Chapter Forty-One
General Ginny
Ginny closed her eyes, trying to collect herself. She was annoyed, she was tired—she hadn't been able to sleep after last night's escapade—and she was sick of the prank war. There had always been very few things you could count on to remain constant at Hogwarts, such as McGonagall's strictness and Snape's cruelty, but even those things had shattered, leaving her with a sense that the castle had been turned upside down or perhaps cast into an alternate dimension. Ginny was becoming more and more upset and chasing after Harry and Hermione wasn't going to improve her mood.
Still, it was what she had to do, given the unspoken laws of friendship—which thankfully hadn't been tossed out the window along with the rest of the universal truths. She had to go stop them before they got hurt. The charm was most assuredly one of the illegal spells that had been banned decades ago because of the dangerous mind-altering effects. Harry, Hermione and Draco had no judgment right now, no sense of limitations—which meant that if they got the bright idea to think they could fly without a broom, they'd race each other to the top of the astronomy tower and jump right off.
Ginny opened her eyes and looked around, plans already forming. They knew Snape was gone again, possibly for the weekend, and none of the other teachers had arrived. That left her with the small group of people who would be willing to help her and able to stop Hermione, Harry and Draco if need be. The seventh-year Ravenclaws were all out; Michael Corner wasn't too fond of Ginny, and neither were his friends. They would help Harry in an instant, but they wouldn't even acknowledge her existence if she went over to ask them for help. That left her with Ernie Macmillan and his posse of seventh-year Hufflepuffs—Hannah Abbot, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Susan Bones—and Dean, Seamus, Neville, and Luna.
"Joy," Ginny muttered, her eyes locking on to Dean and Seamus. "Neville?" He looked up at her. "Go get Luna, please, and ask her to help." He nodded and hurried towards the Ravenclaw table. Ginny turned around, throwing her leg over the bench and nearly knocking over Lavender Brown, who was standing very close behind Ginny with the Patil twins on either side of her. "ARGH!" Ginny shrieked, clutching her heart. "You scared the crap out of me!"
"Sorry," Lavender said.
Ginny glowered at the three girls suspiciously, wondering what they wanted. Lavender and the Patil twins looked determined and were smiling in a fake and friendly way. "What?" Ginny asked.
"We want to help you," Lavender said, as though that should be obvious.
Ginny snorted. "You mean you want an inside scoop on what's going on."
"So what if we do?" Padma said challengingly. "You're gonna need help. It's a big castle. Those three could be anywhere."
"And they are, for lack of a better phrase, extremely high," Parvati added. "They could get into a lot of trouble, especially given their magic and the fact Harry and Hermione hate Malfoy and vice versa."
Ginny nodded grudgingly. She didn't want the three girls to help—because anything they saw would be all over the school in a few hours—but she needed more than the few people she had. She climbed fully off the bench and turned to Padma. "Can you get Terry, Michael and Anthony to help?"
"Sure," Padma said. "I could get a few more people, if you'd like—"
"No. Just them."
"Why?" Padma asked suspiciously. She had started dating Michael just before Halloween, and seemed to be a bit of the jealous type.
"Because I only want people I know and—to some degree—trust with helping Harry and Hermione," Ginny said in exasperation. "And anyone who finds Harry, Hermione and Malfoy should know how to handle three highly-skilled people who know how to use magic and aren't in their right minds, in case the three of them decide it may be funny to fling curses. So D.A. members are ideal. If you want to help, get them and meet me in the entrance hall."
