Chapter 10

Getting In Too Deep

A cold air had come over the Legacy that evening, and Starla grasped her jacket, holding it ever tighter to her chilled skin, as she walked slowly around the deck. She hadn't seen Jim much after what happened with the star and Arrow, and when she did manage to find him, he refused to speak to her. She was a tad hurt, but understood. She wanted to grab hold of him, shaking and hugging him until he could see that no, he wasn't responsible for what happened to Arrow. But not wanting to crowd him, she let him alone.

So there she was, gazing up at the millions on millions of stars surrounding their vessel, alone and deep in thought. Her left wrist was tied with a cloth bandage, and she was told not to use it much. She sighed as she looked at her bandaged wrist, leaning against the mast of the Legacy. Her good hand made its familiar path to the chain around her neck, where she twisted it round her finger, fiddling with the charm. Eyes shut; she tried to block everything out except her own thoughts.

She was still playing her part for Silver and the rest of the crew; friendly with Jim but acting like her old self at the meetings late at night. Except it wasn't like that at all. She remained in the background, not saying a single word at the crew's meetings. And Jim… Friends didn't apply to them whatsoever, did it? She could feel herself falling deeper, and hated herself for it. She reminded herself that she barely knew him, but there was always a small voice in the back of her mind, reminding her that all they did was talk. All the hours they were stuck together each day, doing chores and whathaveyou for Silver. He had opened up to her about his deepest thoughts, dreams, and pains. She had told him most everything about her. Starla had talked to him of things she hadn't even told Silver of.

On the one hand, she wanted to tell Jim the whole truth, not leaving anything out. What her parents were; what she was. Silver's plan, all of it. Starla wanted him to know everything. But on the other hand, Silver had taken her in when anyone else who had happened upon her would have shooed her away, or even killed her. She was indebted to him, and needed to do her job within the mutiny.

But her heart wasn't in it, not at all. She couldn't do it anymore; she needed to stop the mutiny. Starla planned to talk to Silver about it, after tomorrow's meeting. There was one planned early in the morning; Silver was angry with Scroop about Arrow. She hoped beyond all hope that she was right in thinking Silver would understand; she knew that she wasn't the only one that had grown close to Jim. He had as well. She didn't how she would stop the mutiny, but she had to try.

The pungent smell of smoke pulled her from her thoughts, and Starla opened her eyes and looked ahead, to see Silver climbing out of the galley, smoking his pipe.

"That thing will kill you," Starla said, shooting him a half-smile. Silver chuckled and shook his head at her. He looked suddenly over to his right; she turned as well, and looked up to see Jim sitting in the shrouds, fiddling with a short piece of rope in his hands. Starla gave Silver a look, and walked over to him.

"Jim?" She called up quietly, leaning against the railing. He looked down at her, nodding in her direction.

"Hey," he said, then went back to staring at the stars in front of him. Starla bit the inside of her lip, trying to think of something to say.

"It wasn't your fault," Starla called to him gently. He sighed, a frustrated expression clear on his face. She continued on. "Half the crew would be spinning in that black abyss, if not for -" She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she spoke, her voice getting quieter when he threw the piece of rope into the aforementioned black abyss.

Starla stopped mid-sentence when he jumped down, cutting her off.

"Look, don't you get it?!" Jim said loudly, jumping down from the railing and walking up to her. Starla raised an eyebrow, biting her tongue -again, quite literally- and waiting for him to get it all out. "I screwed up! I mean, for two seconds, I thought I could do something right, but - Aagh! I just…" He gripped his hair in frustration, walking away from Starla. She followed slowly, wanting to get through to him. Silver stood back, watching them, and Jim stepped up to the mast, leaning against it. Silver looked down at Jim, and Starla heard the latter sigh.

"Sorry. Just… forget it. Forget it," the pair heard Jim say, most likely to the woman. She moved closer to him, watching him as she stuck her hands in her pockets, before giving Silver a pleading look.

He reached a hand out, gripping Jim by the shoulder and pulling him to turn and face him. Starla watched from just behind him; her eyes peeking over the cyborg's shoulder.

"Now, you listen to me, James Hawkins," Silver said when Jim finally looked up at him. Starla's eyes softened when she saw his were wet with tears. "You got the makings of greatness in ya, but ya gotta take the helm and chart your own course," Silver began, and she couldn't help but give a small smile. Silver really did care for this boy, as she did. Starla could see Jim breathing heavily, trying to hide his own sadness. "Stick to it, no matter the squalls," Silver went on, gesturing to Jim with his pipe. "And when the time comes and ya get the chance to really test the cut of your sails, and show what you're made of, well… I hope I'm there, catchin' some of the light comin' off ya that day," Silver finished, closing his eyes and opening his arms wide, a light smile on his face.

Jim's breath came in light pants, and Starla reached her good arm out to place a hand on his shoulder, rubbing light circles on his left shoulder blade. Silver smiled down at Jim, and the latter lurched forward, bending his head down and leaning it against Silver's belly. Starla smiled at Jim's back then, before smiling full-on at the look on Silver's face. She didn't think she'd ever seen him more confused.

Starla heard Jim sniffle softly, saw a small smile on Silver's face. "There, there, lad. It's all right, Jimbo," Starla heard him say. Silver froze a moment, before closing his eyes and giving Jim a quick hug. "It's all right," he said once more, before pulling away from Jim, clearing his throat. "Now, Jim, I - Uhm. I best be getting about my watch," Silver said with a smile, gesturing to the rest of the ship. "And you two best be getting some shuteye," he finished, pushing Jim towards the young woman.

Jim stumbled lightly before righting himself. He looked down at Starla, and she reached out with her good hand to grab his hand, smiling. Jim looked over his shoulder at Silver, giving him a smile. Silver waved goodbye, and Jim turned back to Starla, still smiling. She squeezed his hand, pulling him with her towards the door to the crew's quarters.

She walked backwards, watching Jim as he let her drag him towards the stairs. She dropped his hand right as they reached the entrance, and pulled him into a hug. He held her close as she kissed his cheek, and she was reminded of their last goodbye outside this door.

"Sorry. For snapping at you," Jim whispered in Starla's ear, distracting her from her thoughts. She smiled wistfully, before answering.

"It's alright, darlin'. I understand."

They stood there for another while, just breathing and holding each other. It seemed saying goodnight would always be a dragged-out experience. Not that she's complaining. Starla smiled to herself as that thought crossed her mind, and she pulled back from Jim, grabbing onto his hand once again. He smiled at her, and this time he led the way down the steps.

He walked with Starla to her hammock, and hugged her once more, whispering "Goodnight, Starla," in her ear. He pulled back and she smiled up at him, whispering "Goodnight, Jim," back.

The expression on his face confused her for a moment. He looked tired, like he was in a dream-state, and calculating. She raised an eyebrow at him, but he simply leaned forward, planting a quick kiss on Starla's mouth. He turned around immediately after, walking over to his cot. She stood there, frozen for a moment. After a moment, she shook her head, shrugging her jacket off and balling it up into a pillow as she laid down into her cot. She fell asleep with a kiss on her mind.