Tandy was coming by to take me shopping for new maternity clothes. The ones I had from when I was pregnant with Maddie were boring, Belle Meade pregnant lady clothes. I wanted things this time that were more my style. I wasn't sure Tandy would know what that was exactly, but it was a chance for us to have a fun day. I was at the point where everything I owned was snug and it felt like any day now I would put on a pair of jeans or a skirt and not be able to zip them up. I didn't remember showing this much this early with Maddie, which kind of freaked me out a little until Dr. Norris told me it was normal for a second pregnancy.

I tried on what seemed like hundreds of pants and skirts, trying to find something that fit. Deacon found me sitting on the bed in my underwear, holding my favorite skirt, crying. Clothes were scattered all around the room and his eyes widened in surprise. He came and sat next to me, putting his arm around me. "What's wrong, Ray?" he asked.

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Nothing fits," I sobbed. "I'm fat."

I could feel him shaking with laughter. "Baby, you're not fat," he said gently. "You're pregnant." He put his hand over my stomach, which felt huge to me. "You're beautiful."

"You're just saying that to be nice," I cried.

He shook his head. "I'm saying it because it's true." He slid his hand into the waistband of my panties and snaked his hand down. "You look sexy," he whispered in my ear.

I squirmed a little. He was actually making me feel sexy right then. But Maddie was in her room and she could come running in at any moment. He slid his fingers down a little further and I rocked back and forth for just a second, enjoying the swirl of pleasure that was building inside me. Then I grabbed his wrist. "We'll have to save this for later," I whispered.

Reluctantly he moved his hand. "It's a date," he murmured in my ear. "Now go find some sexy mama clothes," he said with a smile.

I found a dress that was still reasonably comfortable and was ready when Tandy got there. I hugged Maddie and then Deacon before I left. I held Deacon a little longer just because I appreciated how good he made me feel. He knew I felt awkward and unattractive and he did everything he could to let me know that I was still desirable and that he thought I was gorgeous. Who wouldn't love a man who did that?

Tandy and I hit as many boutiques as we could in an afternoon that sold maternity clothes. She tried to get me to buy some more conservative outfits, but I was satisfied with my purchases. My tour was starting in two weeks and we had also stopped by my stylist's loft and went through some fittings. She had designed or pulled together quite an array of outfits for on stage that would accommodate my tummy throughout the tour while still giving me my signature denim and rhinestones look. The only part that made me sad was giving up my stilettos for ballet flats. But it made me nervous to think about prancing around on stage in high heels when I got a little further along. The best part of the day had been that I was out with my sister. Now we were looking for a place for lunch.

When we were settled at a table and had tea in front of us, I said "This was nice, babe. Thanks for going shopping with me."

Tandy smiled. "I had a good time. I think you got some pretty clothes."

Sitting down in the dress I was wearing made the material stretch tight across my stomach. I always hated how my tummy seemed to pooch out more when I was sitting then when I was standing. This was a tad uncomfortable, so I was happy to think I could wear something more comfortable after today. "I think Deacon will be happy that I've got some new clothes. Poor guy didn't know what to make of me crying in the middle of my entire wardrobe."

Tandy reached for my hand. "You seem really happy, babe."

I nodded. "I am happy, Tandy. I'm so proud of Deacon for making it one thousand eight hundred twenty five days now. Over four years! I wasn't sure he'd ever do that, but he has. Even you have to be impressed."

Tandy nodded. "I am. I didn't think he could do it. I'm even more impressed that you know how many days it's been. But you know it's not like he's cured. Something could set him off at any time."

I frowned. "Stop it. I think he's proven that he wants this. That he's committed to this and to Maddie and me. I wish you'd just accept that. I thought we'd gotten past all that."

Tandy sighed. "We have. But I'll always worry, sweetheart. It's what big sisters do. Especially when their baby sister lets her heart rule her decisions. I have to be the voice of reason."

I shook my head. "No, you really don't. Although I guess you won't stop doing it." I rubbed my stomach. This dress was uncomfortably tight all of a sudden, it felt like. Changing the subject, I said, "After we eat, can we stop by your place and let me change into one of my new outfits? This dress is a whole lot tighter than I thought it was. My stomach must have grown just this afternoon!"

Tandy smiled briefly. "Well, you are wearing something that's not for a woman in your condition. Not surprising."

"I just can't believe how huge I am at twelve weeks."

"Oh, sweetheart, you are not huge. You hardly show." She cocked her head to one side. "Has Deacon said something that makes you feel that way?"

I scowled at her. "Of course not. He never says that kind of thing." I sighed. "I guess it's just me. I want to be sexy for him and I just don't feel sexy."

Tandy smiled her saucy smile. "Oh, I see. Well, I can tell you, babe, that I have never seen Deacon look at you when he didn't look like he wanted to throw you down on a bed and have his way with you. Even now. You two can hardly keep your hands off each other. I'm guessing you're still having sex every night, probably more than once."

