Wow, a fast update. And I'm supposed to be studying for my exams too. I guess I was feeling inspired - but to say the truth, this chapter is rather bad. Up to my standards anyway. I planned to make it twice longer but in the end I decided to be nice and cut it so that I could update faster. Aww, ain't I nice?
More than usual, this chapter is probably full of mistakes - there is a rather awkward narrative moment in the middle of the story and I'm not sure about my verb tenses. Anyone, don't be shy to point out my mistakes if you run into them.
For those of you who wished me to get better, I'm glad to inform you that I'm currently winning over my cold. Thanks for your support!
As usual, enjoy and please leave reviews!
Chapter 15
Of Porn Novels - Part I
"Hn... what about Lily?"
"No."
"Pussy?"
"No."
"Neko-chan, then? It'd be nice, wouldn't it?"
"No."
"Hey, I know, I know! Let's call her r-"
"Naruto, for the sixth time, we're not calling her ramen."
Leaning on the guestroom's doorway, Iruka chuckled under his breath at the cute scene before his eyes. The two inert kittens he had picked up a few days ago were not so inert anymore, happily exploring Kakashi's bed as fast as their short legs allowed them to and randomly using the Copy nin's covered feet as chewtoys. Around the bed stood Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura, who were watching the two playful furballs devour Kakashi's feet while arguing over the names that should be given to them with a seriousness that reminded Iruka of his seven year-olds when they had to choose a name for the class's guinea pig. The brown-haired man couldn't help but smile at the heart-warming scene, yet such a sight made him feel nostalgic - he remembered a time, not so long ago, when the three teens were still young and innocent, the only preoccupation on their mind being the next exam they had to study for... But the three teens were hardly seven year-olds anymore, if Sasuke and Naruto's height - they were both nearly as tall as him - and Sakura's generous curves were any indications. Time passed by so fast...
"Why not? It's a cool name!"
"We're not naming a cat after fast food," Sasuke said sternly as he let the black-haired kitten play with his outstretched hand.
"I agree with Sasuke-kun," Sakura nodded seriously, glancing lovingly at the raven-haired young man, "We have to give them proper names!"
"'Figures, you always agree with Sasuke," Naruto murmured under his breath, and from the nasty look the pink-haired teen gave him, he would have earned himself a nice bruise behind the head if Sakura hadn't wanted to make a good impression in front of her ex-teacher. But the blond teen didn't seem to mind - he seemed to have gotten used to the kunoichi's glares and punches over the years. Or, more accurately, he seemed to have long gotten over his crush for the green-eyed girl.
"What about the gray one?" Iruka asked playfully, "Have you found a name for that one yet?"
Sakura nodded, smiling with a somewhat childish enthusiasm that made her look much younger. "We're still hesitating over Furball, Mouse and Dust."
"And Chopsticks!" Naruto added with a goofy smile.
"I thought we already went through this," Sakura scolded her teammate, "we're not calling him chopsticks, for God's sake!"
"Hey, it's not a fast food name now, isn't it?" Naruto replied stubbornly and Sakura let out a sigh of frustration. In his corner, Sasuke could be seen rolling his eyes with annoyance, but it wasn't clear if he was most exasperated at the ramen-obsessed teen or the bossy kunoichi. If Iruka had to take a wild guess, he'd say it was both.
"Naruto, there's no point trying to teach them a name yet if their owner decide to change their names because they're too stupid," Sakura pointed out dryly, crossing her arms.
"They're not stupid!"
"Yes, they are!"
"So you still haven't found owners for them yet?" Sasuke asked the academy teacher in what Iruka clearly understood to be an attempt to escape a fifth argument about whether or not Naruto's names were stupid.
"I'm afraid not," Iruka sighed, "I've called everyone I know, but nobody's interested in taking care of a cat, especially kittens this young. Of course I could announce it in the paper or something... but I don't want to make it, er, too public..." the chuunin trailed on, rubbing his neck with mild embarrassment.
"Good thinking, with all those crazy people stalking you! We wouldn't want you to end up with bad owners, nee, ramen?" Naruto asked playfully the black kitten, who was still engrossed with Sasuke's thumb.
