A/N: Hey! Sorry it's been so long. Instead of offering excuses, I'll just give you the chapter. I am planning to hopefully continue this story, but due to school and general life craziness, I'm not sure when I'll be able to update. Sorry! Anyways, here ya go! Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or the characters. :(

The hours tick by, enunciated by the constant beeps of machines. The sound of Sam's heartbeat is the only thing that keeps me sane. I don't know how long I've sat here, by his side, watching him. Each beep of the machine brings a flood of relief that he is still alive. The silence has been killing me, so every so often, I think up some random, reminiscent story to tell him. Then silence stretches on. Then another story.

"You always did say I'm allergic silence," I whispered, smiling through my tears. I'm running out of stories, so I'm switching to random tidbits now. Please just wake up.

"I have to agree with Sam on that one McNally. You have a unique gift for filling time with senseless babble."

Looking quickly towards the door, I see Oliver standing there. At least he's okay.

"Hey Oliver," I say softly, "How are you? I'm glad you're okay. You had me worried. Sam too."

"That's just part of my charm, McNally," he smiled weakly. "I'm fine really. Just a bit of a headache, but nothing to be too concerned about. How's my brother doing?"

"The doctors say he's doing good," I reply. Oliver moves in from the doorway and pulls up the other plastic chair beside own.

"How do you think he's doing?" he asks as he settles into the chair.

"I wish I knew," I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. I tightened my grip on Sam's hand.

"Well, you know Sammy. He's a tough guy. Or at least he pretends to be. He'd never go like this. Won't give up his tough guy act."

"He's pretty damn stubborn," I laugh weekly.

"He's stubborn alright."

Oliver and I sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes. I rubbed circles gently on the back of Sam's hand. Feeling Oliver watching me, I attempted to ignore him. Wait a second...

"Shouldn't you be in a bed of your own right now?" I ask quickly, suddenly realizing that Oliver is wearing the uniform he had been wearing when he had disappeared.

"The doctor said I should be, but news travels quick enough. Besides, I'm fine. It's Sammy and Chloe we need to worry about."

Chloe.

"Have you heard anything about how she's doing?"

"She's stable. Dov's a mess."

"I bet." Poor Dov. I know exactly how he feels.

"So are you. I can see it burning in you McNally. Don't let it eat you up. What's chewing at you?"

"Nothing," I mumble.

"Since when does the McNally I know refuse an opportunity to talk with no cap on how long it can go for? Come on McNally, this is not a common gift offered to you. Talk. You're good at it."

Silence stretched on for several minutes. Oliver just waited. When I finally looked up at him, he prompted me with a smile.

"This is my fault Oliver," I whisper.

"Did you pull the trigger McNally?"

"No, but I-"

"Then how could this possibly be your fault?"

"I left!"

"Maybe I'm just a little confused with the concussion and all, but I don't really see how these two separate events correlate," Oliver said, raising an eyebrow.

"I left, screwing up my chances with Sam, and 15 needed more patrol officers, so in walks Cruz. Then I find out Cruz is bipolar, but am too damn stupid to tell anyone, even when she starts losing it. So she goes and pisses of Madman Ford. I could have stopped this whole mess from happening several times Oliver! If I hadn't left, or at least acted on what I saw in Cruz, then Chloe and Sam wouldn't be fighting for their lives, and you would have never gotten kidnapped! Oh God! How could I be such an idiot? God, Oliver! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" The tears slid down my face and I squeezed Sam's hand tighter, staring at his face. At least he looks peaceful.

"McNally, look at me," Oliver said softly, "Look at me McNally". Slowly, I raised my eyes to meet his, and came into contact with a look of compassion and sincerity.

"This is not your fault McNally. This is no one's fault except for Ford's. He's the one who shot Chloe and Sam. He's the one who took me. And as for Cruz, maybe this would have happened anyways. We do our job. We protect people. Cruz was trying to protect those kids. Maybe she did it the wrong way, but that's our job. We take the risks so other people don't have to. Every day we go out there knowing we might not come back in. I have no regrets McNally. If I had the choice, I would do this day all over again, and I doubt I would change anything. We react the way we react. We don't know the future. We do what we think is right. You do what you think is right. I've watched you McNally. I've seen you grow into who you are now. You've always been compassionate. No matter what, you will do what it takes to help people. We all will. You will. I will. Chloe will. Sam will. This in not your fault McNally, and you're going to have to accept that you can't control the world, and you can't blame yourself for every misstep."

"Thank you Oliver." I don't know if I believe him yet, but a weight does feel like it was lifted off my chest.

We sat in companionable silence for some time, before Celery came to collect Oliver.

"Take care of by brother McNally," Oliver said as he left, "I'm trusting you with him."

"I'll do my best," I said, smiling as he leaves. After a couple minutes of the silence eating at me again, I can't hold it in.

"I'm sorry Sam," I whispered softly.

"He was right you know. Not your fault,"