With that, Ginny flounced over to the Hufflepuff tables. Ernie was quick to agree to help, standing up with his usual pompous air and sounding like a cross between a war general and Freddy from Scooby Doo as he asked his fellow Hufflepuffs to join him. Hannah, Susan and Justin took it in stride, while the members of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team—Zacharias Smith, Laura Madley, Eleanor Branstone, Kevin Whitby, and Rose Zeller—rolled their eyes and offered to help as well. Ginny reluctantly said nothing when the last five offered their help. While she disliked Smith and Laura, Eleanor, Kevin and Rose were all fourth year and younger, she could still use them all. She was a tad worried about what would happen if Harry, Hermione and Draco got hostile with anyone who saw them and tried to calm them down, but she figured the younger ones would be okay if they stayed with older ones. All of them followed her to the entrance hall, where they were joined by Luna and Neville, who had thought to get Seamus and Dean as well, and Lavender, Parvati, Padma, Anthony, Michael and Terry.
"So… what's wrong with Harry, Hermione and Malfoy?" Justin asked curiously. "I saw them laughing…"
"They've been hit by a Euphoria Charm," Ginny said with a shrug. "At the moment, they're currently running around, possibly trying to fly off the astronomy tower."
"I jumped off a balcony once after too much firewhisky," Zacharias Smith said.
"Pity you lived," muttered Parvati. Those that heard her nodded in agreement.
"So… they could get hurt," Rose said, her eyes wide.
"Yes, they could. They could also hurt someone else or just generally be a nuisance," Ginny said. "On the other hand, they might be fine. Regardless, they need to be found and subdued. Now, then… I'm going to check the places they're most likely to be. I want Luna with me." Ginny figured that was safest, as Luna had a tendency to be distracted by odd things when left to her own devices.
"Won't they head straight for Gryffindor Tower?" Neville asked. "They said they were going to kill Ron."
"I doubt it. They'll probably be distracted on their way there. When you're drunk, you don't tend to focus well, and I assume they're operating the same way. Now… Dean, you go up to the astronomy tower, check it out, and, if they're not in it, station yourself at the entrance. Seamus, take the Gryffindor tower and do the same. Michael, West Tower."
"What about the other towers?" Neville asked.
"If they head for Dumbledore's office, he'll stop them. It'd take a hell of a lot to get Hermione or Harry anywhere near North Tower—"
"Why?" asked Hannah.
"Hermione hates Trelawney," Lavender said. "Which is really unreasonable of her, you know. Trelawney was just being honest—"
"Regardless," Ginny cut in, not wanting to debate Trelawney's questionable Divination skills at present, "I doubt they'll go that way. Dumbledore would stop them if they somehow got into the headmaster's tower, and they can't get into Ravenclaw without the password."
"Hermione has it," Ernie said. "The head boy and head girl know all the common room passwords."
"Then Anthony, you take Ravenclaw tower," Ginny said with a sigh. "Hannah, do the dungeons the same way. Check them, then stand at the entrance. Susan, the basement. Do the Hufflepuff common room and the kitchens."
"How do I get in there?" she asked.
"Tickle the pair on that one painting of fruit. Now… Ernie, Zacharias, Laura, Eleanor, Rose, and Kevin—"
"What happened to D.A. only?" Padma demanded.
"I'm leaving them with D.A. members," Ginny retorted.
"Why?" Kevin asked. "We're old enough to handle—"
"Have you ever seen Hermione use a curse?" Ginny snapped. "I have. She's the smartest person at Hogwarts since Dumbledore and she's fought battles with Death Eaters. You want to try to fight her alone?" Kevin shook his head vigorously. Everybody now looked distinctly uneasy; Ginny sighed gustily. "Look, time is running out. Are you guys going to help or not?"
"You're really panicking about this, aren't you?" Justin said, looking somewhat surprised.
"Right now, Harry, Hermione and Draco are wandering around the castle alone. Three powerful magic-users who hate each other, and they are basically high. When Ron was under this charm, he went completely psycho and nearly got himself killed. There's a reason those charms are illegal—they make people do crazy, potentially dangerous things."
"Those charms are illegal?" Lavender asked curiously.
