Chapter Eleven
Love and Bunnies
Draco glared around the common room, his head held high, a rebellious glare on his face. "What?" he demanded as all the Gryffindors turned to stare. No one answered, and, rolling his eyes, he looked at the fireplace and then at the wall opposite it, where a large banner of a Gryffindor lion was hanging. Draco marched over to it, ignoring everyone in the room; the invisible chain around his wrist was jerked tight and pulled at Hermione's arm until she followed.
"Well?" he demanded as Hermione came to a stop next to him. The entire common room was still watching him; it was starting to make him nervous.
"Well what?" Hermione said.
"Tell it the password!"
Hermione grinned slyly. "I seem to have forgotten the password, Malfoy. Do you remember it?"
"Don't play games with me, you filthy Muh—"
He stopped. Chairs scraped, paper rustled and miscellaneous books and items slid off of laps and onto floors as every single Gryffindor in the common room stood up, black looks on their faces. Draco knew that Hermione didn't have very many close friends in Gryffindor, but he also knew that if someone like him dared to say something mean to her in her own common room, the Gryffindors might as well be an army of crazed, lovesick, devoted fans. Saying it was a bad idea to cast slurs about ancestry in a common room full of Muggle-borns, half-bloods, and blood traitors was like saying Voldemort was just a little misguided. As Draco looked warily around the room, Harry stepped forward, his wand half-raised in an almost lazy fashion.
"Go ahead, Malfoy," Harry said quietly. "See how many people will back you up here." He grinned, his eyes gleaming.
"Don't play games, Granger," Draco corrected himself irritably, glaring at Harry.
"I'm not playing games," she said calmly. "I just can't recall… oh, I remember now! How could I forget, you picked it yourself!" Her voice carried clearly through the silent common room. "Love and bunnies!"
Harry cracked up along with the rest of the common room as the banner of the lion rolled up and the wall began to dissolve and open into a hallway, much the way the brick wall behind the Leaky Cauldron became an archway leading to Diagon Alley. "I love you, Mione, I really do," Harry called.
"Love you too, Harry, dear," Hermione called back over her shoulder as she led the way through the entrance.
Torches sprang to life up and down the hall, which wasn't very long, and only had three doors and one floor. It looked like any other hallway in the castle, though the side closest to the common room curved around the base of the tower. Directly in front of them was a door with a portrait of a young witch, snoozing against the base of a tree.
"Excuse me," Hermione said to the witch in the painting as the wall behind them slid closed. The witch jerked awake. "We're supposed to be staying in here, I believe…"
"Yes, yes, you must be the two kids… but aren't you supposed to be chained together?" the woman said, speaking very fast. "No, don't explain, I don't really care, I was having a really good dream… password?"
"Love and bunnies," Hermione repeated while Draco glared at her.
"The headmaster said you'd be looking to change it?" the witch said.
"Yes, how about… hmm. 'Prank war' seems fitting enough," Hermione said thoughtfully. Draco rolled his eyes.
"Prank war it is," the witch said, and a loud click sounded and the door swung open slightly. "G'night," the witch said, and promptly went back to sleep.
Taking a deep breath, Hermione grabbed the door. Surely she could handle this; Malfoy wouldn't be able to prank her while chained to her, as she could blame it all on him with ease, and they were in Gryffindor tower, which meant she was relatively safe. And it wasn't like she couldn't torment him thoroughly for this… ooh, the fun…
She pushed open the door and stepped inside, Draco following. The room was done in mostly neutral earth tones and the occasional red or gold accent, with two dressers and two desks against one wall. Against the other were two beds, roughly three feet apart, with nightstands next to each. The far wall curved like the tower and was lined with a couch and four armchairs. A small coffee table was right in front of the couch and between two armchairs was a door, which presumably led to the bathroom. Between the dressers was a large closet, where all of their things had been stacked, including Crookshanks's carrying basket and Draco's owl's cage. It was one of the prettiest rooms she'd ever seen.
"What a dump," Draco said with a snort.
Hermione looked straight at him. "What a dump," she said, looking him up and down pointedly.
Draco glared at her angrily, making a silent vow to kill Dean Thomas at the earliest available opportunity.
Ginny sighed as she headed for the common room; she'd just wasted a good deal of her time trying to get Ron to listen to reason, and had only succeeded in having a huge shouting match and telling him to go bugger off before storming out of the room.
She paused as she neared the bottom of the boys' dormitory staircase, listening… but all she heard was silence. Raising her eyebrows, she picked up the pace.
"How could I forget, you picked it yourself!" Hermione's voice could be heard easily; the entire common room must have been silent. "Love and bunnies!"
