Chapter 16 - New Beginnings, or Not
Seconds passed into minutes as the two unlikely souls remained in an embrace that solidified their feelings. Their breathing and heart beats fell into unison, and their body temperatures became the same. Vezely slowly moved her face away from his shoulder, her eyes still closed, as Legolas looked down upon her - she was tall, as he was, but he stood a few inches above her. Her eyes would slowly open and meet his gaze, and they exchanged the now accepted affection held between them; remembering that before such gazes sparked confusion of interests. That this may have grown from a seed embedded in them upon their first meeting in Mirkwood centuries ago was in the back of both of their minds. He brought his hand softly to her cheek, and smiled as he caressed it; finding himself still considering what it meant to reconcile these feelings when the gulf of cultural differences, her dark history, and the uncertainty of the future remained.
Vez had a small, curious smile on her face, for such a gentle touch she knew not. She had let her inhibitions go, allowing him to hold her as if she required it for she despaired in the moment of accepting her love for him - she despaired thinking of a future not set in stone, and one which she never concerned herself with moving forward into before. She moved her hand on top of his, and held it softly to keep it steady aside her face, "How did we end up here?" she spoke with bemused concern, considering as he had the past centuries that they stood as enemies.
"An answer I do not need to know," Legolas replied quietly, enjoying the touch of her hand on his and the closeness of her face.
Vez felt slightly overwhelmed by the rush of emotions hitting her, as if she were beside herself, looking upon the situation as one would observe a dream. She could not help but feel undeserving of such a gaze, to be held as such by one as perfect as he, and to be looked upon as if she were just as perfect. He noted the concern in her eyes, the emotions welling inside her, and he instinctively kissed her forehead, causing her to close her eyes and have the feelings of unworthiness soothed. "Do not question it either," he whispered, but did so in Elvish, and she felt the breath from his voice lightly touch her face. The sound of the lyrical words further calmed her and she nodded slightly in resolve to this request, opening her eyes to his and finding their faces closer than before.
"I will not," she replied in his native tongue, and suddenly turned her gaze to the night sky, sensing the stars were appearing brighter than before. He adjusted his arms around her and also gazed at the stars, as they leaned against each other. They knew there was nothing more that needed to be said that evening, nothing that needed to be decided. The sun would rise and they would face a new day and a new way of living, or perhaps not.
As the town awoke below them, they knew they couldn't idle there or neglect their companions. Another time and place and they would have taken off on their own, away from any pressing matters to enjoy their new found courtship. Despite an evening of solace, the war for Middle Earth would not cease for two young hearts or lessen the resolve of either whose tasks were yet to be done.
As the sun rose and they felt its additional warmth hit them, they looked at each other and silently voiced how unexpected it was the position they found themselves in. "So much for a night of rest," Vez said slyly.
"There will be other nights," Legolas confirmed, for he surely had intended to rest if not for his troubled thoughts about his homeland. "Though I suspect you do not rest often," he added, considering her deep slumber the night she fell asleep beside him on their return to Edoras from Isengard. Rarely do Elves fall into such a deep slumber that they are not stirred by even the most muffled of noises.
"I do not," Vez replied considering as they now faced each other, holding each other's hands by their sides, "My mind often does not allow it," she added nonchalantly, though she thought how sleep too often reminded her of the time she spent in Dol Guldur's dungeons when she lost hold of her mind and fell into the void of non-remembrance. She squeezed his hands before releasing them, noting the warmth her body held and the coolness of the morning winds suddenly playing against its once sealed surface.
She went to pick up the sword she dropped the night before, kneeling on one knee and grabbing it by the scabbard's midpoint, suddenly being struck by the engravings hidden inside. "Fear not the destruction of your soul, instead fear defeat in life." It stalled her from standing. For she knew if she perished in this fight, there was a high possibility of not being permitted to pass into Valinor for her sins were too great. She never cared whether her past deeds destroyed her soul, for the Blue Wizards' warnings she'd be left wandering the Halls of Mandos seemed unduly like her present reality. As long as she met death as a warrior to a worthy opponent, she cared not what lied beyond. Besides, hadn't she deserved such a fate? But by accepting love, an Elf accepts the responsibility of another's fëa. If her heart was now reconciled to be his, an eternity without him, and the sorrow such a separation could inflict weighed heavily on her mind. Did love now provide her strength to desire a different fate? To change her mind about seeking the redemption she cared not?