"Since 1983," Ginny said grimly. "Euphoria Charms and Potions became so widespread in the sixties and seventies that the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad went on strike. They got tired of sorting out the mess. The Ministry was trying to deal with it when St. Mungo's started threatening a strike themselves, sick of treating people who took them or crossed paths with people who took them. Once the Ministry got wind of that the Wizengamot forced through legislation. There are rehabilitation programs for people who are addicted to them. There are wards in St. Mungo's full of people who sustained such lasting damage from long-term use of them that they can't function in society. Numerous Muggles have been injured or had to have their memories modified. And my brother Bill told me that our parents once went dancing on the hood of a flying airplane after trying an Ecstasy Draft at a party in the late sixties. They were almost sent to Azkaban for breaking the Statute of Secrecy, and they would have if it had been after the law was made."
"My father said he broke his leg after trying one," Luna added. "And my cousin Clara lost an eye while using one. She has a very becoming eye patch, though."
"This is what we're dealing with," Ginny said, nodding at Luna. "So if you're not going to help me, get the hell out of my meeting."
"Sorry," a few people muttered. No one made to leave.
"You six search the grounds," Ginny continued. "Ernie, Laura, Eleanor, go one way, Rose and Kevin and Zacharias another. One group, go as far as the Forbidden Forest; the other, try and sneak into Hogsmeade. Be careful of Filch; it's a Hogsmeade weekend but he likes to catch people going in early. If you don't find anything, come back to the entrance hall and wait for Susan and Hannah. When Susan and Hannah come up to the hall, Ernie and Zacharias can start doing what the rest of us are going to be doing—searching the castle. We're going to go up floor by floor, one of us breaking off on each floor once we've all checked it and staying by the most common way down to the bottom floor. That'll mean Susan and Hannah are on the ground floor, Ernie can do first, Zacharias second, Terry third, Parvati fourth, Padma fifth, Neville sixth, and then Dean, Seamus, Michael and Anthony will all be on the seventh watching out for the towers. Justin, I want you to head for that statue of the one-eyed witch and stay by it. Luna and I will try and cover the rest; we'll wander from floor to floor as well."
"It wouldn't be hard for them to sneak into a secret passage, you know," Ernie said.
"Moaning Myrtle has a soft spot for Harry. I'm going to try and get her to rally a few ghosts and see if they'll help. Luna and I are going be mainly in secret passages, too. Dean, Seamus, Anthony, and Michael—you guys take the fastest route to the seventh floor through the secret passages. The rest of you, take the main corridors."
"What about the teachers?" Rose asked.
Ginny frowned. "To be honest, I'm not too keen on getting them involved any more than necessary. If we can keep them out of this, we will. All the teachers have been… acting odd lately."
"Like your campfire with Snape," Lavender said.
"I did not… urgh." Ginny pinched the bridge of her nose and decided to go with what worked. "Yes, something like that. They've all gone psycho and I'm not too thrilled about the idea of asking them for help. Not to mention the fact that once this goes to a teacher, we'll all be kept out of the loop while they take over the searching. If you get the third degree, though, don't lie; tell them what's up. Once we've searched this place well and good, if we still don't find them, we'll tell someone. But if anyone finds anything… well, most of us can do Patronuses, right?" The former D.A. members nodded. "Conjure one and tell it to come find me and tell me what you know. That should do it. Now, everyone clear?"
There was a general murmur of assent. "All right, then," Ginny said. "Welcome to Life with Harry. Let's go."
The large group scattered. Dean, Seamus, Anthony and Michael went straight for a secret passage that would cut out a good deal of time on the journey to the seventh floor.
"You're very good at this," Luna commented as she and Ginny headed for the second floor and Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.
"Thanks," Ginny said dryly. "But I really wish I didn't have to be."
At last, the suit of armor was off Harry; it had taken a lot longer to lift it than Draco and Hermione had thought when beginning the task. Not only was the armor very heavy, but they kept getting distracted, parts of the armor kept coming apart, and once they got into a playful sword fight with its legs.
"There!" Hermione said as she set the suit's head back on its neck upside down. The suit's hands reached up and put its head right, then glared down at her. Hermione smiled back, unfazed. "Now… what were we doing?"
