Author's Notes: If you'd like to leave a review, I'd appreciate it; it does make me smile and I like to know what people think about my story. However, as I said last chapter, I'm not doing this to get extra reviews; I want to get my files all straightened out and improve the story. But feel free to let me know your opinion, and to make suggestions or try to give me ideas. Over the course of this fic, many reviewers have given me ideas for my chapters. Please note that if you already reviewed a chapter before, even though it was temporarily torn down, you won't be able to review when that chapter is reposted. However, feel free to send me PMs or emails if you'd like. I do try to get back to everyone, though I don't always succeed, but I try.

Chapter Four

Ideas

Ginny had long since given up standing around, and had flopped down on the cold stone floor, humming absently and wondering what exactly had happened to Hermione. Two hours had gone by—had Snape killed her for suggesting they pretend to be lovers or something? Why hadn't Hermione come out yet?

All sorts of worried thoughts filtered through her head, the what-could-have-happened scenarios getting wackier and wackier. Maybe, she thought with a giggle, they really are having sex—

Her thoughts broke off and her jaw dropped open as Hermione came out just then. Her already-unruly hair was so tousled Hermione might as well have been struck by lightning, her shirt was unbuttoned enough to give Ginny a glimpse of her bra, and her robe was hanging off one shoulder. To top it all off, Hermione had the look of a girl who'd just had a lot of fun; she was practically glowing, and she had a huge smile plastered on her face.

"What—" Ginny began stupidly, unable to get her brain to function.

"It's for show," Hermione mouthed. Ginny could have collapsed in relief.

"I thought you were shagging," Ginny mouthed back. Hermione giggled and shook her head emphatically.

"It's about time," Ginny complained, as per their plan. "I've had a heck of a time keeping people from guessing anything—it's a little weird to see a Gryffindor, let alone a close friend of the Boy-Who-Lived, sitting outside Snape's door. And Malfoy's been past twice to irritate me."

"Do you think he suspects something?" Hermione asked, doing her best to sound panicked. Ginny shook her head and Hermione put a smile back on her face, looking as dreamy as Luna Lovegood.

Draco was on his way back from the bathroom, heading to Snape's office, where he'd been checking out the Granger/Snape situation for most of the past two hours. He froze when he heard the sound of Ginny Weasley's voice and paused to listen.

"…Malfoy's been past twice to irritate me," Weasley grumbled.

"Do you think he suspects something?" It was Granger. Draco's eyes widened—was she really talking about what he thought she was talking about? Part of him had been ready to believe he was losing it or had misunderstood…

The two girls came around the corner just then. Draco gaped at Hermione's disheveled appearance; overhearing something shocking and seeing proof of it were two different things. No way, he told himself firmly. No way in hell.

"Ugh, get out of my face, Malfoy," Hermione said, her dreamy smile slipping momentarily before returning full force. "I'm having too good a day for you to spoil it."

The two girls pushed past him, leaving Draco to stare after them in astonishment.

It was almost eleven o'clock by the time the girls returned, the common room already empty. "Where the hell have you been?" Harry demanded, then got a good look at Hermione and felt his jaw unhinge. Ron's entire face was already turning a horrible shade of red.

"It's not what it looks like," Hermione said in a rush. "We messed up my hair and clothes in case Malfoy saw me leaving Snape's office."

"Did he?" Harry asked eagerly.

"Yup," Ginny said gleefully. She walked over and sat in an armchair next to Harry. "You should have seen the look on his face, guys!"

Hermione sat down on Ron's lap and began to button up her shirt. Ron grabbed her hand to stop her, grinning. She smiled back and snuggled against him.

"Did you get him to help?" Harry wanted to know.

"Yeah, he said he would," Hermione told him. "And that's not all—he gave me a great idea for the prank war."

"Do tell," Ron said, eyes glinting mischievously.

"Well, see… where do I start? McGonagall was teaching during the seventh year of the Marauders—you know, James, Sirius, Lupin, and Wormtail—and Snape and Harry's mum were in the same year. Well, Lily was Head Girl, and she got in a fight with James and Sirius and ended up docking points. They were really pissed, and James yelled some comment about getting her knickers in a twist. Sirius joked that James was always thinking about her knickers, and somehow, that led to a dare in which James and Sirius snuck into Lily's room and stole some of her nicer bras and underwear."

Harry had a bit of a grossed-out look on his face at the idea of his dad and Sirius stealing his mum's underwear. Ron looked beyond disgusted and said flatly, "I'm not stealing Malfoy's underwear, 'Mione, sorry."