"We're not calling her ramen."
"Why don't you just drop them at the pet shop?" the kunoichi suggested politely, "Surely enough they would take good care of them and find them decent owners."
"Er, well..." Iruka looked away uneasily, inwardly cursing his bad luck. He had hoped they wouldn't bring the subject altogether, but it seemed his hopes had been vain. But before he could even come up with a plausible lie, the Copy nin spoke up.
"Because the place's owner said he'd accept them only if Iruka-sensei dated his sister," Kakashi answered flatly and Naruto and Sakura burst out laughing. Even Sasuke could be seen smiling slightly in his corner at the answer. From the threshold, Iruka felt his cheeks heating up with embarrassment; this was exactly what he had wanted to avoid to start with...
"I didn't know sensei was this popular!" Sakura giggled, her eyes glinting with sudden interest - Iruka guessed it was the gossiper in her who was already feasting up on that information.
"Iruka-sensei is so popular people are fighting over him!" Naruto joked loudly, a comment that made the chuunin smirk darkly, since the blond teen didn't seem to realize how right he was on that one.
"Well thank you for your discretion, Kakashi-sensei," the chuunin said with sarcasm, giving him a half-hearted glare. Under normal circumstances, he might have felt annoyed at the man for revealing that small piece of information he wanted to keep for himself, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to feel angry with the Copy nin. Not with the way it happened. He still remembered vividly how the jounin found out about it...
The petshop owner first had told him that he couldn't take the kittens since he didn't have enough room for them. The brown-haired man had frowned, pointing out that there were no cats in sale. Then the owner had served him a stream of rather pathetic excuses about how he's had to take care of his little nephew ever since his sister had lost her husband in a mission the previous summer and when the academy teacher had thought that there was no point trying to convince the man, the owner started telling him that he might do him a favour if he did him one in return.
When Iruka had caught on what the man implied, he had first thought he was pulling a bad joke on him. Nobody in their right mind would try to blackmail him into dating someone, right? But as it soon became clear that the owner wasn't joking, Iruka had felt so indignant that he had turned around and left the place without even saying a word. And it was a good thing too because he hadn't quite trusted himself not to snap at the middle-aged man back then. He had then stormed home angrily, feeling murderous as he recalled all the ridiculous things that kept happening to him ever since that stupid dating affair had started, anger spreading through him like wildfire. Once he had reached his apartment, the chuunin had violently slammed his front door shut to take out some of that frustration, but it seemed to have only made matters worse, leaving him boiling with fury. Anger blinding him, his feet had led him to the guest room and before he even knew it he had been standing in front of the Copy nin, glancing at him darkly, feeling ready to take out his anger and his spite on the silver-haired man. The invalid jounin had stared back at him with astonishment and upon seeing the jounin's innocent surprise, Iruka had managed to bite back his anger.
The academy teacher had good reasons to hate the silver-haired man, yet that hadn't felt right. It had nothing to do with Hatake Kakashi, Iruka had told himself, so he had to act like a mature man and keep Hatake Kakashi out of this. With all the restraint he could muster, Iruka had put the box containing the kittens on the corner of the bed and was about to leave the guest room, intending on putting on his traning kit and heading for the training ground where he could get rid of his frustration, when the jounin, the so-called genius Hatake Kakashi did something incredibly stupid.
"Iruka-sensei, is there something wrong?"
That was the last straw. Iruka had felt something snap in him at those words and the next thing he knew, he was vomiting all his anger on the Copy nin. Screaming incoherently about arrogant pet shop owners, crazy middle-aged women throwing apples at each others and clingy and opportunist women stalking him as soon as he stepped out of his apartment like he was something special. Ranting about how all this attention was driving him mad, putting his nerves on the edge every time he felt their eyes on him. Shouting about all those egoist jerks who didn't give a shit about who he was and what he wanted, about how he'd had enough to be a good guy. Screaming so loudly that he was quite sure his voice could be heard three blocks away, but he didn't care. The only thing that had seemed to matter at that precise moment had been to let out all that frustration he'd been repressing for weeks.