"Thinking up superhero names," Draco said excitedly. "What should I call myself?"
"Erm… Evil Boy?" Hermione suggested.
"It's not very… commanding," Harry said.
"Hey, I know!" Hermione exclaimed. "Evil Bastard! That's what Snape called himself once when he was trying to remember that he was still bad, even when he was helping us. You'll need something to remind you that even though you're going to be saving the world, you're still a jackass."
"Evil Bastard," Draco mused. "Yeah. Yeah, I like it! What about you, Potter? Going to go with 'The Boy Who Lived' or something like that?"
"Nah. If I used that, everyone would know it was me, and then my secret identity would be blown," Harry said, as though this made perfect sense.
"Good point," Draco agreed, nodding seriously.
"I'm going to be The Immortal," Harry continued importantly. "Cuz, you know, no one ever seems to manage to bump me off."
"But not for lack of trying," Draco said, pouting a little. "What are you going to be, Granger? The Bookworm?"
"Fine," Hermione said quickly, hoping now they could return to running around and yelling "whee!"
"We need costumes," Draco said. Hermione sighed in disappointment.
"And a vehicle," Harry said. "And cool gadgets."
"You've got some of those, haven't you?" Draco asked. "That cool map and the cloak and who knows what else…"
"Right, let's head back to the guest room; we can look through our stuff and see what we can come up with!" Harry said cheerfully.
Hermione sighed again, suddenly flashing back to the days of Muggle childhood, when all the girls were playing dumb games involving growing up and getting married and cleaning and all the boys were playing dumb games involving superheroes and construction equipment and toy cars and trucks. She'd never joined in such games, as her mother had brought her up to be against such views of femininity (and Hermione readily agreed) and the boys would never let her play with them.
"And a catchphrase," Draco said as he and Harry started walking towards Gryffindor tower.
"And cheesy puns to say when fighting bad guys," Harry added. "I never did get to say any of those, you know. Always wanted to, though."
Hermione winced as the chain tugged on her arm and she followed Draco, hoping that, now that she was allowed to play the superhero game with the boys, things might be half as interesting as running around and yelling "whee!"
"But for now," Harry continued, stopping and throwing out his arms. "WHEE!"
He took off at a dead run. Hermione and Draco happily followed him.
Ginny was starting to perk up. Luna had agreed to go into the bathroom and talk to Moaning Myrtle for her; Ginny, while mostly at peace with the Chamber of Secrets, found it a bit too painful to be in or even near the bathroom, and she hadn't gone inside since Fawkes had set her down in it at the end of her first year. Even passing it brought on a lot of bad memories and nostalgia, which she forced down under worries of Harry and Hermione until Luna emerged and reported that Moaning Myrtle was going to try to help. By the time that was settled, the first three floors had been cleared and Parvati, Padma and Neville were searching the fourth floor; Ginny and Luna proceeded to the fifth and started ducking into a few secret passages. At last, they headed for the seventh floor, planning to see what the guys had found in the towers; while they hadn't found Harry, Hermione and Draco, they were running out of places to look, and Ginny was starting to feel that things were going to work out. With any luck, they'd simply find them in the seventh-year boys' room, beating Ron to pulp.
Both Anthony and Michael looked out of breath and grumpy when Ginny and Luna found them, saying they'd been all through their respective towers and hadn't seen any sign of Harry, Hermione or Draco.
"Owls were all calm, too," reported an irritated Michael Corner, whose tower encompassed the owlery. "So I think it's safe to say that three people on an acid trip haven't gone in there." He yawned widely. "Jeez, it's too early in the morning for this."
"Thanks anyway, Michael," Luna said serenely. Ginny simply jerked her head in acknowledgment and walked on.
