Chapter 9

Resentment and stubbornness

"This is the last time I repeat it," the brown-haired man let out slowly between clenched teeth as his razor blade slowly made his way across the man's left cheek, "Stop grimacing like that and stay still-"

"OUTCH!"

"I told you to stay still!"

Iruka frowned, trying to remain calm as he rapidly wiped the blood off the older man's cheek. Damn, why did the jounin always have to complicate everything? It was already tiring enough for both of them to go through this everyday, he didn't need to make it worse! How could he be so uncooperative? With Tsunade's medicine preventing him from moving, moreover? It was such a pain...!

It had already been three days since the jounin had been moved to Iruka's small apartment. And so far, Iruka could not say that Kakashi had been very cooperative; quite the opposite. He constantly refused to ask for the brown-haired man's help and when the academy teacher took care of him, he was rarely doing efforts to make his job easier. It was particularly painful to shave the man, since he kept on grimacing upon feeling Iruka's bare hands on his usually covered face, something he was obviously not at ease with. In fact, Iruka had noticed since the first day that the whole 'touching' thing seemed to disturb the Copy nin a lot - if his body muscles wouldn't be numb because of the Hokage's medicine, the chuunin was sure Kakashi would twitch every time he touched him and it annoyed him somehow. It was not like he was pleased himself to have to shave the jounin, hand-feed him and help him to go to the toilet anyway! The jounin didn't have to make it worse by looking disturbed by the whole thing!

It took a while for Iruka to understand that it was not the fact of being taken care of that made him grimace like that; his reluctance was caused by some kind of uneasiness Hatake Kakashi had with human contact. He came to that conclusion when he noticed the jounin got nervous not only when Iruka took care of him, but also when he stood to close to him or when he was watching unclothed areas of his body too closely – when Iruka had had to remove the man's last bandages, for example. Some would have said he was only prudish, but Iruka knew from the way he almost winced at being touched that it was probably more complex than that. With the man, it seemed to be always the case, the brown-haired chuunin thought wearily. It was his luck really, to be forced to take care of a man who had issues with human contact... Not that he minded much, but the way Kakashi reacted everytime he needed to enter his personal space was starting to annoy him. It wasn't like he was enjoying it anyway, he could stop making such a big deal out of it...! But even as he told himself that, he knew he was being unfair and irrational. It was not the Sharigan user's fault if he had such a problem, after all...

And Iruka guessed the whole situation itself only made things worse for Kakashi. A man had his pride and, given the situation, it was understandable that Kakashi wanted to preserve the little dignity he still had left. Under those circumstances and with what he had discovered about the man, Iruka understood that it was only natural for the Copy nin to sometimes unconsciously fight back Iruka's flagrant invasion in his privacy.

But it was frustrating nonetheless.

On the whole, Iruka had to admit living with Hatake Kakashi hadn't been too bad. And that by no means meant that it had been pleasant. Far from it. But it was not too bad either. Of course, taking care of the jounin was tiring and, most of the time, somewhat frustrating. But overall, the jounin had been surprisingly reserved so far. And, to his own surprise, Iruka had not snapped at the older man even once and had managed to keep his temper under control during those first three days. On the other hand, he had to admit the silver-haired man seemed to make extra efforts not to arise Iruka's anger, which probably helped a lot. When the jounin wasn't sleeping, he barely talked and spent most of his days staring at the ceiling blankly. While Iruka was quite sure it was the most boring way to spend a day, he did not complain because it meant he could take care of the man with minimal verbal exchanges. The chuunin guessed Kakashi didn't want to impose himself too much on him and was grateful for that; he did not want to have some stupid fight with the jounin, since the atmosphere between them was already... tense, at the very least.

And if Kakashi wanted to keep on staring at the ceiling all day long until he'd go crazy, Iruka wasn't going to stop him.

While he was washing the man's face to clear out the last traces of shaving cream, Iruka's mind wandered to his students, who were currently having their last day of class before the Holidays. How he wished he could be scolding them right now - because he knew very well that there was no point trying to teach them anything on the last day before the winter Holidays, they were far too excited to stay still. To some point, he felt a bit bad for the poor chuunin who had been asked to substitute for him, but he guessed it couldn't be helped. Ff he could, he'd switch positions with the unlucky chuunin and take care of the kids anytime anyway. Anytime.

