Chapter 36 - Fear and Hope
Vezely left the hall frustrated with herself, feeling she had left her mouth wander hastily. As she stood momentarily on the edge of the open corridor, glancing up at the stars, she therapeutically pressed her finger tips against her temples and allowed the cool breeze to grace her warm forehead. She began thinking it was a poor decision to drink as much as she did. Her imprisonment made her lose the tolerance she had gained centuries prior. Even when she took up the drink after, diminishing the supply of the Blue Wizard's Dorwinion Wine in order to forget her unstable predicament and disgrace of falling from power, her drunken stasis was short lived. The Blue Wizard quickly weaned her off of it by locking up their wine cellar.
It had been her intention to be more reserved at this event, especially among other Elves by deferring to their opinion and not imposing her own, even if she was prodded to. She had not wanted to stir more disparaging conversation about her behavior; to cause a scene that could further impact Legolas's reputation if their partnership was ever revealed. Now she felt she only lived up to their expectations of her and her history: the corrupted Elf given a second chance, though one which appeared precarious. She shook her head, wondering why she thought she could play the reserved role to begin with. Even without the wine's influence she doubted she could have kept her mouth shut.
Thranduil stood at the end of the corridor, watching the young Elf stare upward before she turned her attention to him, having heard his robes swaying on the floor behind him. The noble Elf decided to take her up on her offer to further converse with him, though he was unsure of his desires in this. He had already come to the conclusion earlier that it was impossible to change his son's heart, yet he mistrusted her intentions.
She narrowed her eyes, surprised by his presence as he continued to walk towards her. "I would have that conversation now," he stated sternly, his eyes also narrowing on hers.
She nodded politely, adding with warning, "One which I hope is not made in contempt, for the sake of your son."
He showed recognition of a similar concern, "My son. He is what matters most to me," he said standing a meter in front of her, his eyes interrogating hers, "And there lies my concern with a relationship he deems worthy, but one which I deem detrimental."
She looked away momentarily, breathing in deeply while looking up at the stars and remarking somberly, "I have thought the same. Legolas deserves happiness, and a relationship unfettered by uncertain fate," she looked back upon Thranduil who had not expected this response; he felt he looked upon a different woman than the one he spoke to prior. She added solidly, "I do not find your disdain unwarranted. I know what I am and what I represent to Elvendom."
He was surprised by her sincerity, but it did not deter his need to question her, "And for some reason my son believes otherwise. If you know your place, why did you pursue his affections? Why did you deceive him?"
She attempted not to roll her eyes and show annoyance in his assertion of her being some sort of harlot who seduced his son. "As if your son could be so easily deceived?" she replied sternly, mildly chiding him for thinking so, "And what purpose would it serve me to enter into a partnership during this war? My charge coming West was as messenger for the resistance; to lend my sword if permitted. You prefer to think this is some form of sick revenge?"
"For the death of those in your company, for the shame of banishment, one could come to that assumption," he stated seemingly indifferent to her blanketed annoyance.
"I also killed your guards and found your banishment without merit, knowing full well Rhun would one day invade your lands," Vez replied sternly after crossing her arms, causing Thranduil to raise his eyebrows slightly, "I harbored no ill-will for you or your son after being provided aid and sent on my way." Aid Thranduil realized he now regretted providing. He did not believe her assertion and Vez immediately noted his suspicion, for his cold stare seared right through her. She then tried to explain more congenially, "It was not as if we did not struggle with our feelings. We both tried to push them aside knowing the complications, thinking they could not be real. But you cannot choose love." During her explanation, he walked a half circle around her, his hands behind his back, his head held high, his eyes averted; yet uncomfortable by the notion of love between them. "You have a wife, surely you do not think otherwise," she added.
"Do not speak of my wife," he said strongly turning to look at her, "That is not the same."
She looked away, saying irreverently, "Of course, how could someone so corrupted love another unconditionally?" Returning her eyes to his, she could gauge from his demeanor that he agreed, "That is what you believe, isn't it?"
"It is hard to think otherwise," he stated harshly, his eyes seeming to look down on her.
