So why in the world am I falling in love? Is this really love? I don't want to fall in love with anyone. So why? Why am I experiencing these feelings?
These were among the questions that swirled around my head as I ignored whatever Nikaido was saying. It was Thursday, and I was starting to get used to a bit of routine. But Ikuto had messed it all up. I was still upset that I was feeling attracted to anyone at all. Especially Ikuto. Why couldn't I feel this way when I was around Tadase, or Kukai?
Then again, even that was a lie. I remember how I felt when Tadase put that cape around my neck. And though I was blacked out at the time, just the thought of Kukai carrying me aroused the same feeling. But why? I didn't want to be like other girls. Feeling that way about anyone was stupid. Love was one of those noble feelings. Always, always, always, the main character of a book falls in love. I wanted to be different than them. It was because I wanted to be different that Azami had been born. Still, why Ikuto? He was annoying, hard to deal with, and a downright pain. Then again, that was probably why I liked him. Out of all the guys I had met so far, Ikuto was the least noble of them all. I suppose it was only logical that if I would fall for anyone, it would be him.
"Mizuki-san? Are you okay?" I snapped out of my daze. Nikaido was calling on me. Judging by the stares of the class, he'd already said my name a couple times. Great.
"Uh... yeah, I'm fine." I said, caught off guard.
"Then could you please help Tamiya-san with this problem?" he said. He took a step forward, but he ended up tripping and falling. The whole class laughed. I was getting used to this - Nikaido-sensei was probably the klutziest teacher I had ever seen. Despite the merriment in the classroom, I saw Mai up at the board, looking depressed. She had chalk in her hand, and she was apparently trying and failing to solve a problem. Right now, we were multiplying two digit numbers. Not too hard for me, but it was pretty complex for most fifth graders. I doubted my old school would be this advanced yet.
I wanted to sorta help Mai along, so that she could see that she knew how to do it. But I knew that would seem really presumptuous of me. (because I would be assuming that I am so much better than Mai. Which I am, but I didn't want to sound cocky) And so, I just told her what to do from my desk. "You got the first part right. Now you just multiply the four by the two separate digits of the first number, then add that result to the result of what you already did." Once I explained it, Mai could remember how to do it. But the damage had already been done - she hadn't been able to do something in front of the whole class. I could tell how down she was feeling. I wanted to talk and comfort her, but Nikaido was already moving on with the lesson. What was he playing at? He knew that Mai was still having trouble with math. Why'd he make her go up in front of the class?
* * *
"So can you guys tell me what Ikuto is like again?" I asked. We were in the royal garden after school. This was becoming a part of my routine as well. All of the guardians were really fun to hang out with. I'd been finding out that most of them were pretty easy to figure out, as far as their personalities go. Tadase was shy, but wanted to be strong. Yaya just wanted to mess around all the time, or something like that. Kukai just loved sports. I wasn't sure about Nadeshiko. She seemed like she maybe just wanted to be a lady, but so far I hadn't seen her chara-change. Amu... with her three different charas, I didn't know what to think about her. And she was the only one who could chara-nari. Did that make her somehow better than the rest of us? And what about that lock, that paired with Ikuto's key? Did that mean anything?
"Why do you want to know about Ikuto, Miyuki-san?" asked Nadeshiko inquisitively. "We've told you about him before."
"Well, it's just that... you know how we were a little late getting home on Tuesday?" That day, the charas had sensed an X-egg right as we were leaving the school. We had all chased after it to help Amu out, but it meant that it was already getting dark by the time we all made it to our respective homes.
"Yeah, that was awesome! Our first full combined x-egg hunt!" said Kukai enthusiastically.
So I continued, "Well, when I was walking home, I thought I saw someone with cat ears and a tail. On a roof. But it was dark, so I was probably mistaken..." This was, of course, a lie. I couldn't tell them that the last time I had seen Ikuto, he had actually been on my own roof.
Tadase's face, as always, looked grim at the mention of Ikuto. "That sounds like him. Sneaking around on roofs, deceit filling his every word. He cares for no one. If you're seeing him around, I suggest you stay wary. You don't want a black cat like him to cross your path." Tadase's words seemed wrong, from my meetings with Ikuto. I mean, that cat did admittedly sneak around on roofs, but other than that, it sounded like Tadase was misinformed, or something. Ikuto certainly seemed to care about what I was doing to some extent, for some reason. Though Tadase said that he lied all the time... but no. I had looked into those eyes, and he had seemed truthful. Perhaps joking at some parts of our conversation, but he had never seemed to say an outright lie. Could he lie so convincingly that I couldn't tell, maybe?
