Author's Notes: I'd like to point out, as I'm currently still reposting this fic, that I'm not doing it for extra reviews. While I love reviews—who doesn't?—I feel no need to play games to drive them up. I've got more than enough reviews—in fact, I had more than enough over three thousand reviews ago—and I'm not greedy for more. There's no point in trying to drive them up, anyway; if you don't earn them, they're pointless. I'm reposting this fic because I want to get all of my files straight, so that what's online matches what's on my computer, and I was tired of having a sub-par fic posted. So I'm trying to make it better—not perfect, as I don't think that'll happen, but better. I apologize if this made some of you think I was a review whore, cuz I'm not. I'm honored by my reviewers, and I'm thankful for each and every one of them, but I'm not looking for ways to drag in more.

Chapter Three

A Plan for Revenge

"You did what?"

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were sitting alone together in the Great Hall, discussing their plans for the prank war; the other Gryffindors were keeping their distance, knowing fully well what the four of them were up to. The whole of Gryffindor house was waiting eagerly for Harry, Ron, and Hermione to make their move, and no one wanted to disturb the crucial planning process. The Gryffindors were currently dying with curiosity; Hermione had just told the other three about the morning's events, and that had meant a lot of shocked yells and laughter. So everyone was watching them avidly, but everyone held back and left them alone.

"I made an alliance with Snape," Hermione repeated calmly, in response to the horrified stares the other three were giving her. "He seemed happy to help. He has some ideas about wards to keep Malfoy out of our rooms... and there was a slight incident after I ended up in his rooms. If Malfoy figures out that Snape is helping me, it's going to confuse the hell out of him."

"What slight incident?" Ron demanded.

Hermione told them about Snape barging drunkenly into the common room and confronting Malfoy. "Oh, my god," Harry said, looking a bit green.

"Malfoy probably thinks you had sex!" Ginny exclaimed, apparently thinking the whole thing was hysterical. Harry, Ron, and Hermione shushed her and glanced around, but no one seemed to have heard and Ginny went on. "That's why he keeps saying 'did you have fun' and stuff, because he thinks you two woke up next to each other and—"

"GINNY, SHUT UP!" Ron and Harry, who'd clamped their hands over their ears, yelled so loudly that most of the students and teachers in the Great Hall turned to look at them. Hermione herself was wincing, looking nauseous. "I soooooo don't want that image in my head," Harry moaned apologetically to Ginny.

Ginny nodded, her expression disgusted now, too. "So what's our plan of action?" she said, trying to look innocent so that no one came over to interrupt.

"We're empty-handed right now," Ron said with a sigh. "There's the standard stuff, though—putting Bulbadox Powder or ants in his clothes, dying his hair pink or whatever color, that sort of thing. It's just not good enough for Malfoy, though."

"Well, it'll have to do, for now," Harry said, taking charge. "Meanwhile, we're going to be planning something big, but it would look strange if we weren't retaliating in any other way."

"Fight a few skirmishes while we plan the major battle of the war," Hermione agreed, nodding. "Not only that, but it'll make him think we suck at pranks, get him to drop his guard."

Harry nodded. "Okay. Second, we're out of ideas. Right after dinner, I'll write Sirius and Lupin. Ron, get word to Fred and George. Hermione… I never thought I'd say this, but see exactly how Snape wants to help, outline a few of the more major pranks he has in detail. Ginny, think you can handle the powder, ants and color spells?"

"Yep," Ginny said, her eyes glinting evilly.

"All right… and while you're working on that, make a list of people we could get to help us, and it what ways; you know more people than we do." Ginny nodded. "Now, on the count of three, everyone look over at Malfoy, hold for a few seconds after he sees us, and then start laughing," Harry instructed.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"What better way to freak him out?" Harry said slyly. "One, two—three!"

They turned as one to look at Malfoy, staring at him with mischievous grins that could have scared Voldemort himself. Malfoy swallowed and fidgeted nervously as they turned back around and cracked up.

"This is great!" Ginny laughed. "If an old trick like this weirds him out, just imagine if he saw Hermione talking to Snape!"

"That's perfect!" Harry shouted suddenly.

"What is?" the others demanded.

"What if… and I know this is a very creepy, sickening idea but… what if Hermione and Snape were not only working together to plot against Malfoy, but were a lot more than 'just friends,' as Snape put it?"
"WHAT?" Hermione fairly screamed, leaping to her feet. Everyone in the Great Hall turned to stare at them once again. "If you think I would do something like—!"

"Herm, sit down!" Ginny hissed, pulling her back to the bench.

"That came out wrong," Harry said hurriedly, cringing. "I meant what if we make Malfoy think you're more than friends?"

Hermione calmed down, taking several deep breaths as she considered it. "Hmm. That's interesting."

"Think of it," Harry went on eagerly. "You and Snape could stage a few scenes, and let Malfoy catch you!"

"Stage how?" Ron demanded.

