Joker grinned as Beni settled herself more comfortably in his lap, short arms already reaching for the controls.
"Not so fast, kid. You've got a lot to learn before you're even half the pilot I am. First of which is, do we have the commander's permission for this?"
Beni tilted her head back, wrinkling her nose in way that said clearly she thought he might be a little off in the head.
"Papa said I could visit you."
"Visit me or play with the ship? I will not be taking responsibility if you wreck us into a planet so let's just be clear on that."
"She said you'd teach me to fly."
"Good enough. When?" He watched for any signs of deceit from the child, but her face was clear when she chirped, "Yesterday."
Beni wasn't one for lying, he knew, but personally at her age he'd have lied through his teeth to get his hands on a ship as fine as the Normandy. He'd allied with Cerberus for little more than that and a pocketful of promises.
He nodded to the console, "Spread your hands over it. Keep your wrists loose, you have to be able to move fast."
"In case we're attacked?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of debris. Sure, in case we're attacked, if you want to be your father's daughter."
Beni nodded in satisfaction, turning back to her task. Joker chuckled at her reflection in the glass, tongue sticking out from between her teeth as she focused her whole being on arranging her hands just so. One day she was going to be a demanding perfectionist; he pitied her crew, by the time he finished with her she would know the ins and outs of flying better than her own pilot. Shepard insisted she was going to be a scholar like her mother, but if she didn't end up a captain of her own ship he'd eat his dress uniform, medals and all.
"What now?" He glanced down, adjusting her hands on the controls slightly; her eyes studied his movements carefully.
"Try tapping into the intercom. Say something silly."
Hardly had the words left his mouth than he was regretting it; Beni was about as sharp as a whip-crack, something else she had probably learned from her mother.
Beni pressed on the comm, face scrunching up in concentration. "You know, I changed my-"
"Mama! Come watch! I got the ship!" Joker winced at the piercing trill; thankfully, she hadn't taken his advice. Problem with authority figures: check two for being her father's daughter, or maybe his honorary niece.
"Anyone ever tell you that you got a siren's pipes? I guarantee you didn't need the comm, they probably heard you down in engineering."
Beni glanced up at him questioningly, trying to decide if it was a serious criticism. Joker grinned disarmingly and she relaxed again, curling her feet up under her.
He winced and shifted her weight slightly, when did she get so big? Could they stop it? He patted her head fondly, still not entirely sure how a hair-ruffle would translate to an asari.
Beni giggled, "What now?"
"Now we ease up a little on the engines."
"Slower?" There was definitely a whine in the little voice.
"You're right, go ahead and give it a go. There's a reason this ship has top-end gear."
"And it is not for the purpose of giving over to toddlers for joy-rides, Joker."
Joker bent to cover Beni unthinkingly, surprised at the sharp voice at his back. He straightened almost immediately when he realized it was none other than the Shadow Broker herself come to watch her daughter at her first, and judging from the look on her mother's face, only flying lesson.
"Joy-ride? The Commander teach you that one? I didn't have asari pegged for the joy-riding type." Now he was babbling, and that had sounded singularly insolent; Shepard's fondness for him was probably the only thing keeping Liara from putting him out the airlock.
Well, that and he was a da-
He looked at Beni guiltily, censoring himself even in the privacy of his own thoughts. He was a darned fine pilot.
How long had he been doing that? How much longer until he could stop? The kid was bound to pick up a word or phrase in one of their ports of call. How much longer until Liara decided she was old enough to hear and say them?
Probably never. He was resigned.
Beni was wriggling in his lap, trying to crawl across to her mother; Joker absently loosened his grip, moving to pass her over but Liara waved him off.
"I don't see the harm in staying, but let's not teach her that top-speed is an appropriate cruising rate?"
"Aye, aye." He chirped. Liara raised a brow and Joker found himself blushing. She had a way of putting everyone in their place whether she intended it or not. Thankfully, Beni hadn't mastered the trick yet.
With Liara standing so near his attitude was considerably subdued as he ordered Beni to increase speed and drift, but only slightly.
She shared a commiserating look with him, as if to say she knew the value of his beloved ship even if her mother couldn't fully appreciate its power yet.
They both jumped when Liara spoke again; if she kept this up he was going to have a permanent twitch. "Joker, did you ever find that lost data-pad?"
His hackles rose almost immediately, "No. It must have been taken, and when I find the… one responsible I'm going to overload his equipment with so many viruses it will make the Fornax site seem positively clean."
"Fornax?" Beni chirped.
"Silly name for a silly magazine." Little pitchers, big ears, he reminded himself.
Liara was truly glaring now; he was fairly certain she was considering having him spaced regardless of Shepard's objections.
"Sorry, Li. There was a lot of stuff on there."
"And most of it probably illegal in Alliance space."
"Probably about half, yeah."
Liara's lips quirked into an unwilling smile, he could see a spark of mischief there. "I think you should ask Garrus; he has an impressive collection of supplies."
She moved off, casting one final glance over her shoulder. Joker could swear he heard something like a giggle.
"Beni, new plan. Let's lock down the main battery."
"I think Uncle Garrus is in there."
"I think so too."