"Love is a sickness afflicting the weak, making them susceptible to foolishness as their own heart betrays them," she stated defiantly before smirking slightly at her own change in perspective, "I long believed this. That it was not possible to find strength through another...Did you know I was near death after the battle of Pelennor Fields, a victim of the Variag's poisoned blades?" she revealed in contemplation. Thranduil had heard recently of those afflicted by this poison, but did not know Vezely was also amongst them. "It was then I was given the choice of the Peredhil (Half-Elven). The gift of man was an easy path away from this tainted life and the remorse of what I've done. I would have been given a place of honor and respect amongst the high warriors of my clan. But instead I returned, the light of the Eldar renewed, but decidedly dishonored without permission to enter Valinor. If not for your son and the hope he has given me, I would not have come back. His love has provided me the strength to believe I can be redeemed, that I should desire it."
Appearing unmoved by her plight in making such a decision, he added his main concern, "And now my son's fate is tied to yours."
"That is why I will return to Rhun. To do what I must to set right what I helped wrong," she stated determined.
"And if you die before doing so? The Valar will not reembody you," he added, his eyes on hers, curious of her reaction.
"I better not die then," she affirmed bluntly, narrowing her eyes on him undeterred.
He smirked slightly, mildly amused by her bravado, before returning to his stoic face. "I will hold you to that," he replied seriously.
She nodded curtly, before asking a more grave question, "But if I do not come back...do not let him linger here," revealing her main fear of returning East to war and bloodshed. Her other hope in conversing with Thanduil was to make him promise he would push his son to leave for Valinor if worse came to worse and she could not return; "Make sure he sails."
Thranduil internalized her request, gaining in her wary eyes a deep-held concern for his son, and dare he thought her love for him. He nodded his head down slowly, accepting to do so, his reply bringing a deep, silent breath from her before she looked away once more. He suddenly felt sullied for his prior assumptions of her intentions in this relationship; for he indeed thought she could not harbor true feelings, that she was incapable of caring for another more than herself. It was not what he expected; she was not what he expected. Rather than say anymore he decided to return to the gala.
Halfway down the corridor, he stopped briefly and turned his head to the side, speaking as if chiding a small child, "It is considered improper to leave a celebration early."
She smirked at his random assertion, responding assuredly, "I have never been considered proper."
He narrowed his eyes showing annoyance in her response before continuing his way, hoping this short time spent away from the event went unnoticed.
Legolas watched regretfully as Vezely left the grand hall, wishing he could also leave instead of returning to the side of Lady Adele and Thalion, who he was not pleased with. He turned around to see both of them staring curiously at him, for they had witnessed this odd interaction between the two Elves from afar. He blanched his face of all emotion as he walked back to them.
Lady Adele greeted him kindly, "I hold pity for such a person. For now I understand why she is called Nwalmaer."
Thalion replied unmoved, with his own conviction, "You should not concern yourself my lady, she does not warrant it."
Legolas looked at his friend, saying to him harshly, "Vezely would agree with you, Thalion, for she does not want your pity," he then looked sternly at Lady Adele, "Nor does that title suit her. Vezely is a warrior who fought and almost died in this war, she deserves your respect, not your admonishment for deeds long past."
Thalion defended himself, "My friend, my intentions were simply..."
"Malicious," Legolas finished his sentence.
Thalion felt slightly ashamed to have a trusted friend say so, "It is true I do not regard her in such high esteem as you, and I had not known the true extent of your friendship which you have now revealed. I will try to respect it from here on out."
"It would be appreciated," Legolas replied grateful for his understanding.
Lady Adele added pleasantly, "It is always better for friends not to fight over other relations. I am sure Vezely also holds Lord Legolas in high esteem and will find it in herself to also accord you, Lord Thalion, similar respect," she looked upon Legolas kindly, "I have heard battles forge friendships, and I can see it in this case. But even so, it reflects highly on your character my lord."
Legolas felt uncomfortable by this compliment, realizing they viewed his friendship with Vezely as first and foremost a charitable expression of his character, but not one she would easily garner from others. He did not respond, however, for fear of having gone too far in chastising them. Lady Adele then continued the conversation onto another topic, during which Legolas noted his father returning, instantly connecting in his mind from where and thus he excused himself from their presence once more.
"Father," Legolas walked beside him, saying discreetly, "Should I be concerned?"