The brown-haired man had screamed and screamed until he couldn't find anything to scream about anymore. He had then panted for air, suddenly feeling himself deflating. That was when the harsh reality had fallen on him as he realized with a start he had been venting his all frustration and resentment for the past week on Kakashi. At once, the chuunin felt something sink inside of him; he couldn't believe he had snapped like that... How immature. And in front of Hatake Kakashi, too; to an important and powerful nin such as him, such issues probably seemed pretty irrelevant. Childish, even. Iruka had then realized how much his previous outburst had been alike to a spoiled kid's little tantrum and even though he hadn't thought it was possible, his heart had sunk even lower.
At that precise moment, Umino Iruka had wanted to hide from embarrassement and shame. His bed had seemed like a good option; hell, even the wardrobe would have been good option back then. But the little pride he still had left ordered him to stay there and wait for the jounin to denigrate him or just tell him that he couldn't care less about Iruka's childish insecurities and hurt self-esteem, like he had every right to.
To his surprise, those words had never come. Instead, the jounin had said only one thing.
"Feeling better now?"
The chuunin had stared at the Sharigan user stupidly, and for a second time in less than an hour, he had felt himself deflating again. Feeling strangely numb, Iruka had swallowed and nodded dumbly. He remembered feeling immensely relieved the jounin didn't think he was overreacting or was being childish and hadn't used the occasion to make fun of him. But at the same time, he had wondered why he always kept on worrying over what the socially inept silver-haired man would think of him. It was a question that was still bugging the chuunin, but he guessed that he cared too much about what everybody thought of him in general.
More than anything else, Iruka had been surprised about the man's tactfulness. He hadn't expected the jounin to show that much insight and comprehension since, well, Hatake Kakashi was generally tactless and rude, being socially inept and all. But he guessed that as an elite jounin and an ex-Anbu member, Kakashi was used to dealing with people snapping; he was probably no stranger to such outbursts himself. Even if the idea of Kakashi snapping was somewhat odd.
They hadn't talked about it ever since, but the academy teacher felt somehow as if he was sharing a new bond with the jounin. One that wasn't about humiliation and bitterness, for once. And it was a nice change, honestly. Not that they were all friendly - Iruka highly doubted such a thing would ever happen - but they were gradually getting along better, even if the improvements were minor.
Chasing away those thoughts, Iruka realized that his sarcastic reply had caught the attention of the three teen, who were staring at him, looking surprised by the teasing tone he had used. Iruka could only guess why; the last time they had seen them together, they hadn't been on very good terms - that was why Naruto had managed to drag them along to spend Christmas evening together afterall.
Naruto sent him a wide grin and opened his mouth to say something, but Sakura not-too-subtly elbowed the blonde teen to silence him before he could say anything that would make the situation more awkward than it already was.
"OUTCH! What was that for?"
"You're such a dobe," Sasuke grunted quietly, "And those are stupid names anyway."
That effectively distracted Naruto. "Hey! They aren't stupid, okay!"
Iruka inwardly sighed with relief as the teens' discussion went back to the kittens' names, glad for Sakura and Sasuke's tactfulness - Naruto was a good kid, more intelligent than most people gave him credit for, but sometimes he could be so blunt about things... Because Iruka didn't want to bring up the subject of his and Kakashi's strange relationship. Period. And especially not with the kids. What could the chuunin tell them anyway? He still didn't know where they stood and to be honest, he was trying not to think about it too much either.
"I still think we should name it ramen," Naruto added adamantly.
"It's sad to think they don't have owners yet," the pink-haired teen commented with a sigh as she prevented one of the kittens to fall off the bed.
"Oi, why don't you keep them, Iruka-sensei?"
"Naruto! That's a rude question!" Sakura scolded her teammate at once.
"Why? I'd keep one if I could!" the ramen-lover said bluntly, "But my stupid landlord menaced to kick me out if I homed even a goldfish after that time last year when I adopted a stray dog and tried to give it a bath..." the blonde whined, "He's an old jerk."
