XANATOS: DETACHED
by ardavenport
~ ~ ~ PART 3
Much later, Xanatos found Qui-Gon Jinn sulking in his room. After confirming the details of Bruck's story. He had sensed only triumphant truthfulness from the boy, but he was not going to go into the Den of Jinn without arming himself with the facts first.
Kenobi had left the Order to side with a faction of a civil war on Melida-Daan. A faction of idealistic younglings, mostly Kenobi's age. They had originally been sent to rescue an injured Knight who was trying to negotiate an end to the war. While there, Kenobi had become entangled in the planetary passions while Jinn stuck to the mission. They had split when Kenobi wanted to use their ship to help the Young, the faction he sided with, while Jinn wanted to take Tahl, the Knight who had so badly failed her mission of peace, back to the Temple. According to Tahl, the final confrontation had almost led to a fight before Kenobi stopped it and handed in his lightsaber instead.
Tahl was a former clan mate of Qui-Gon and Xanatos had met her a few times. They were only passing acquaintances, but she accepted his visitation in the med-center though she was grievously maimed and probably permanently blinded. Even so, she selflessly only expressed concern for Qui-Gon's hurt.
Xanatos supposed that the dramatically selfless Qui-Gon and Tahl deserved each other, but at the moment there was a bigger mess to deal with.
He did not touch the door chime. He just walked in to find Qui-Gon sitting on a floor cushion in the gloom, his back to the door.
"So, I hear you really lost one this time."
Silence.
"Taught him too much detachment? So, he detached himself?"
Silence.
Xanatos could feel Qui-Gon Jinn's mind churning through the Force. His old Master was trying to meditate his way through his turmoil. Xanatos knew that if he were sensible, he should just leave him to it.
If he were sensible.
He kept firing acidic remarks at Qui-Gon who kept ignoring him. Until. . . .
"Miscalculated on how much cruelty he could stand perhaps?"
"Yes," Qui-Gon answered, unmoving. "I should have consulted you first, since you are far more expert at it."
And Xanatos realized that his old Master had not been ignoring him at all. He had just been waiting for a good opening.
"How goes your own project?" Qui-Gon asked, still facing the bare wall of his room.
Xanatos lowered his head. "I've been going too easy on him. I haven't been nearly cruel enough. He thinks I'm conspiring with Kenobi and you to keep him from being chosen. Presumably as revenge for his bullying ways, though he wouldn't call it that."
Qui-Gon turned his head, one shadowed eye catching Xanatos's.
"Does he really think he's that important?"
"His attitude comes as much from the immaturity of his age as it does from his vanity."
The older man looked away again.
"It is past time for him to grow up."
"I'm glad you think so. This time."
Qui-Gon did not answer that.
"Are you going to leave Kenobi? On that planet? In the middle of a war?"
"I must," Qui-Gon answered, the emotion leaking out on the second word.
"And if he calls for help?"
He turned to peer at him again.
"Then I'll go."
"Make him a Jedi?"
"Why do you care?"
Xanatos's jaw clinched before he answered.
"Because you do."
He turned and left Qui-Gon's room, his robe whipping past the door frame as he passed.
- ooOo%oOOo%oOOOOo%oOOo%oOoo -
After a few days, Qui-Gon Jinn emerged from his solitude, having bled out most of his upset in the usual meditative Jedi way. Xanatos next saw him with a couple of other Knights observing the Initiates practice. In deference to Bruck's request, he said nothing to his fellow Knights. But that was easy. He was not observing the action with them.
Xanatos and Master Craglar were assisting the instructors with the training. They took turns sparring with each Initiate while the instructors pointed out differences in style and form. Chun looked smug when he got Craglar for his turn, as if he had denied Xanatos some petty victory. But his grin vanished when he barely blocked the elderly Knight's opening attack.