Thranduil had still been contemplating his prior exchange with Vezely, processing the nature of his son's relationship with her. "No," he stated bluntly, quickly adding, "But now is not the time to discuss this," providing an easy way out of the conversation. Before Legolas could respond, both father and son acknowledged Vezely also returning through the hall's doorway; their double stares not going unnoticed by her. Her eyes first centered on Legolas's, to whom she provided a small, but caring smile, before looking to the king, the smile erased as she bowed her head slightly in acknowledgment of their prior civility. He mirrored her reaction, somewhat pleased she took his advice about being proper and returning to the celebration.
Legolas looked again at his father, utterly confused by this exchange between them. As his father's eyes returned to his son's, he placed a hand around his shoulders, saying calmly, "Let us put our disagreement aside for right now, and enjoy the rest of the evening," as he led his son in the opposite direction of Vezely.
Legolas quickly grew suspicion of this tactic to not converse with him, confirming, "You understand better now," causing his father to breathe in deeply instead of responding, "She is not what you expected."
Irritated by his correct assumption, Thranduil stated firmly, "And still not what I expect for you."
"It does not matter, father," he replied with lightened voice and uplifted heart, taking slight pleasure knowing that his father was uncomfortable by these realizations, "I have found happiness in another, something you desired for me since youth. Find contentment in that."
Thranduil did not reply as they rejoined a diverse group of ambassadors, removing his arm from around his son before engaging in conversation.
Vez would stop aside Eowyn, placing a hand on her shoulder, saying with a proud smile, "My fellow woman warrior."
Eowyn grinned back at her, secretly enjoying having gained such a title on the battlefield, responding joyfully, "I have been hoping to talk to you again all evening..."
They walked through the hall taking slow steps while linked side by side by their arms; drowning out the conversations around them. Neither of them were ambassadors, thus their desired solitude from the rest of the guests could be deemed less disrespectful, but not entirely unnoticeable. While their female presence amongst a room of many men was one factor, another was their newly revealed identities - all knew of the infamous Elf of Rhun and the brave shield maiden of Rohan, fated slayer of the Witch King of Angmar.
"...It has been smoother than expected," Eowyn explained of her time back in Rohan, and Eomer's transition to kingship, "We have been oppressed for so long that all are ready to move forward."
"And yourself?" Vez asked warmly, for Eowyn had not spoken about her own transition.
"I am well," she said assuredly, despite the grief experienced in the last few weeks; admittedly having to consol the families of those who lost loved ones in the war was taxing on her. "I am optimistic about the future," she added while her eyes glanced over at Faramir, who was in conversation with her brother.
"I see," Vez queried, following her eyes destination, "So you will make your home in Ithilien?"
"In due time," Eowyn replied slightly embarrassed by her open feelings, "And I have heard Legolas has agreed to tend the forests back to their former vibrancy, along with some of his kin. I had hoped you would be among them."
Vez smiled slightly, hiding her sorrow for this not being so, "I do not know how long I will be in Rhun, or what awaits me there. But perhaps when I return..."
"As long as you return before my hair turns grey," Eowyn quickly chided her Elf-friend in jest.
"I will try and make it so," Vez replied though with feeble conviction; she knew she could not promise anything.
But Eowyn was satisfied with her response, leading her to another question, "And what is this about hiding your relationship? The whole of the fellowship knows, as do many others. You cannot truly keep it hidden."
Vez realized Eowyn made a good point, though she doubted those who knew would say anything. "It is better if we try," Vez responded quietly, "My position among the Elves is yet precarious. It is not what would be considered a proper relationship, and I do not want to harm Legolas's reputation needlessly."
Despite still not fully understanding Elvish viewpoints, but noting her need for discretion, she confided, "No words of it will escape from my mouth..."
As the event continued into the later stretches of the evening, the number of ambassadors present slowly dwindled, leaving to find rest in their guest chambers since all were expected to rise early for the first of the council meetings. The Elves, needing less rest than the men, were amongst the last to leave and Legolas would again eventually find himself uncomfortably in the company of Lady Adele, who stood dotingly by his side, expecting escort to her room. Despite this, Thranduil approached his son and requested his company when leaving. Being all things courteous and proper, Lady Adele did not say a word about this intrusion, and graciously allowed father and son their space as she continued to the West Wing alongside Thalion.