"I still wonder how you managed to smash down that wall," Kakashi said with mild curiously. The young man's face flushed and he opened his mouth to explain himself, but once again Sakura cut him.
"I'd readily take one as well, but my mother doesn't want animals in the house," the kunoichi said on a sorry tone and Iruka shook his head.
"Now now, you don't have to apologize for that!" he hastily told them, "I just wanted you to look around and see if you knew someone who wanted to adopt one, that's all."
That was the moment Sasuke chose to get up. "We have to leave," he announced shortly. Sakura looked at her watch, nodding, which caused Naruto to whine loudly as they both got up as well. Iruka knew better than to ask them why they had to leave so soon: they were no more children, but ninjas of the Leaf, afterall. That thought made him feel nostalgic again and the chuunin felt older than ever.
The three fifteen year-olds wished him and Kakashi good bye, promising to come back soon. Iruka saw them to the door and when they were gone, he stared at the closed entrance door in silence for a good minute. After a while, he sighed. For some reason, his ex-students departure had left him lonely. Things were so bright when they were over... Maybe it was because the chuunin hadn't seen his students nor worked at the mission room for roughly two weeks that his life seemed so... lifeless. Lonely, even.
Umino Iruka never took vacations. It was a common knowledge, like that Shiranui Genma was a flirt and Mitarashi Anko had strange kinks. He always worked - many people thought he was a workaholic, but the chuunin didn't think he was obsessed with work. He just didn't like to do nothing; if he was going to stay home and do nothing of his weekends, then he was better off working at the mission room. At least then he was useful. Of course, he spent time for himself too: he trained and treated Naruto to ramen once in a while. And he read a bit too. But he preferred working - not because he liked working, but because he didn't like to be unproductive.
And besides, he didn't feel lonely when he was working.
Iruka sighed at the thought. Now he remembered why he hated taking vacations so much: when he spent too much time alone, he ended up feeling lonely and depressed, questioning his lifestyle and current achievements. Which was somewhat legitimate, since he was 26 years old, had no girlfriend, no children, no real close friends and no sex life. Shaking his head, the chuunin tried to chase those stupid ideas away, willing himself not to fall into angsty self-depreciation. He was stronger than that.
Iruka returned to the the guestroom to find the two kittens still exploring Kakashi's legs and smiled with amusement. Well, he couldn't say that he was completely alone - not with those little pests and the jounin to take care of. Quietly, he walked to the bed and sat the the edge of it, taking the smallest, gray-haired kitten in his tanned hands to pat it. But the kitten didn't seem to be in a patting mood; after three failed escape attempts, Iruka gave up trying to pat him and let him go. The kitten happily stepped over the man's hands and joined his sister feasting on the Copy nin's ankles. Iruka sighed; he understood why the teens had been feeling so enthusiast at the sight of the little furballs. They were really adorable.
"Those little pests sure are cute," the chuunin spoke up softly, more to himself than to the Copy nin. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the man giving him a bored look that clearly translated into "well, it shows it's not your feet they're feasting on" and Iruka smirked.
Oh yes, he did understand what the jounin meant. He had learned first-hand not to be deceived by the furballs' cuteness. After he had come back from the pet shop, Iruka had made them a small park with several cardboard boxes he had found in a nearby alley. He had even made them a temporary litter vat and managed to make a feeding bottle for them, since he didn't know how long he'd have to keep them. He had thought back then that there were no requirements to make a kitten park - all you had to do was to find something high and rigid impossible to climb for such young kittens and surround them with it. Yet the kittens had escaped three times from their small park. Not one, or even twice, but THREE damn times. Forcing him each time to spend half an hour bending in front of each damn piece of furniture he owned with a broom in one hand and a box in the other to force them out of their hiding places.