Looking upon her back, Legolas noted her contemplation, saying steadily, "You are you."
She pivoted towards him as she stood up, grasping her sword in her hand, "What?" she asked unsure what he was referring to.
"I heard you last night, questioning who you were while looking upon the markings on your sword," he explained, thinking back and connecting her current thoughts to it, "You are you. I stand by what I said at Helm's Deep. You do not need to reconcile your character with what you perceive to be the character of Elves. You were not raised among us, but you are one of us."
She realized she spoke in Westron and his keen hearing must have picked it up. She now reconsidered his words, finding herself even more grateful for them than she was before, "And your acceptance of my character means everything to me." But she hoped not to dwell on the engraving's meaning and her true worries, so she added amused, "We are very different, you and I, but perhaps this is why we're compatible." Then raising one eyebrow, "And my differences appeal to you."
He smirked at her stance, and not necessarily denying it he confirmed, "You are unique, uncouth at times."
"Uncouth?" she scoffed surprised and slightly offended, moving back to his side, "I suppose to someone as polite and well-bred as yourself."
"I am not always polite," he rejoined assuredly, though he knew he had often been around her.
"I hope not," she smirked, her sly tone obviously flirting with him, making him unintentionally blush. After a moment she added while looking out on the plains, her free hand on her hip in defiance, "Uncouth...Unconventional perhaps. I have held council with pale orcs and barbarous men who'd rather club me than converse with me. I was the least uncouth among them." She looked at him through the corner of her eye, turning from sarcasm to blatant curiosity as she awaited his response.
He was amused by her playful nature, for she knew she could now give him a hard time without much reticence. Keeping his stance and smirking slightly, he replied confidently, "I will not be polite enough to rescind my judgment. You remain uncouth in my eyes."
She laughed, feeling glee at being met with equal retort, to play with him freely in such a manner. She slid her hand under his forearm, as if he were to escort her off somewhere, unintentionally feeling his hard arm muscles underneath as she did. He smiled over at her, liking the feeling such a touch and their current position standing beside each other evoked, for they stood there as a couple. For one who always admired his friend's pairings, to now be paired felt unbelievable. Vez was not the Elf maiden he'd always imagined would be at his side - not only was she foreign in appearance but in nature; yet, he liked their asymmetry. Similarly, Vez never envisioned herself holding the arm of a handsome and honorable Elf; for the men she had stood next to in her life, for she had a number of men as her second in command, were dishonorable and far from beautiful. She adjusted her hand slightly, noting his arm muscles again, which caused a slight rush of heat to go to her cheeks.
They each gazed out on the horizon, thinking of the other, while both being grateful they had settled this issue. Inevitably the day ahead crept into their minds and Vez spoke her thoughts, "Gandalf should be at Minas Tirith by now."
"Yes, he should," Legolas confirmed, thinking the same thing, "Today our eyes will be fixed on the beckons, especially Aragorn's."
"He carries a heavy burden, as the last of his line," she added considering.
"And it is slowly eating away at him," Legolas spoke solemnly, caring much for his friend, "He does not desire nor feel worthy of the power that lies before him."
Vezely did not know fully Aragorn's take on the task set before him, but to hear that such a man truly did not want such authority, did not surprise her. "This whole war has been about power, that he does not desire such position..."
"It brings hope to the world of men," Legolas finished her sentence.
She silently agreed via a brief nod, for it was her thoughts made vocal. Thinking of hope, however, made her breath get caught slightly as she wondered if her own worries were unfounded. After allowing these ideas to settle, she asked uncertain of life now that such a bond had been acknowledged between them, "How do we move on from here?"
Knowing she referred to their changed relationship, he turned toward her, and taking her hands in his, he spoke steadily, "We each have our duties. Mine remains tied to the fellowship. For I swore an oath in Rivendell, and remain bound by honor and friendship to fulfill its purpose. You also have yours. And while I do not know where these tasks will lead us, I do know that my heart is yours and will remain so whatever path we take."
"But you place it in precarious hands," she replied concerned, making her worries only partially known, "My tasks may take me away from these lands, and whether I can return..."
