sense that everything slips away. I lost control.
Yes, Malfoy, I am scared for hell. I guess I would be a fool If I'm not scared.
Harry
September 9th
Potter,
My mark burned today and quite hard. I think they're planning a new attack. I recommened not going out at the next Hogsmeade weekend. It isn't safe. It's nowhere safe.
Do you think it will be 'normal' anytime? So normal it could be. Without war and blood, without dead bodies, without death eaters… without him?
Honestly, I give up wondering why I'm writing to you. It must have been to do with the loneliness. They have picked up Nott from school today. His parents were too scared.
I… fuck, I want that my parents are too scared as well. I admittedly don't want to quit school (after all it's the only place where I'm halfway safe from the meetings) but that would show me that I'm not as worthless as I think I am for them.
Can I ask you something, Potter?
Draco
September 15th
Malfoy,
Have you seen McGonagalls' view today? Something's happened, I feel it. I just don't know what. I'm scared that some friends died again. On the one side, I want to know who but on the other hand I don't. Can you understand it? I can't.
Yeah, you can ask me something, Malfoy, but I reserved not to answer.
I've always thought you were something like a hallow for your parents. The boy who get everything. The only child which is spoiling by his parents. What has changed?
Harry
September 18th
Hey Potter,
Yesterday three of seven come back my Mum wrote me. I guess, your order was successful.
I really hope I have to wait a long time until I have to go with them but I'm afraid it will happen in the next holidays…
A hallow? Well, in so far as I am the only heir, yes. And I really got everything I ever wanted. But just physical things. My mother was always overworked with me so she pushed me off to the house elves. Father was rarely at home so he also didn't do anything with me. Sometimes we were fencing but that's all.
Now you know the sad secret about the childhood of the desired Draco Malfoy. What about you? You surely ate the famousness with spoons, didn't you?
Why don't you actually hate me, Potter? I should kill Dumbledore. And somehow, I'm to blame for his death in so far as I let the death eaters in. So why don't you detest me instead of writing me little letters?
Draco
September 24th
I want that this damn war stops. Also I know it has just begun. Today they found the corpse of Ron's brother Charlie. Everyone is shattered. Not me.
I think that I don't know how to mourn. I cannot cry. I'm empty, cold…
Ron and Hermione are just occupied with themselves and the Weasleys. Somehow I feel like an outsider because I completely don't know what to do.
I want that no one have to fight anymore. Nor you. No one of my classmates. I can't stand that we're going to be less and lesser and I can't stop it. At least not now.
The order tells me uninterrupted that I have to wait but I won't wait any longer. Merlin, the term has started nearly a month ago and I already have the sense everything is out of control. Although I was in the holidays more often outside than here, in school everything is more present. The hostilities between pure bloods and the rest is going to be worse, you must have noticed that, don't you?
By the way, I was in no way feed with fame. My relatives detest me as much as they detested my parents. They just picked me up because Dumbledore wanted them to. I lived in a cupboard under the stairs until I was eleven and didn't know that Hogwarts even exists. I doubt that you've imagine the life of Harry Potter like that when they have told you about me, did you?
I don't hate you, Malfoy, because I know you didn't have a chance. And don't worry, that's no pity – I hate that as much as you do. I know how it feels to be pushed in a role that you don't want. I know how it is when so much depends on your doings that you have the feeling to break down under that responsibility. You've done that because you wanted to protect our family and I have to do that all because I have to protect the world. The priorities are more or less the same.
Apart from this – you didn't do it. You can't do it. You aren't a murderer, Draco.
And I am absolutely sure, that you won't be one by choice.
Harry
October 8th
You called me by my first name!
October 9th
Are you kidding me? That's all you want to say about that?
October 13th
I was too shocked to notice anything other.
I want too that the war stops, you don't know how much. I wish that the Manor looks like before and not longer cold and full with blood. I've got meanwhile nightmares about it. Can you imagine that? I've got nightmares about my own home… At least it was my home.
Meanwhile I get nearly daily messages by my mother in which she tells me who was killed this time. Preferably I want to burn them unread…
I didn't know that about Weasleys' brother. But I can understand you. I guess I also can't mourn. I never cried quite much, that was one of the first things I give up. Apart from this, I really don't know how to express sorrow…
I've never thought that you grew up like this. I would say that I'm sorry for you but a little bird told me that you don't like pity as much as I do.
You're right – by Merlins' fizzing wand, did I say you're right?! I must be completely mad… -I don't want to kill. I don't want to rip families apart. But I know I have to otherwise HE will kill my parents. He told me before he has given me the mission to kill Dumbledore. How he will kill them. He told me each detail. Since then I dream every night about it. I'm the only hope for them to survive that war. Do you know what a terrible feeling that is? One mistake and I am to blame for the death of my parents…
To be honest, I am glad that you don't hate me. Am I silly?
Draco