Chapter 6
Iruka's Issues - Part II
Darkness.
His world was surrounded by darkness. Filled with emptiness.
Where was he? He couldn't tell. Not that he cared. Nothing seemed to matter in this world. He felt... distant. Everything felt so distant. Distant from what? He didn't know. He couldn't hear, see, touch, smell or even feel anything in this place. There was only emptiness.
...It was boring. What did he like to do when he felt bored again? He couldn't remember... Wait. He did. He used to read a book. Right, when he was bored, he read. But there were no books in there... In fact, there was nothing at all. How boring. What was the point of being there if there was nothing to do?
He was about to slip back to unconsciousness when the faint noises reached his ears and stirred his curiosity. They were so quiet at first that he couldn't tell what kind of sound they were exactly. As he focused on them, they gradually grew louder until he could recognize those noises for what they were. Voices.
So there were other people out there too? Then why couldn't he see them? What were they saying? He couldn't tell. They seemed to be talking amongst themselves. As if he wasn't there. He felt a bit vexed at that thought. Some part of him wanted to scream at them 'Hey, I'm here too!' but somehow he felt like he quite didn't remember how to scream anymore, which left him mildly frustrated and helpless as he listened to the distant voices in the dark.
Then, the voices stopped talking together, much to his disappointment – at least, the sounds had been a bit distractive. After a while, he started to hear one of them talking again, loud enough to annoy him but not enough for him to actually understand what it said. Or maybe his mind was just too numb to understand the words he heard, he wasn't quite sure – and couldn't bring himself to care, as a matter of fact. One thing was mildly puzzling him, though. If those voices weren't talking to each other anymore, why could he still hear one of them? Who was that voice talking to? Could it be talking to... him? But he didn't understand what it said. What if it was trying to tell him something important?
He forced his mind out of its peaceful numb state and tried to concentrate on this voice. But no matter how hard he focused on trying to understand the blurry words that reached his ears, he still couldn't understand what the voice was trying to tell him. Damn.
Then he tried to open his eyes to see where the voice was coming from. But his eyelids were so heavy they felt like they were glued together and refused to open up. He gave it another try, but failed once more. It was starting to annoy him: he was going to win over those stupid eyelids and show them who was the boss. On his third try, he finally succeeded to pull his eyelids open just a little bit, only to have his eyes meeting with a dazzling light and automatically, he pressed his eyelids shut again. Ahhh, damn that light... His eyes still burnt, even closed... Why was there so much light anyway? It should be a forbidden thing.
He felt suddenly tired. So tired... How could simply opening his eyes suck so much energy out of him? Maybe he wasn't ready to open them yet...? Then it would be wiser to wait. Yes, it could wait...
Just as he was about to give up and go back to a peaceful numbness, the voice reached his ears again. It was still a mere whisper in his fogged mind, but a whisper he finally understood.
"... Kakashi."
He had already heard that name before. Whose name was it again? Wait... It was his name. Right, his name was Kakashi. So the voice was calling him.
In a desperate attempt to see his interlocutor, he summoned all the strength he had left to open his eyes. They met with the same burning brightness again, but this time he did not give up. Slowly, he blinked away the pain and tried to focus his sight on something that wasn't painfully white. A very vague person outline gradually formed itself from the light; its features were too blurred for him to distinguish if it was a man or a woman yet, but he could tell that person was bending over him. The voice was getting louder and less distant and clearer with every second that passed.
"Kakashi. Can you hear me?"
The Copy nin blinked several times, trying to focus his eyes on the person in front of him. Slowly, the mist clouding his sight cleared up until he could clearly see who was speaking to him. It was a woman. She had blond hair, big hazel eyes and enormous breasts hanging in her green clothes. Somehow, there was something familiar about her. He knew he knew who she was, but he couldn't remember at the moment. Strange.