"That's not what I meant," she said quickly. "You see, Lily found out what had happened and went to chat with her old pal McGonagall, and McGonagall told Snape—she knew Snape liked Lily, the two of them had been friends before he realized Lily was Muggle-born and a Gryffindor, but anyway, McGonagall held Snape after class and said she wanted to get revenge for Lily. Yet McGonagall couldn't do it herself—she'd have been risking her job, and she'd only been teaching a year or two. So Snape came up with a really great idea. He and Lily executed the prank, he and McGonagall planned it, and McGonagall gave them both alibis should they be up for suspicion."

"So what did they do?" Ginny asked impatiently. She'd been dying to hear the story, but Hermione hadn't wanted to tell it before they'd gotten back to the common room.

"Well, Lily stole back her underwear a day or so before the prank, and used a spell to duplicate them. McGonagall went to the morning Gryffindor Quidditch practice the day of the prank and held James and Sirius after, giving them a talk about something or other in the locker rooms. The rest of the team had gone on ahead to the castle, so James and Sirius started walking back alone. Well, Snape and Lily put on masks and stuff and ambushed James and Sirius on the way back. They cast an Impediment Jinx, took James and Sirius's clothes—well, Lily did most of that part—and then put James and Sirius in the duplicated copies of Lily's bras and knickers. They tied James to one of the Quidditch goalposts, Sirius to another, and then left. Some students came out on the grounds eventually and discovered them later that afternoon, told the whole school about it. It's a Hogwarts legend; people still talk about it sometimes, according to Snape." The four of them snickered at the image of James and Sirius hanging from the goalpost in leopard-print women's underwear.

"Did anyone catch Lily and Snape?" Ginny said tentatively.

"No. James and Sirius swore up and down that it was Snape, and even though James liked Lily too much to incriminate her, Sirius insisted she be punished. But McGonagall claimed she'd asked Lily and Snape to wait in her office while she talked to James and Sirius in the locker rooms, and said that Lily and Snape were still in the office by the time she got back. When Sirius said he could prove it was Lily's underwear, she showed that her underwear was safe and sound in her room."

"We won't have that sort of alibi," Harry pointed out.

"Yes, we will. Snape will tell Dumbledore—hopefully in front of Malfoy, just to creep Malfoy out more—that I was in his office, along with whichever one of you wants to come with me. The two who don't pull the prank will be in the common room or something, in plain view of plenty of students. I was thinking Ginny and Harry could stay in the common room, and Ron and I could pull the prank—Snape could say he'd caught us kissing in the hallway and had taken us to his office to deal out punishment."

"It sounds pretty foolproof to me," Ron said slowly.

"So Snape will detain Malfoy after Quidditch practice?" Ginny said.

"Actually, I was thinking of ambushing him inside the castle and carrying him out to the field," Hermione said casually, as though she was discussing an essay topic. "After all, that's what he did to me—knocked me out, carried me to Snape's room, and took my clothes. Let's return the favor."

"Shouldn't be too hard," Harry agreed. "All the Quidditch captains have access to the training schedules, so I'll look up a time when there's no practice."

"It would be best if it was a while before Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff practice," Ron pointed out. "If the Gryffindor team came out and found him, they might get blamed, and if the Slytherins came out, they might cut Malfoy down before anyone saw him. Not a lot of people go out to the pitch on Saturdays of their own accord this time of year, with all the Quidditch practices going on, so a Quidditch team would have to find them."

"Make it Hufflepuff," Hermione said. "Malfoy pranked Justin Finch-Fletchley not too long ago, removed his eyebrows or something."

"Yeah, and Hannah Abbot sprouted purple fur—they're trying to prove it was Slytherin, but no luck yet," Ginny added.

"Hufflepuff it is," Harry said. He looked up as a soft tapping noise came from the direction of the common room window. The outline of an owl was just visible in the dim outdoor lights. "Hedwig! She'll have Lupin and Sirius's replies."

He got up and opened the window, admitting his beautiful snowy owl. Hedwig landed on Harry's arm and stuck out her leg for Harry to remove the letter. "Read it aloud, Harry," Ginny said. Harry cleared his throat and began to read.

Harry—

Ah, the seventh year prank war. Brings back some great memories, you know. Your father and Remus and I nailed so many Slytherins—well, mostly just your father and I did, but Remus helped occasionally, whether he admits it or not. Rosier, Wilkes, Avery, the Lestrange brothers, and Snape… the best ones usually involved Snape. We even got some of the girls… anyway, here's a list of what we did.