Initiates and Padawans, Xanatos reflected, always seemed to underestimate the strength of the Force, acting through an experienced, but old and arthritic Master. Though in the case of Craglar, their surprise could also come from the rain of spittle he ejected every time he yelled. Bruck actually paused to wipe his cheek in disgust before throwing himself totally into the fight. He did well. He never came close to even inconveniencing Craglar, but his focus was good.
When he finished, bowed and withdrew, he nodded toward Qui-Gon Jinn who did not return it. That man was not shopping for any new Padawans. Only looking over the old one. And contemplating the absence of the one he had not given up on.
When the session was finished, Chun lingered, his eyes on the Knights as if one of them would stride right up to him and beg to teach him. They just quietly left in a group, brown robes gliding out the door. And while his attention remained on their departure, Xanatos quietly got between Bruck and the door.
"You fight well," Xanatos said, startling the pale-haired boy, who quickly regained his composure and tried to go around.
Xanatos blocked his path.
"You keep avoiding me, Bruck. But you can't stop throwing yourself at them." His eyes flicked contemptuously toward the doorway that the Knights had departed through. "You could learn a lot more from me."
"I don't need anything from you," Bruck snarled, taking a step, but Xanatos stopped him with one raised finger pointed between his eyes.
"Ooooh, but you do. You're starting to feel your age," Xanatos began to circle. "How many weeks until your next birthday? Not many I think. And your clan mates are leaving you. They're all getting chosen by Masters. One by one. Except you."
Real hatred burned in Bruck's expression. Xanatos grinned to see it. It was dark, yes. But also honest.
"And then here I am. A full Jedi Knight. Just what you've been looking for." He suddenly darted forward, his lips close to Bruck's ear. "I even have permission from the Council to choose an apprentice."
That finally jolted Bruck out of his anger. His head turned, following Xanatos as he continued to circle.
"Do you think I have nothing better to do with my life than follow you around to fulfill somebody else's grudge?" he complained and then grinned when he saw Bruck flinch. "You certainly are thick. Which is a point against you. Still the Force is strong with you, if a bit mis-directed. And you have focus, though you'll have to lose the anger.
"I know what you want, Bruck. A nice soft Master who will only praise you for learning the mysteries of the Force. An easy path to Knighthood.
"But I know what you really need." Xanatos stopped in front of Bruck and folded his arms, hiding them in the opposite sleeves of his robe, the traditional Jedi posture of serenity. "A Master who knows what darkness really is and who'll kick you out of that wallow when you wade in too deep. I suppose I can manage." He tapped his foot. "These are good boots." He leered at the boy.
Bruck stared back, obviously shocked, his mouth hanging open. Xanatos was enjoying it too much to interrupt as he watched coherent thoughts return to the boy's expression.
"You - - you work with the Temple Custodians," he finally said.
Xanatos shrugged. "I serve. That's what Jedi do."
"You pick up other people's garbage!" he blurted out with distaste.
Xanatos lifted his head in mock affront. "I do not. The droids do that. I just tell them where to put it. But just in case you think I only know about garbage, I have also served the Archives, ship and droid maintenance - - though I'm not very mechanical and I wouldn't expect you to do that - - equipment fabrication, ecological exchanges, air, water and solids recycling - - and the smells in those facilities are truly memorable - - the Force is quite strong in the dungeons in this Temple.
"So," Xanatos clapped his hands together in very pretentious enthusiasm. "How's that sound to you, Bruck Chun? Want to be a Jedi Knight?"
The Initiate's face had paled with increasing horror at every lowly position that Xanatos admitted to. He stood staring, eyes wide. Xanatos sensed the conflict radiating out from him. He could not possibly say 'no' to a Knight offering him apprenticeship, but how could he say 'yes' to what he had just been offered?
"Well, I suppose you need time to think about it. It's a big decision. But while you keep getting older, Bruck, just remember. . . . this might be the best offer you get," he warned.
Xanatos nodded an abbreviated bow, turned and left. Craglar, who had waited by the door, joined him.