"Kakashi. You are at the hospital," he heard the blonde woman say slowly and frowned. The hospital? Somehow, it didn't make sense to him right now. He felt exhausted and confused and nothing he saw or heard seemed to ring a bell. It must have shown on his face, because the woman sighed and gave him a small soothing smile.
"You need rest now. Go back to sleep," the jounin heard the blonde say. Obediently, he closed his tired eyes again, gladly surrendering to sleep.
"You look like shit."
The mission room was almost empty, containing only staff members and a few bored ninja who had nothing better to do than hang out there, waiting for something to happen. Shiranui Genma, true to his reputation, was one of them.
"Genma, get yourself a life," Iruka replied with exasperation to the older man, who had been bending over his desk and staring flatly at him for the past ten minutes, obviously bored out of his mind. "I'm perfectly fine, find somebody else to annoy."
"No, Genma's right. You do look horrible today Iruka-kun," a coworker added on a mildly concerned tone. "Is there something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, really."
"Bullshit," the senbon user replied flatly, edging closer to the brown-haired chuunin. "Come on, what's up, Iruka-kun?"
Iruka sighed again, feeling annoyed by the whole situation. There was no way out of it and he knew it; Genma wouldn't leave him alone until he found the answer to his question - the man could be incredibly stubborn when he was bored. Bored jounins shouldn't exist, the brown-haired chuunin decided bitterly.
"I've been having trouble sleeping lately," Iruka answered tiredly. Which was true. Ever since he had found Hatake Kakashi's half-dead body in that dark alley three days ago, he hadn't had a good night of sleep, restlessly rolling over in his bed as he waited for sleep to finally take over him - only to end up having nightmares during those few stolen hours of sleep. And his sleep was not the only thing to be affected by it: ever since he had left the hospital, the chuunin had been preoccupied, unable to find peace and contentment in his quiet routine again. He had tried countless times to chase away his doubts and worries, but somehow that stupid Hatake Kakashi managed to linger on his mind, as tenacious as a cockroach. The chuunin wanted nothing more than forgetting about him already, kicking him out of his life once and for all, but for some mysterious reason he wasn't able to. Even lying down half-dead in a hospital bed, that damn jounin still managed to mess with Iruka's mind! Couldn't he just leave him alone for once?
"Sleeping problems, huh? Would it be that your dates are exhausting you?" Genma joked, winking suggestively at the flushing man. "Don't make that face; we all know about your reputation, sensei."
The chuunin frowned disapprovingly. "Now Genma, this is not something to joke about."
"But I'm dead serious! You're currently Konoha's most eligible bachelor. Everybody in town knows about your good match reputation - it would be hard not to, with half of the village's female population that are drawn to you like bees to honey. Hell, they line up to give their missions reports to you and only to you. And some of them are really hot babes too! You lucky bastard," the special jounin said playfully, toying with his senbon in his mouth.
"There's nothing to envy about my situation," Iruka sighed with mild bitterness and annoyance. "Those women aren't attracted to me; they just want to get themselves a nice, reliable husband. And apparently, I have it where it counts," he explained shortly.
"So what if they do?" Genma insisted. "You can still go out with them for a while, no?"
"That would be wrong. I couldn't go out with someone when I know that we aren't expecting the same thing from our relationship. I would feel like I'm cheating that person."
Genma stared at the chuunin, obviously surprised. Then he burst out laughing. "You're really too nice for your own good, you know that?" he said with a broad smile.
Frowning at the older man's mockery, Iruka faked interest in his paperwork and ignored the jounin. He was started to get fed up of all those teasing sessions he had to go through whenever he was caught in the same room as the honey-haired jounin – with unfortunately happened far too often for his taste since the mission room was well-known to be Shiranui Genma's favourite hang out place. Of course, that strange faculty the senbon user had to point out truths in such a casual and straightforward way did nothing to help the chuunin to appreciate his comrade's sense of humour.