Legolas and his father would walk in the opposite direction of the departing Elves, towards the other side of the villa. "I have been thinking even more of your mother lately," Thanduil's voice trailed slightly, sounding slightly melancholic in remembrance of the one his heart belonged to. But he returned to his stoic demeanor, pushing his sentimentality aside, "Even more than I, she desired for you to find partnership in your youth, as many of your peers did. Saying she feared for those Elves who did not find love early, that they always met undesirable ends. I was less inclined to push you in one direction or another, desiring instead that you forge your own path and find your own happiness, whether that be partnered or not. Now I understand her fear, for you march into an uncertain fate because of it."
"And was my fate not more uncertain when joining the fellowship?" He replied strongly, hoping his father would not forget his emergence from this war. He then added concerned, "At least there is no uncertainty in love. Despite mother's fears and initial prodding, she also understood as you that love could not be forced, but found."
Thranduil breathed in deeply, finding minor solace in his son's triumphs in the war, and truth in what he spoke of his wife's beliefs. While keeping his eyes averted he added disapprovingly, "And an unlikely one to find it with."
"A truth I know," Legolas confirmed, realizing his father was not saying he hadn't found it. "But she is not what all might expect. Her past informs her, but it does not define her."
"No, she is defined by her culture," Thranduil realized this even more by their interactions tonight, "Which itself is a matter of concern."
At this moment Vez rounded the corner into their corridor; her eyes were downcast, investigating a knick in the handle of one of the sai gripped in her hands. She had left the event earlier than Legolas, returning to her room and grabbing her newly returned weapons from her bed, intent on going to the veranda to pass the time by practicing her positions before Legolas could meet her there for their clandestine time alone. Practice was not something completely warranted for her as a well-honed fighter, a weapon in her hand was as second nature, but separation from them made the rote task seem appealing and perhaps, even a means to relieve some stress.
The sight of the two Elven lords would have stopped in her tracks and turned her around if Legolas had not engaged her with an inviting voice, "Your weapons are returned," he stated with a small smile, hoping she would not be deterred from her path.
The prince's tactic did momentarily set her at ease, as she tried to forget his father was next to him as their steps brought them closer together. Still surprised by it herself, she explained, "Gimli came across them in the armory. They are a bit beat up from the last battle, but it relieves me from having to commission a sword," having flipped and observed the one's blade when she stopped in front of them; it appeared dull and in need of sharpening.
Legolas could tell this turnaround put her in better spirits. Having not forgotten his father's awkward presence, he added in explanation, "Vezely lost her possessions after the battle of Pelennor. And the healers unfortunately discarded these."
"And my sword was cleaved in two by the axe of my former second in command," she added disparagingly, still sore about it.
"I did not know that," Legolas stated in surprise of this information, not knowing details on the intensity of her last fight with her falling ill right after; for he thought she simply left the sword on the battlefield.
"Well it was not something I was proud to have happened," she shifted her stance slightly, then adding to him bluntly with a smirk, "Even if the man met his end soon after." Legolas smiled and slightly shook his head at an expected response; a smile she then returned until her eyes shifted upon his father who was again impassively observing her.
"It seems as if you need better weapons," he stated in a disapproving tone.
Trying to remain as pleasant as possible, she agreed, "Indeed, these aren't even Easterling militia grade. Taken from a Corsair, East of the Havens of Umbar."
"Taken?" Thranduil repeated with his eyes narrowed just slightly which only furthered her acknowledgement of his suspicion; he knew she meant stolen.
"Well, he no longer had any use for them," Vez added firmly, not willing to be shamed for taking from the dead. Thranduil continued to gaze at her. "In any case," she turned her eyes to Legolas's, thinking it would be a good time to excuse herself, "A good evening to both of you, my lords," she bowed her head down and then smiled at Legolas before pivoting and continuing in the opposite direction.
"And where are you going with weapons at this time of night?" Thranduil called to her sternly, again as if a child needing to be scolded.
"Father," Legolas quietly admonished him.
Vez stopped and turned her head, saying sarcastically with one eyebrow raised, "To murder someone," a smirk then graced her face and she flipped her sai around in her hands before continuing on her way.
Legolas contained his laughter as he watched her saunter off. Admittedly he was amused by her brazen attitude towards his father; an attitude he knew the old Elf currently deserved and one he hardly, if ever, received from others.