I was about to ask something else when the group of shugo charas came flying up. They had been messing around in some other part of the greenhouse, but they were all alert now. "Guys, their's an X-egg somewhere close by!" said Daichi. All of us guardians jumped up from our seats, ready for action.
"Let's go." said Tadase seriously as we all dashed out of the greenhouse. We stopped as soon as we had left, though. It was still pretty soon after school had been dismissed, and their was still about a total of twenty people talking outside. They stared when they saw us, confused by our haste. We all sort of smiled awkwardly, not knowing what else to do.
"Come on, you guys!" said Ran. "We've got to purify the egg!" This snapped us out of our embarassed daze, but we still had a problem. If we just went rushing off to get the egg, everyone watching would wonder what we were doing. Who knows, someone might even follow us.
And, cue my chara-change.
"Okay, everyone, race time!" I said, talking loud enough so that everyone around us could hear. "The first one to..." Well, I had a problem here. I didn't know where the X-egg was. Azami saw my problem.
"It's in the school." she said, barely managing to keep a laugh back. I looked around, and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I mean, I was listening to something they couldn't see, and pausing way too long in my little race announcement. But I was chara-changed, so that didn't matter to me.
"So, the first on to the school..." I continued, "Wins!" Before anyone other than the guardians could really comprehend this sudden outburst, I started the race. "On your marks, get set, go!" I said, managing to dash off just a second before the others were ready. I ran top speed towards the front doors, but my chara-change went away and I was left slower than before.
"Hey, not fair!" Said Kukai, laughing. He did a chara-change, speeding up. I could sense rather than see him catching up behind me.
"Let the king go first, commoners!" Shouted Kiseki, flying hard to keep up with the rest of the charas. Azami had gotten a head start with me, and was using her wings to make a good margin between her and the competition.
"Yaya wants to win!" said Yaya as she tried to keep up with the older, faster guardians.
"W-wait up!" shouted Amu. As always, she was just a bit slow on the uptake, and she only dashed off a couple seconds after everyone - including her charas - had started the race.
"OUT OF MY WAY!" shouted Nadeshiko. I managed to spy a unique flower on her head before she practically bowled me over, along with everyone else in front of her. So this was her chara-change. I was surprised that someone as graceful as Nadeshiko with a chara as polite as Temari could have a personality like this. I barely managed to keep myself from falling, and Kukai managed to pass me. In the end, the race ended with us coming through the doors in the following order - Nadeshiko, then Kukai, Tadase and I tied for third, then Yaya, and finally Amu bringing up the rear. Azami was the first shugo chara, and all the others more or less came through the doors as a group. We were all laughing and gasping for breath inside the school, but my ploy had done its job: all of the students that had been watching had been too shocked by the sudden and slightly strange turn of events to follow. The doors were solid wood, so I couldn't see them outside, but I would bet that they were staring dumbly at the door, stunned. The thought made me laugh even harder.
Surprising or not, it was Kiseki that brought us back to our senses. "Come on, commoners! We must find the X-egg!"
We all managed to stop laughing and got serious again. "Where is it?" asked Nadeshiko, apparently back to normal.
"I think it's upstairs, desu~!" Said Su.
We all rushed to the nearest flight of stairs and ran up. We passed the second floor, and it was only once we were on the third floor that the charas told us to get off the stairs. This was my floor, where I went to class. This made me worried. I became even more worried as the charas directed us through the hallways, straight to the classroom where Amu and I were most of the day. It couldn't be... Mai? I mean, she was certainly depressed, but enough to make an x-egg?
My fears were confirmed as soon as Tadase opened the door. Mai was sitting in one of the front desks, her eyes dark and hopeless. Nikaido was nowhere to be seen.
"Isn't that your friend, Miyuki-san?" asked Kukai, concerned. I didn't bother to answer him. I rushed forward, bending down in front of the desk so I would be eye-level. I wondered if this kind of concern was really my character - I mean, evil people didn't care about anyone, did they? Then again, Azami said a dragon did whatever she wanted. If that meant I wanted to be concerned and have friends, I supposed it was okay.