He quieted her by softly pressing his fingers against her lips. He knew some truth lay behind her disbelief; that even after the impending battles and if Sauron was defeated, she may not be able to simply move forward when her past tied her down. But he realized that here their difference in age showed, for time and distance often did not enter into an Elf's concern.
"I worry needlessly," Vez remarked after he moved his fingers away, forming words to his thoughts; adding softly, "The world waited for us to meet again."
He continued where she left off, "And it can wait again for us to be together. Time or distance will not change my feelings for you."
As she absorbed his oath, Vezely knew not the words to give voice to shared sentimentality, for she also knew her heart was his and there was no turning such feelings around, regardless of where she found herself. She noted his light touch against her cheek had made her breathing grow heavy and an unseen force beckoned her lips to his. Though taken back by her sudden boldness, Legolas obliged her impulse, taking her in a full embrace as their desires softly played out. Breathless they parted, their noses yet lingering and foreheads touching, finding the sensation a revelation of how they could have lived without such experience.
Knowing she may have surprised him by taking this next physical step, one not taken lightly by young hearts in love, Vez grinned saying, "I am uncouth," causing a mirthful response. In a way, it sealed their bond, for their circumstances made an extended courtship impossible. They would later part from each other's side, but with confidence that their newly found love would help guide them through the hard days ahead.
...After tending Gizik in the stables Vez slowly made her way back to the Golden Hall, hearing the sounds of children playing nearby. They were kicking around a twine ball, playing keep away from the youngest and smallest of the bunch - a small girl not five years of age who appeared to be exhausted from the task given to her by her slightly older peers. Vez ignored the group's rowdiness, hoping to bypass them on her path, for the sound of children irritated her. Yet the young one, in an attempt to catch the thrown ball, slipped and fell right in front of Vez's trajectory, causing tears to instantaneously fall down her cheeks, courtesy of a scrapped knee and hurt pride. While initially considering stepping around the tiny victim and being on her way, Vez stopped and squatted in front of her, offering a hand to assist her up. Albeit a friendly gesture, recognition by the child that it came from an unlikely source, caused her to sniff in a gulp of breath, followed by silence and widened eyes. Noting this unfavorable reaction, Vez switched to a friendlier demeanor, smiling slightly while softly saying, "A scrapped knee is not enough to accept defeat." The child noted her pleasant voice and decided to accept her hand, and Vez gently lifted her to her feet. The child starred at her in wonder momentarily, but a brief smile and nod were given before running off to join her friends. For Vez, looking into her teary eyes produced a knot in her stomach, for it caused remembrance of the children whose deaths she was responsible and for the ones whose imminent deaths she averted in the village in the Nurunkhizdin Mountains; when teary eyes also looked upon her. She felt slightly sick as she heard the sounds of their play commence as a vision of Edoras burning and the same children lying dead in the street consumed her. She knew they may not survive the spread of Sauron's power; they too would be his victims, easily discarded by the armies who desired their lands.
In the past, Vez primarily operated as a general should, providing rational reasons for any deaths she ordered or took. She often turned surrenders into examples, dealt with resistance psychologically through fear, using death for its shock value; all means which she saw as having justifiable ends. But she knew she did not always maintain that stance, for there was no strategic value in having killed for sport, or professing to enjoy a good kill when it presented itself. Sauron once prided himself on her cruelty, and even more so, on her ability to use it to produce results.
Her sins were undeniable and now more than ever they were staring her in the face. She wondered whether this was what Romestamo truly meant when he said going West would be "an opportunity to confront your past, to restart your future." She queried whether such feelings of remorse suddenly hitting her were part of her moving forward. As her steps took her closer to the great hall's open doors, she tried to brush off any hint of this concern before entering, for it did not suit the character she always upheld - distanced and not distracted by the plight of others. This had become even more of a lie since coming West.
Inside she found King Theodon conversing with his advisers, sensing as the rest of them that they may be called to ride for war soon. Vezely nodded in greeting to Eowyn, who stood by her brother, whose eyes simply acknowledged Vez's presence, and Vez returned a similar glance to show she could also casually ignore him. She moved over to where Gimli and Merry were seated, quietly enjoying a simple meal of stew, while Legolas stood aside them in his usual manner - arms crossed with perfect posture as if he were one of the hall's pillars. Her gaze found his eyes quickly and they exchanged the warmth of the feelings acknowledged between them that morning, and Vez felt slight heat in her cheeks as she did for such moments of tenderness were also recalled. She reached his side, and stood close to him, and knowing similar thoughts were passing through his mind made her grin, though to others her smile appeared to have no reason behind it.
