Another chapter for you guys! I'm sorry it had been such a long time since my last update, but it wasn't my fault this time! It took me only a week to write this one, but my beta reader took 2 to correct it!

I hope you'll like it - although I don't like it as much as the last one. There's something missing, but I can't put my finger on what... Anyway.

Please review, I love to hear from you guys!

Enjoy

Chapter 5

Iruka's issues - Part I

"So he told me that I couldn't kick his ass! I wanted to give him a lesson, but Sakura interfered and then..."

Iruka nodded, listening faithfully to his exuberant ex-student as he related of his latest adventures. It was getting pretty late and the ramen bar was mostly empty except for them and the place's owner, who was distantly listening to the very talkative blond teenager as he washed the dirty dishes of the day in silence. The brown-haired man shivered and hugged his warm bowl closer as a gust of cool wind blew the thin clothe doors of the ramen bar apart and hit him. Winter was approaching very fast and with every day that passed by, the weather was getting colder - especially at night, when the harsh winter wind started to blow on the cold, dark streets of Konoha. For some reasons, the chuunin had never quite liked winter, not even in his childhood. Winter and all the things that came with it – cold weather, sick students, extra layers of clothing, numb fingers, higher gas bills – turned him down enough that even the prettiness of the sight the snowy village made under the soft light of the moon and the smiles that graced the children's faces when the first snow finally came did not made up for it. As a second gust of wind hit him, the academy teacher felt truly glad he didn't have to face the cold and merciless wind on everyday basis like some duty guards had to. It was under weathers like these that he fully appreciated being assigned to the mission room instead of the guard patrol. At least, he was safe and warm while he had to deal with all those stupid nins who couldn't be trusted to even write their name properly. Plus, the coffee was free.

"Hey, are you listening, Iruka-sensei!"

"Huh? Sorry Naruto, I think I was zoning out for a while," the academy teacher answered sheepishly, rubbing the scar on his nose. "What were you saying again?"

The blonde remained silent and started staring suspiciously at his favorite teacher, his blue eyes narrowing thoughtfully. Then, a mischievous grin grew on his lips.

"Oh my... You're dazzled after your last romantic date, zoning out all the time... Iruka-sensei, would you be in love?" The teenager said dramatically and Iruka, completely taken aback by his ex-student's comment, choked on his mouthful of water. The chuunin coughed, trying to get the water out of his burning lungs helplessly as his ex-student howled with laugher at his reaction, nearly falling of his seat several times. Even the owner of the stand was snickering in his corner, although nobody could hear him with all the racket coming from his very loud customers. When he finally found his breath back, Iruka scowled at the teenager.

"Naruto! You shouldn't stay things like that! What if somebody heard you and started repeating it to the whole village!"

"That would be great! Then you'd have a lot less girls running after you!" The teenager answered joyfully, winking at his ex-teacher and Iruka sighed, smiling awkwardly to himself. Even though he knew it was only normal for the blonde to take interest into love, dating and sex at his age – he was a growing young man after all - the chuunin somehow couldn't get used to it.

"Seriously, how was your date this afternoon, Iruka-sensei?" the blond teen asked curiously as he went back to devouring what was left of his meal. That question stirred al lot of strange feelings in the chuunin, who sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand awkwardly.

"A real nightmare... Not that she wasn't a nice girl. But... I don't know, I just can't seem to..." the brown-haired man explained with mild confusion, a bit at a loss for words. Just as he finished his last sentence, Iruka suddenly felt really stupid for sharing such intimate thoughts with a 15 year old – and especially Naruto, who, although he was a nice and caring young man, wasn't known for his discretion nor his good advices. At any point, that wasn't the kind of discussion he should have had with a teenager over a bowl of ramen, but rather with an old friend over a bottle of sake. But unfortunately for him, the academy teacher had no real good friend left to share his problems with anymore. He used to have some, but that time seemed so distant that he wondered if he had not imagined it...

Iruka gave a sideway look at the ramen-lover, who was staring at him rather blankly. After a moment, the blonde teen shrugged and simply said: "Maybe girls are not your thing," before going back to his ramen bowl, chewing happily on his noodles.

