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Your Will Starts Crashing Down- Chapter 5

"Hey, it's me."

"Liv? How's going, are you still in Seattle?"

"Yeah. Jay it's horrible, he lives in a trailer and their getting a-"

"I'm sorry Liv, but I've got to go. I'm meeting Emery and Harper to play some lacrosse."

"Jay, I haven't even-"

"I'll call you back Liv."

Liv sighed as she heard the phone hang up. Her parents had work, her best friend Emily was in Connecticut visiting her grandparents, and her boyfriend Jay was apparently too busy for her. Not that he wasn't always, Liv had been going out with Jay for the past year and a half, and Liv knew she was kidding herself. Jay was hers and that was the only reason they were still going out, she'd know him since they were four and started going to school together at Dalton. He was Jason Rhys Drummond and she was Olivia Cornelia Shepherd they were Dalton's golden couple, from old money with strong roots, they were everything a Upper East Side couple should be. Thinking about Jay's feelings for her, her parents divorce, and everyone's expectations for her made her feel sick. Of course the scent of those horrible eggs weren't making it any better.

Her mother had cooked enough food to feed at least a family of 12 that morning and none of it had be consumed. Looking at the massive amount of food, Liv felt a all to familiar feeling begin to creep upon her. Shaking her head, she began to clear the table and threw the food in the trash. She couldn't do it, she wouldn't do it. It wouldn't help and deep down she knew it, but it was tempting her. The buttery toast and the chocolate chip pancakes didn't seem so bad and she hadn't eaten since she'd first arrived in Seattle almost 24 hours ago. It would help, no one would find out, her secret would be safe, it would make everything better. Promising herself it would be her last time, she reached for a slice of toast. All the regrets she'd felt before and her worries began to fade away, in fact she wasn't thinking at all. She forked and swallowed everything, completely numb.

Minutes later her stomach felt even heavier than it had before, this time it wasn't just filled with her hurt. She knew it was wrong, but she knew she could get rid of it all. It was so easy, too easy. Getting rid of it meant she had control and she needed control.

Knees shaking, Liv crawled across the tiny hall and knelt next to the toilet. The cold tiles felt familiar against her bare legs and she barely had start herself off, it came so quickly. As the contents of her stomach spilled out in front of her, she found herself missing her 'habit.' As chocolate pancakes and bacon left her, she felt her worries with Jay leave her. As she continued she forgot all about her mother's pleads when her father left, her own pleads that were unanswered, the betrayal left her. She forgot about the morning she woke up and Delia told her that her mother was also gone, she forgot about the missed fifteenth birthday and she forgot about the counselling she undergone alone to rid her self of her 'condition.' She was finally empty, finally she was free, and it felt great- until she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

She regretted it, she usually did. Brown waves pasted to her sweaty face and hands shaking, she knew it wouldn't help her because the pain was already coming back. Sticking her finger down her throat was a quick fix, she hadn't even realized how long she'd been crying, deciding not to let anymore tears fall, Liv got up off the floor.

After taking a quick shower, on one would need to know, empty she'd be able to begin planning her first move. Because everyone knows that the one thing Upper East Siders are better at then keeping secrets is getting what they want, and Liv Shepherd knew exactly what she wanted. It all started with Seattle Grace Hospital.