-The Fifth Year-

"Guren." Angela read out loud, holding a richly bound book, wider than her entire body, propped up on a table before her. "The red lotus, symbolizing love, empathy, energy, passion, and all the qualities of the heart."

Angela lay the book flat on the desk, pinning back a long, slender ear and resting her head sideways on the page. She stared at the name which was finely penned above an illustration of a delicate looking crimson bloom. The paper was rugged and uncomfortable against her soft skin, but it reminded her of the feeling of the bristled, scratchy, uncomfortable texture of his cheek. It wasn't a pleasant feeling but for some reason it made her happy.

It had been two years since she had last seen the red lotus of Elrand, and today was the last day of the second calendar year since he had vanished. In all that time there had been no stolen glances, no whispered words of encouragement, and no chance meetings in quiet corners of the sprawling city.

The slight smile on Angela's face turned down when her thoughts drifted too far toward what had become of those moments she had grown so fond of as a girl, and the texture of the paper suddenly seemed cold and dead in comparison with the feeling of the moment still fresh in her memory.

The scruffy boy whom had blundered so unexpectedly into her life, brought with him the warm feelings she had been craving those thirteen years previous to their meeting, now just as suddenly the wind had taken him away, and for another two years her life had returned to the monotony of ceremony, study, and her mother's cold distant eyes.

In recent months she had not even been able to leave the palace to search for him in the city due to the palace guards' increased vigilance. Both the townspeople and those in the castle were in an uproar over a gruesome spectacle which had taken place in the town square during the dead of night. Three nobleman had been found dead around the mana goddess' fountain, one burned to death, another beaten until every bone in his body had been shattered, and a third whose neck had been squeezed so tightly it had been compacted down to the size of a broom handle.

The three noble families involved had feared for their lives so greatly, they had abandoned their homes and taken refuge in the palace, only to leave again shortly after the sudden disappearance of the palace's head butler, no body had been found and all his belongings were still in place, leading guards to believe he had been taken from the palace against his will. For such an incident to take place inside the most heavily guarded structure in all of Altena, had prompted a doubling of all soldiers stationed within the palace, covering all possible exits and entrances, effectively cutting Angela off from the outside world for good.

And to this day no culprit had been found in either case.

A sudden surge of resentment fluttered through her lamenting heart, and she lifted her head from the page, her ear springing back to its natural position. Angela closed the book with a swift movement and got out of her seat, beginning to wander around the room.

The palace library was an enormous dome filled with endless amounts of books. As a child Angela remembered thinking that it couldn't have been possible for anyone to have read every book in the library, and she was even more amazed when she had heard the library in the magic academy was even bigger than this one. She often imagined how difficult it must be to keep every book organized with the students constantly moving them from place to place.

It was quiet in the palace library however. Angela had been ordered to study by her tutor, and in response to a task she didn't want to obey, had ordered everyone in the palace library to leave her in peace and quiet. Thinking about it now, it seemed odd for a girl who professed herself to be so lonely to force those around her away. She didn't understand the feelings of other people, but it seemed she understood herself even less.

Mounted between two of the polished mahogany bookcases, a great mirror stood grand, scaling the wall behind from the carpeted floor to the high domed ceiling above. It was a mirror used for summoning rituals, Angela knew that much, though she had never seen it in use, and had no idea as to what use a mirror could be in such spells, but as yet she had even to master a simple light spell.

Angela sighed as she stared into the thick glass frame, her own reflection staring back at her with eyes full of melancholy. She blushed a little as her eyes drifted downwards to take in her whole appearance. Angela had taken to dressing as inappropriately as she could get away with, bare thighs, bare legs, her rear covered just barely by a thin sash hanging from her waist, and cleavage bound tight and pushed up to be as provocative as possible. It wasn't that she enjoyed dressing this way, at least not at first, but the first time she did it was in front of her mother, hoping to illicit some kind of response even if it were to be a negative one. But as always it had been her attendants who had chastised Angela for her inappropriate behaviour, and thus she had continued to do it every day, just to spite them. A common harlot had been the term used, but Angela simply put her nose in the air and declared she would dress however she wanted to dress, before running out of the throne room and locking herself inside her quarters.

Now suddenly, she felt a little self conscious of her appearance, wrapping her hands around her shoulders and covering her chest with her arms. Even though there was nobody else around, looking at herself this way seemed somehow embarrassing. This must have been how her attendants felt whenever they set eyes on her.

Snorting a little with repressed laughter, Angela nearly doubled over from holding back the sudden outburst.

"I wonder if he would like me this way..." She thought, planting one hand on her hips, wiggling her lower body and using the the other hand to blow a kiss to her mirror image. Angela blushed bright red at her foolish action and turned away on the spot. "Maybe tomorrow would be a good day to dress a little more conservatively..."

Angela sighed again and looked at the pile of unread books on the desk. What did it matter if she couldn't use magic? She could still lead a happy life without it, her mother never gave her any approval no matter what she did, so why should it matter to her whether or not her daughter could use magic?

Angela had never made it to the magic academy. In the two years she had been studying, she had made no progress. Her teacher blamed her 'lack of heart', but Angela regarded that assessment with disdain, as if an old man whose talent came to him naturally would understand anything about her heart. The fact she did not make it to the academy was also something of a hot topic amongst the citizens of Altena, though somehow the palace had managed to keep her failure as a magician a secret, and the rumours of unusual training still persisted.

The only unusual training Angela had was in learning the best way in which to avoid her studies completely, which fortunately for her was not a difficult task for a princess who, for the most part, had the authority to command people as she wished.

Looking at the stack of old books Angela wondered for a second if she should start seriously applying herself. Even if she showed no talent now, maybe if she persisted for long enough and learned something that would unlock at least a portion of the talent she may have inherited from her mother, perhaps then then she would finally take some pride in her. Maybe she'd even show her the kind of love she had seen the common born mothers give their daughters. And if she learned how to use magic she could use it to find Guren, and she could bring him back to the palace and then the two of them...

Angela's train of thought stopped right there, it was too early to be getting so excited over possibilities. Angela picked up the book containing the picture of the lotus bloom again, and began to flick through the pages to reach the name and illustration.

Angela stopped exploring the book half way and slammed the book shut once again, hurling it across the room and knocking down a case full of books in the process.

"You both abandoned me! Both of you! I hate you both!" She screamed, picking up another book and throwing it at a second case, sending another set of books flying off their shelf. "I hate you both!" She repeated, higher and more urgent than before. Angela repeated this pattern with every book that was piled onto her desk, her eyes burning with each crash and her throat aching with the effort of screaming at people who could not hear her.

When her desk was finally empty, Angela dropped to the carpet and pulled her knees up close to her chin, burying her welling tears in the soft skin of her legs. "I need you so much..."

There was a sudden knock at the library door, and the worried voice of Angela's attendant called out to her from behind the oak slab. Angela ignored the woman's voice and withdrew further into herself, trying to picture herself on the bank of the stream, or lying in the snow of the town square, anywhere but here, anything but these endless days of loneliness. All she wanted was to see those beautiful blue eyes, or to see her mother smile when she greeted her.

"Why should I play around with magic, when something so simple is so impossible for you?" She said quietly, rocking herself gently back and forth in an effort to calm down. "Mother..."

The knocking at the door ceased, and Angela could hear the jangle of keys and the heavy clunk of the lock being released from the other side.

Angela stopped rocking herself and peered up to look one last time at the very first book she had thrown, now just visible under a cascade of dusty reference books.

"Guren... I want to see you... What should I do?"