Iruka's body tensed up at those words, his eyes widening. What? What did Naruto mean? Did he think that he was... ?

"What do you mean by that?"

"What what?" Naruto answered simply, surprise clearly written on his features. Iruka gazed into those innocent and clueless blue eyes - no, Naruto couldn't have meant that. Of course not. The thought probably never even passed though his ex-pupil's mind; he was being stupid. The chuunin inwardly sighed with relief, his tense muscles relaxing as he realized he had overreacted a bit. To think that he had imaged the ramen lover had meant he was... Of course he wouldn't have. That was stupid of him. Beside him, the teenager was staring at him with narrowed eyes, looking strangely concerned about his ex-teacher's suspiciously uncalled for reaction.

"...What was that?"

"Ah, nothing. Forget about it," the brown-haired man muttered back with a smile, suddenly feeling guilty for making the young teen worry. And over such a stupid thing, too… Some part of the chuunin's mind wondered why that small comment had affected him so strongly, but he somehow didn't feel like thinking his reaction over too much. Lately, thinking had only led him to depression... To change the subject, Iruka turned toward his favorite ex-student and winked at him.

"And you Naruto, is there anybody you're interested in?" he asked playfully, watching with interest a small blush rising on the teenager's cheeks.

"Nah, not for the moment," the teen mumbled into his ramen, his cheeks turning yet redder. Iruka laughed softly at the teen's give-away blush and playfully poked the teenager in his ribs with his elbow, but did not further inquire. At his age, it was normal to be a little secretive about affairs of the heart... Naruto pushed away the invading elbow and looked away, obviously embarrassed, and that made Iruka smile. During moments like these, it truly felt like the bond they were sharing was way more than just a student-teacher bond, a thought that always left him strangely warm and happy inside.

"...I hope Kakashi-sensei will be back soon from his stupid mission. Since he's left, that old hag's been giving us lousy missions!" Naruto mumbled moodily between two mouthfuls of ramen, obviously trying to change the subject.

When he heard the jounin's name, the brown-haired man froze, his features turning bitter as a mix of anger and disgust spread in his chest at the thought of the silver-haired man. Hatake Kakashi... It had been nine long days since he had had that row with the elite jounin, but the anger and resentment Iruka was feeling toward him were as acute as they had been on that painful evening. He truly was glad the Copy nin was away because he didn't know how he would react if he was to run into him again - which would unfortunately happen sooner or later, since he worked at the mission room. Until now, the chuunin had tried to forget about the whole issue and bury his resentment for the time being, but he was acutely aware that such a tactic was bound to fail and wouldn't help him to feel better in the long run. Yet, he had no idea how he was supposed to deal with his hatred and humiliation, and knew even less how to deal with the Copy nin himself. Forgive the jounin? Like hell he would! The guy had stalked him for months and had dared to come back afterward to make fun of him – forgiving him wasn't even an option. But to say the truth, the brown-haired man truly didn't know what his other options were supposed to be – ignore the man? Be mean to him? Fake being nice to him? How was that supposed to be mature? No matter how angry he was at the Sharigan user, Umino Iruka wasn't willing to sink that low, even if the jounin fully deserved it. Sometime he wished he wouldn't such a nice guy… The chuunin sighed darkly, his grim and bitter thoughts making him feel even more helpless about the whole situation.

Then, Naruto's words tore the academy teacher from his dark inner musings and harshly brought him back to reality.

"Iruka-sensei, do you have issues with Kakashi-sensei?" the teenager asked cautiously, looking mildly worried and at those words, the chuunin felt his heart clench and eyed his ex-student warily.

"What gives you that idea?"

"Everytime I say his name, your face turns sour," Naruto explained quietly, choosing carefully his words.

Iruka let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding at that explanation. He truly didn't want anyone to know he'd been stalked by Hatake Kakashi - it was humiliating enough to know he had been spied on by a comrade for months, he didn't want others to know. And especially not Naruto, who he loved like a little brother. The chuunin looked at the blond teen, not knowing what to tell him exactly. As he gazed into those mildly worried and innocent blue eyes, Iruka sighed; he couldn't tell him the humiliating truth, but he wouldn't be able to lie so openly to Naruto. He had never been good at lying anyway.