"Mai! Tamiya Mai, are you okay? Snap out of it!" She looked up, and her blank eyes met my intense gaze. It was as if she was looking, without actually seeing. All the other guardians stood outside the doorway, waiting.
"I'm stupid... I'll never be able to do math... I'll always be a failure..." she said.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. "That's not-" I was interrupted as I heard the screeching of a bad piece of chalk on the blackboard behind me. I turned slowly around to see a little black chara-sized figure floating by the chalkboard. On its forehead was a big white 'X', and in its hand was a tiny piece of chalk.
The thing smiled evilly at me. "Math... is... USELESS!" Upon the last word, it pointed its chalk at me. A wave of dark numbers and math symbols flew towards me, and I barely had time to take in this fact before they hit me. I slammed hard against Mai's desk, my back hitting the front of it. The desk was knocked into the desk behind it, tipping both of them over and sending both Mai and me down to the floor. An overwhelming feeling of hopelessness flooded through me, and I hardly noticed the pain in my back. I hardly noticed anything.
How can I ever be unique... I'll just end up hurting my friends and everyone around me. I could never be a real dragon - it's just not physically possible. I should just quit...
"Holy Crown!" shouted Tadase as he stepped in front of the stream of dark energy. Someone had finally come to their senses enough to help me. He had a scepter in one hand, and out of it a golden light spilled forth, creating a sort of force field in between me and the X-chara. The X-chara stopped, and Tadase lowered his scepter. But I only vaguely registered all this. I stared blankly forward, not really paying attention. All the other guardians came up to surround the little black character, who looked a bit worried.
Tadase, while still keeping his eyes on the chara, bent down and knelt right next to me. He was so close to me, and under other circumstances this would have aroused more confusion about who I really liked, if I indeed liked anyone. But darkness was the only focus of my mind.
"Yamada-san, are you all right?" asked Tadase, worried. I didn't reply. I just kept looking forward. Even Azami, laying on my shoulder, had lost the motivation to do anything.
"Miyuki!" said Tadase, grabbing my shoulder and shaking me.
"It's useless... nothing matters..." I said, continuing to stare into space.
"Useless!" said the X-chara maliciously, sending more pulses of dark numbers towards the distracted Tadase. Amu jumped in the way, blocking with her pink pompoms. Apparently, she had done her chara-nari without me noticing. But I didn't care. All that existed was darkness... dark...
"Tadase!" said Kukai, "We need to take care of the X-chara first. Then we can snap Miyuki out of it!" Tadase turned to look at Kukai, then stood up and nodded. The chara, now surrounded with all focus on it, backed up, only to find its back against the blackboard. It tried to make a dash over Nadeshiko's head.
"NO YOU DON'T!" shouted Nadeshiko, chara-changing. A long staff with a small knife-like blade at the end appeared in her hands, and she used the flat of the blade to knock the x-chara back to where it had been. It was slightly dazed, so Amu seized the opportunity.
"Negative heart, lock on!" she made a heart shape with her hands and her waves of good energy shot towards the X-chara. A black shell formed around it, which then turned back to the normal creamy-white a heart's egg should be. It floated back into Mai, who was laying on the floor next to the toppled desks. She stayed where she was, still unconscious.
And now, they turned their attention to me. Tadase bent down on his knees, grabbed my shoulders, and looked into my eyes. "Miyuki-san, please snap out of it." His voice was calm, but his gaze was intense. Slowly, I noticed his eyes. I stared in to them a few seconds. I noticed they were sort of an odd color, for eyes...
And then I was free of the spell. I shook my head, trying to remember what just happened. I could remember that I had been hit by that x-chara's energy, but after that... it was vague. I knew that the chara had been cleansed, but other than that, I could remember very little. The only thing that stood out in my mind was that feeling. The feeling of absolute hopelessness. I know I had more or less seen all that had happened, but I hadn't been paying attention at all.
Then I realized that Tadase's hands were still on my shoulders, and he was still staring intently at me. I blushed and looked back into his eyes. "Thanks." I said. He let go, and I felt really awkward. He had been so close... practically as close as Ikuto when I first met him. But now I was ashamed with myself, not because of that, but because I was so lame. Was I really so weak that I was the only one stupid enough to get hit by that thing?
