A/N: Just to reiterate, I still am no closer to owning Chuck. You can say it, I'm a slacker. Actually, I have been slacking on making the timeline clear. Just to reestablish, started at 7pm on Valentine's as posted. Kidnapping about 8. Figure, get Casey, pick up Sarah, go to Castle, find Chuck, get Chuck, back to Casey's, doctor, cd message, wait for phone call, etc. Is now 1am, leaving them 23 hours to meet end of day demand. For this, my sincere apology.

Chapter 5: Jill

1:00am

"Sarah?" Walking into the courtyard, he spots her sitting at the fountain. Head down and shoulders slumped in defeat, she pretends not to hear him. Chuck closes the distance. "Sarah, we need to talk."

"Go away, Chuck."

"Let me think about that...ummm...no." Moving a few steps closer.

"I'm not playing around. Leave me alone!", her voice tight and controlled. He can see tremors from the tension in her shoulders.

"I can't Sarah. Besides, you don't really want to be alone. You wouldn't be here, right outside Casey's door, if you wanted to be alone." Cautiously, he edges nearer while speaking softly.

There's a note of warning in her tone at his continued approach, "Be careful Chuck. You feel safe because you think you know me. What if you're mistaken?"

"That would be a problem. Luckily, I'm not. Talk to me Sarah. This isn't just about Jill being pregnant. Whatever has you so upset goes much deeper. Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong." Settling to the fountain's edge about a foot from her, he waits.

For the first time, her head comes up. "You're always so damn sure of yourself. I'm a highly trained CIA agent with nearly 10 years of experience. What if all of this has been an act to keep an asset wrapped around my finger? Did you ever consider that, Mr. Know-it-All?"

As she watches, he ponders her statement. His reply catches her off guard. "Yes, I have considered it. And for a while, I was pretty sure you were doing exactly that." Before she can speak, he pushes on. "But those times are long gone. You ask how I can know you so well? There's no mystery. We're practically the same person, minus the killer ninja moves of course."

Chuck slides a few inches closer to her and explains, "For starters, our parents never did us any favors. You know my story and I've come to learn some of yours. We were forced to find new family. I had Ellie, you turned to the CIA. But, we both had to become independent at way too young an age. On the one hand, you grew quickly and never had much of a childhood. Most would say I have successfully avoided growing up to this day. Even so, we still had to overcome a lot of the same obstacles."

"More recently, I saw the yearbook at your reunion, Miss Jennifer Burton. Jenny the band geek, chess club chick, science nerd. Ring any bells? If I remember the list correctly, you hit at least six of the geek all-star top ten list of school activities. I was only able to get to five and Morgan....well let's just call him a true all-star and leave it at that. We weren't cool or part of the in crowd. Trust me when I say, I know what it feels like to be pointed at and talked about. Can't be too inconspicuous when you're tall enough to be seen from the space shuttle by eighth grade.. For friends, I had Morgan and that was it. Reading the clues, I assume you didn't even have that."

He takes her silence as permission to keep going. "I even understand the attraction to Bryce. After all, he is the good looking, popular guy that probably ruled the school. The same guy that wouldn't give Jenny the time of day as they pass in the hallway. Who could resist when he comes chasing after you a few years later. I guarantee if Teri Stringer walked up and wanted to date me all of a sudden, I would jump at the chance." She raises an eyebrow and he quickly amends. "I mean to say, I would have. Years ago, not now of course. What can I say, she was head cheerleader."

"My point is, the first two-thirds of our lives could have been different chapters in the same story. We've diverged a bit from our humble beginnings. But, Sarah Walker, at the core we're a couple of nerds. That's how I can be sure I know you."

"Wait a minute. You think I'm a nerd?"

"The most beautiful, capable, deadly, amazing nerd ever. But yeah, pretty much.", grinning at her.

Looking deep into his eyes, "Okay then, what am I thinking now?"

"Let's see. If we push past the obvious, how many ways can I kill him with a fork, thoughts you were just having.", smiling softly before sobering. "You were thinking, 'How could this be happening again?'"

Sighing, "You're pretty close, on both counts. Except I was leaning more towards using a spoon."