"Is it so obvious?" the brown-haired man asked softly, a sad smile finding its way to his lips as the teen nodded vigorously. The chuunin sighed and an awkward silence stretched between the two males - a silence that clearly meant the older man didn't want to talk about his issues with Naruto's current teacher. To Iruka's relief and gratitude, the blond teenager respected his silence and did not press on the matter for the time being - something so considerate and insightful of him that the chuunin could hardly believe how mature the obnoxious teen had grown to be in those few years. A maturity and tactfulness Iruka doubted he had gotten from his current teacher… No, he didn't want to go that way.

Sighing, the academy teacher stared sadly at his ramen bowl: with all those musings, he wasn't even feeling hungry anymore... Damn that Kakashi, why did he have to upset him even when he wasn't even there? Couldn't he disappear once and for all from his life!

"You should settle your problem with him, you know," Naruto said finally, breaking the silence. "People say a lot of awful stuff about Kakashi-sensei, but he's a nice guy." As an afterthought, the young man added darkly "... when he's not late."

The chuunin blinked, surprised to hear such wisdom coming from his ex-pupil. Once again, he couldn't believe how fast Naruto had grown up. When had the ramen-lover become so mature? Iruka stared at his favorite ex-student, who flashed him one of his well-known bright smiles and returned to his ramen bowl, ravishing it with renewed energy, as if nothing had happened.

The brown-haired man then stared back at his own bowl, thoughtful. Of course Naruto was trying to help, but… he didn't know what he was talking about. He couldn't understand Iruka's humiliation, his pain and his bitterness... But the whole discussion made the chuunin think over his own attitude – for Naruto to notice so easily that he was upset with the Copy nin, his resentment must have been quite obvious. And that wouldn't do. Sure enough, he had his reasons –and damn good reasons at that - to be mad at the jounin, but it wasn't an excuse for him to let it show so much. Getting all upset because he heard the silver-haired man's name sure as hell wasn't setting a good example and was not quite mature of him. Unfortunately, it wasn't like it was something he could control... The resentment he felt at the mention of the Sharigan user was like fire spreading through him, eating him from the inside; how was he suppose to hide such a thing?

Umino Iruka knew himself. He knew only too well that those feelings would never die – the years would pass by and deep down inside of him, he would always feel some of that bitterness nagging him when he would see the jounin, hear his voice or his name at the ramen shop, in the mission room or as he walked down the streets. Oh, he'd be able to get rid of his hatred... if he pardoned the man. But that was not about to happen any time soon. He knew he could never do that. And even if he could, he didn't want to. He didn't want to give a chance to the jounin to do more damage than he already had. He didn't even want to look into his eyes again. But at the same time, he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing him flee his eyes neither.

In the end, it always came back to the same question, that question he had tried to avoid in the past nine days but that Naruto somehow kept on digging up and pressing on him without knowing: what was he supposed to do exactly? Act distant and cold? Ignore him? Or just do as if nothing happened? What would be the best attitude to adopt? And the more he thought about it, the less he knew what to do... The whole situation made him feel so ridiculously helpless he wanted to scream.

Naruto finished eating his ramen bowl in silence and joyfully thanked the older man before setting off home, leaving the tortured chuunin behind. Iruka stayed alone in front of his long-cold ramen bowl for a while, lost in his dark thoughts. After a few minutes, he decided to back go home as well - there was really no point in brooding for hours in front of his half-eaten meal. He paid his bill, wished good night to the owner and left the warmth of the shop, unwillingly stepping into the coldness of the night. At once, the harshness of the icy wind hit him, making him shiver under his uniform, and he bitterly regretted to have forgotten his coat home again.

As he hurried back home, the chuunin passed through the sinuous small alleys and avoided the main streets again even if said streets were empty, probably out of habit. In that kind of weather, they only looked gloomier than usual, which was saying something. Even though he wasn't the kind of man to be scared so easily, Iruka couldn't help but feel a bit nervous in those dark, grim alleys, and shuddered at the thought of just how easy it would be to any minimally skilled and calculative nin to set a few deathful traps along those. Not that such things were likely to happen inside the village, but you never knew.