After they continued their stroll in silence, Thranduil asked his son, "Does she always act this way?"
"You mean uncouth and slightly irreverent?" Legolas queried, knowing exactly what his father meant, "She is of a different nature, and still young."
Thranduil had a displeased look on his face, "Your attraction confounds me," he stated bluntly.
Turning towards him and placing a hand on his shoulder, Legolas added perceptively, "Regardless, I am grateful you acknowledge our bond as true. Whatever she said to you, she changed your mind."
The optimism in his son's eyes disabled Tranduil from denying this but he would not forthright admit to it either, "But not my concern."
"I understand, and you do not need to diminish it," Legolas replied carefully, "Vezely will leave soon, and though I would follow her to the ends of this earth, I cannot. She must take her own path to redemption, and I can only promise to be there when she comes back. And she is determined to come back. History does not dictate every future. I have hope."
"Hope I will carry for you as well," the words trailed slowly from his mouth as he acquiesced to his son's decision to make her his bride; to put aside further animosity regardless of his displeasure over his choice or his fear for his future.
Instead of practicing, Vez stood near the veranda's edge trying to investigate her blades under the poor lighting of cloudy moonlight; realizing mostly by touch how beat up they got from the last battle. Variag axes weren't always the best against Corsair steel, she thought. But as soon as she noted Legolas approaching, she put down the two blades, setting them on top of the veranda's stone wall, inviting his hands to take their place. "I am so glad this day is over," she said in lieu of a common greeting, pulling him closer to her; a statement that openly displayed that the day had been stressful.
"So am I," Legolas replied smoothly, realizing her returned touch still managed to feel as the first time their hands met. "But much has been accomplished. My father now seems more accepting of our relationship. I do not know what you said, but he no longer denies the truth of our love." Vez closed her eyes and filled her lungs with the cool air, relieved to finally hear one desired outcome of their plight. "Perhaps now we need not be so discreet," he added, taking her hands and placing them around his neck, leaving them there to place his own around her waist.
"Did your father have an opinion about that?" she immediately wondered, though pleased by his initiative to hold her that way.
"We did not discuss moving forward where an official announcement would be expected," he stated, revealing another step in the Elvish betrothal ritual to her, "But I can at least provide you comfort and openly tell Lady Adele my disinterest in seeking her courtship."
"Provide me comfort?" Vez questioned his choice of words.
"Do not think I am blind to your emotions. I know her presence around me irritates you," Legolas said steadily, making her shift in uneasiness over his slight assertion of her being jealous.
"I am not irritated," she stated in poor defense, "I'm just..."
"Jealous," he added knowingly, making her narrow her eyes in slight contempt, "Even if you need not be."
She averted her eyes and sounding displeased with herself, admitted, "It is an unbecoming emotion, but she is considered perfectly suited for you and myself ill-suited, it is easy to feel insecure."
Legolas turned her face back to his, admitting as well, "A feeling I am not unaware of."
She asked confused, "What do you mean?"
Legolas now felt compelled to remove his gaze from hers, suddenly embarrassed to speak of it, "There is one man who, when in your presence, makes me uncomfortable."
Vez thought about who he meant, before asking unsure, "You do not mean Remi? ...You do," she realized, turning his face to hers showing him her surprise he could feel threatened by him. "The man's desires overstep, and he knows it. He is a divinator. Even if my heart was not yours, a general would not share her bed with one of such profession."
Legolas asked confused, "Rank matters?"
"It does when you are of high enough rank. I suppose it is not so different from Elvish hierarchies," she considered.
"We are both foolish," Legolas admitted, glad to hear any fears he had were unfounded.
"Is that not part of being newly in love? To fear losing each other before we are eternally bound in marriage?" Vez asked lightheartedly, her amused smile turning into a grin as she realized they could still have such trite worries amongst the more serious ones.
"Perhaps," he replied, a blush now forming on his pale face.
A raindrop was then felt by Legolas on his head, turning his eyes upward, as Vezely was also hit by one, also turning her gaze to the sky. "Maybe it will stop," Vez wondered aloud before the sound of thunder churned and hastened the drops from the overhead clouds.
