Chapter 13

Brandon and Diana

A few days had passed by since Christmas. Kakashi didn't know how many - he only had a vague idea of how long he'd been caught in Iruka's guest room bed. Eight? Nine? Maybe ten days? The man sighed with frustration at the thought: under normal circumstances, he'd have no problem telling how long he'd been there, or what hour it might be, for instance. Being aware of those kind of things was a second nature to him; as the trained nin he was, it usually came to him naturally. But ever since he had been hospitalized, his brain seemed to have been having some difficulty with time perception in general. And he hated it. It made him feel lost and helpless not to be able to tell what hour it was when he woke up in the morning. And more importantly, how many days were left before he'd be able to go back home.

Maybe his time perception problem had something to do with the fact that his sleeping pattern was still troubled, as he spent most of his days sleeping - although he noticed with some satisfaction that he had stopped sleeping more than fifteen hours a day lately. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was hard to tell hours apart when the only thing you could do to entertain yourself was to stare at the ceiling. But things had changed recently, Kakashi reminded himself; he now had a television. It was a great change too - time seemed to pass less agonizingly slowly now that he had something to busy his mind on.

It was not the only thing that had changed. Lately, the Copy nin had noticed that Iruka and him were getting along better than before. It was not much, but they were less tense around each other. They even talked together sometimes. Of course, one could argue about whether or not commenting on the dinner menu could be considered a conversation, but still. To Kakashi, it was an improvement. He felt responsible enough for the man's sorrow that any kind of improvement of his mood was more than welcome. Besides, if Iruka-sensei's mood was improving in general, it could only be a good thing for him as well, right?

As to why there was less tension between them, it was a real wonder to the silver-haired man. Because in the past few days, Iruka had been barricading himself in his apartment. Logically, since the academy teacher hated him, confining himself into his apartment with him 24 hours per day should have made the chuunin at least a bit grumpier than usual. Logically. But instead of that, Iruka was more relaxed around him and his mood seemed to have improved. It was beyond Kakashi's understanding. Not rational at all. And he liked it when things were rational. But then again, it seemed as if nothing was rational when it came to Umino Iruka...

Indeed, there were a lot of things about Iruka-sensei that Hatake Kakashi didn't understand. In fact, it seemed that the more time he spent around the man, the less he understood him. For example, the jounin had no idea why, all of a sudden, the brown-haired man had decided to shut himself up in his apartment like that. He wouldn't leave home even to do the grocery - when he needed to buy something, he called Naruto and asked him to do it for him, a request the blond teen complied to eagerly in exchange of tickets for free ramen. Even though he was curious about that strange new behaviour, Kakashi hadn't dared questioning his caretaker about it; he didn't want to jeopardize the slight improvement in their relationship. It seemed pretty obvious to him that Iruka didn't want to talk about it anyway, so he didn't bring up the subject. But the jounin knew that there was something going on. Or at least he came to that conclusion when people started to knock at Iruka's front door and that the chuunin resolutely feigned not to hear their loud knocking. Kakashi understood that there was definitely something important going on when people -from the sound of it, Anko and Kurenai were part of the gang- started to hammer Iruka's door in turn and yell at the chuunin through it, sometimes together, to try to force Iruka to answer them. Some tried to work their way in by the windows but unfortunately for them, the provident chuunin had them well-closed and trapped. At some point, they even started bickering together on Iruka's porch, using a variety of insults that impressed the jounin - he knew that Anko's insults were colourful, but was pleasantly surprised to discover that Kurenai didn't give her place either. But it got even more interesting when Iruka's outraged neighbours joined in; Kakashi had no idea that the middle-aged woman living in the apartment below Iruka's could make such an original use of the word "goat".

Obviously, those people, whoever they were, didn't know well the school teacher - because Umino Iruka wasn't one to be rushed or pushed around. The louder they knocked, the firmer became Iruka's resolution not to let them in. But after three days of loud, annoying knockings, yells and neighbour telephone calls, the academy teacher snapped. He opened the door and screamed at the top of his lungs that he didn't care about their New Year Eve parties and that if they dared to say one more word about it, their toungues would have the occasion to met with his kunai set and be stuffed where the sun doesn't shine. Well okay, he didn't quite phrase it that nicely, but that was the general idea. When the chuunin stopped yelling, the porch was miraculously silent again and Iruka slammed the door shut in their faces, satisfied.