The brown-haired man walked faster.

Suddenly, Iruka heard the sound of broken glass, closely followed by a dull thud somewhere to his left. At once, the well-trained chuunin adopted a defensive stand, muscles tensed and blood rushing rapidly through his veins in anticipation of any kind of attack. But nothing came. The street he was walking on was as dead silent and deserted as ever. Holding the kunai he had instinctively grabbed tighter, the academy teacher stealthily made his way to the source of the clashing sound he had just heard, his feet leading him to a broader road. As he approached the wider road, the chuunin noticed something that made his blood run cold: a few meters in front of him, what seemed to be the inanimate body of a man was lying face down on the road, a shattered bottle spreading on the ground a few inches away from him.

Before hurrying to help the unconscious man, Iruka carefully looked for any hidden human presence or any trap: it easily could have been a set up to lure him – hadn't he been reflecting on how easy it would be to set such traps in those streets a mere moment ago? When he was absolutely sure that there was no hidden chakra around, he cautiously ran toward the man and examined him. Now that he was closer, he could distinguish in the darkness of the night the uniform of the Konoha nins - even though it looked torn and blood-soaked - and a mass of pale-looking hair. The man seemed to be severely wounded and his chakra reserves were incredibly low, almost inexistent. The chuunin anxiously bent down over the corpse to take its pulse: he was still alive. Barely, but still alive. He needed to be brought to the hospital. At once.

Willing himself to remain calm, Iruka carefully took the rather heavy man in his arms and dashed toward the hospital, which luckily was only a few hundred meters away. The wounded ninja was probably heading for the hospital when he collapsed, Iruka deduced as he ran as fast as he could. He hoped he wouldn't arrive too late...!

As he was running, he passed under a spotlight and light suddenly washed over them, revealing for the first time the features of the wounded man Iruka was holding in his arms.

Hatake Kakashi?

The brown-haired man almost came to an alt when he recognized the unmistakable mass of unruly silver hair and the masked face, feeling stunned. A mix of unexplainable emotions washed through the young man, but Iruka put them aside furiously and kept running toward the hospital, the unconscious Hatake Kakashi lying limply in his arms. The hospital was only a few meters away.

'Don't you dare dying on me, Hatake!' the chuunin thought desperately as they reached the building and he dashed into the hospital's main doors with his shoulder, not even bothering to slow down his pace. He wanted to yell at someone to help him, to do something, but he didn't even had time to say anything - as soon as the nurse in the entrance hall saw the mutilated and bloody body be was carrying, she cursed under her breath and called for help. In a matter of mere seconds, several healing nins appeared out of nowhere, took the unconscious jounin away from Iruka's arms, lied him down on a stretcher and took him away.

They soon disappeared into the hospital corridors, checking the silver-haired man's pulse and yelling orders at each others on their way, and the chuunin listened to the dying sounds of their urgent yells in an almost dream-like state while he stood in the entrance, left behind. Alone and forgotten. He stood by the reception desk, panting, adrenaline still rushing through his veins, and stared weakly at the now quiet hallway the jounin had vanished into, feeling totally helpless. Empty.

Useless.

Iruka waited for God-only-knows how long, standing alone in the deserted entrance of the hospital, pacing. At some point he sat down, unable to leave for some unknown reasons. His emotions were torturing him again, but the nature of the battle that was occurring inside of him was slightly different this time. His chest felt painfully tight as emotions he had never felt before for the Copy nin fought for dominance. Worry. Guilt. Shame. Oh, he was still angry at the Sharigan user, but... but... He couldn't explain it clearly.

The chuunin wondered why the sake of a man he almost didn't know - and more importantly, who he despised - affected him so much. True, he hated Hatake Kakashi with passion, but he had never wished for his death nevertheless... Yet it didn't explain why he suddenly cared so much that he was anxiously pacing down the hospital entrance, trying to convince himself that the man would live through it. Nor did it explain why, now that the jounin was on the verge of death, Iruka was feeling a bit guilty for being so harsh toward him. The chuunin frowned at the thought. Half-dead or not, the academy teacher still firmly believed that the Copy nin fully deserved his fury, so he couldn't quite explain this sudden guilt clutching to his gust. Hell, he didn't know what to think and feel anymore.