Looking up from his paperwork to tell Genma to find somebody else to bother for what must have been the twentieth time, the chuunin froze as he caught a glimpse of the honey-haired man's expression. Instead of the mocking sneer he expected to find on the man's somewhat delicate features, he found himself staring at a strangely serious and contemplative Genma. The calculative edge to his brown eyes made Iruka's fingers twitch anxiously: it was never a good thing when you couldn't tell what that guy was planning to do. He had plenty of experience with it.
As on cue, the jounin's features turned into a warm, pleasant expression that had Iruka's anxious fingers almost recoil. Every mission room worker knew that expression for what it was; Shiranui Genma's fake 'I'm a nice honest guy, you can trust he' face. This couldn't be good.
"You know," the special jounin said with his most charming smile, "I think I never told you before, but I happen to have a little sister who-"
"Not you as well!" Iruka exploded indignantly. "Don't even think about it! I am NOT dating your sister, okay?" The mission room was filled with laughers and snickers at the chuunin's outburst and at Genma's disappointed pout.
"I think Iruka-sensei doesn't want to see you at family parties, Genma," Asuma laughed as he approached Iruka to hand in his latest mission report.
"Well that's quite understandable. I wouldn't want to have him for a brother-in-law myself," another ninja on the mission room staff added lightly.
"Hey, what it that supposed to mean?" Genma said on a mock insulted tone, making everyone in the mission room laugh, even the exasperated Iruka.
"What's going on here?"
They turned around to see the Hokage in person standing in the entrance, a curious smile on her lips. At once, the staff members regained their seriousness and went back to work - or at least they tried to look busy. The Godaime didn't like to see her people slacking off on duty and was well-known for it. True, she was a caring and sympathetic Hokage, but not one to mess with.
"Genma was trying to get his sister a date with Iruka-sensei, Hokage-sama," Asuma answered with an amused smirk, pointing Iruka with his thumb, who was trying to look busy with the man's report, hoping to go unnoticed. 'Fat chance', he told himself as he saw the Godaime walk toward him with an amused smile on her lips.
"Is that so? I heard about your reputation, Iruka-kun. You currently seem to be THE marriageable man in town," she teased the slightly blushing brown-haired chuunin, who wished he could duck and hide under his desk.
"I guess so, Hokage-sama" Iruka answered, uneasy.
"So. Have you found your soul mate yet?" the woman asked roughly, making the already nervous chuunin squirm uneasily.
"Erm... Well, no, not yet..." Iruka replied, his blush darkening. He couldn't believe that the Hokage, of all people, was asking him about his love life. And in the middle of the mission room too! How embarrassing. A quick glance at the rest of the room confirmed that everyone was now staring at him with unhidden interest and his cheeks suddenly got warmer.
"Really? But I heard you've met with a lot of fine kunoichi up to now. None of them was good enough for you?"
"No, that's not it. It's just that... that I..." the chuunin babbled, looking for words that would express feelings he didn't even understand in the first place. What was he supposed to tell them now? He didn't have a clue why he had turned down all those girls! But he couldn't admit it: that might insult the Hokage. Plus, Genma would probably never let him live it down.
"…I guess that I just haven't found the good one yet." He finally answered uneasily, gauging his superior's reaction to see if he'd made a blunter. His blood ran cold when the Godaime stared at him with barely hidden interest, a disturbing calculative look on her features that strangely reminded him of Genma's evaluating face minutes ago... She couldn't possibly be thinking about matching him with a woman she knew, couldn't she! Please, not the Hokage too!
Something must have shown on his face, because Tsunade suddenly burst out laughing. "Don't give me that scared face, I won't try to set you up with anyone!" she assured him, laughing. Iruka blinked blankly. How did she know he was thinking about that? Was his face that expressive?
"Speaking of your face," the older woman continued, suddenly frowning, "What's up with you? You look like shit."
Iruka's shoulders fell at the older woman's words. It really was not his day. He knew he should have stayed home and called in sick... It would have saved him a lot of trouble. The chuunin peered out of the corner of his eyes at Genma, who was smirking at him smugly, like the cat who drank the cream. Oh, the jounin would never let him live it down...