I gasped and blushed. "Tandy!" She was always so much more out there about sex and talking about sex. I wasn't sure I wanted to discuss my sex life with Deacon like that.

Tandy winked and smiled. "I'm right, though, aren't I?"

I looked away, but I couldn't help but smile. "I guess. That's never been our problem." I looked back at her. "But I love him, Tandy. With my whole heart. All I have to do is look at him and it makes my whole day. I really do wish you'd understand that." Just then, our food came and when the server left, we moved on to more mundane topics.

Tandy dropped me off after I had changed at her house. Even though I wasn't completely ready to wear maternity clothes, my mood really was lifted by wearing clothes that were comfortable. So I had a huge smile on my face when I walked in the house. Deacon was in the kitchen and I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him.

"Hey, babe."

He turned to face me and then he took a step back, a look of surprise on his face. "That's not what you wore when you left," he said.

I shook my head. "No, it's not. I went by Tandy's and changed. That dress was so tight." I turned around slowly so he could see the new jeans and long sleeved eyelet baby doll top. "Do you like it?"

He had kind of a strange look on his face and then he nodded. "Yeah, baby, you look great," he said quietly. He put one hand on his waist and the other covered his mouth. His eyes looked pained.

"Deacon, what's wrong?" He was scaring me. This was not the reaction I was expecting.

"I…um." He stood looking at me for a moment, looking down at my stomach covered with the light, flowing material. He put both hands on his waist for a minute, then he turned and walked outside.

I stood at the counter, resting my hands on it as I breathed in and out slowly. I couldn't figure out what was bothering Deacon. Was it the clothes? I felt a shiver of unease crawl up my back. Finally I walked out to find him sitting on the stoop, staring off at nothing. I sat down next to him, not touching him. "What's going on, babe?" I asked quietly.

He didn't look at me, just rubbed his face with his hands. I waited him out. Finally he said, "It just really kind of hit me in the gut about missing all this with Maddie. I thought I was doing ok with it, but maybe I'm not."

I felt a shiver of worry. Deacon hadn't withdrawn like this in a long time. I wondered if he was feeling a little out on the ledge. I watched his face and could see him clenching and unclenching his jaw, hear the hitch in his breath. He still wasn't looking at me and I felt a huge lump in my throat. "Do you need some space?" I asked him quietly.

He hunched his shoulders and looked down at the ground, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. "I don't know," he whispered.

I wrapped my arms around my waist and breathed in slowly, trying to fight the tears that threatened me. "Do you need me to call Coleman?" I asked over the lump in my throat. It had been such a long time since we'd been in this place. I'd almost forgotten what it was like for Deacon to fight the need for a drink or a pill.

He leaned forward and rubbed his face with the heels of his hands. Then he sat up and finally turned to look at me. His eyes were red and sorrowful. The look on his face broke my heart. Then he reached out and put one hand on my cheek and rubbed it with his thumb. "I just need you, Rayna," he said finally.

I felt tears spill down my own cheeks. "I'm right here, babe," I said softly, covering his hand with mine and leaning into his. "What do you need?"

He reached for me and pulled me against his side. Then he took his left hand and ran it down over my stomach and then under the blouse, resting it there. I put one arm around his waist and covered his hand with my own and we sat there for a long time, while he buried his face in my hair, breathing in deeply. Finally he whispered against my hair, "I love you, Ray."

"I love you, too," I whispered back.

He took a deep, ragged breath, then said, "I have never been happier in my life, Rayna, than right now. I'm just sad to have missed all this when you had Maddie. When I saw you…like this, it just reminded me of all that."

I turned slightly and put my hands on either side of his face and leaned in to kiss him softly. I realized this really was all new for him. "I'm sorry you missed it, too. I thought about you every single day and I wished you were there with me for every minute of it. But I don't think you would love Maddie any more than you do now if you'd been there then. And I know she wouldn't love you any more than she does now. I'm just so happy we get to go through it together this time."

Deacon looked deep in my eyes and then he got up, reaching his hand out to help me up. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other and then he reached for me and folded me into his embrace. I held him tightly, breathing in slowly, while he ran his hands slowly over my back and rested his head on top of mine. When he pulled back, he leaned down and kissed me. Then he took a step back, took my hand and led me back in the house.

I kept my eye on him, but he seemed to shake off the melancholy. We had a fun night giggling with Maddie and watching kids' movies. Later that night, we laid in bed, snuggled up to each other, and he said softly in my ear, "One thousand, eight hundred twenty five."

Tears rolled down my face. "I am so, so proud of you, babe," I said, today maybe more than any day in a very, very long time. I still thought there was something else bothering him, but I wanted to let him tell me when he was ready. For now, though, we seemed okay and that was enough for me.