Laughter sounded as Ginny reached the common room, and she could hear Harry and Hermione exchanging words. She entered the room just as the wall slid shut. She gave Harry a confused glance, which he returned with a weary smile before turning to address the Gryffindors in the room.
"I suppose you're all wondering what Malfoy was doing in here—well, of course you are," Harry said as Ginny's jaw dropped. Malfoy? HERE? "Well, Dumbledore has unfortunately found out about a few of the pranks Hermione and the evil Slytherin git have been pulling. So, he went on for a while about letting the punishment fit the crime, and then ordered them to remain in each other's company until they've learned to get along."
"You're joking!" exclaimed Seamus.
"If only," Harry said with a sigh. "They have to stay in a guest room together, and they have to attend classes together and everything else. No word on how long it'll be, either. So Malfoy has to join her for all of her classes and he'll be eating meals with us."
"That's just sick," Parvati Patil said in disgust.
"Yeah, whatever happened to punishments where only the person involved had to deal with it?" Lavender Brown said irritably.
The common room broke out into annoyed mutterings as Ginny made her way over to Harry, raising her eyebrows at him. He nodded at the wall and called, "Love and bunnies." Ginny gave him a strange look before realizing it was a password with the wall opened up for them.
"Who came up with that?" Ginny asked, quietly so as not to be overheard.
"Malfoy, believe it or not," Harry said with a mischievous grin. They approached to door across from them and prodded the painting to wake the witch.
"Password?"
"Love and bunnies."
"Sorry, it's been changed."
Harry frowned. "It has? Um… let's see…"
"Mudblood?" Ginny guessed. Harry glanced at her in surprise. "What? Malfoy may have picked it… no? Hmm… maybe Hermione picked it. How about, 'Malfoy is an ass hole?'"
"Malfoy should jump in the lake?"
"Er… no one messes with a Gryffindor?"
"Slytherin sucks?"
"I hate Malfoy?"
"Hermione, are you in there? Open the damn door!"
Ginny sighed. "Damn. I feel so bad about this… and just when the prank war was getting good—ooh!"
The door had swung open, revealing Malfoy and Hermione in the middle of a heated argument.
"Get out of my room, Potter," Draco snapped as soon as Harry entered.
"It's my room too, and Harry and Ginny can stay for as long as they want to put up with your stupid ugly face!"
"Ooh, good comeback, Granger. Are you five years old? How long did it take you to think that one up?"
"About as long as it takes to cast the Impediment Jinx on your ass!" She pulled out her wand, her eyes flashing.
"Go ahead and try. I'm sure Dumbledore would love to hear about it. Good luck explaining that you didn't do it when we're sharing a room."
"Forget you, Malfoy. Look, if we're going to be trapped together and everything, can we please just ignore each other and get through this without fighting?"
"Oh, like that'll work. But you know what? Go ahead and ignore me. I'll just watch. And take notes. Notes on all the things you lot do."
"Like that will help you. It's not as if I have some sort of secret life where I break every rule—"
"Rules about sleeping with teachers, for example?" Draco interrupted with a sly grin.
Hermione laughed. Now was as good a time as any to break the news about Snape; after all, it wasn't like she'd be able to continue the charade while chained to Draco. "I can't believe you actually bought that!"
"Are you stupid, or what?" Ginny said, cracking up. "What kind of idiot would really believe Snape and Hermione would do anything together?"
"We planned the whole thing, just to freak you out," Harry said, grinning. "It's been pretty hysterical, I must say. Even Snape thought so."
"You joined forces with Snape?" Draco said incredulously.
"No… Hermione did, if you want to get technical," Harry said, shrugging. "Who cares? It's been really funny, watching you freak out. Wish we could have seen you vomit, but don't worry, Snape, via Hermione, described it in detail."
"All we've really been doing once we put up the Silencing Charms around his office is talk about the next major prank we're going to pull on you," Hermione added.
"You expect me to believe that you said that—did that—it was all fake? Even the hickeys?" Draco demanded.
"What hickeys?" Harry asked, confused.
Oh, no, Hermione thought, cringing in horror before forcing her expression back to one of smugness, determined to play the hickeys off as part of the joke. Harry didn't know, and neither did Ron… and with Ron pissed at her and Harry trying to support her despite how tough it was bound to be, now was not the time to tell them. "It was all fake, Malfoy—" she began, but Malfoy wouldn't be deterred now. He'd caught the brief panic on her face and seized upon it.
"The hickeys Snape put on her," Malfoy said with a cold grin as Harry's eyes grew almost comically wide. "The same day Pansy put you in the hospital wing. Oh, did Granger forget to tell you about that?"
"He's lying!" Hermione insisted.