"Ginny!" Dean called, coming out of the astronomy tower just as they approached. He put his hands on his knees, wheezing. "Damn, that's a tall tower… anyway, I've just spoken to Professor Sinistra, and she said she was coming back from the kitchens when she heard someone yelling 'whee' out in the corridors. Thought it was just a random passer-by, but it could be them—sounds like a nutty thing to do, you know? I was just going to send word. But I don't know if it's them or not…"
"Thanks," Ginny called, already heading towards Seamus. "I'll see what I can find."
"What's so nutty about that?" Luna wondered aloud as she followed Ginny. "I do it all the time."
Then we must be getting close, Ginny thought, smiling at Luna fondly. She turned the corner to see Seamus coming out of the portrait hole.
"I've been all through the tower," he reported proudly, though he looked as winded as the other three tower-searchers. "I got a first year to go up through the girls' dorms, too. Said she didn't see anyone."
"Damn!" Ginny growled. She'd been certain that they'd be in the tower, after Dean's discovery… but given how long it would have taken him to come back down after running into Sinistra, the three of them could be long gone. Or, possibly, in the Ravenclaw girls' dorms; Michael wouldn't be able to get in there. She bit her lip in indecision; she could go check the Ravenclaw girls' dorms herself, or go try the nearest floors and hope that Harry, Hermione and Draco hadn't gone far… doing either one could cost her valuable time if she made the wrong choice. They'd have to split up; she could send Luna to the girls' dorms and hope that Luna didn't get sidetracked by a pretty butterfly or something and Ginny could head down to—
"Did you check Hermione's room?" Luna asked, having learned that Hermione and Draco were staying in the guest room during the acromantula prank.
"No," Seamus said, his eyes widening. "I didn't think… but I don't know the password…"
Ginny smacked her forehead. "Duh! I can't believe I didn't think of that. I'll go; I'm the only one who knows the password besides them… You two, wait here."
Seamus nodded, Luna shrugged and Ginny turned towards the portrait hole. Just then, however, it swung open again, and Harry leaped out.
"Harry! Thank g—Harry?"
It was indeed Harry, but he looked unlike anything they had ever seen. He was wearing his snow boots and dragon hide gloves, and his invisibility cloak was back over his shoulders like a cape. More startling, however, was the fact that he was shirtless and wearing Muggle jeans under a pair of green boxer shorts with Snitches on them. Tied around his eyes, underneath his glasses, was what looked like one of Hermione's old scarves that she'd knitted during her free-the-house-elves phase, with jagged holes cut out for his eyes.
"I am The Immortal!" Harry yelled, putting his hands on his hips in a classic Superman pose.
"Psst!" someone hissed from inside the common room. "Move, so I can make my nifty dramatic entrance!"
Before Ginny, Seamus, or even Luna could process the strangeness of this event, Harry stepped aside and Hermione jumped out of the portrait hole as well. "And I am The Bookworm!"
Hermione looked as strange as Harry, if that were possible. She, too, was wearing her boots and gloves with her Hogwarts cloak done cape-style, and had fashioned her mask from another hand-knit scarf. However, her outfit was comprised of yellow Capri pants that looked horrible with her boots and a tight yellow sweater under the same red bathing suit that Dobby had brought her during the prefects' bathroom fiasco. Crudely taped on the chest of the suit was what looked like the title page to An Advanced Guide to Transfiguration, and an unreadable title page was taped to her hand-knit cap, which was pulled down over her bushy hair. As she stepped aside, they glimpsed the title page of Hogwarts, A History on the back of her cloak.
They didn't really care about that discovery, however, as Draco hopped out just then with a yell of "And I am Evil Bastard!"
Ginny blinked. Her only conscious thought was, That was one hell of a Euphoria Charm.
Draco was wearing a tutu.
A pink tutu, of course.
Ginny was so fixated on the tutu that it took her a moment to notice the rest of him. His outfit was a tad different; his cloak wasn't uniform standard, but rather Slytherin green and made of some rich, satiny material. His gloves were also green, and his boots were more stylish than functional. He was wearing plain gray Muggle slacks beneath his tutu and a sweater that may have once been black, but had been dyed various shades of orange with what was obviously a badly-applied color charm. His scarf/mask was bright purple and his hair was tied back with what look like a blue Scrunchie of Hermione's.