Kakashi was quite glad he hadn't been one of the reckless jerks standing in front of Iruka's door at that precise moment because he knew only too well how scary the chuunin could become when he was angry. Most people thought that Umino Iruka was a patient, mild-mannered and mostly harmless man, but the rare people who truly knew him knew better than to make him loose patience. Obviously, those people, whoever they were, learned their lesson because they never came again to harass Iruka about New Year Eve parties or whatever what it had all been about. Well, it wasn't exactly true. Anko still came several times a day to Iruka's afterward, still trying to convince the brown-haired man to let her in. But as Kakashi - and the whole neighbourhood - soon discovered, it was not to invite the chuunin to her party, but rather to invite him to the restaurant, to the bar, to see a movie... and fuck senselessly after it of course - or in the middle of it if it turned him on, she didn't mind doing it in public, she had assured him boldly through the door. It was a shame really that Kakashi was confined to bed, because he would have loved to be able to sneak a peek at Iruka's face when the purple-haired woman cruised him from his porch - especially when she started to evoke all the "possibilities" his teacher status meant. Was his tanned face bright red from embarrassment or, on the contrary, was it drained from its color from mortification at the thought of Anko lusting after him? The Copy nin, alas, never found out... He found the whole thing highly entertaining though. It was almost as distracting as reading Icha Icha Paradise.

Kakashi missed his porn. He really missed it. Never, not even in his wildest dreams, had he imagined that he would become this dependent of it. It was probably because he knew the new sequel was there, laying on the working desk on his left, waiting to be read, that he longed for it so much. To think that there were only two meters separating him from knowing if the hero was going to be able to seduce the sexy blond-haired nurse he had met at the end of chapter 11... and if his brother would be able to finally free himself from the horny amazons who had captured him in tome 16. The bed-ridden jounin sighed at the thought. If only the book would be out of sight... But noooo, its rigid, shiny orange cover was right there in front of his eyes, as subtle as an elephant with a pink ballet skirt in the middle of the mission room. The silver-haired man sometimes wondered if Iruka had put it there on purpose, to torture him... If he did, then Ibiki should definitely consider hiring the man because it damn worked.

For understandable reasons, the jounin hadn't dared to ask his caretaker to help him reading his brand new novel - if the way the chuunin had reacted when Naruto had given him the Icha Icha was any indication, it was as likely to happen as Maito Gai was to develop some sense of fashion. Plus, he didn't want to jeopardize the slight improvement in their relationship simply for a pornographic novel - as tempting as the said novel could be. So the whole subject was not brought up, and the shiny Icha Icha Paradise tome 18 continued to tease him from the corner of his eye on the working desk, along with the box of sweets Sakura had given him.

Fortunately, with the television Iruka had brought him a few days ago, he had something to busy his mind on that allowed him to temporarily forget how alluring his brand new Icha Icha was. Having a television was a good thing, even if he could only tune in two channels and that he had to ask Iruka to change them for him. Not that he often changed channels anyway, as the community channel was so depressing that he almost preferred watching the ceiling. At least, one couldn't expect a ceiling to be entertaining, so there was no chance of being disappointed there. So he stuck to the only other available channel, which programs were generally lacking of mentally stimulating elements but were at least a bit diverting. Kakashi only wished Catherina would stop crying all the time over Brad, the guy was such a jerk. And a coward too - no real man would do something like that to a woman. The guy seriously needed to have a kunai stuck in his throat, Kakashi mused as he watched with boredom a ridiculously enthusiastic woman ranting about the wonders about a potato-peeling plastic machine.

Somehow, the jounin had managed to get engrossed with those stupid soap operas playing in the afternoon, much to his horror. To think that he had nothing else to look forward to all day long than those lousy shows with their crappy decors and horrible acting... It was really pathetic. Kakashi kept on telling himself that this sudden interest in soap operas was due to the extreme boredom to which he had been confronted - after staring at the ceiling for one week straight mourning over one's mistakes, anything was enthralling. Even those horrible soap operas. But even though he told himself that, he had not missed to notice how he watched them with shameful passion - a passion even extreme boredom could not explain. And much to his regret, Iruka seemed to have noticed it as well. He had at first hoped that the brown-haired man wouldn't notice it, but who was he kidding; how could his sudden addiction to soap operas have gone unnoticed to the chuunin? Iruka was a ninja; he was trained to notice things. And he hardly could have missed something thisobvious...

Kakashi felt embarrassed at that thought; it was already belittling enough to love soap operas, he didn't need Umino Iruka, of all people, to know about it! What could the chuunin possibly think of him now that he knew that the Great Hatake Kakashi was hooked up on such lousy shows? He didn't even want to think about it... But although the jounin tried to push that thought in the back of his mind, a small annoying voice kept on telling him that his caretaker probably found it highly amusing to see the Copy nin sinking as low as to listen to soap opera like some old retired woman. And enjoying it. More than anything, that was what humiliated him. The thought of Iruka making fun of him. Mocking him. Despising him.