The man'd better not die...!

So Iruka waited. Waited for what, he didn't know exactly, but he waited nonetheless. Time seemed to have slowed to its stop somehow, as the chuunin worried over the sake of a man he hated and wondered about feelings he did not understand for what seemed like forever. After an undetermined period of time - the academy teacher couldn't tell if it took a few minutes or several hours - the Hokage herself, still wearing her night dress, came out of the hallway Kakashi had been taken into and walked toward him. When she saw him she first looked surprised, but then her deceitfully young features relaxed into a small tired smile and she came to sit down beside him, sighing.

"I assume you are the one who found him?" the older woman asked quietly. Iruka slowly nodded, a silent question written on his features.

"Don't worry, he'll survive," she told him. "But it was a short call. A few more minutes and we wouldn't have been able to do anything for him. You truly did save his life."

The chuunin sighed in relief, sensing some of his inner dilemma disappearing already now that he knew the jounin was going to make it.

"Do you know what happened to him? How he got beat up so badly?" The healer asked with a thoughtful frown and Iruka stared in mild surprise.

"No... I just found him on my way home, Hokage-sama."

"Crap. I guess we'll have to wait until he wakes up, then," the Godaime silently said as she crossed he arms, her frown deepening. When the chuunin looked puzzled, she quickly explained: "His mission was supposed to be B-ranked – a piece of cake, so to speak. Whatever he ran into, it must have been something big for him to come back half-dead like that. That brat doesn't have such a good reputation for nothing; he's one of our finest jounin. I'm worried about what happened to him..."

Iruka stared at her, concern and uneasiness stirring at the pitch of his stomach as he realized for the first time just how serious the situation truly was. Of course, the Copy nin was NOT taken down easily – how could he have overlooked such an important fact? A half-death Hatake Kakashi found unconscious in the middle of the village implied many things – not of them good things either. The Hokage had every right to be anxious…

The Godaime suddenly started muttering under her breath, obviously lost in her thoughts. Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, but the brown-haired man's sensitive ears caught on her words and what he overheard the old woman mumble to herself surprised him.

"Should have known better..."

"Hokage-sama?" the academy teacher asked with mild concern and the blond woman stared at him with a slightly surprised face, as if she already had forgotten he was just beside her.

"Ah, sorry Iruka-kun," she apologized tiredly, looking a bit sheepish. "I guess I was thinking out loud."

"You shouldn't blame yourself, Hokage-sama," Iruka assured her calmly. "How could you have guessed that things would go wrong?" The woman didn't answer at first, a thoughtful frown on her pretty features.

"... He was in no state to go back to field work, B-rank mission or not. He was still worn out from his previous mission, obviously sick and had just had that row with you too... I knew I should have sent him back home," she said with a sigh, rubbing her temples. At those words, Iruka's eyes widened with shock and he started to splutter.

"W-what? How did you... How did you find out about our -erm- quarrel?"

"Well... I heard you weren't exactly quiet, Iruka-kun. This is a ninja village, after all," the Hokage replied simply, obviously amused by the man's reaction. The chuunin looked down a blush of mortification spreading on his tanned face. Damn, he should have known this would happen...! Nothing remained secret for long in Konoha – people were far too curious and skilled at spying each other for anything to remain secret for long. He hoped she wouldn't think too badly of him because of it...

To the chuunin's relief, the subject was dropped altogether as the Godaime suddenly sighed heavily and got up on her feet, obviously intending to leave.

"I'm sorry I bothered you with the inner turmoil of an old woman, Iruka-sensei. Anyhow, you should go home now, there's no point staying here," she told him with something of her usual straightforwardness as she started to walk toward the exit. She was about to reach the door when she stopped on her track and turned around to give the man a last unreadable look.

"…You know Iruka… You should talk it over with Kakashi when he wakes up."