"What was that? What did it hit me with?" I asked. Not like they could give me an explanation that really matched actually experiencing it. I stood up, and everyone gathered around me. I guess they were probably worried. Perhaps I should've been touched, but I was too annoyed at myself for my weakness. My back was extremely sore. I'd bet it'd be pretty badly bruised for the next few days.
"Some sort of hopeless energy. It makes whoever it hits feel horrible." said Nadeshiko. "But, I guess you could've figured that much out on your own."
Yeah, I kinda did figure it out. I thought. They could've at least given me some warning; until I got hit, I hadn't had any idea that X-charas could do anything like that. "Anyway, let me wake up Mai."
I walked over to the fallen girl, then realized she might be understandably confused if she woke up on the floor with desks toppled over right next to her. We righted the desks, then did our best to set her back in a desk without her waking up. Once she was correctly positioned, I shook her shoulder. She groaned a bit, but didn't respond. I shook her harder, almost knocking her back out of the desk. I heard Yaya chuckling behind me. I guess I probably looked pretty funny, trying to get sleeping beauty here to wake up. Once I felt her starting to react by leaning away from my grip, I let go. She finally opened her eyes, and looked around to see all the guardians standing around her.
"Huh?" she said, bewilderment and sleepiness in her eyes. "What's going on?"
"Oh, I, uh... we found you up here. I guess you'd fallen asleep during your math lesson." I said.
"Wh-where's Nikaido-sensei?" she asked me.
I shrugged in reply. "But I don't think you really need to take these after school lessons. You can normally get what we're learning just fine if you get just a little bit of extra explanation. I'm always here to help during study hall. Plus, math isn't the only subject in the world. If you do a little bit worse in it, than it's probably not that important. Just go for your strengths instead." I was trying to cheer her up. We didn't need her X-chara on the rampage again.
"Uh, yeah... I guess you're right." she smiled, as if she realizing she had been silly to worry about it so much.
"Of course I'm right." I said jokingly. "Anyway, you'd probably better get home and get some sleep. You definitely seem to need it, if you can't stay awake here."
"Yeah, I guess so." she got out from her desk. "Thanks for finding me and waking me up, guardians. I'll see you tomorrow, Miyuki-san!"
"Yep, I'll see you later!" I said as she walked out the door. She was either still too confused or too embarrassed to think about inviting me to walk home with her. I was kinda glad - I wanted to stay with the guardians a little longer. Unfortunately, they didn't have that in mind.
"Well, that was exciting." said Kukai, grinning and looking pointedly at me. "Do you think we should call it a day?"
"Yeah. Yaya is tired!" she said, not sounding tired at all.
"A baby does need her rest." said Pepe knowingly from Yaya's shoulder.
And so we went back to the royal garden, grabbed our stuff, and made our way back to the front gate. As always, we waved goodbye before heading our separate ways. As everyone else was leaving, I stayed at the gate and asked Amu quietly, "Hey, Amu-san, would you like to go get some ice cream with me? I think there's a good place a couple blocks away." I was really kinda embarrassed. I mean, I was just asking her out of the blue if she would go get ice cream with me.
"Yeah, yeah Amu-chan! Let's go get ice cream!" said Ran.
"Ice cream sounds tasty, desu~!" Su said.
Amu smiled at me. "Sure, sounds like fun. Except... I'm kinda broke right now."
"What's going on?" Said Nadeshiko suddenly from behind Amu. It was as if she had just appeared from behind Amu. I hadn't even seen her coming. I had thought that she was already on her way home, like the other three guardians. Amu visibly jumped and backed up against the gate, totally freaked out.
"Amu-chan, it's just me." said Nadeshiko kindly and in an ever so slightly mocking manner. She turned to me and whispered (just loud enough that Amu could hear it, too), "She's really kind of a scaredy cat."
"I-I-I am not a scaredy cat!" said Amu. I was already laughing my head off. Despite the fact that Nadeshiko had surprised me, too, Amu's reaction had been priceless. "Hey! It's not funny! I was just... surprised. That's all!" said Amu. It took me a while to get a hold of myself and stop laughing.
Once I had managed to stop chuckling, Nadeshiko said, "So you guys are going to get some ice cream? Do you mind if I come?"
"How did she know they were going to get ice cream?" said Miki suspiciously.
"Maybe she's been listening into the whole conversation, desu~." Su said.