"I'm fine, Hokage-sama," the brown-haired man tried to say lightly. "I've been having problems sleeping lately, that's all."
"Don't give me that crap," the Hokage answered him boldly, brushing his excuse aside with a dismissive wave of her hand. "What's wrong with you? Is something bothering you?"
The chuunin looked away nervously, inwardly curing the Godaime's sharpness and boldness. He knew pretty well he wasn't kidding anyone with his lack of sleep story, but he had hoped that people would get the hint and leave him be. True, he'd been suffering from insomnia for the past days, but there was no way in hell he'd ever admit to anyone that his insomnia was due to a certain silver-haired stalker... Hell, he didn't even want to admit it to himself. Although he tried to convince himself that he had nothing to reproach himself and that he shouldn't care for the silver-haired man's sake, he wasn't able to actually feel that way. And that made him feel angry at himself.
Iruka's gaze went to his superior's hazel eyes, those eyes that could read so easily through his soul - and understand it better than he could, apparently. He sighed at the thought. There was no point trying to hide anything from the blond-haired ruler; she would find out what was tormenting him sooner or later – if she didn't already know, that is. Maybe she could give him a clue about what to feel - what to do.
"Actually, I've been wondering…" the chuunin said quietly, "do you have any news of..." his gaze went nervously to the other mission room occupants, "... our mutual acquaintance?"
The Hokage gave him a mildly surprised look. "Oh. I see."
With a slight frown on her deceitfully young features, she silently stared at Iruka and the academy teacher looked away, unable to withstand her piercing gaze. Great. Now she probably thought he was worried sick over Kakashi-sensei, he mused with bitterness. Just what he needed! Why did his plans always backfire at him like that?
"He just woke up this morning. I was there," the Hokage finally answered, getting Iruka's attention back at once. "He's still very weak, but he's going to be all right. The recovery will be long though: I don't expect him to be able to go back on the field again for at least three months. You should pay him a visit once, you know. You two still have issues to settle. Don't forget what I told you the other day at the hospital..."
Iruka frowned at the remembrance of the woman's advice, averting his gaze to the ground. Before he got the chance to reply anything, the Hokage turned around to look at the rest of the staff, which had been of course shamefully listening to their discussion the whole time. "What do you guys think you're doing? You're here to work, not to eavesdrop!" she barked at them. At once, they all went back to their mission reports, faking a sudden interest in their work. Then the woman eyed Genma, who was trying his best to look like he had a purpose to be there – and of course miserably failing at it.
"Genma, how come every time I drop by the mission room I see you hanging around? Don't you have anything better to do than disturbing my staff members?"
"Disturbing is a such strong word, Hokage-sama," the jounin joked. "I prefer saying that I brighten their day," Tsunade raised an eyebrow at him.
"Oh really." The fat-breasted blonde took the first B-rank mission she could find in Iruka's neat sack of mission request and flatly handed it to Genma. "Such devotion. But the mission room must be a boring place for such an energetic young man as you. Here's something to get rid of your boredom."
No matter how hard he tried, Genma couldn't fight a grimace from twisting his delicate features as he quickly read the mission report details.
"… Infiltrating a hostess bar?" he asked with unhidden distaste and reluctance.
"Good occasion to dust up your crossdressing and theatrical skills, now isn't it?" the Godaime smiled evilly at him and few people could be heard sneering or coughing discreetly. The honey-haired man's face fell as the sannin took her leave, his distraught eyes staring at the mission request in a way that clearly indicated he would have preferred hunting down a missing nin. When the door closed behind the Godaime, Genma's gaze settled on Iruka, his eyes lighting up with a scary mischievous gleam. The chuunin gulped, feeling suddenly anxious at the way the man was looking at him – he knew what that look meant... As to confirm his fear, the jounin's lips stretched into the creepiest smile Umino Iruka had ever seen.