"Oh boy, I can't get enough of that spy humor. Listen Sarah, I can't go back and change it no matter how much I wish it. I most certainly can't apologize enough for it. Words will never make it right. Honestly, I thought I was protecting you by pulling back. That was a mistake. I ended up cutting myself off from the person that could have saved me from a whole lot of pain."

"Although, I did learn something on my quest for normal. The genie is out of the bottle. I've seen the monster under the bed and know all too well what goes bump in the night. One day when the Intersect is gone from my head, I won't be able to simply unlearn all of this. Going back to my life and ignoring all the evil in the world will be impossible. What normal person in their right mind would have anything to do with me? Plus, how could I settle for just normal when I've known the exceptional."

Sarah looks away. "Before you say any more, I need to know one thing. Am I always going to come in second with you? You've risked your life for Ellie and Morgan and people you barely know. Now you're going to put yourself on the line for Jill and her baby, even after all that she's done to you. No matter what I say, I can't stop you from taking these chances. How can I believe you care about me as much as you say if you won't let me do my job?", she whispers.

"First, let me get one thing perfectly clear. Yes, I'm doing this for Jill and the baby. Even though she's betrayed me at every opportunity, how could I live with myself if I do nothing. You read the note same as I did. Leader has someone close to her and will kill her if I don't cooperate." His voice more angry than she's ever heard, Chuck grinds out, "I cannot, will not, stand by and do nothing if it leads to an innocent, unborn life paying the price."

After a few calming breaths he adds, "But, I'm sure you already guessed that. As to your question, I'm so sorry, Sarah. My answer is yes. You'll always come in second."

She whirls to face him, shocked and wounded at those few words. But his eyes hold something more. She freezes as he reaches out, stroking the lines from her brow. "Until you allow me the great honor of putting you first. It has to be your decision to let go and permit another person to be strong for you once in a while. I can do it. Believe me, I want to do it."

"Chuck, I.....", searching for the words.

Finishing for her, "....have a hard time talking about your feelings. I know that Sarah, and I don't mean to push you. Let's try a different tack. They say that actions speak louder than words. What were your actions last night supposed to say to me?"

"I'm tired Chuck." Sarah takes a moment's pleasure at Chuck's surprised look. She can still catch him off guard. "I'm tired of being hurt every time you decide to take a step back. I'm tired of seeing the pain in your eyes when I push you away. Aren't you tired of all the wondering and the games?" More easily than she expected, the words start tumbling out. "I'm the agent. Me. The one who's supposed to know better, follow the rules. Believe me Chuck, I've seen what happens when things go wrong. Attend enough funerals and see enough devastated survivors, the lesson is learned quickly."

Pressing her fingers together, twining and then separating over and over in a nervous gesture, Sarah doesn't hold back. "That would never be me. It's what I promised myself. No heartbroken Sarah Walker standing by a casket. The rules are there to protect you, keep you safe. Then, I went to Bryce's funeral. Even following the rules wasn't enough, I had to go beyond them or it could happen again."

Chuck reaches to cover her hands with one of his. Her fingers go still at the warm touch. "I can understand that Sarah. I've never made it easy for you to do the right thing. For that, I apologize. What made last night different?"

Bringing his hand up, she rests her cheek against it. Closing her eyes, Sarah shares more. "You see, pain from the loss was easy to understand. People crying and yelling and making promises they can't keep to bring back a loved one. I could make sense of all that. To me, the real mystery was what came later. As they had time to grieve, I would hear the same thing. They wouldn't go back and do it any differently. How could people purposely set themselves up for that kind of torment?"

"Now I know why. When you find that one person, how can you not want everything you can get. We've lost so much time already. If you hadn't come to me, I was going to come to you. Tomorrow is only a promise, there are no guarantees. Can you live with that?"

"I have to Sarah. The alternative is no life at all."

"This is important Chuck. Do you realize what you're asking of me? Do you understand what I would expect from you in return?"

"I do. Hey, no one ever said love was easy."

Sarah leans closer. "Is that what this is? Love?"