"You know—when they know Malfoy's eavesdropping, start talking as if they're… well…"

"Having sex?" Ginny supplied. Harry blushed and nodded. "You mean Hermione and Snape, moaning and saying 'ooh, baby!' where Malfoy can hear them?"

"Eh… something like that," Harry said, now looking a tad more awkward.

Hermione grimaced, but Ginny and even Ron instantly warmed to the idea and Hermione had to admit it was a good one. "How would we get Snape to agree to it?" Hermione asked.

"Well, we'd just have to ask and hope for the best," Harry said uncomfortably.

"You mean I would have to ask," Hermione said dryly. "Hmm… I'll be right back."

Ignoring her three gaping friends, Hermione got up and marched right up to the head table, stopping in front of Snape. "Professor?" she said innocently.

Snape looked up at her in surprise, and then forced himself to scowl the way he always had before while in the presence of Gryffindors. "What?" he asked sharply.

"I was wondering if I could speak to you about something… it's very important," she said, willing him to understand.

He did, though he gave no outward sign. "Come to my office after dinner," he growled. "Now go away before I lose my appetite."

Hermione grinned cheekily at him before practically skipping back to her seat. "You asked him in front of the entire staff table!" Ron hissed.

"No! Of course not. I told him I wanted to talk to him. I'm going to go to his office after dinner."

"Take Ginny with you," Harry suggested. "It'll look too weird if Ron or I go."

"Yeah, I'll keep a lookout so Malfoy doesn't overhear the plot," Ginny said. "Although… hey, I've got an idea!"

Minerva McGonagall gaped at Severus Snape as Hermione left, unable to believe what she'd seen. "Severus? Would you care to explain?"

"Explain what?" Snape snapped, shoving another bite of food into his mouth.

"Oh, please! I've known you since you were eleven years old! You're up to something!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, feigning shock.

"Come off it, Severus, tell me." Snape didn't say a word. "Hmm, let me guess… what could it be? You acting all chummy with one of your three least favorite Gryffindors—"

"'Acting chummy?' Excuse me?"

"Oh, please, Severus. I know you. That flame of hatred got a bucket of water tossed on it, but why? Wait! Don't tell me you're getting involved in the prank war?"

"Afraid so, Minerva," he said, sighing, knowing she would drag it out of him eventually. "Just like old times, hmm?" Though he and Minerva could be bitter rivals at times, they were still very close friends—and their friendship had been cemented in his seventh year at Hogwarts, when he and Minerva had bonded together to exact revenge on James Potter and Sirius Black through the prank war.

"What are you planning?" Minerva asked eagerly. "Anything like our old tricks?"

"Perhaps," Snape said thoughtfully. "All sorts of things. And apparently Granger and Potter have their own ideas, too, if Granger wants to talk to me."

"Be careful," Minerva told him. "You could end up a target—especially since you'll be going against your own house, won't you?"

"They started it," Snape said with a distant smile.

"Severus… forgive me, but you're smiling three seconds after mentioning your two least favorite students. Was there something in your food, or are you having a midlife crisis?"

"Ha, ha," Snape told her with a mock-glare. Then he grew serious. "The Dark Lord is dead, Minerva, and now I can finally—I don't know, live. So I'm going to. For the first time in a long time, I plan on having a little fun."

Draco Malfoy had never felt so tense. He'd seen his four worst enemies plotting in the Great Hall, and from the shouts and the laughing and the innocent looks they were trying to assume, whatever they were going to do was going to be big—and what was with Granger going to talk to Snape? Draco had seen them avoiding each other like mad—weren't they angry at each other, or at least embarrassed, after the stunt Draco had pulled? He watched as Granger and Ginny Weasley broke away from Potter and Ron and the girls now stood at the dungeon entrance. Oh, great. Were the girls going to try to follow him and curse him? No, that would be something Potter and his Weasel lackey would do. Unless they were trying to be inconspicuous?

Draco turned away from them, tapped his ear with his wand, and whispered a spell. Instantly his hearing magnified. The spell took practice to be able to distinguish anything from the enormous throng of noise, especially in a crowd, but listening in on years of meetings with Voldemort's inner circle and his parents' arguments and discussions allowed Draco to comprehend the rush of sound nearly as naturally as regular hearing. "Just don't tell Harry about this, okay?" Granger whispered to Weasley as they turned and went down the stairs, Draco following cautiously, able to hear everything the two girls said.

"Don't tell Harry? What about Ron? You know—your boyfriend?"

"I'm going to tell Ron. I just… I have to break it to him gently."

"Herm, there is no way to gently say 'I fancy Professor Snape and I'm cheating on you.' It's a scientific impossibility."

Draco nearly tripped and went flying down the stairs. Granger fancied Snape? How… When… WHAT!

"You know I didn't mean to cheat on Ron, Gin. We were so upset and we got so drunk, we were… you know… before we realized what we were doing."

Drunk? We? Draco thought in awe. What the hell? He knew Snape had gotten trashed—but Granger? Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes?

"But the fact remains you're going to dump him. Dump Ron. For Snape," Ginny said, shuddering.