Oh God. He'd done it. He had made a bored Shiranui Genma curious.
He was done for.
"So who is it?"
"Who's who?" Iruka asked with faked nonchalance, pretending to be still busy with Asuma's report.
"The guy you're so worried over that you can't even sleep at night," the jounin replied in a singsong voice. "The guys you don't want US to know you're worried for. Why is that so, anyway? Anything we shouldn't know?"
"Because it's none of your business, that's why," Iruka replied coolly as he approved Asuma's mission report, determined not to look at the bandana-wearing man.
"I see... I guess I'll have to find out for myself, then."
Iruka looked up, frowning. "What?"
"You're surprised? What, did you expect I wouldn't try to discover that embarrassing little secret of yours after what I heard?" said Genma in a hungry tone. "You just make me more curious with that secretive attitude of yours!"
"But-!" Iruka wanted to protest, but he couldn't think of a good argument to make the jounin change his mind. It was not like the man would listen to him anyway – there was no reasoning to do with Genma when he was feeling mischievous. Why did it always happen to him? What couldn't those people just respect his private life dammit! That wasn't asking much, now wasn't it?
The senbon user flashed a playful smirk at the speechless chuunin and ignored Asuma's teasings as he left the mission room with his new mission. Iruka inwardly groaned. Great. Now he had Shiranui Genma on his case. That's what he needed, really. And he knew he man would not drop the matter until he'd found out what it was all about. Damn…
The brown-haired man didn't care if people discovered he worried about Hatake Kakashi's health, but he knew Genma far too well to believe that he would be satisfied with a mere name. No, the honey-haired man was going to want to know why, and that's what bothered Iruka. He didn't want people to find out it took him months to notice he was being stalked by a coworker – it was already hard enough to have people respecting his ninja skills as a chuunin school teacher, his reputation as a ninja would be done for if his lack of professionalism was made public.
"Now don't look so down Iruka-san," a coworker told him with a playful smile and the chuunin snorted.
"How can you say that? Now I've got Genma on my case.
"You had it coming, Iruka-kun," another shinobi told him playfully. "Everybody knows it's not the kind of stuff you should EVER say in front of Genma, especially when he's bored." Iruka groaned.
"Don't worry too much, Iruka-kun. You know how Genma-san is - he has the shortest interest lifespan of the whole village. He'll grow bored of that game of his before long."
"You know, there is something you could do to convince him to forget about his little investigation project," Asuma said thoughtfully, joining their discussion.
"Really? What is it?" the brown-haired chuunin asked a bit hopefully.
"Date his sister." The mission room burst out into laugher.
Iruka was staring at his meal. It truly did look good, but somehow he didn't feel very hungry. Not with the awful day he just had... Sighing, the chuunin stored his untouched serving in the fridge, once again. He was tired, so tired of this restless state of mind...! It felt as if life has lost all its taste... No, he couldn't keep on living like that. He needed to evade this numb state, he needed to get rid of those doubts clouding his mind. Forget about everything. Or maybe think it all over again. He didn't know. But he knew he needed to move, to do something. So he decided to take a walk around the village, even if the weather was too cold for his taste. Maybe the coldness would shake him off of his numbness of mind and help him find some answers... With that hope in mind, Iruka put on his coat, winter shoes and a scarf and left his apartment.
Indeed, the evening was cold. Not bone-freezing cold, but it was cold nonetheless. Iruka shivered as he tucked his hands in his pockets and hid his face further in his white scarf. And so he went on. Wandering aimlessly, with no precise destination in mind, letting his feet guide him as they pleased. And he thought.
It was on that kind of weather that he had found Kakashi's body lying down in an alley, life slowly flowing away from him. When was it again? Three days ago? It felt like it happened weeks ago...
Hatake Kakashi... The man was such a mystery. A mystery that plagued his mind. What was he supposed to feel about that man? He didn't know anymore. He doubted he ever knew it to begin with. Even before, he had never known how to act around the jounin. So how was he supposed to know how to act now?