"Am I?" Draco said mildly. "Gee. Did she ever tell you exactly what she said to him, Potter? The bit about doing it on his desk? Did she tell you about coming out of his office with her shirt half-off?"
"You're lying," Harry said uncertainly.
"Her whole neck was covered in hickeys, Potter. Her whole neck."
"There's no way Hermione and Snape would actually…" Harry trailed off, his brow wrinkling into a frown. Hermione had flinched. As if… as if she was remembering something horribly disgusting.
"Hermione?" Harry demanded suddenly.
"What? You don't actually believe him, do you?" Hermione said, but, while her tone was convincing and her expression next to outraged, she was blushing and her shoulders were hunched slightly, a dead giveaway that she was lying.
"Hermione?" Harry repeated in disbelief.
Hermione and Ginny, the only ones who knew the whole story, gave each other half-panicked looks before glancing away… but not before Harry saw them.
"You two really are keeping stuff from me, aren't you?" Harry demanded. "You actually let Snape give you a hickey, Hermione?"
"Harry—"
"Multiple hickeys," Draco corrected him smugly.
"Oh, what do you know?" Hermione said contemptuously. "You really thought I was sleeping with Snape! How dumb could you be?"
Draco's face flushed. Part of him didn't believe it had all been a ruse—surely Snape wouldn't have done anything THAT intimate for show? The man hadn't touched a human in years, unless forms of violence counted. But if Draco said he didn't believe she'd been faking it, and he was wrong, the Gryffindors would just laugh longer, louder and harder.
"Don't try to change the subject, Granger," Draco sneered, deciding to ponder this freakish revelation at a later date and focus on the important things in life—like annoying and upsetting Potter. "Come on, talk—if you're all just playing games about Snape, then why did you enter his office without a mark on you and come out looking like you'd been attacked by a toothless vampire?"
"Yeah, why did you, Hermione?" Harry said angrily.
"Hey! I know you're not trying to take Malfoy's side, but you're getting close to it anyway!" Hermione snapped. "Who are you going to believe, me or him?"
"Gee, I suddenly don't know who to trust," Harry shot back.
"Harry, everything I ever did in Snape's office was just to mess with Malfoy, you know that!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Yeah? And what all did you do, exactly?"
"Could we hold our private conversations some other time?" Ginny cut in pointedly. "Like, you know—when Malfoy's not here?"
"Please?" Hermione added softly, giving Harry a pathetic look and appealing to Harry's friendship and the protective side that all guys have when one inflates their ego enough while acting helpless and/or scared.
It worked; Harry sighed and nodded. "Fine, but don't think you're going to get out of telling me the real story eventually," he growled.
She nodded. "I will. Just… just not now."
"Oh, come on, I was just getting started. For example, Potter, did you know that she has pictures of herself partying with a bunch of Muggles, dated just last summer?"
"Now you're pushing the credibility," Harry said with a snort.
"Pansy found them when she was returning Hermione's things to her room and showed them to us," Draco continued, ignoring the interruption. "They were… interesting."
"You stole my photogra—?" Hermione began furiously before she could stop herself.
"No, we didn't. But thanks for proving they exist," he said nastily. "Pansy made copies of them with a spell and brought them to show us, but since they were copies they didn't last long. I'd told her not to take anything and she knew better than to go against me, but the copies were so interesting I almost went back for them. Most of them dated last summer, all of them completely motionless like Muggle pictures."
"Hermione was with her parents last summer," Ginny interrupted quickly.
"Really? Because it looked like she was partying with random people. On the beach, and in a hotel room—"
"They were my Muggle friends. I hadn't gotten to see them since the summer before fourth year; of course I was hanging out with them," Hermione snapped. "And it's not like I was doing anything wrong—"
"Maybe you should let Potter be the judge of that."
Hermione glared at him. "This is ridiculous. What I tell Harry is my business, not yours! Don't think I don't know what you're doing—you're trying to get me to say something incriminating in front of you so you can run off and tell someone, and I'm not going to fall for it."
"Actually, I'm just wondering how much Potter doesn't know about you. Did you show him your tattoo?"
Hermione rolled her eyes, already prepared for this one. "That was a temporary tattoo in that picture, Malfoy. It washed off in a few days."
"Really? Because it was still there when I dumped you in Snape's bed."
She froze. "You're lying," she blurted out, just a little too late.
"Whoa, whoa, hold up—tattoo?" Harry asked faintly.
"I do not have a tattoo," Hermione insisted quickly.
"Yes, you do.
"You can't honestly expect Harry and me to believe that Hermione has a tattoo," Ginny said loudly.