When he was done washing the Copy nin's face, Iruka got to his feet and told the jounin he was coming back with his breakfast in a few minutes. Kakashi nodded faintly, his eyes set back on the ceiling and the brown-haired man went to the kitchen, where he started to prepare the man's breakfast quietly. Tsunade had given him a few suggestions of meals that could help the jounin to recover faster and Iruka followed those suggestions heartily, hoping to get rid of the Sharigan user as soon as possible. Even if it meant forcing him to drink cranberry juice three times a day.

A few minutes later, he came back to the guest room with a tray of food in his hands. In a resigned way, he put one arm around the jounin's waist and the other on his shoulder and lifted him carefully, helping the reluctant silver-haired man into a sitting position. The ambiance in the room was strangely tense as Iruka shifted Kakashi's pillows into a more comfortable position and settled the tray on top of the man's tights, both of them knowing what was coming. Then, silently, Iruka started to feed the jounin.

The Copy nin didn't complain – he never complained. But you could see in his lifeless eyes how degrading he thought it was to have another man forcing a spoonful of groats into his mouth repeatedly and, if he hadn't despised the man so much, Iruka might have pitied him.

After they were done with the groats, Iruka mopped Kakashi's mouth up and presented him an orange quarter that the man chewed dully, his eyes gazing blankly at the wall in a resigned way. For the following minutes, Iruka helped the man to eat his orange, the tense silence only broken by the chewing sounds coming from the man's mouth. When he was done, Iruka took the glass of cranberry juice and brought it to Kakashi's mouth. At the sight of the reddish liquid, the Copy nin grimaced slightly and Iruka could only guess he didn't enjoy much the cranberry mixture, but he couldn't care less about the man's tastes. If cranberry juice could help him to leave sooner, then he would drink cranberry juice, like it or not. Kakashi seemed to have understood his host's chain of thoughts because he didn't voice out his aversion for Iruka's choice of beverage and drank it docilely. When they were done, Iruka put the empty glass on the tray, sponged up again Kakashi's mouth and put his mask back on place – the jounin seemed to feel more at ease with it on and the chuunin didn't have the heart to deprive him of this little comfort.

Then Iruka left the room silently and went back to the kitchen, letting out a sight of relief as he put the tray on the counter. He was glad it was over; having to face the jounin like that always put him on the edge, even thought he wished it wouldn't. It annoyed him more than he cared to admit; he felt betrayed by his own body for feeling tense around the man all the time like that. Afterall, HE wasn't the one who should be feeling tense. He had apologized already, hadn't he? He'd done his part. It was stupid of him to feel uneasy like that around the jounin. Really stupid. At the thought, Iruka sighed bitterly, suddenly feeling angry with himself for caring in the first place.

Sometimes he wished he could be able to ignore him. To show him how he couldn't care less about him, how he despised him. To be superbly distant and cold toward him and show him, show him that he was just a piece of trash that didn't even deserve his attention. Yet everytime he longed for that coldness that wasn't his, he felt shameful for having such immature, revengeful thoughts. It wasn't like him to act so childishly, to wish to hurt someone else's pride purposely. But even though he tried to convince himself he didn't truly want to hurt the other man's feelings, he couldn't help but feel extremely smug at the thought of showing the Copy nin he didn't give a damn about him...

Iruka sighed once again with frustration, not exactly knowing if he was frustrated at the Sharigan user for confusing him or at himself for those treacherous and shameful feelings. Who was he kidding anyway? It was obvious he still had issues with Kakashi-sensei, there was no point trying to deny it. Issues he knew he would have to deal with alone this time... No Godaime to tell him which way to choose anymore. He sighed tiredly at the thought. Somehow, he doubted all that bitterness would ever go away...

As he was about to start washing the dishes, somebody knocked on the door. Recognizing at once his visitor's chakra signature, a ghost of a smile appeared on Iruka's lips. At once, he put down his towel and made him way to open the door to his favorite ex-student. The blond teen greeted him with his usual contagious cheerfulness, a broad smile on.

"Good morning, Iruka-sensei!"

"Hi Naruto," the chuunin greeted back with something close to his usual perk, motioning Naruto inside his small apartment. "What brings you here today?"