To make matters worse, the Hokage's words were still carved in his tortured mind. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to do with his humiliation? His guilt? His anger? His doubts...? Those doubts that kept him up at night, slowly driving him crazy?
One thing was sure; he didn't want to keep on living like that. She was right... They had to settle it. He had to find out what the jounin had really meant, even if he was to get hurt once again in the process. The chuunin hoped that he would be finally able to let go if he ever found the truth, whatever it might be.
Taking a big breath, Iruka looked up at the sky. The evening was still young, but the sky was already so dark... The moon was probably already up behind those thick layers of clouds. It was too bad he couldn't see it. He liked the soft light of the moon. It always soothed him…
As he looked down, Iruka realized with a start that his feet had led him to the hospital. He stared at the entrance doors 10 meters in front of him, surprised. Why was he there? He hadn't intended to... He had been so deep in thought about the silver-haired jounin that he unconsciously headed for the hospital – that's what probably happened. Silently, he stared at those doors. Those doors he had run into so hastily three days ago with Kakashi's half-dead body hanging limply in his arms...
"You should pay him a visit once in a while, you know."
Iruka shook his head, turning around to walk back home. But somehow, he didn't feel like returning home yet. He stopped on his track and gazed again at the hospital, hesitant. It was way past visiting hours. They would probably turn him down. Plus, there was no point visiting him, he was probably sleeping... On the other hand, the jounin wouldn't know he had come to see him if he was sleeping, and that had its good points.
He had to make up his mind: his feet were staring to feel numb in the coldness of the night. Sighing, Iruka turned around and walked toward the hospital, wondering what was wrong with him. He had spend the past days trying to forget about the masked jounin and now he was about to visit him at the hospital! This whole affair was affecting way more than it should have…
Iruka made his way to the hospital doors and opened them, warmth washing over his cool body at once. Iruka did not recognize the medic at the desk: she wasn't the one he rapidly met with when he took Kakashi there. Hesitantly, he approached the reception desk. What would he tell her? Somehow, he had the impression he was going to end up looking like a fool… He knew it was a stupid idea to start with.
"Hum, sorry to bother you," he started off, uneasy. "I guess it's too late, but I wanted to know if the hospital was still open for visitors..."
"I'm afraid you've come too late, indeed," she answered him in a sympathetic tone. Then, she took a second look at him and eyed him curiously. "Would you be Umino Iruka?"
"Huh? Ah... Yes, I am," Iruka gave her a surprised look. How did she find out his name? He hoped she was not another suitor...!
The woman smiled brightly at him. "Hokage-sama warned us that you might come tonight."
"Oh," Iruka let out, embarrassed. So the Godaime had known all along he'd come... The old manipulative hag...! He felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment at the thought. She sure knew how to push the right buttons... Damn that old perceptive woman!
"Your friend's room is on the fourth floor, hallway A. Room number 53," the healer nin informed him with a smile, handing him a necklace with a blue card hanging from it. "Take good care of him."
Iruka took the visitor's necklace from her, thanked her shyly and set off for the stairs. He climbed to the fourth floor and then walked through the deserted and creepily silent corridors, feeling as if he was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. He felt especially uneasy when he ran across hospital staff members, who kept on giving him funny looks. When he finally reached Hatake Kakashi's room, the academy teacher felt reluctant to enter. He felt a little stupid to be visiting a sleeping man he hardly knew and wasn't sure he cared for after visiting hours like that. It was the kind of thing only family members or lovers usually were allowed to do. But he told himself that it would be even stupider to back down now that he had already come so far...
Should he knock on the door before entering? What if he woke up Kakashi doing so? Waking the Copy nin was the last thing he wanted to do, but it would be rude to enter without knocking...
His musings were interrupted by a faint creak as the door opened, revealing yet another medic nin.
"You must be Umino Iruka?"