Chuck mirrors her movement. "I believe it falls within the rough definition. We earn extra leeway based on our unique situation."

"Aren't you ever serious?" She says with a dawning smile as their lips draw closer together.

"Only when my life isn't in constant danger. You do the math."

"Chuck."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and kiss me already, nerd."

"My pleasure ya big geek."

"I can still get that spoon..." Her comment is cut short by what she later calls the first real kiss she's ever had. Followed by the second, then the third.....

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Up and at'em big guy. I've got a phone call to make." Chuck comes barging back in to Casey's with Sarah in tow. "But first, we need to come up with a plan and I think I have an idea. Casey, do you have one of those SubQ-X80's?"

"Bartowski, how the hell do you know about the SubQ-X80? That's a highly classified piece of equipment."

"Well, so am I. And, it was in the Castle manual's index for standard inventory items. I just figured you like your toys so much, you might have brought one home to play with."

"Toys! One of these days I'll show you toys, moron." Then, he looks a bit sheepish. "Yeah, I happened to bring one home with me. So I could familiarize myself with the operation of course. It's upstairs. Don't get comfortable." Grumbling, Casey stomps away.

Sarah grabs Chuck's arm and spins him around to face her. "What did we just get done talking about? You're supposed to let me protect you. Do you know what a SubQ-X80 is?"

"Yes, Sarah I do...."

"It's a subcutaneous GPS homing beacon...." Sarah's voice getting louder as she talks.

"I know. That's why I was think......."

"...with an integrated, remote kill switch. As in, it kills the person carrying it. Well, that's not going to happen. I forbid it. We can think up some other plan that doesn't involve injecting you with one of those."

Casey returns with a small black box. "Sorry Agent Walker, but I have to side with the kid on this one. We've been playing pretty fast and loose tonight and gotten lucky. If we hand over Bartowski to the Leader without taking any precautions, the General will skin us alive. We'd be lucky to get assigned to the south pole guarding penguins."

Looking between the two, Sarah says, "Okay then, what about the X50? We can track Chuck with that just fine, but no kill switch."

Casey rolls his eyes, "The X50 is last year's tech. It has neither passive nor burst transmit modes, won't punch through nearly as many floors of a building or work underground.....and we don't have one."

"Sarah, it's going to be okay. I know what I'm doing and I fully intend on coming back." Resting his hands on her shoulders, Chuck smiles for her. "Yes, your job is to protect me, but the bigger job is to protect everyone. The longer I'm with Leader, the riskier it gets." Pointing to his head, "If he finds out what's in here, well, you know the rest."

"There's got to be a better way."

"I wish there was Sarah. Believe me, I really wish there was."

"Okay, enough chit-chat. Let's get this done before Bartowski chickens out." Setting the box down, Casey flips open a panel to reveal a small keypad and fingerprint scanner. Above the keypad are two glowing, red lights.

"I always love how you sugar coat everything Casey. It really brings out your warm and cuddly side. Maybe I should have asked to get one of these implanted months ago." The banter falls flat with the gravity of the situation.

Chuck and Sarah look on as Casey types in a short code and places his finger on the scanner. After a few seconds, one of the lights changes from red to green. "Okay, now we can activate the tracker whenever we want. They can take Bartowski, scan him for bugs and find nothing. Later on, we fire it up, it starts sending randomly timed locater pulses and we home right in." Casey types in the second code.

"Wait Casey. Sarah, it has to be you."

She can feel him looking at her. Shaking her head no, she avoids falling into his gaze.

"What's the matter Bartowski? You don't trust me?" Casey growls in annoyance.

"I trust you Casey. I trust you to do what's right to protect the Intersect, trust you to follow orders regarding the Intersect and trust you would do whatever was necessary to get the Intersect back." Never looking away from Sarah as he speaks. "But what I need is someone that will do anything and everything they can to save me. I don't want to give up my life because it's prudent for national security. I'm sorry, but I can't be that selfless. If this code is to be used, it will be used to save me. Save me from a life worse than death at the hands of Fulcrum. You can be sure I would die every day locked away somewhere, being used for what's in my head and then living with the knowledge of the hurt I've caused."