In one fluid motion of her hand, Vez pulled her scarf over her head and grabbed her sai from the stone ledge, while her other hand remained clasped in Legolas's as they ran side by side to the covering under the corridor. Once there they would find their clothes and Legolas's hair soaked from the unforgiving downpour. Yet their spirits were mirthful, as they laughed slightly at each other's current drenched state.
Vez followed Legolas to his room, entering behind him instead of going into her own to change. "I have some extra towels we can use to dry ourselves," he said as he continued down the entryway. Wiping away the drops of water from her sai, she gently positioned them next to his quiver set which lay on the table in the entryway. As she walked into the main room, she removed her wet scarf, which saved her hair from the downpour, and placed it on the back of the wooden chair that stood aside the desk.
Legolas returned holding two folded white linen towels, and Vezely took both from him, placing them on the desk before stepping in front of him; her hands going to the bronze stylized leaf broach at his chest. She unclasped it and peeled off the sleeveless robe it decoratively kept on, removing it from his shoulders slowly and going to his side and then behind him to take it away from his body. Vezely hung the wet robe on one of the wardrobe's door hooks before going back to him, repeating the task with his long tunic's three clasps, also stylized bronze leafs. After she unclasped the third one, she looked up at his eyes, which had been curiously following her calm face, and she smiled softly as she opened his tunic, also taking it off his body and lightly running her fingertips across his bare skin as she did. After also hanging it on the wardrobe's door, she returned to him with an open towel. She placed the dry cloth around his shoulders, using the ends to remove the rain drops on his face before bringing it up to his wet hair as a hood; gently patting it to soak up some of the moisture.
Never having been undressed by another or tended to in such a loving manner was both a sensual and emotional experience for Legolas. He could imagine it being a common though intimate moment between spouses who lovingly tend to each other even if for simple reasons. But as he watched her move in silence, he felt as if he beheld a vision of their future: her as his wife, living together in a single residence. Perhaps they had spent the afternoon apart and he had returned home during an unexpected rainstorm; the travel only making the warmth of her touch and their home ever more desirable. There was a fire going, lighting the room in soft gold, the smell of Easterling spice tea filled the air, and the only sounds were the pattering of rain on the roof above them, the crackling of a fire, and...an infant, cooing.
"That's better," Vez remarked approvingly, bringing Legolas out of his dreamlike state and back to the small guestroom in Minas Tirith. The sounds of raindrops could still be heard through the open window, hitting the stone building outside and her gentle touch was still upon him. A sudden rush of emotions welled up inside of him and he placed his hands on the sides of her cheeks and brought her forehead to his, keeping his teary eyes closed as he composed himself from the intensity of what he had experienced in his vision before. She brought her hands on top of his as they remained cupped to her face; growing concerned, she asked softly, "Are you alright?"
He nodded his head before opening his now dry eyes to hers, a small, grateful smile finding its way to his face. He breathed in before reciprocating her kindness by helping her remove her short jacket and hanging it next to his rain soaked robes. He ran his hands from her shoulders down her arms, realizing the rain had soaked through to the blouse she wore underneath. He pulled out her shirt from where it was tucked in her pants, and while preparing to bring it over her head, he realized when brushing his knuckles against her, she wore nothing under it, causing him to hesitant.
"You do not have to," she said understandingly, placing her hands on his at her waist; wanting to let him know he did not need to do anything that made him uncomfortable.
But Legolas did not desire for her to stay in damp clothes nor to send her from his presence for being embarrassed, so he walked behind her before pulling her shirt from her body; lifting it over her head and off her arms. While doing this he further observed the extent of tattoos that ran down the length of her back, black ink on pale skin. The central Rhunic script, which he knew were her clan words, ran to the middle of her back, under which was a stylized sun, similar to the one etched on her ring; but his eyes did not linger. Vezely crossed her arms over her chest as he quickly enclosed her in the other linen towel, wrapping her from behind before also wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. The rain continued to fall with thunder providing an irregular beat to the consistent rhythm of water hitting stone. With the vision still playing in his mind, he held her, not desiring to let her go. Inside he was fearful of the day soon to come when he would have to say goodbye, but hopeful for a future not yet set. Noting his lingering emotions from before, Vezely would close her eyes and allow him to hold her as long as he desired it.
A/N: Not a cliffhanger per say, but makes you curious how they might end their evening, right? Reviews/thoughts on this chapter highly appreciated. Had a tough time writing it for some reason...