"Why? Do I need a reason to come and visit my favourite teacher?" the teen asked in a mock-indignant voice as he walked inside the apartment and removed his sandals. The chuunin raised an amused eyebrow at him and Naruto pouted a little. "Okay, I wanted to make sure you were fine since I've heard you've been on sickness leave for the past few days," Naruto explained rapidly, his hands up in the air in a defensive way. "But it comes down to the same thing, doesn't it?"

The chuunin let out an amused sigh, smiling at the cuteness of the young man's concern. "Pretty much," he concurred as he messed up the blonde's hair fondly. Naruto pouted at him and tried vainly to tame back his spiky hair to its usual mess and Iruka felt a wave of nostalgia hit him; to think that young, powerful man used to be just a child only a few years ago... Now, Naruto was nearly as tall as him and he didn't look anything like a boy anymore – if it was not for his still a bit boyish grins he sometimes flashed at him, remains of a bygone era, the chuunin mused sadly. Naruto was a man now... And he couldn't help but notice how he had grown to look just like the Fourth, although Iruka had never met the man.

"But you don't look sick to me," Naruto hazarded as he gave his ex-teacher a closer look.

"No, I'm not sick at all," the chuunin admitted as he motioned the young man toward the living room.

"Then why taking a sick leave?"

The chuunin was about to answer, but then he hesitated. What exactly did Naruto know about Kakashi-sensei's situation? The Hokage had probably warned Team 7 their team leader was hospitalized... But if she hadn't, she probably had a good reason not to, so Iruka didn't want to tell Naruto too much about his teacher's situation and whereabouts. Instead, he oriented the conversation toward another subject with the ease of someone who had spent years trying to distract armed children from destroying public property and cause random chaos.

"But why are YOU here? Aren't you supposed to be training with Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka asked on a fake amused voice, watching closely for the young man's reaction. At those words, Naruto grimaced, then hesitated a bit.

"Well... Obaa-san told us she didn't want too many people knowing, but I guess it's alright to tell you... Kakashi-sensei got injured on a mission. Badly."

"Really?" Iruka asked mildly. "What happened?"

"Well, she wouldn't tell us but from what I understood he's going to live through it. Although she said he wouldn't be able to go on a mission for three whole months," at those words, Naruto pouted sadly. "She said she would get us another team leader soon, but before she finds one she set us up with Gai-sensei's team. Gai-sensei! She was off her rockets on that one! I swear, the guy's a real nut-case! He's really creepy with his speeches about youth and vigor! Hell, I'm even having nightmares about him and his speeches! Last night I dreamed I was wearing Lee's green spandex suit and his orange leg-warmers and Gai-sensei was telling me to eat down the whole forest because trees would keep me strong and youthful! It was horrible - Tenten told me we'd get used to it soon, but I don't think I will. Neither will Sakura and Sasuke - Sasuke even started twitching at the end of the first day," he stressed, making it all too obvious he thought Sasuke twitching was worth at least a 9.5 on 10 on a disturbing scale.

"Don't judge Gai-sama so harshly," he mildly scolded the teen. "Maito Gai is one of Konoha's finest nin."

"Oh, I don't doubt his skills or his competence – the guy's a real beast! - I'm just doubting his mental health," Naruto gave him a foxy, boyish grin. "I never thought I'd say that but I can't wait to have Kakashi-sensei back! We went to the hospital to, you know, cheer him up a bit, but he really didn't look like his usual self. Anyway, the old hag-" out of reflex, Iruka whacked his ex-student behind the head.

"-the Hokage- threw us out – she said that we were too loud and that we were disturbing her patients! Really, can you believe that?" the teen asked indignantly and Iruka honestly could, although he didn't admit it to his ex-pupil.

"Anyway, we sneaked back into the hospital a few days later and guess what? Kakashi-sensei was gone! We went to ask the ol- the Hokage where she had put him, but then she threw a fit at us because we sneaked back in the hospital - she was so pissed she wouldn't even tell us where they had moved him to," Naruto finally said on a mildly indignant tone and Iruka inwardly smiled, amused by the somewhat predictable story - trust something like that to happen to Team seven. Then the chuunin suddenly felt a bit uneasy; after what he's heard, he didn't know exactly how he was supposed to tell the blond teen his teacher was in his guest room and probably had heard their whole discussion. But he couldn't give it more thought because his ex-pupil soon started speaking again.