It humbled the jounin, but he guessed he preferred Iruka making fun of him than Iruka yelling at him, staring at him coldly or even simply ignoring his whole existence.

Definitely, Iruka laughing of him was a good thing.

God, he hoped the chuunin wouldn't tell Team 7, because they wouldn't let him live it down. Just imagining their reaction was making him shiver. But he had no way of stopping the academy teacher from telling them - he had no real blackmail material against the man. And even if he had some, he would never dare to use it; after what he had done to him, Kakashi imagined that it would be only natural for Iruka to have a go at him if he wanted to. All the same, the knowledge that Iruka was now possessing blackmail material against him while he had none on the chuunin was bothering him a little... Okay, it bothered him a lot, but it was not like he had his say about it anyway.

Nervously, the silver-haired man passed in review all the blackmail material he had against his students - just in case the word of his new found taste for soap opera would reach their ears. He didn't need to worry about Sasuke; his knowledge of the young man's secret taste for romance novels would positively convince Sasuke to keep quiet about his own laughable tastes. Naruto wasn't a problem either; he remembered very well of a blond-haired genin, a dog and bottle of peanut butter, and without any doubt Naruto remembered about it as well. As for Sakura, Kakashi knew things wouldn't be as easy. He could always threaten her to tell Sasuke that she had recently gone on a date with Lee - which was true, even if the pink-haired teen wouldn't admit it under torture - but even by his own standards, it was low. He would have to find something else...

His chain of thoughts was interrupted when he heard the now familiar song announcing the next instalment of his favourite soap opera and all thoughts of blackmail material were flown out of the window, Kakashi's attention going to the small television screen. The episode started off in the Lloys' family mansion with Brandon and Kelly - Kakashi wondered if it was humanly possible to have this much hair gel in one's hair for a fraction of a second, but he soon forgot about it as Brandon announced Kelly he loved twin sister Diana. At least! It was about time; the guy had been cheating on her for three episodes already. And they were supposed to get married in five days too. The bastard. Not that Kelly was any better; Kakashi didn't understand how Bridget could forgive her for stealing her fiancé and ruining her father's company like that. And there was many clues linking her with Richardson's death too... But Kakashi couldn't help thinking that the real culprit was Brad. He didn't know why, he had a feeling that the brunette millionaire was hiding something to inspector Dallas.

The jounin was so engrossed in the show that he didn't even notice Iruka silently coming into the room. He almost had a heart-attack when the chuunin coughed discreetly beside him to get his attention. Adverting his gray eye to the brown-haired man standing a mere foot away from him, Kakashi fought back a blush - he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed the man's obvious presence and had been caught off guard. Once again. Damn.

"How are you feeling?" the chuunin asked with a straight face - if he found the man's laughable addiction to soap operas amusing, he sure didn't let it show.

"Fine," Kakashi answered soberly, his cheeks still feeling a bit warmer than usual. It really was in moments like those that the Copy nin fully appreciated all the advantages of wearing a mask.

"That's good."

Both man stared at each other silently, not knowing what to say to each other. Both wanting to break the silence but not feeling the need to add anything else. Those awkward moments seemed to take place more frequently than before, become slowly part of their daily routine. Kakashi wondered sometimes if Iruka came to check on his health because he was bored out of his mind or if his short visits were in fact attempts to start a discussion with him. If it was the latter, then he wasn't being really helpful. Not that he had any idea about what they could talk about: he still remembered painfully the one and only time he had tired - and failed miserably at - having a conversation with the chuunin. If talking about the weather counted as a real conversation. The weather...

They stared at each other for a while, the sound of the television filling the room in the background. When Kelly's particularly pronounced cry came to his ears, the jounin couldn't help switching his attention back to the small television. And it was just in time too, since mere seconds later the blonde announced dramatically that she was pregnant. To say that Brandon was shocked was an understatement. Or at least that's what one could understand from the sound of the music, because it didn't show much on his face due to the actor's laughable lack of talent.

"Wasn't he going out with the other blonde?" Iruka asked with slight confusion, as he was too watching Brandon's reaction.

"Yeah, he's dating Diana but he's engaged to her twin sister Kelly," Kakashi explained quickly, devouring the screen with his uncovered eye. "But I don't think Kelly's pregnant of him; she's been seeing David for the past four episodes already. Anyway the doctor said after her third miscarriage that she wouldn't be able to fall pregnant ever again, so she might just be lying about it."