"That sounds an awful lot like eavesdropping..." said Amu, slightly weirded out by the fact that that's probably what had happened.
"What were you saying?" asked Temari suddenly yet politely from behind Amu's three shugo charas.
"AH!"
"Eek, desu!"
"H-how in the heck did she get there?" shouted Ran, Su, and Miki respectively as they jumped and turned to face Temari. One of Miki's eyelids was twitching at corner, as if she was totally shocked by the appearance.
"BOO!" Shouted Azami from right behind them, using the first scare as a distraction so she could get behind them unnoticed.
"AH!" exclaimed Ran again as she turned around.
"Not nice, desu~!" complained Su.
Miki just turned around rapidly and stayed silent, eyes wide. She looked almost traumatized. I couldn't help but laugh, even harder than when Nadeshiko had scared Amu.
"Did- you two- plan that?" I gasped out to Azami and Temari between laughs.
Azami, who was laughing (but not quite as hysterically) replied, "Nope. I just saw the opportunity and took it." She smiled mischievously. I laughed even harder, and so did Amu and Nadeshiko.
"Hey! It's not funny!" said Ran, though everyone basically ignored her. With all of us laughing together, it took us even longer to compose ourselves. Eventually, we did get ourselves under control, and started walking to the ice cream shop I was thinking of. After that round of laughter, I even offered to buy for everyone. I had about ten dollars with me, which would hopefully be enough. I didn't mind losing the money too much, since I would be getting a weekly salary of much more starting soon.
Once we got there, we each ordered a single-scoop cone. Both Amu and I ended up getting chocolate, and Nadeshiko got strawberry.
"So, why is it that you wanted to get an ice cream all of a sudden, Miyuki-san?" asked Nadeshiko in her always kind manner. I nearly spat out my current mouthful of ice cream. I hadn't just come here on a whim. How she knew this wasn't just some spur-of-the-moment thing, I don't know. In truth, I had still been depressed from the x-egg attack. All the laughing and now sugar was helping, but the feeling was still there - just not dominating. I seriously don't think I had ever felt that kind of hopelessness before today, and it almost scared me. It wasn't a nice feeling, and now that it was there, it seemed like it would never go away. Even with all the joking and talking, I could still feel it.
"Well," I said, "I just thought that it would be cool to hang out for a bit. And I like ice cream." In truth, in addition to cheering up, I had wanted to talk to Amu about Ikuto. I wasn't sure if she had ever met him, which I guess is why I thought she would be good to talk to. Since she was also fairly new to the guardians, maybe she didn't have such a heavy prejudice against him. I wanted to find out about Ikuto from a less biased source.
"Oh? Is that all, Miyuki-san?" asked Nadeshiko. Am I wearing a sign that says 'I've got a problem,' or something?
I sighed. I guess there was no harm in telling. "Well, I've just been feeling kinda... weird since the x-egg incident. Let's just say I didn't want to have to go home without anyone except my annoying little chara to talk to." For that, I got a nice whip on the arm with her tail. It seriously hurt - she had some power behind that thing. I could already see a welt forming. As long as her tail isn't as poisonous as her nails, then I'll be fine.
"Hmm..." said Nadeshiko, thinking hard. "Are you sure you're not just imagining it?"
You know, I came here for a nice talk with Amu about Ikuto. So how'd we get onto the subject of my over-active imagination? It kinda annoyed me, since Nadeshiko was more or less calling me a liar. Or at least that's how I saw it.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining it. It's like this little nagging feeling inside of me." I realized how weak I was probably sounding. I mean, I was complaining about a feeling? Really? I just kept on going lower today. And with that thought, the nagging increased to where the feeling started being really depressing. But I hid this pulse of dark energy. "Then again, you're probably right. I do have an over-active imagination."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's it." said Amu, trying to laugh it off. "I mean, I remember that Yaya got hit by this one x-chara attack a week or so ago, but she snapped out of it quickly. She didn't mention anything like this." Nadeshiko made no more mention of it after that, but her mind seemed preoccupied from that point on.
Eventually, we finished off the last of our cones and headed home, me doing my best to cover up how I was still feeling. As I walked back to my house, I asked Azami, "You feel it too, right? It isn't just me, is it?"
Azami shook her head. "I mean, I know the feeling from when we got hit by the x-attack, but it went away once you snapped out of it."