Draco cocked his head at her. "Do you really not know about it, Weasel? Or are you trying to claim you don't for Potter's sake?"
"Hermione would tell me if she has a tattoo."
"You're right," Harry said suddenly. "She would tell you. Ginny—"
"Okay, okay, look!" Hermione yelled in a panic. "This is getting us nowhere. We're just going around in circles. Malfoy makes some outlandish claim and then—"
"It's on her back," Draco cut in gleefully. "Just above her ass. It's a dagger, with a rose on the hilt and a stem wrapping around it. Off to one side, down far enough below her waist that Muggle clothes would cover it."
Harry gave Hermione a stern look. "Is that true?"
She sighed. "Harry… please. Not now. Please not now. I'm having a terrible day and I just… I just want to wind down and not think about Malfoy, and how bad these next few days are going to be, and how much damage he could do. I'll tell you. I promise. Whatever you want to know. Just not now."
Harry nodded, his expression softening slightly. Hermione looked utterly exhausted and worried and upset. He didn't want to add to her unhappiness, not now… besides, he knew it was a bad idea to make Hermione spill her guts in front of Draco.
"It's okay," he said, grinning at her weakly. "I'll wait."
Hermione gave him a relieved smile. Draco rolled his eyes. "You really are pathetic, Potter," he sneered.
"Shut up, Malfoy," Harry snarled. "You know what? You're—"
"Harry," Hermione interrupted, "please—let's just try not to fight, all right? Malfoy's stuck here, let's just ignore him, and he can ignore us—"
"Fat chance, Granger."
"—and we'll go back to normal once this stupid spell's over," Hermione finished.
"I'm so sorry, 'Mione," Ginny said quietly. "I didn't mean to hit you with—"
"Hey, it's not your fault," Hermione said, waving her hand dismissively.
"Yes, it is!" Draco said indignantly. "It's hers and Thomas's! Where is that bloody bastard? I'll kick his—"
"Oh, shut up, Malfoy," Hermione snapped. "If anyone's got a right to be angry, it's me."
"Excuse me? I'm chained to a Mudblood and rooming with Gryffindors! What's next, huh? Will I have to hang around with Weasel, too?"
"Oh, god, Ron!" Hermione exclaimed, having forgotten Ron's upsetting fight with Harry during all the upsetting fights she'd just had with Draco. "Ginny, what happened with him?"
"Er… well…"
"That bad, huh?" Harry said with a sigh.
"He's planning on strangling about fifty people," Ginny said, "including Malfoy, Harry, and Dean. Oh, and Snape… and the guy who invented chains… and me, actually, as I told him he was a huge prat who needed to go to Madam Pomfrey and have his head removed from his ass…" Harry and Hermione smiled, and Draco looked mildly impressed. "Oh, and then he said he was going to kill that guy who—"
"We get the point," Hermione said wearily. "All right, so… is he mad at me?"
"No," Ginny said.
"Not yet," Harry muttered bitterly.
"He'll come around, Harry, he always does," Hermione said soothingly.
"Aw, isn't that sad; everyone all worried about their friends not liking them—"
"Ignore him!" Hermione half-yelled as both Harry and Ginny made to retort angrily. "We're not going to let Malfoy get to us, okay? Because if we do then we're going to snap and end up in detention or expelled or in Azkaban or on the run with an escaped hippogriff like Sirius and Buckbeak—"
"What?" Draco yelped. "Sirius Black set that hippogriff free?"
"No, we set it free," Harry said, grinning. "Me and Hermione. Then we gave it to Sirius Black—where have you been, Malfoy?"
"Harry, please don't bait him," Hermione pleaded. "Let's pretend he's invisible, okay? Just an annoying, overly talkative ghost. Come on, let's go to the library, we can get some research done—"
"I'm not going to the library!" Draco protested. "I'm staying here!"
"No, you're coming to the library," Harry said, grabbing Hermione's chained hand, "even if I have to drag you."
"Or march you there by wand point," Ginny added. "Do the words 'Bat-Bogey Hex' ring a bell?"
Draco flushed slightly, remembering the curse she'd put on him in Umbridge's office. "Fine," he snapped, then gave them a cool smile that made them exchange nervous glances.
They left the room, Harry and Hermione in the lead, followed by Draco and then Ginny, keeping her eyes trained on him carefully. As the wall slid open to let them back into the common room full of Gryffindors, Draco stopped in his tracks, causing Ginny to nearly run into him and Hermione to nearly dislocate her shoulder. Conversations around the common room lulled and stopped at the sight of him.
"And by the way, Granger," Draco said once he had everyone's attention, speaking loud enough for everyone to hear and grinning widely at them, "I still want to know how you got that tattoo on your ass."