His explanation was followed by a silence covered by the sound of Diana and Catherina's discussion, as the scene was now featuring the two women arguing in the lounge. As the blonde was about to finally tell her arch rival that they were in fact half-sisters, the sound of the woman's annoying voice suddenly died, the screen turning black. Kakashi blinked, stunned. What had happened to the television? Could it be a power breakdown? Or maybe the thing broke? That was his luck, really. Right in the middle of his favourite show. What a lack of timing!

Reluctantly glancing back at the brown-haired man, Kakashi's mouth dropped when he noticed the chuunin beside him was holding the remote control in his outstretched hand, pointing it toward the television in an unmistakable way. No! That couldn't be!

"Hey!" the silver-haired man whined loudly. But Iruka totally ignored him, slowly putting down the remote back on the bed table as if he hadn't even heard him. Kakashi couldn't help but stare at the man helplessly, like a child whose favourite toy had been taken away in front of his eyes. The jounin wanted to protest, to say something, but he could only gape at the younger man silently, feeling betrayed. Was that Iruka's idea of revenge? Getting him addicted to lousy soap operas and then remove them from him just as Catherina announced Brad she was firing him and that Kelly discovered her fiancé was cheating on her with her sister? Icha Icha and now this?

When Iruka looked up, his brown eyes met with the bed-ridden man's and at the sight of the disconcerted man, a mix of sadness and mild amusement appeared on his features, to Kakashi's amazement.

"Why did you do that?" Kakashi asked weakly, feeling at a loss for some reason. The chuunin didn't answer right away: he stared at the Copy nin for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Because I think it's better that way for you."

"But!" the jounin protested with agitation, suddenly feeling more outraged than helpless, "I'm not moving! See? Not moving!"

Iruka sighed heavily and somehow Kakashi was under the impression that the man was feeling pity for him - that, or that he was trying his best not to snap at him.

"It's just... that I don't think it would advisable for you to watch programs such as those. Those soap operas are so fake they're laughable and I wouldn't want you to start thinking of them as - hum - every day life situations."

Once again, Kakashi could only gape at the chuunin, incredulous. So that was why he was deprived of his daily dose of Sunset Hill? Because Iruka feared he would take those stories seriously? Who did that man think he was, a six year-old?

"But I know - no woman could fall pregnant so often, it's obvious."

Iruka stared at the jounin, looking taken aback by the man's answer. He blinked once, twice, and then his face twisted in one of the weirdest expression Kakashi had ever seen.

"Err-" the academy teacher rubbed the nape of his neck with his right hand, looking a bit reluctant to speak out his mind. "I'm afraid it's more complex than that, Kakashi-sensei."

At those words, the chuunin turned on his heels, intenting to leave. Kakashi gaped at him, incredulous. That was all? He was shutting down his TV and leaving like that? For no reason?

"B-But!" the silver-haired man called back, "How am I gonna find out if Diana loves Brad? And if Lucy is going to survive her car accident?"

Iruka paused and slowly turned his head around. He gave the impotent man another strange look and then, for some mysterious reason, the corner of his lips twitched upward. Snorting softly to himself, the chuunin didn't answer and left without looking back, to Kakashi's bewilderment.

The ex-Anbu stared at the corridor Iruka had disappeared into for a moment, incredulous. It took him a few minutes to fully realize what had just happened. He didn't have a clue why things turned out that way, but there was one thing that, after fifteen minutes of reflection, seemed obvious to him. And it was that there was no more television and that he wasn't about to have it back. Which meant...

Back to staring at the ceiling.

Oh joy.

After twenty minutes of pure boredom, the silver-haired man had to admit he had forgotten just how DULL staring at the ceiling was. There couldn't possibly be a worse way to spend a day. To think he had spent a whole week with nothing else to entertain himself or look forward to than that plain, white ceiling. And Iruka's visits. Kakashi sighed at the thought. Made him almost wish that Anko would show up to annoy Iruka again: at least, there wouldn't be this unbearable silence. How could Iruka put up with silence like that all day long? Oh right, he could read books. Damn lucky bastard. What a pain...

And it was even more of a torture with that shiny, bright orange cover teasing him on the desk. Only two meters away from him... No, don't think about it, the jounin kept on telling himself. Think of something else. Anything else... Kakashi sighed again, feeling defeated.

At least now he had all his time to find something to blackmail Sakura with.

To be continued. Please review!