The hellish dream instilled in Janeway an even greater desire to succeed with diplomacy. She would not be responsible for another death. Not R's. Not Chakotay's. She collected the fallen PADD and began planning with renewed determination. But she couldn't concentrate.
"Computer, what time is it?"
"0300 hours."
"Janeway to the Doctor."
While waiting for a response, she began pacing. The emotions from the dream kept running through her mind. Joy at seeing Mollie. Confusion at hearing her speak. Guilt at seeing the Caretaker's remains. Horror at the graveyard she'd effectively dug.
Bad, bad, bad.
Her pacing took her into the bedroom. It was clear by then the Doctor was not going to answer. She looked at the inviting sheets. There was nothing useful she could do in this frame of mind, especially not so early in the morning. And maybe if she slept, she could forget her nightmare.
Still in her uniform, Janeway crawled into bed and drifted into a restless sleep.
She awoke late. Not terribly so, but enough to make her regret wasted time. She replicated some coffee and rushed through morning preparations. When she studied the PADD she'd been working on the night before, she was disappointed. She must have been even more tired than she had thought. Her "attack plan" was practically nonsensical.
"Why are you R and not P? Do you know why Q isn't A?" she read aloud incredulously. "What the hell?" She tossed the worthless PADD onto the couch and rubbed the bridge of her nose. If the start of the day was any indication of how the day was going to go, Janeway half expected herself to find a way to eject the warp core and strand Voyager once and for all before dinner time.
She took a fortifying gulp of coffee before exiting her quarters to face the day.
She arrived at the brig at the same time as Mike Ayala. After they exchanged polite greetings, she told him she'd be taking his shift. She gave Ensign Gregson a nod of greeting before turning to look over R.
His appearance had developed further. He was short for the time being. Not just short, petite. The hair was mostly brown, but it was styled awkwardly. There was a misshapen mass of hair toward the back incongruent with the rest. The eyes were blue. His cheekbones had sharpened, the jaw as well. The overall effect was rather feminine. And there was something familiar too. But Janeway couldn't quite put a finger on it.
Ah. Captain Kathryn Janeway. Have you come to kill me?
The fact that it was her own voice resonating in her mind gave the question and even more macabre ring.
"No."
That's a relief, I'm sure.
"Are you going to be helpful today?"
I intend to be, yes.
"So about Q—"
The fixation on Q isn't healthy, Kathryn—may I call you Kathryn?
She glared, attempting to portray the extent of her contempt with just her eyes and flared nostrils. "I thought—"
I'm going to be helpful, Kathryn. More helpful than you can imagine. But things will go better if you let me do the thinking.
She snorted.
Let's talk about Chakotay.
The glare on her face was quickly replaced by a look of astonishment. She truly was speechless for a minute. That was the last thing she could have anticipated coming from this stranger. She tried to pull herself together by clearing her throat.
"I'd rather not," she said, not as nonchalantly as planned.
R smiled and shook slightly. She realized he was laughing.
Isn't that the truth, Kathryn. Talking about Chakotay is hard. Much more complicated than even temporal mechanics. Easier to push it to the back of your mind and pretend there's not a problem.
Janeway was determined not to let R shock her again. She took everything in stride and raised only an eyebrow in mild interest. "Are you through?"
R ignored her. That doesn't make the problem go away. In fact, ignoring it makes it bigger.
"Enough of this," she said coldly. "Either you answer my questions or I leave."
Is that supposed to be a threat? What do I lose by your absence? I always have other people to talk to.
"I can change my mind." In Ensign Gregson's presence she daren't say more. But she was sure R would understand what she was referring to. Hopefully, he didn't also realize it was an empty threat. Her dream had been too painfully true for her to actually kill him.
Ask away, Kathryn.
When the hour was up, Janeway still wasn't sure she'd learned anything useful. R had answered questions, but she didn't think any of his answers were truth. Nor did she think they were false. Each was a frustrating blend of fact and fiction. R was a master of manipulation both of people and words.
The headache pounding in her skull convinced her to go to sickbay. She could get something for her head and check on the Doctor's progress at the same time. Efficient. Well, nothing Seven would be proud of, but it had been a difficult morning.
"Doctor, report!" Her tone was more demanding than it needed to be, but it felt nice to be in control of something again.
The Doctor, noticeably peeved by her attitude, snarkily replied, "Easy. We've found nothing."
Janeway rubbed her face exasperatedly with one hand. R was proving to be many times more agitating than Q, something she didn't think possible. Though, it was Q's fault R was there in the first place, so causation factored into the equation somehow.
"Sorry for being short with you, Doctor. I just find the situation insufferable," she said after a few deep breaths. "Would you be so kind as to give me something for this headache?"
Seven approached her while the Doctor prepared a hypospray. "Captain, I might have something of use," she said in a low voice. She didn't elaborate because the Doctor was quickly back within earshot.