"Is that the one you wanted to take on as an apprentice?" the old Master asked gruffly, jabbing a thumb toward where Bruck still stood, alone now in the training arena.
"Yes. That's him."
Craglar puckered his mouth, his long whiskers rising and falling, and shook his head. "I don't know what you see in him."
Xanatos took one last look at him.
"Me."
- ooOo%oOOo%oOOOOo%oOOo%oOoo -
Xanatos did not see Bruck Chun for several days. He went about his usual routines. Rising early, lightly exercising and meditating before first meal of the day. Then he would go down into the lower levels of the Temple to manage the day-to-day wastes that the whole Jedi Order produced and flushed down to him. He would take meals or exercise breaks down there with the Custodians, not emerging until past day's end to climb up to take a random walk somewhere in the Temple to appreciate the results of efficient waste management. Then he would retire to dream of harmless things until he woke and did it all over again.
Only a few years ago, Xanatos would have thought that such drudgery would have been far beneath his exalted talents, but now each bland day felt like a relief. Cool water on the scars on his soul. Someday, when he had piled up enough of those days those scars might be healed enough to touch.
He finally did get a visitor, during one of his random walks, but it was Qui-Gon Jinn, not Bruck Chun. His former Master sadly told him that Tahl's blindness was permanent; none of the treatments had worked.
This news surprised Xanatos. Not about the blindness, but that they were trying to fix it. He could see that the injury was hopeless when he'd visited her after she returned from Melida-Daan. What could they have been trying? He silently shook his head. Even Jedi were not immune to the allure of hope.
"Has Kenobi called for your help yet?" he asked, changing the subject to another of Qui-Gon's problems.
Jinn walked for several more grim paces before answering.
"No."
"Is he still alive?" he followed up.
More grim steps followed, two Jedi walking alone, tiny figures dwarfed by the immense columned hall.
"Yes," Jinn finally answered after a long vague pause, an internal consultation of the Force, a reaching out for the feeling of a chosen apprentice who had left the Jedi for a distant planet's civil war.
"How goes your own apprentice?" Qui-Gon asked, diverting the subject to something that was Xanatos's problem, not his.
"He's not my apprentice yet."
"You still haven't asked?"
"I have. He is taking his time with answering," Xanatos explained to his old Master's curious look. "He visited me in the bowels of the Temple and he is likely disenchanted with the prospect of being my apprentice."
"You don't have to work down there. The Council - - "
"Yes. I do," Xanatos interrupted. "It is the only service here that I can properly detach myself from."
"And how long will you continue this way? Merely existing? Detached?"
"Until I feel that my Masters are capable to telling the difference between a properly detached Jedi and a sociopath."
Qui-Gon Jinn looked away, stung. "I know. We failed you."
Xanatos sighed, exasperated. "Can you not at least let me take some of the blame?" he demanded. "I used others for my gains. I conspired with Crion to overthrow the government on Telos. And I punished people when they did nothing more than annoy me. That was how I practiced my detachment."
"I looked the other way. Made excuses for you. For too long," Qui-Gon admitted, his eyes downcast. "If Master Yoda had not seen you more clearly than - - "
"Ha ha! Master Yoda. That devious little gremlin is at the core of everything in the Jedi Order. He's been around so long. But his wisdom was too subtle to breach my pride. Until it was too late."
"It is not too late," Qui-Gon denial firmly. "Otherwise you would not be here."
Xanatos sighed wearily at the truth of this. "Only because I have no other place to go. I despoiled my old path quite thoroughly back on Telos."
They both stopped, facing a very solid wall. They had run out of gloomy hall and had to choose to walk right or left. They faced each other instead.
"Just as your new, old Padawan is despoiling his own path on Melida-Dann."
"I know," Qui-Gon acknowledged; his voice almost choked on the emotion.
"I hope he lives," Xanatos consoled, without saying whether he thought young Kenobi should return to the Jedi.
~ ~ ~ END PART 3