"What are you cheery about lass?" Gimli asked suspiciously, one eyebrow raised.
She realized her mirthful demeanor and calmed her amusement, returning to one more collected, "We may ride to war today," she replied assuredly.
"Hmm, that would make you happy," and he then added in agreeable tone, "As it does me."
Vez liked the dwarf's equal love of battle and his good humor towards it. She wondered if all his kin were similar for perhaps she would not have any issue getting along with dwarves.
Before the conversation commenced, however, through the hall's doors ran Aragorn as if lit on fire, "The beacons of Minas Tirith! The Beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid."
Silence filled the hall as all eyes were fixed on the man, before turning to King Theodon, as he considered his response. Perhaps having already resolved to it earlier, he declared proudly, "And Rohan will answer."
It was enough to set his men into action, as Theodon sent riders to all corners of his kingdom to call upon able-bodied men to assemble at Dunharrow. For Vez and her companions, they would need to pack up their belongings and ready their horses for the long journey ahead.
...In the stables, Eowyn and Vez exchanged words, "I am glad you can ride with us to the encampment," Vez confided, walking Gizik aside her, then remarking covertly, "It provides opportunity."
Eowyn nodded agreeably, replying quietly, "Though one that must be carefully considered."
Vez understood the need to do so, replying encouragingly, "There is yet time. I will support you in any decision you make." Walking into the sunlight, they politely smiled knowing the conversation should not take on more ears, especially since Aragorn was right ahead of them. Vez continued her walk while Eowyn stopped by his side.
Before mounting her horse, Vez felt a light tug on her jacket; turning around she saw the same small child from that morning starring up at her and holding in her tiny hand a white flower. Vez looked skeptically at the youth's gesture at first, unsure how to accept such a gift with gratitude. Taking the flower from her, she smiled slightly, causing the child to smile back before running off again. Vez wondered if this odd child was mute before looking upon the gift she now held in her own hand. Not knowing what to do with something so delicate, but not wanting to discard it too quickly, she held onto it as she mounted her horse, and ended up placing it in her pocket where it would sit forgotten on her ride.
She did not suspect she'd return to Edoras as she left it, nor the West Fold as they drove towards Dunharrow. These fields were her past, spelling the defeat of her people and her banishment from the West. She had confronted them, asked for a chance at redemption, to fight alongside a people she once wronged and the king accepted her, pardoning her past deeds for the present task mattered more. Along the way, they would stop only momentarily for food and brief rest, for Theodon desired to be among his troops at Dunharrow as soon as possible to oversee his assembly and build morale before they would move on to Gondor. Vez was requested to scout behind the group; a necessary precaution even if no imminent danger loomed on that horizon. It left her far from the others for most of the trip and time alone to ponder over how much had changed for her since their trek to Helm's Deep where she also scouted from behind. Since then she had accepted what she could not - her Elvish blood. The history and culture shared to her, knowledge of her bloodline, and visions of her birthplace, all stirred this recognition. Yet she knew not how to push forward from bleak acceptance. Legolas helped build a bridge past these doubts, into a world where it was possible to live as an Elf and one where it was possible to love. This world still seemed far away, however, for so much lay in its path.
The troops filtered into Dunharrow, with Vez joining them shortly after. She counted the ranks among them as she road through the encampment, adjusting the numbers in her head to the ones she previously envisioned at Edoras. There were fewer riders than she expected, not enough to take on the armies she knew were amassed to await them. While they had till dawn for more to arrive, the current outlook looked bleak for any successful assault.
The sun was beginning to go down by the time she made it up the mountain, via a jagged path cut into the cliff side. Her companions had already settled in, tethered their horses, and found a hot meal to fill their stomachs after a long day of riding. After dismounting, she found herself wrestling with Gizik's reigns, finding the horse had suddenly grown distrustful of her surroundings. She looked towards an open valley in the cliff face and felt that it exuded a cold presence but ignored it, as she cared more about her horse's nerves. Still finding resistance, she spoke to Gizik in Elvish, which she had never done before. Suddenly the horse's demeanor shifted and allowed the words to soothe her worries. After tethering her with the others, and swinging her rucksack over her shoulder, she searched for familiar faces, finding Gimli eating seconds or thirds of hot stew, and Legolas perched nearby with his long bow at his side.