"Y-yes, I am," Iruka babbled, surprised. The ninja opened the door wider, silently inviting Iruka to come in. The brown-haired man shyly entered the white room, carefully avoiding to look at the sleeping jounin.
"I am sorry I surprised you," the nin excused himself quietly.
"Ah, it's nothing. I just didn't think there would be anyone watching over him."
"Those are Hokage-sama's orders. There must be someone with him all the time so that the second he wakes up, she would be informed," he answered him matter-of-factly.
Iruka nodded. Of course, that was to be expected. The Godaime was worried about what could have caused Kakashi's injuries. She would want to hear the information he had to give her as fast as possible. He should have thought about it.
"I will leave you alone with him. If he wakes up, please contact me as fast as possible. I will be waiting at the end of the corridor."
"I will. Thank you."
The man left, silently closing the door behind him. Then, Iruka's gaze finally settled on the sleeping jounin.
He was lying down in his hospital bed, most of his body hidden beneath thick, white blankets. Next to him was a plasma drip connected to his also highly bandaged right arm. The chuunin was surprised to notice that the man wasn't wearing his mask. Of course he couldn't, with all those bandages...
Kakashi's face... by the look of it, he seemed to be a rather handsome man. But it was hard to tell since it had obviously known better days: the left part of his face was all bandaged up, sparing only his left eye. The rest of his features were covered with scratches and bruises. In all, it looked quite nasty.
Feeling a bit guilty to be staring at the jounin's face when he the said man kept it hidden all the time, Iruka shifted his gaze to the rest of the room. It was a plain white room: a totally normal hospital room, he told himself. Yet he couldn't help but feel that there was something off in this room. It was too empty. If it wasn't for Kakashi's presence in his bed, one could think that nobody used this room. There were no personal items, no flowers, no get-well cards around. As if nobody had visited him yet. It felt... lonely. Cold.
Iruka noticed there was a wooden chair just beside Kakashi's bed. The nin watching over him probably sat there, he thought. A bit awkwardly, he removed his coat and scarf and silently sat down on the chair, just beside the jounin. Feeling bad about staring so plainly at the man's face, his eyes sought for his bandaged right hand.
Time passed by. Slowly. At some point, Iruka wondered how much time he had spent in there. Ten minutes? An hour? He couldn't even tell. The room was silent, except for the wounded jounin's slow breathing. Quiet. Too quiet, maybe. The brown-haired man felt a multitude of different feelings fighting in his chest as he stared down at that man's bandaged hand. Hatred, guilt, worry and doubt, so much doubt... But he couldn't get rid of any of them, as the jounin was obviously in no state to talk it over with him. So he stared at the man's hand, waiting for God only knew what. He felt a foolish for coming: obviously, there was no point visiting somebody who was sleeping. It had been a stupid idea to begin with.
As the chuunin's thoughts drifted toward his own warm bed, he heard noises in the hallway. There seemed to be a commotion somewhere in the A hallway. And it seemed to be coming his way.
"... It's a hospital, jounin-san! You CANNOT drop in after the visitor hours!" he heard the healer yell from the end of the corridor. Just then, somebody knocked open room number 53's door, dashing in.
"What the-?" Iruka turned around to see no other than Maito Gai, standing in the entrance of the room in all his green magnificence. "Gai-san? What are you doing here?"
"I came as soon as I heard about my dear rival Kakashi!" the exuberant man answered him with his usual enthusiasm. "I was away on a mission for the past days, I just have arrived here two hours ago!"
Behind Gai were standing three medic nins who did not seem to be in a good mood. Iruka thought quickly - Gai was Kakashi's friend, right? He had more rights to be there by his side than him. Before they decided to throw him out, Iruka spoke up.
"Ahh, don't worry, he's with me!" he lied awkwardly to them. They stared at him for a moment, obviously not buying it, but did not to argue and, warily returned to their occupations, grunting darkly to each other. Gai closed the door behind them.
