Entering the bridge was a mistake. There were other ways to reach her quarters. Command could have been shifted to Chakotay via the comm. system. But Janeway was hardly thinking clearly.

As it was, she ventured from her ready room in a sort of numb shock. The only thought in her head was to be clean. But she stopped mid-stride when she caught sight of her first officer. He had an inviting smile on his face as he usually did. But that smile seemed a weapon to the captain, and she reacted accordingly.

The smile dissolved when Chakotay took a good look at her.

"Captain?" He moved swiftly toward her.

She stumbled back against a bulkhead and braced herself upon it before croaking, "The bridge is yours." And she fled before he was able to reach her.

Janeway tore into her quarters, her breathing irregular. She felt as if her mind was somehow disconnected from her body. Like she was floating from location to location instead of running.

"Computer," she gasped, "Seal Captain's quarters, Janeway Pi one one zero."

"Quarters sealed."

Her next target was the bathroom. "Begin sonic shower." She didn't bother undressing before entering. She just needed to be clean immediately. She found her legs could no longer support her, so she slid down the shower wall to sit with her knees tucked almost to her chin. When the shower sequence ended, she felt only infinitesimally better.

She peeled away her uniform and ordered the computer to fill the bath in a whisper. The water was scalding when she lowered herself into it. Good. Her tense muscles slowly began to soften, and Kathryn finally allowed herself to think.

She tried to convince herself that Q didn't have as tight a grip on her as he thought. But every time she began to assemble an argument, Chakotay's face flooded her mind. Seeing him on the bridge—so soon after the encounter with Q—broke her heart. He was a symbol of her weakness, and for that she was afraid of him. Afraid of what she'd do for him. She hated it. Hated that Q had found this weakness. Hated that she was pathetic enough to care so deeply for Chakotay. Despite all that she couldn't be angry at him. None of this was his fault. But she didn't want to see him. It hurt.

And what could Q possibly want from her? As an egotistical, omnipotent being, he could do anything she could do and more. His ridiculous fascination with her was an enigma. The dark encounter was even more perplexing. There had been something different about him. Something dark and sinister. Very out of place. Q had never been malicious before. Something was terribly wrong. Why the hell did she have to be in the middle of it?

The pit of her stomach tightened more as she explored the requests Q might make of her. After his last visit with Q Junior, she had thought he was done trying to seduce her. Thought he'd moved on to whatever nonsense with which he occupied himself.

But what if she was wrong? What if his request had everything to do with her and her body? What was she willing to do with Q to secure Chakotay's life?

Her breath caught in her throat and a few tears somehow escaped her eyes as she realized her answer. Anything.

She might not survive such an encounter. Her conscience would surely kill her.

Damn him!

Involuntarily, she raised a dripping hand to her face. With a shaking finger, she retraced the path Q's tongue had taken.

His ownership was a death sentence upon her. What could she do in this hopeless situation?

When the door chimed, Janeway had pulled herself back together for the most part. It had taken some coffee and classical music and forcing herself to read, but she could function again. With a deep breath, she approached the door to greet her caller.

The door hissed open to reveal Chakotay. Her heart was in her throat.

"Kathryn! Are you alright?"

The pair stood in the doorway in silence. Sad blue eyes met concerned dark ones. The slight lift of Janeway's brow communicated a gentle pleading from the soul that her mind and body would never voice.

"Perfectly fine, Chakotay," the captain said evenly.

The commander's dark brow furrowed. He made to touch her arm.

She jerked away.

Taken aback, he pushed further. "Be honest," he said. "Please."

Never. She would never open up about what had happened to her at Q's hands. Not to Chakotay. Not to anyone.

"I'm fine," she lied. "It was just a nightmare."

"A nightmare?" His face was incredulous.

Might as well go all in. "I fell asleep in my ready room and had a bad dream. It was vivid and disturbing and I let it get the better of me. I'm sure you understand why I'm not too keen to discuss it."

It was obvious he didn't buy it. And this time he was quicker to take hold of her. Both hands gently grasped her upper arms. "We both know there's something you're not telling me. Please tell me what to do to help you, Kathryn," Chakotay said, his gaze steady and earnest.