1) We transfigured a water goblet into a chimpanzee and put it in the Slytherin dormitory. Apparently it crapped all over the Slytherins' beds and then it started throwing its crap at the Slytherin guys when they entered. Highly recommend that one.

2) Rabastan Lestrange said something snotty to your mum, and James grew his butt to about seven times its normal size, and then made some comment about "you always were a giant ass." Everyone made fun of him for the rest of the school year, it was great.

3) We hit Snape and all of his Slytherin pals with a charm that made them sing opera-style instead of speak normally.

4) James did this charm that grew huge boobs on Snape. Interesting, to say the least—the charm is in an issue of Witch Weekly from the 1970's, check the library.

5) A friend of Lily's in Ravenclaw—can't recall her name—found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. To get back at him Lily cast this rather horrifying charm that made him go completely impotent for a good long while. He never did live it down.

6) Childish, yes, but we hit Snape with this charm that made him fart every two minutes. It's in the same book as the butt-enlargement spell; I don't remember the title but it had "curse your enemies and avenge your friends" in it.

7) We booby-trapped the Slytherin common room. Every time a Slytherin tried to go in or out, they got hit by a spell that turned half their face red and the other half gold. They knew it was us, though, since we used Gryffindor colors—I suggest you use different ones, we served detention for a week. If you can't figure out how to do the spell, Hermione should know.

8) We cast this charm that split open the back of Snape's robes and pants. Every time he'd cast a spell to fix it, the material would split open again and eventually he had to spend three hours with McGonagall while the two of them tried to fix it. Poor woman had to see more than anyone should, but hey, all's fair in love, war, and Quidditch.

Well, I hope that helps you out some. Let me know if you need more—I stole Lily's school diary not long after we graduated, still have it lying around somewhere. It should have more. Have fun, and kick some Slytherin ass, all right?

Sirius

All four Gryffindors were laughing their heads off as they finished reading. "That should be helpful," Ron gasped.

"There's another letter," Harry said through his laughter. "From Lupin." Harry did his best to gain control and started reading.

Harry,

I'm certain Sirius is filling your head with all sorts of stories about our pasts in the prank war. However, I strongly advise you not to get involved. I hope telling you this doesn't give you ideas, but James and Sirius—and sometimes Peter and I, when one of their victims was extremely ticked off—were hit with as many pranks as James and Sirius executed, if not more. They both spent a day and a half unable to say or write any phrase other than "I'm an annoying stupid prat," which took quite a while for Madam Pomfrey to sort out. Another time Amelia Bones—yes, the current Minister of Magic—got so angry at them she forged pictures of them holding hands and wearing dresses, then posted the photographs all over the school. Moreover, if Hogwarts was holding a prank war, it was nothing compared to the war between your father and Sirius and Lily Evans. Please, don't tell Sirius I told you this, but he and James once stole from Lily, and in return she somehow knocked them out, put them in bras and underwear and tied them to the Quidditch goalposts. In retaliation, they… well, okay; they threatened me until I agreed to use my access to the prefects' bathroom to steal her clothes while she showered. She knew it was me, unfortunately, since neither James nor Sirius were prefects, and the next thing I know I'm waking up nude in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest. I knew better to strike back, but James and Sirius perpetuated the vicious cycle, often enlisting Peter's help. My seventh year was the most embarrassing time of my life by the time Lily was through with us, not to mention the wrath my two best friends managed to incur from the Slytherins, Minerva McGonagall, and the majority of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws and Gryffindors. If that's not enough to discourage you, think of what Molly will do to you; she'll have a fit if you lot get into trouble. I'd hate to see what would happen if you got caught putting a chimp in the Slytherin dormitory or causing Draco Malfoy to sprout horns. Be careful, Harry—even if you manage to avoid getting yourself in trouble, you can't avoid being on the receiving end of pranks sometimes. Take a while to imagine how difficult it is to escape the Forbidden Forest clothed, let alone nude and wandless, and when you've a nice clear picture imagine getting from the Forbidden Forest to Gryffindor Tower with nothing but some leaves. Try to stay out of trouble, will you?

—Remus

"Poor Lupin," Ginny chuckled.

"What do you think Malfoy would do if he ended up naked in the middle of the Forbidden Forest?" Hermione asked, grinning wickedly.

"Why don't we grow breasts on him and then leave him naked in the middle of the Forbidden Forest and find out?" Ginny suggested.

"Now there's a thought," Ron said with a mischievous glint in his eye.