The brown-haired man tensed up, stunned by the unexpected advice. "Huh?"

"As long as you refuse to settle your issues with him, your conscience won't leave you alone," she told him with a sad knowing smile. The chuunin was first surprised by her words, but then his gaze went to the ground, a frown slowly forming itself on his face as he stared intensely at his feet. A tense silence stretched between them, and when the brown-haired man spoke up again, his voice was a mere whisper.

"Talking to him?" he snorted silently. "What would I tell him...? Everything has been said already. And if there's more to hear, I... I'm not sure I want to hear it either, Hokage-sama."

"...Living in the doubt or risking getting more hurt, that's up to you to choose, Iruka," Tsunade said finally, setting off for the exit again. "Men have their pride, but sometimes you've got to learn to get over it to keep advancing in life. Good night, Iruka."

And she disappeared into the cold autumn night, leaving a rather perplexed chuunin behind. Iruka stared at the closed hospital doors behind which the blonde woman had disappeared, frowning in confusion. What was that? What did she mean by that…? Living in the doubt? Get over his pride? What had she been talking about?

The academy teacher stayed alone in the hospital entrance for a while, musing over the woman's words. In the end he decided to go back home, as the Hokage had wisely advised him – there was truly no point staying there anymore, so he'd better head back home already. The night was even colder than before, but somehow Iruka only vaguely noticed the harshness of the wind and the numbness of his frozen members as he made his way home, too deep in thoughts to spare much thought to this frozen feet and shivering teeth. Although she hadn't said it, the Godaime had made it clear that Hatake Kakashi had asked for that mission, and just after they had their row. What did it mean? Why had the jounin wanted to leave the village just then? Or maybe it had nothing to do with him and he was trying to see too much into it...?

As he walked, Iruka played back in his head his discussion with his superior, a slight frown on his features. Somehow, something felt amiss. It was only a vague impression, but it bugged him nonetheless. The brown-haired man was still trying to figure out why he felt like he had missed out something when he finally reached his apartment building, his frozen fingers difficultly digging up his keys from his pocket.

As the chuunin unlocked his front door, it hit him.

Like Tsunade-sama had pointed out, Hatake Kakashi was no mere jounin, if the reputation he had built himself in Konoha and around the world was any indication. Then, how come he had managed to hit the Copy nin on that evening nine days ago...? Iruka was aware of his strength and knew perfectly well that, although he was rather skilled for a chuunin, he was still far from Kakashi-sensei's league…. Very far. Then, what did it mean? Had the jounin... purposely let him hit him? Why would he...? Unless...

Unless he was wrong about the man.

A terrible sinking feeling gripped the chuunin's gust as he stared at his unlocked door. Could he have misunderstood Kakashi's intentions? Could the man have told him... the truth? Iruka highly doubted it. There was no way – what he had told him made absolutely no sense, he couldn't have been sincere. That couldn't have been the truth.

But…

But what if? What if the Copy nin hadn't lied and honestly hadn't thought his actions would offend him, as unbelievable as it seemed? What if he had watched him in all innocence, without sexual thoughts? What if he had been sorry...? In that case, the chuunin probably owned him an apology for punching him like he did.

...But what if it wasn't? Iruka would only humiliate himself further if he tried something and the jounin used his good will to make fun of him again. And he wouldn't be able to stand it, he knew it. There was only so much his hurt pride could take, and getting played a second time would be just too hard to swallow. No, he wouldn't accept to be humiliated again by that man again.

Iruka felt his shoulders fall in despondence as he suddenly understood the meaning of the cryptic advice the Hokage had previously given him. "Living in the doubt or risking getting more hurt, that's up to you to choose," that's what she had told him. Somehow, that wise old woman had understood the chuunin's inner issues before he himself even did... Indeed, would he risk getting humiliated a second time for the sake of finding out whether or not the Sharigan user had meant what he had said? The chuunin sighed in the bone-chilling night and rested his forehead against the cool surface of his front door in exhaustion.

Sure enough, sleep wouldn't come fast for a certain brown-haired chuunin that night.

To be continued.