"Oh..." I said. This didn't make me feel better. Maybe I actually was imagining it. "It's just that... What if this isn't right, what I'm doing with Easter? I'll probably end up hurting all my friends who tried to protect me back there. Maybe I'll end up hurting Mai, or Amu, or Nadeshiko, or... or..."
"Or Ikuto?" asked Azami, for once totally serious.
I blushed and looked downward. Had I been about to say his name? I looked up again, angrily, after I felt the familiar slap of Azami's tail on my ear.
"Ow! That one really did hurt." I complained.
"Shut up!" Wow. This was harsh, even from Azami. "You can't think like that! A dragon isn't concerned about her feelings, and a dragon doesn't blush when talking about a boy. A dragon doesn't doubt what she's doing. Ever. If she does, then I..."
"Then you what?" I asked, concerned. Azami never acted like this.
"If you doubt yourself," said Azami, dead serious, "Then I disappear. There's no way you can convince me that you really don't want the power that Easter can offer you. If you want it, then take it, whatever the cost. A dragon can have friends, but if they get in her way, then they aren't your friends."
"But what if they're defending what they believe is right? They won't be trying to go against me on purpose - just against the people I'm fighting for."
I received another hard whack, this time in the back of the neck. "You've said it yourself, that nobleness is stupid. That's what fighting for what you believe is right is. That's nobleness at its they get in the way of your power, it doesn't matter what they're fighting for. Do you want power?"
"Yes... but..." I said.
"I didn't ask for any of your comments! I just asked if you wanted power! Do you?!?" said Azami. She was like a drill sergeant. If I'd thought about it, I probably looked really weird, having a full-on argument with my chara in the middle of a sidewalk.
"Yes."
"Then if you're a real dragon, don't worry about the consequences. Do what you want, when you want, and if the guardians hate you for it, so be it. Ikuto seems to be getting along just fine in a similar position." Azami said.
And just like that, the nagging feeling was gone. Whether it had been some doubt inside myself or my imagination, I no longer felt it. I knew what I was going to do, and it didn't matter if the guardians were my enemies. I'd always wanted to be on the evil side. I just had to get through tomorrow, and I'd finally be able to fulfill my wish, be it for good or for ill. I didn't want Azami to disappear anymore than she did, and if I wanted her around, that meant I couldn't doubt my desires. I had to commit myself to one thing:
No matter what would happen, I would have to stay a true dragon.
Okay, quick note to reader. If I mention what day it is (like in this chapter, I say it's Thursday in the first paragraph), it is to be assumed to be that very next Thursday. In other words, unless I say something like 'it was a couple weeks after the event of the last chapter', then you guess I'm not skipping any large amounts of time. Just thought I'd mention it, but I figure you guys already have it figured out.
Thanks for reading once again! Special thanks to Kitty Obsessive Disorder and Water Ichigo-chan, who continue to be the great reviewers. KOD, you have no idea (well, you actually probably do) how great it was for me to read that you called me a great author. It totally made my day, and I'm really glad to know you enjoy the story that much. Also, quick thanks to cutenaruko38 for favoriting my story. Anyway, please review!
Also, I am happy to announce that my story has now surpassed the 40,000 word mark! So if you now click the sort by length button and go to 40,000 words, this is one of only 14 shugo chara fanfics that have made it to that landmark! *crowd roars and applauds in background* Yes, thank you, thank you. I'm hoping on going and trying to make mine the longest one in the Shugo Chara section. I think it's very likely, since the current longest is only 84,000 words long, and I'm not seeing an end to my fanfic anytime soon. Anyway, I was just so proud of myself. I want to let everyone know that this is the first time I've ever gotten seriously motivated about writing. I've always had story ideas in my head, some of which I would get on paper or something, but none of which I seriously committed myself to working on whenever I had free time, like this story. I'm loving writing it, and I seriously think that this story might be a turning point in my creative life (which is the only part of my life that I actually enjoy, since I don't have/want a social life, I hate my school life (since it IS school), and my family life consists of me sitting at a computer all day, shouting at my parents through doors when it would be so much easier for me just open the door and talk. So, yeah... It might be (and probably is) a turing point for my entire life. Perhaps the story in itself isn't - I feel much prouder about totally unique stories, not fanfics - but the fact that I have finally gotten motivated about writing is.