"Ginny, I'm not going to date Snape! I just—I can't keep seeing Ron when I'm so attracted to Snape, it's not right."

"Ew," Ginny muttered. "That's all I have to say—ew."

Hermione smiled. "I know it's weird for you, but if you could have been there—"

"Do NOT finish that sentence." Ginny shuddered. "Excuse me for a second, Herm. I have to go vomit now."

"Ha, ha."

"I have to go vomit now, too," Draco mumbled. He realized with a start that the girls were headed for Snape's private office. Oh, sick!

"Ginny, wait outside, okay?" Hermione said.

Draco heard a door opening and closing. Ginny sighed and murmured "God, how could she do this twice? And this time she's sober!"

"Hello, Professor," Hermione purred inside Snape's office. "Silencio!" she yelled, and Draco cursed, now unable to hear anything inside the room.

He'd heard enough, though. It would take a while, but if he kept tailing Granger and Snape, he would soon have enough blackmail material for anything he wanted.

"Hello, Professor," Hermione said, her voice low and seductive. Snape raised his eyebrows, too stunned to try and come up with a logical explanation. Then she whirled around, cast a Silencing Charm on the door, and promptly started laughing her head off.

"Hmm… finally gone 'round the bend, have you?" Snape said dryly. "Or did Draco toy with your pumpkin juice again?"

Hermione straightened up, getting control of herself. "I'm sorry, Professor, I just… well… we've set a plan for revenge into motion."

"Really? Do tell," Snape said curiously.

"Well… the thing is, I'm sure it's something you're not going to like. We can carry it off without your help—but it would be a lot better if we had you on our side…"

"Uh-oh," Snape muttered. "Tell me."

"Um… heh… well… Harry had this idea. If Malfoy thought you and I were conspiring against him together, he'd be beyond freaked out, right?" she stammered.

"True," Snape said slowly.

"Along the same train of thought, what would freak Malfoy out even more than that?"

"You're not suggesting—"

"It wouldn't be anything major," she said hurriedly. "Just, like, we let Malfoy overhear us saying a few… choice phrases."

Snape thought about it for a long while… and finally started laughing. "That's disgusting, but it's brilliant. An ongoing prank… and meanwhile, we can attack Draco in several other ways."

"Exactly," Hermione said, grinning. "So you'll do it?" Snape nodded and Hermione sagged in relief. "Whew. Excellent. Do you have any ideas? We're sending word to our contacts, but it'll take awhile to receive the response, naturally, and Ginny's making a list of people we could call in for reinforcements—"

"'Sending word to your contacts?' 'Reinforcements?'" Snape repeated. "You sound like you're planning some covert mission for a war."

"I am," Hermione said firmly. "Malfoy messed with the wrong person." Her fingers twitched as though she longed to throttle him—which she did. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "Anyway, what I meant is we sent owls to the Weasley twins and… stuff."

"Did you write to Sirius Black?" Snape said, smiling evilly.

"Well, yes," Hermione admitted, cringing. Snape and Sirius still avidly hated each other.

To her surprise, Snape merely laughed in a purely evil way. "Well, I've got a prank you're not going to hear from him." He kept laughing, so much that Hermione took a nervous step backwards, uncertain of what to think. It was a long while before he stopped and began to tell her what he was talking about, and the two of them laughed themselves sick as Snape related the prank, from why and how he'd done it to the aftermath.

Two hours after Hermione arrived in Snape's office, she finally remembered Ginny. "Oh my god! I've got to get going, Ginny's outside guarding your door!"

"Why, exactly, is Weasley guarding my door?" Snape asked, confused.

"Well, Malfoy followed us down here, eavesdropping, so we made him think…"

"That's why you cast a Silencing Charm," Snape said, realization dawning, "so that Draco wouldn't hear what we were really saying, and would think… What exactly did you say earlier that Draco overheard?" he asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Um… see… y-you don't want to know, Professor," Hermione stammered, blushing furiously and half-running to the door. "Bye!"

"Wait!" Snape called, stepping over to her. He quickly started messing up her hair.

She stood there in shock for a moment, dumbfounded. "What are you doing?" Hermione demanded when she'd regained her wits, feeling beyond strange—even though she'd formed a sort of odd truce with the once-hated Potions Master, it was still way too weird to have him playing with her hair like he was Harry or Ron or Ginny.

"It's for show," Snape explained. "In case Draco sees you on the way back."

"Oh! Duh, Hermione. Good idea," she said, rearranging her robes and shirt for effect.

"Good," Snape said, stepping back and looking her over appraisingly. "Remember to smile and look happy on your way back." He paused, frowning. "Dear Lord, this is unbelievably bizarre."

"Yup," Hermione agreed with a sigh. The two of them stood there awkwardly for a moment, not looking at each other. Then Snape frowned and glared at her.

"Five points from Gryffindor," he barked at her suddenly.

"What?" Hermione demanded, startled. "What for!"

"Nothing, it just makes me feel better," Snape said, smiling coldly as she glowered at him. "It's good to know that prank war or not, I'm still an evil Slytherin bastard."