Finally, Chuck takes her face in his hands and brings them eye to eye. "That's why it has to be you, Sarah. The person I trust to save me and not just the Intersect." Slowly, he slides his fingers down her arm. Cupping her hand in his, he moves it to the glowing, blue pad. She doesn't resist. Together, they press her index finger to the scanner. Sarah's finger twitches at the cold contact, but the deed is done. The second light turns to green and the box clicks as a panel swings open on the side. Casey reaches in, removes a small gun-like device and disconnects it from the box.

"Okay Bartowski, drop 'em."

"What? Can't it go in my arm or some other less embarrassing spot?"

"Sorry, the manual says to inject it into a big muscle and since you don't have any, we go with option two. Just do it twerp. I guarantee it has not been my fervent hope to eventually see your naked butt. So let's get this over with and then I can go throw up." Snickering, "Come on Dork Knight, show us them boxers."

Shooting Casey a dirty look, Chuck unzips his jeans and pushes them halfway down his thighs. "I don't suppose you ladies could turn around?" He says. Fighting not to blush at the presence of Sarah and Ilsa, he tugs the band down on his boxers. With a loud snap-hiss, "Ow...ow...ow...ouch...ow...holy ow...crap...ow." Chuck dances back and forth in pain as he pulls his clothes back up.

"Oh quit your whining ya big baby." Casey smirks and returns the device to the box. "And settle down with the gymnastics, you'll pop your stitches."

"Easy for you to say Casey, that was a lot bigger than I expected."

Leering, Casey says, "I hear that a lot, bet no woman has ever said it to you."

"All right, that is just wrong in so many ways. Wait a minute, you didn't put a camera in my bathroom after I expressly told you not to?"

"Calm down Bartowski, your nerd haven is safe." Ilsa gives him a scathing look and Casey relents. Instantly all business, "We've got that phone call to make, no time for fun and games."

Pulling out her phone, Sarah thumbs the speed dial for Chuck and sets it on the table as they gather around. After a couple of rings, the line clicks and Leader's voice spills into the room. "Hello, Charles Bartowski's phone. He's not here right now, but I expect him to be joining me very soon."

"My advice, don't quit your day job. Leader, is this your big plan to get me back? Tell me that Jill is pregnant and not only will I believe you, but come running like a love-sick pup?"

"Yes Mr. Bartowski, that is my plan. Miss Robert's pregnancy is easily verifiable. She is currently under the care of your fine prison medical system. One phone call could clear that up if you don't believe me."

"Okay, let's say you're telling the truth. How do I know the baby is mine? We were together a bare handful of times. That would be quite a stroke of luck on your part. Something like this to conveniently fall in your lap."

"Trust me Chuck, we would never leave such a thing to chance. We made quite certain it is your baby."

Appalled at what he just heard, Chuck yells into the phone. "You unbelievable bastards! You forced Jill to get pregnant? For what? I'm just some lowly analyst. What could you possibly hope to gain from me?"

"Calm down Chuck. You misunderstand. This was not our plan. It was Jill's. The more time she spent with you, the more useful you appeared. She came to us with the idea. It was her intention to recruit you into Fulcrum as her partner. She worried about your strong morals and an equally strong bond between you and Agent Walker. With her prior knowledge, Jill proposed the pregnancy as the only way to gain full control of you. Thus giving her time to complete your recruitment. I must admit, you were surprising in our last encounter, but I suspect she may still harbor feelings for you as well to be worth such effort. She volunteered for fertility treatments, collected samples and became pregnant with your child through in-vitro. Of course, then you had her thrown in jail."

Casey's apartment was silent. His face was a mixture of disgust and pity at such an abominable action perpetrated on Chuck. Ilsa stared in shock, unable to believe what she's hearing. Reeling at another hammer blow to her psyche, Sarah is heartsick at her inability to protect Chuck from anything since this nightmare started. She reaches out to catch him and wonders how much more he can take. Keeping him upright as he wavers unsteadily, she can hear him repeating. "It was Jill's idea....It was Jill's idea..." His voice thick with too many warring emotions.