"Speaking of which, have you talked to Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked in his best casual voice, but somehow Iruka couldn't help thinking there was a hint of something else in his voice. Like concern. For a moment, the academy teacher stared at him, not knowing exactly what that question was about. He was about to ask the teen what he meant when he suddenly remembered the discussion he had had with the blonde two weeks ago, when his ex-student had discovered he had issues with the Copy nin and had advised him to talk his problems over with the silver-haired man. The chuunin tensed at the realization of what the teen meant to talk about; it was not the moment to talk his issues with the silver-haired man so casually - the said man was only a few meters away, listening to the whole thing! But of course, Naruto had no clue. "Would you like a cup of tea? Or maybe-"

"Don't change the subject," Naruto cut him reproachfully. "I'm not stupid, I know there's something wrong going on. You should seriously talk it over with him, he's not a bad person, he's just a bit weird-"

"Naruto-" Iruka tried to cut him, half-scolding, half-pleading.

"I'm sure if you'd talk it over with him-"

"I'd appreciate it if you could stop talking like I'm not there."

The jounin's lazy voice startled both of them. At once, Naruto's eyes widened in a very amusing way and before Iruka could say anything, the teen was already dashing to the guest room. Iruka sighed and followed him a bit warily, not knowing exactly if he was supposed to be glad or disgruntled by the man's interruption. Sure enough, it had efficiently shut Naruto up, but now the whole situation seemed even more awkward to the brown-haired chuunin.

When he reached Kakashi's room, he found Naruto standing at the doorway, gaping at his teacher. Lying on the bed, the Copy nin bore his trademark unconcerned expression.

"And I'll let you know that I'm not weird, I'm original," the man added for good measure, his eye curving happily at the blond teen, who gaped some more at him. After a moment, Naruto finally seemed to overcome the initial shock and raised his forefinger at him in an accusing way.

"What the hell are YOU doing here!" he burst out indignantly, as if he considered lying on his ex-teacher's guest room bed should be a crime punishable by law. The jounin didn't answer, he merely looked bored again. Naruto's eyes jerked madly toward Iruka, then back on the silver-haired man to finally return to gaze at his ex-teacher's scarred face in a puzzled way.

"What is HE doing here?" he asked the brown-haired man, confusion and indignation marred on his face. Iruka massaged his temple tiredly, wondering what he had done to deserve all those things happening to him...

"The Hokage asked me to take care of Kakashi-sensei until he's able to return home," he explained quietly to the gaping teen, his eyes avoiding the said man. "Sorry I didn't tell you at once."

Naruto stared at him dumbly, then his eyes moved repeatedly from one man to the other, a mildly worried look on his slightly boyish face. Then he turned his head toward Iruka and gave him a cautious glance.

"You... you haven't done anything bad to him, have you?" the blonde whispered slowly, giving his ex-teacher an evaluating look.

"Naruto!" Iruka roared indignantly, highly insulted. What did he think he was, a seven year old! He wasn't that immature! How could he even suggest he could go as far as to get his revenge out of a wounded man he had been asked by the Godaime to take care of? Of course, the idea had crossed his mind once or twice - or maybe a bit more - but he would never act upon it!

"Okay, okay," the teen said defensively, "I just wanted to make sure, no need to get all pissed about it!"

Turning toward the bed-ridden man, Naruto's face lit up with a smile and he burst out happily, telling the jounin loudly how he had been looking for him in the past days, even though the silver-haired man had obviously already heard the story minutes ago. Iruka relaxed slightly at the predictable reaction, the usual flood of words somehow reassuring him. But the academy teacher wasn't listening to what the blonde was babbling about, thinking over what had just happened instead. As annoyed as he was at the blond for thinking so lowly of him, the chuunin also felt a bit guilty; true, he hadn't been mean with the silver-haired man, but one couldn't say he had been nice either.

"… then Sakura beat the hell out of Lee for implying Sasuke loved her less than him and Sasuke managed to escape," Naruto finally said, laughing happily. "To think Lee was complimenting her too! Sakura should definitely date him; he's the only guy I know who's crazy enough to get beaten up by her frequently and still try to convince her to go out with him - speaking of which," the blond teen's head sprang toward the tanned chuunin and the man's attention went back to his ex-student at once. "You know what? People started asking me to get a date for them with you! Crazy, heh? There was even that girl who was all friendly with me yesterday, talking to me like I was her future son or something and buying me ramen… Can you imagine that?" Naruto teased his ex-teacher, laughing heartily.