Janeway turned her head away, swallowing hard as tears jumped unbidden to her eyes. Couldn't he see? With the right side of her face now clearly exposed to him, surely he could see it. Her own tattoo. The wretched mark of Q's ownership. It might have been invisible, but she felt as though it were a glowing beacon of her shame that dominated her entire person. Why couldn't he sense it too?

"I need to be on the bridge, Commander," she said in as neutral a tone as she could manage, looking at him once more. "Please remove your hands from me and let me pass."

Chakotay reluctantly put his hands down but didn't move out of the way.

"Do I need to make that an order?" she asked, her throat tight.

"Kathryn," he began. His eyes rested on her glistening blue ones. He was at a loss for words.

"Get out of my way," she demanded. Her command tone was harsh despite her frail state, and it hurt her to use it against Chakotay. But she wasn't going to let him through her defenses this time. She would continue to keep him at arm's length. She couldn't afford to have him around her, distracting her.

Her first officer stood aside and watched forlornly as she made her way staunchly out of his figuratively outstretched arms.

Janeway spent the rest of the day as entrenched in busywork as possible. There was less time to think about Chakotay. Less time to worry about Q and the impossible task he'd inevitably place before her. But no matter how hard she tried to push everything from her mind and relax, she was still incredibly tense. Sudden sounds and movements had her starting and swearing to herself under her breath.

Q said he'd be back. His return would mean some unspeakable horror. All the dread was fraying her nerves. Even her precious coffee failed her. She was at her wit's end and trying desperately to hide if from the crew.

"Captain, are you okay?" B'Elanna finally asked her as they both sat in the captain's ready room. An unexpected interruption from Tuvok had made Janeway flinch almost painfully. "You've nearly jumped out of your skin."

"Everything's fine," Kathryn asserted. She tried to prove the fact by pointedly reading a PADD. Everything's under control, her actions lied. Don't you see how hardworking and normal I am?

B'Elanna wasn't convinced. "Are you sure you don't need to maybe check in with sickbay?"

Janeway leveled a glare at the half-Klingon that made her thoughts on that suggestion very clear.

"Something has you on edge," B'Elanna pressed. "How about a competitive game of Velocity to mellow you out?"

The captain arched an eyebrow and sent a pointed glance to B'Elanna's swollen belly. "I'm not sure you're quite up to Velocity at the moment," she said. She took the opportunity to change the subject. "When is she due, again?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, obviously not falling for the trick. "A few weeks, maybe, Doc seems to change his mind after every checkup," she said quickly, "but that's beside the point. Tom or Harry or even Seven would be happy to play a couple matches. We want to help."

"How long has my behavior been the subject of gossip this time?"

"It's not like that," B'Elanna said, becoming agitated. "We're all just concerned. And I think you're being entirely unreasonable."

"And I'd appreciate it you kept your opinions to yourself, Lieutenant," Kathryn said quietly and coldly.

"No."

"Excuse me?" An iconic eyebrow rose at B'Elanna's reply.

"Tom told me you practically raced from the bridge this morning for apparently no reason. He said you weren't yourself," B'Elanna said. "He's never seen you so…afraid."

Janeway swallowed. She kept her lips pressed tightly together, neither denying anything nor offering an explanation.

"What happened?"

"That's my business," Janeway said, not looking at the other woman.

They sat in silence.

Finally, "You might call me a hypocrite," B'Elanna said carefully. "But I think you're being very selfish by not letting us help you. In Tom's words, 'If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.'"

How absurd. Janeway frowned at the strange sentiment a moment before replying. "There's nothing to be done," she said defensively. Her hackles were raised, and her nostrils flared. "What's the point of worrying everyone with my personal problems if they can't be helped?"

"With all due respect, Captain, everyone on this ship cares about you, and we'd love to make things easier for you, but you make it impossible when you don't accept our support," B'Elanna answered.

The words served only to frustrate Kathryn further. No one could support her with this. The last thing she needed was for Chakotay and the crew to know how pitiful she was. She clenched her fists. "You are dismissed, Lieutenant."

"But Captain—"

"Now."

B'Elanna obliged as quickly as her pregnant belly would allow.

"I thought she'd never leave."

Janeway let out a cry of alarm that quickly turned to despair. She whirled around to locate the intruder. He was standing behind her chair.

He pouted and laid a hand on her shoulder that she quickly shrugged away. "Aren't you happy to see me, darling?"