The most frustrating thing about it was that he had no idea how they managed to escape to begin with. He had fortified the cardboard box with others and added a whole dug-tape roll to it after their first and second successful escape attempts and yet, they had managed to escape again when he wasn't looking. Damn wise little pests. He also still couldn't fathom how the black-haired one had managed to crawl behind the washing machine - Iruka had to remove the damn thing to recuperate the reluctant kitten, only to find out the other kitten had managed to escape again while he was busy with the washing machine. Oh yes, he knew how deceitful those cute and innocent looks of theirs were.
Iruka had seen in the teens' eyes that they thought he was loosing it when they saw the two kittens trapped under his washing basket, three dictionary standing ontop of the said basket to keep down, but he couldn't care less what they thought of him. HE knew better than to let those little imps loose, no matter how cute they were. Because even after all that, Iruka still couldn't help but finding them cute and likeable. He guessed he had a soft spot for them afterall.
If Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were to know how these lovely furball truly were like…
"Nightmare" or "Calumny" sounded like more representative names to him.
"And you," Iruka spoke up again, attempting to start a discussion with the silver-haired man, "do you have any good name ideas?"
Kakashi seemed surprised by the question. "Me?"
Iruka resisted the envy to roll his eyes in exasperation and answer him bluntly 'no, the neighbour' and instead nodded encouragingly, hoping to finally be able to have a real discussion with the jounin. Or at least to manage to force more than six words out of his mouth at the time. Because everytime he tried to talk with the Sharigan user, he ended up speaking alone. And although it annoyed him to feel like he was talking to a wall, the brown-haired man had started talking more frequently to Kakashi a few days ago and even if results were yet to show, he persevered in these discussion attempts. It was his new personal challenge: to make the mysterious, silent man open up a bit.
Iruka didn't quite now what was willing him to do that. Admittedly, he was getting a little bored to stay home all day long. And, of course, he wanted to learn more about the man to understand him a bit. It could also be said that he felt a bit of pity for the obviously bored jounin. But it mostly wasn't about it. Somehow, trying to make Hatake Kakashi talk reminded him of when he tried to make a silent, lonely children open up a bit so he could make friends of his age. So maybe it all was about socializing the socially inept Copy nin - it was true that it was a little sad to see a powerful and respected ninja in his thirties being unable to make friends because he had the social skills of a six year-old. And a clumsy one, at that.
And on the up side, if the man had a real social life, he certainly wouldn't feel the need to stalk random people for reasons he alone could fathom. Although Iruka highly doubted the Copy nin understood his own motivations anyway.
The brown-haired man waited patiently for Kakashi to answer, expecting the ex-anbu to simply shake his head instead of answering. He was already wondering what he was going to ask him next when, to his surprise, Kakashi actually answered his question.
"Tori," he said simply.
"Tori?" Iruka asked with an amused smile, "As in bird?"
"No, that's the name of the protagonist of the Icha Icha series," the Copy answered casually, his unmasked eye curving happily. "And we could call the female 'Yoko' - it's the name of the blonde school teacher in tome nine. Or 'Mikko', like the maiden who gets abducted in tome three."
Iruka blinked at him. Once. Twice.
"No," came the flat answer.
"Why not? They're good names." Were Iruka's ears deceiving him or was Kakashi sounding disappointed?
"You're kidding me, right?" Iruka asked, incredulous. "Would you seriously call a cute, innocent kitten after the name of a character of a porn novel?"
"Yes," the jounin replied simply, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Iruka couldn't believe it.
"Well I'm putting my foot down on it. No porn names for the kittens, period," he told the man resolutely as he picked up the two kittens to bring them back to their washing basket, deciding that recess time was over. He truly couldn't understand Kakashi's obsession with porn. Either the man was the worst pervert in town - an appalling conclusion when you knew the said man had stalked you for months - or he was just too clueless about sex to realize that what he was saying was just wrong. Either way, this was just too disturbing. To think such a man had been appointed young, influensable students was giving him the chills.
"Come on, they're not so bad," the jounin said back and his words brought a playful smile on Iruka's lips.
"You're sounding like Naruto," the academy teacher couldn't help but tease the man, smirking as he left the guestroom with the two kittens in his arms.
Was it Iruka's imagination or had he just seen Kakashi-sensei pouting under his mask?
To be continued.
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