"Iruka-sensei. Is it serious?" Gai asked in a serious voice once they were alone, moving closer to the silver-haired man's bed.
"I think so. Hokage-sama told me he would be out of the field for three months at least."
"I see..." the jounin said solemly. "Ahhh, how dramatic! I will have to wait three months before I can challenge my Eternal Rival again!" Gai then burst out dramatically. Iruka stared at him, dumbfounded.
"What? I thought you were worried about him because you were his friend," Iruka let out quietly, a bit taken aback. Gai stared at him, obviously surprised. Then he stared at the ceiling, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"Friends? Kakashi and I are Rivals, and so we have been for the past fifteen years. But I don't think you could say we are friends per see. You see, my dear rival is not much of a social flower and does not make friends easily, unlike me," Gai answered simply as he carefully sat down on the silver-haired man's bed. Iruka stared at him, a weird expression on his features. When he saw the incredulous looks the chuunin was giving him, Gai explained himself.
"It is not that he is not a good person, it is just that my great rival Kakashi unfortunately is somewhat of a hermit, you could say. He actually has weird conceptions of social interactions, which does make befriending people more difficult for him. It is not something you could see right away, of course! Being the genius he is, he has found ways to hide his handicap. It took me ten years to realize it myself, and I am the Green beast of Konoha!" Gai burst out proudly. "I think Hokage-sama have noticed it, though. She is one perceptive woman! It is a great joy to have such a wonderful and energetic woman leading our marvellous village!"
"Social issues, you say...?"
"Yes. But you cannot blame him for it; Kakashi had a very troubling childhood," Gai answered him with a sorry tone - something very unusual coming from such a disturbingly positive man. "While I had to work hard to get as strong as I am, Kakashi was a genius from the start. It was hard for him, he had to grow up so fast... But with all my training and my intense work, I was able to surpass him! Out of 113 matches, I won 57!"
Gai was bragging about his power and his youthful spirit with enthusiasm again, but Iruka wasn't listening. He was thinking instead. Social issues? Could it mean...?
"Gai-sensei," the chuunin interrupted Gai in his rant. "By social issues, what do you mean? Does he has problem talking to people? Or does he... do unthinkable things without realizing he did something wrong?"
"Sometimes, he does. Most of the time, he acts like a normal person, though. But I'm glad to see that he finally found himself a kind-hearted friend like you, Iruka-sensei!"
"Friends? NO! No! I just..." Iruka burst out, looking for his words. "I just found him. On my way home."
"Oh! It figures... Too bad."
Then Gai and Iruka both remained silent, deep in thoughts. After a while, Gai sprand up again.
"I guess I will return home now! My bed is waiting for me! But not before a hundred push-ups and two hundred set ups! Training is the key of my youthful strength!" he flashed a smile at Iruka as he headed for the door. "I will try to come back again to see my rival so he doesn't feel too lonely! And I'll use this occasion to talk to him about our next competition! Good-bye, Iruka-sensei! It was really nice of you to have come here to visit Kakashi!" Gai gave him his brightest smile and left the hospital room.
After his departure, the room became quiet again. The quietness after the storm, the chuunin thought. Absent-mindedly, Iruka had noticed that Gai had used the word "weird" to describe Kakashi-san. How ironic to hear something like that out of Gai's mouth - Gai, of all people. He snorted at the thought.
Social issues... So that was it. Kakashi hadn't been lying at all from the start... He just hadn't known better, as incredible as it sounded. But then it meant that he had been wrong and had judged the man far too harshly. Frowning, the academy teacher felt guilt stir in him. It was after they had had that discussion where he misunderstood the jounin's strange explanations and punched him that Kakashi decided to take that mission…
In a kind of twisted way, it was his fault if the jounin was laying half-dead in that bed, covered in so many bandages that one could barely see his face.
Staring at the bandaged hand, the chuunin mused on how guilt was far worse than the doubts had been…
To be continued.