"You don't look very evil, you know," said Luna, the first one to recover.
"Oh, we figured it out," Draco said, nodding seriously. "See, we figure, basic black and somber colors are for amateur evil people. That's why Snape's been dressing colorfully. And why Umbridge had that obsession with pink. So I'm colorful!"
"Where did you get the tutu?" Luna asked curiously.
"Hermione transfigured it," Draco said cheerfully.
"It's quite nice," Luna told him kindly.
"Hush!" Hermione admonished Draco. "You'll give away our secret identities!"
"Secret…?" Seamus began faintly.
"Yes," Harry said. "No one will know that we're really Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Draco Malfoy! The world will know us only as The Immortal, The Bookworm, and Evil Bastard! We're going to save the world… anonymously!"
"So no evil reporters," Hermione said happily.
"We're the Save the World Club!" Draco yelled, thrusting his fists in the air.
"YEAH!" Hermione and Harry yelled, copying him.
"I thought the world was already saved," Luna said, surprised.
"Oh, no. We're going to save it again. Our first mission is to kill Anti-Spider Boy," Draco told her.
"Anti-Spider Boy?" Luna asked.
"Yes." Draco nodded vigorously. "A redheaded, ugly super villain, who fears spiders above all other creatures!"
"But we shall fight him with our super powers." Harry, who sounded like he was reciting from something, threw out his chest. "I can turn invisible!" And after a moment of rummaging around on his back, he pulled his cloak over him and disappeared beneath it. Then he poked his head out of the cloak, a proud expression on his face. "See?"
"I know everything!" Hermione said. She waved her wand over her head and large glowing neon letters appeared in midair, spelling the words "I know everything."
"And I am evil!" Draco planted his hands on the waistband of his pink tutu and gave an evil "Mwahaha!" sort of cackle.
"…Right," Ginny said slowly.
"Back!" Draco shouted suddenly, waving his finger in her face. "You're Anti-Spider Boy's sister! Don't think your disguise has fooled us!"
"For we're the Save the World Club!" Hermione yelled. "And I know everything!"
"And we won't let you stop us!" Harry added. "We're going to kick some serious ass!"
"We'll deal with you later!" Hermione said pompously. "For now, it's time to kill Anti-Spider Boy! Save the World Club, away!"
With that, the three of them ran off down the corridor, leaving Seamus and Luna to stare after them while Ginny gazed blankly into the space they'd just vacated.
"But… where are they going?" Seamus wondered. "Ron's been sitting on the couch in the common room the whole time. I saw him."
"They're probably just off to terrorize the rest of the castle," Ginny said absently.
"Shouldn't we go after them?" Luna asked.
Ginny nodded and turned around. "Send word to the others. Call them back. Post the Hufflepuffs in the entrance hall and make sure they know not to let Harry, Hermione or Malfoy out. Tell the tower boys to go cover all the entrances to the seventh hall so that Harry, Hermione and Malfoy can't get back up here. You two go down to sixth, find the three lunatics, and start chasing them. Force them down to the entrance hall, picking up the others as you go. You'll be able to trap them between all of you in the entrance hall and you'll get the drop on them. If they somehow manage to escape, go to Professor Wood and tell them you need his help and that it's about Hermione; he'll do whatever you ask. I'm counting on you, guys."
Seamus and Luna nodded, conjured their Patronuses to send messages on ahead, and ran off.
And Ginny turned, walked through the portrait hole, and headed up for bed. She was through with the prank war… for now, anyway. Ginny had given a lot to Harry, Ron and Hermione, and helped them a great deal. They were her friends, and Harry had saved her life.
But no way in hell was she getting involved with three psychotic people in makeshift superhero costumes.