At those words, Iruka frowned; he felt mildly indignant that someone had dared sinking so low as to try to use Naruto to get closer to him. "Naruto, that's not funny…"

"Yeah, I know; you should have seen Sasuke's reaction when he heard her," the ramen-lover sobered up at the mere memory, "He was so pissed, it was scary... I've hardly even seen him so mad before."

An easy silence ensued, none of the three men willing to try to find something else to say next; the image of an angry Sasuke was strong enough that none of them felt the need to comment on it. But soon enough, that silence started to make Iruka tense for an unexplainable reason; the whole situation felt wrong somehow. Naruto and him, standing there in total silence... with the Copy nin a few feet away from them... It was wrong. Iruka wanted to to break the awkward silence, but he had no idea what to say. Naruto seemed to sense the tension in the room too, because he started to eye his teachers a bit nervously.

"So, huh... Have you talked your issues over?" the blond teen finally asked them and Iruka twitched nervously, inwardly feeling both annoyed and angry with his ex-pupil. And he had thought it couldn't get any worse...! Damn that Naruto and his curiousness... Why did he have to bring up that subject again? Couldn't he see that he was uneasy with it? That he didn't want to talk about it - especially not with Kakashi around...!

"Naruto-" he began warningly, but the jounin cut him.

"Yes, we have."

Iruka's eyes widened at the jounin's answer and his eyes found the wounded man on their own; the silver-haired man was looking at his student neutrally, carefully avoiding the chuunin's eyes. What was he saying? Was he trying make the blonde shut up and drop the subject already or was he attempting to cover him up? Or maybe he seriously thought they had; it's true that they talked about what had happened twice already - when Kakashi apologized and at the hospital. But Iruka hardly thought those discussions were alike to what Naruto had in mind; what the teen implied was to sit down and share deeper thoughts and feelings freely together, something Iruka had never done with the Copy nin and didn't think he would be able to do any time soon. He had problems figuring out how he felt toward the man and most of the time was both frustrated and ashamed of the thoughts that crossed his mind; sharing them with the jounin was out of question. Naruto also seemed a bit surprised by the man's unexpected reply.

"Really? But... You don't seem to have settled anything to me."

"It's not everything that can be solved by talking things over, Naruto," Iruka replied softly, fully thinking what he was saying. Naruto stared at them quietly, frowning. A tense silence ensued, the two man staring at opposite directions a bit awkwardly. Nobody knew what to add; in fact, there was nothing else to say.

"Ah, I know!" the blond teen burst out all of a sudden, startling the two men. "We should have a Christmas party!"

Kakashi and Iruka stared at him as if he had just grown a second head.

"Yeah, you know, together," Naruto explained joyfully, "Team seven and you guys! I'm sure it'll cheer you up!"

Iruka grimaced when he cached up to what Naruto had meant, not truly convinced. Having a Christmas party? With Kakashi-sensei? Somehow that didn't sound like a good idea to him... Cross that out, it WASN'T a good idea. But before he could even voice out his objection, Naruto had started talking again.

"Oh, come on! It's gonna be fun!" the teen pleaded loudly. "Besides, I bet you don't want to spend Christmas alone together, right? Right? It's settled, then! I've gotta tell Sakura, she'll be thrilled - and I'll find a way to convince Sasuke to come too, it's gonna be awesome-"

Naruto rambled on for a few minutes, obviously excited at the prospect of throwing a small party at his ex-teacher's place. Iruka wanted to object but he didn't have the heart to put an end to Naruto's joy. At any rate, he knew he didn't even have the choice anymore, seeing how Naruto seemed determined to throw a Christmas party in his living room. Anyway, he guessed that it wouldn't be too bad - Naruto had a point; spending Christmas alone with the Sharigan user wasn't something he was looking forward to. But it didn't mean he was up for a party either... The chuunin inwardly sighed at the thought. But then again, it was not like he had the choice anymore...

When Naruto started talking about how they could make a real Christmas tree pass through his door, Iruka tried to see things in a positive way; at least, spending some time with the blonde would probably cheer him up. And it's been a while since the last time he had a word with Sasuke and Sakura, he'd have the occasion to talk with his ex-students. Hopefully, Christmas wouldn't be too painful...

At least, he wouldn't be alone this year for Christmas this year.

To be continued