Legolas greeted her with a smile, grateful to see her, followed by saying slyly, "I'm afraid there may be nothing left, the dwarf has not stopped eating since sitting down."
"If this is to be my last meal, then it's not going to be a short one," Gimli rebuked gruffly, brushing stew off his beard with his gloved hand, and then adding in greeting, "Good to see ya lass."
Vez chuckled at their all too common banter, saying, "It's good to be seen," for she had been out of their eyes distance for some time. She looked upon Legolas again, who stood at her side, his presence calmed her, and she gave him a silent greeting. She then said to each of them steadily, though with a hint of disappointment, "There are fewer here than I expected."
"More may arrive by dawn," Gimli told her optimistically.
A half smile betrayed her looming pessimism. Having to tend to something, she asked them, "Is there a tent that is ours to use?"
"Aye," Gimli replied, looking toward the one behind them, "Eowyn and Merry are in there now, sure you'd be able to use the space if asked."
She nodded, hoisting her rucksack back on her shoulder, "I'll return shortly," she told them politely, not explaining the task she desired to complete.
Before leaving their presence, Merry had departed the tent's flapped entrance, dressed in full Rohan battle armor with a sword in hand, followed closely by Eowyn, cheerfully pushing him off to the smithy. No sooner after Merry had left, practicing the swing of his sword wildly, had her brother intervened in her encouragement, shifting Eowyn's attention and darkening her demeanor.
"You should not encourage him," Eomer spoke assuredly while sitting next to Gamling.
Eowyn held her position, responding, "You should not doubt him."
Then in an attempt to raise a laugh, he replied sardonically, "I do not doubt his heart, just the reach of his arm," which indeed caused Gamling to chuckle covertly.
"Why should Merry be left behind? He has as much cause go to war as you! Why can he not fight for those he loves?" Eowyn said concerned, finding herself now face to face with her brother.
"You know as little of war as that Hobbit," he stated while looking her straight in the eye, "When the fear takes him, and the blood and the screams and the horror of battle take hold, do you think he would stand and fight? He would flee, and he would be right to do so. War is the province of men, Eowyn."
Legolas, who was behind Vezely, knew she was listening to the entire conversation intently and that what she heard riled her. He cupped his hand on her shoulder, saying quietly, "Not all battles need to be fought."
Yet Vez was not feeling like holding her tongue. She narrowed her eyes slightly, moving forward into the brother and sister's space of confrontation. "And you know little about this war," she scolded, "Do not think it will be fought solely on a battlefield. It will filter like a raging tide into your cities and towns. War will be the province of everyone if Sauron has his way. You should not prevent those who have a desire to stop it."
Eomer's eyes narrowed on her, taking her diatribe as a threat to his position, though also knowing her words of the encroaching war rang true. He looked again at his sister, not understanding that inside her she held equal desire as he to protect their loved ones, whether on a battlefield or back at Edoras; not knowing that she would also fight to the death and not flee out of fear. "Regardless, on a battlefield or in a town," he continued undeterred, while attempting to not let anger overtake him, "He would still flee out of fear."
Vez shook her head thinking how typical it was for men to think so lowly of others courage, saying steadily, "I have also seen men flee out of fear, leaving their families behind, while women defend their loved ones with weapons fashioned out of household items. You want to see courage, watch a woman try to protect her child from being slaughtered. I have lost men who foolishly thought women did not bare teeth," she breathed in, casting her gaze away from him and slightly adjusting her rucksack back on her shoulder, for these were not pleasant thoughts to share. Thinking out loud before finding the tent's entrance, she added sorrowfully, "If we all had such motivation, perhaps there is hope."
After entering, she knew she should not have acted in such a confrontational manner, but her emotions had not been steady during the journey, and coming upon Dunharrow to a lower than expected troop number did not subsume her growing pessimism. She closed her eyes momentarily, attempting to clear her thoughts before opening them again to the tent's sparse comforts. The small table and chairs provided all the space she needed for her task.