"I see I have everyone's attention now." Leader's voice a harsh reminder of how serious the game has become. "Mr. Bartowski, say your good-byes. I'm sending a man and you will come out to the street alone. It would be a shame if you don't. Finding out you are a father and then losing your child all in one night can be very difficult. Don't make me teach you that lesson as well."

Those final comments pour fire back into Chuck. He shakes off his stupor and picks up the phone. "All right. You win. But I need one hour. You want Bryce Larkin? I can help them get the search started. After that, I'll meet your man under your terms. Just remember this. I promise you that one day we will meet under my terms."

Leader laughs, "I applaud your bravery Mr. Bartowski. It's a shame you won't be joining us as a member of Fulcrum. You can have your hour, use it well." The line goes dead. Chuck sets the phone down carefully. Without a word, he turns and leaves the apartment. Still absorbing the news, the three agents stand mute.

Sarah is the first to throw off the fog as she pockets her cellphone. Without a second's hesitation, she crosses to Casey's monitoring gear and turns it off. In response to his questioning look, she answers before walking out the door. "Chuck negotiated an hour. I intend to make sure not a minute is wasted."

"I guess that leaves us to do all the work around here. Probably a stupid question, but do you have any contacts or favors you can call in? I know LA isn't exactly your home turf." Casey asks as he finds a pad and pen.

"I'm sorry John. All I can offer is my help. And I promise to see it through to the end. Your Chuck doesn't deserve any of this." She steps behind Casey and kneads his shoulders gently.

"Yeah, the kid is getting hit pretty hard. He's still standing though." He starts making some notes. "Best to avoid the normal channels, the General is going to explode when she finds out as it is. Hope we can have this all wrapped up before then. We might be able to keep our jobs. I have an FBI buddy stationed out here with the Hostage Rescue Team. He owes me."

Casey picks up his phone and starts dialing. It takes quite a few rings, but someone finally answers. "Hey Ted. John Casey here........."

"Yeah, that John Casey..........."

"Of course I know what time it is........."

"Sleeping? Must be nice. Some of us still have to work for a living........."

"I always told you the FBI would make you soft........."

"Are you awake now? I have a few more insults ready if not.........."

"Good. I need to call in that favor. Actually, I need two favors. I guess for once I'll owe you.........."

"I knew I could count on you. First, I need your team. This isn't coming through official channels, but I guarantee you the guys we're going after are grade-A bad guys. It has to be voluntary and off the books if you get my meaning. Second, I need to locate a DEA agent. One of her aliases is Carina. Just give her a message, 'Call John Casey about a mission and he hopes you look good in prison orange.'.........."

"Yeah, that's the message.........."

"She's got the number, so no worries there. As for the team, I don't have a go time yet, but when it happens it'll be quick. Can you get on the horn and see who wants to join in? Dial me back at this number when you're sorted........"

"I really can't tell you that Ted. Just consider that I'm offering to owe you a favor........."

"It's that important and then some. Get back to me soon. And Ted, thanks."

Hanging up the phone, Casey leans back against Ilsa with a sigh. "I just hope it will be enough."

She leans over and plants a kiss on his forehead. "I have faith. Right now, I think we should get to bed and make good use of this hour as well." Grinning at the look on his face, "Not for that, Sugar Bear. Someone needs to keep their wits about them. This might be our only chance for some sleep before this is all over."

Standing, he slips his arm around her waist. As they head off to the bedroom, Casey says, "It's always business with you. Why did I ever get involved with a secret agent."

xxxxxxxxxxx

Sarah peers through his open window. "Chuck?"

He responds, "Yeah, I'm here."

It hurts to hear his voice so empty of life. She climbs through the window. Chuck looks up with dead eyes. "I don't really want to talk right now."

Sarah sheds her jacket before stepping from her jeans. "Neither do I."

A/N: I want to thank SLWF and FL for their much needed advice on this chapter. Is lots better because of them. Also, a callout to timewalker05 who has some info that supports the Sarah as nerd argument. It's located at the end of chapter 6 in the wonderful story, Chuck vs the Decision. As always, I hope you enjoy.