"Here you go, Captain," he said, pressing the instrument to her neck.
"Thank you, Doctor," Janeway said. "Seven, if you could accompany for a moment."
The pair exited sickbay and walked only a short distance down the corridor, enough to turn a corner.
"What is it, Seven?" Janeway asked, allowing just a ray of hope to color her words.
"The Doctor disapproves," Seven said matter-of-factly, "But I believe I can easily develop a weapon against the alien using my nanoprobes."
Janeway deflated a little. "I don't want to kill him, Seven."
Seven quirked an eyebrow. "Do you have another method of neutralizing the threat he poses to this ship? He may not have been a danger to us previously, but since Q brought him aboard, I believe we've made a powerful enemy that cannot be stopped without deadliest force."
Seven was right. Well, she would be right if R was really an enemy. But Janeway wasn't sure yet. He was belligerent, but that didn't make him bad necessarily.
"I'll keep that in mind," she said after some thought. "Thank you for letting me know."
"Of course, Captain."
Seven returned to sickbay, and Janeway made her way slowly down to the brig, thinking hard.
Once there, she dismissed one of the crewmen on duty, and politely greeted the other. She was determined to win this round with R.
Her resolve shook a bit, however, when she observed R's appearance.
"What do you think you're doing?"
Yeah, not the best form. Weak, I think, but it serves some purposes.
"Stop." Her vehemence was palpable. She tried not to notice the crewman shift uncomfortably at the console.
R gave a crooked smile with a slightly raised eyebrow.
She scowled in return.
What? Did I not do it right? Or maybe you didn't realize how absurd you look.
From tightly pulled bun to booted toe, R had adopted her exact likeness.
You know, the hair was fun to try, but it's not working for me. Now how do you usually have it? Something like this?
The bun dissolved before Janeway's eyes and seemed to melt the rest of the hair longer until it stopped short of the shoulders with the slightest curl at the end.
"I'll do it. Don't think I won't."
R flashed a toothy grin. You can't fool me, Kathryn. As you can see, we're one and the same.
"That's not how it works."
How would you know? You don't know anything about me.
Janeway swallowed hard.
"What do you want?"
Let's talk about Chakotay.
She exhaled in exasperation and rolled her eyes. "Why? What can you possibly gain from that?"
I told you I'd be helpful today.
Janeway shot a glance at the crewman behind her. He looked at her with eyebrows raised in helplessness. He had no idea what was going on. With a sigh, Janeway brought both hands together and brought them to her face so her chin could rest in the crook of her thumbs. She stared at R pensively.
"Alright. I'll humor you."
Glad you're finally ready to face your fears. Where should we start?
She simply stared in answer.
Ah yes. You love him.
"Maybe."
I can work with maybe. R walked to the very front of the cell, nose inches from the forcefield. Why haven't you told him?
"You know why."
Say it out loud.
"I think not."
Okay, I'll help you out with this one. You're afraid to feel. You already have so much responsibility. Already have enough people dependent on you. You can't handle someone being even more dependent. Especially not Chakotay because, in turn, it will make you dependent on him.
"How is this helpful?"
I'm going to help you change your mind.
R spent hours, hours, detailing possible outcomes of a relationship between Janeway and Chakotay. Really, detailing. Every single possibility was explored. Not all of the outcomes were good. A fair share ended in disaster or heartbreak or both. But so many of them were brilliant. Not perfect, none of them were perfect, but they exceeded her expectations.
The longer R spoke, the more enthralled Janeway became. Her surroundings slipped away, and she slowly but surely forgot that she was speaking to an alien, not a version of her from an alternate reality.
Eventually R's form changed again. One moment he was Kathryn Janeway describing the mental capabilities of her firstborn, and the next he was Chakotay simply sitting and staring at her with a smile.
The change jolted her somewhat. A fundamental part of her brain set off warnings. She attempted to rouse herself from the stupor she was in, but her metaphorically ruffled feathers were smoothed as if an invisible hand was stroking her mind.
"Kathryn, I love you," the Chakotay said. "I've always loved you."
She shook her head slightly. This couldn't be real. She and Chakotay had an unspoken agreement. Something like this was strictly prohibited. Her face hardened and her eyes narrowed at the figure before her.
"Kathryn, what's wrong?" he asked her, light concern playing clearly on his face. "Are you still afraid? Why can't you let your heart have a say for once?"
The words hurt. She had let her heart have a say. That's why she was in this ridiculous mess to begin with.
"Come here, my beautiful woman warrior," Chakotay urged. "Let me kiss you. Don't you secretly want to know what it will feel like?"
She stared long and hard at him. She scarcely moved as she considered his offer. The hand was at her mind again, so soothing. She remembered the night so long ago when he had told her the legend of the angry warrior. The memory of their hands clasped together surfaced in her mind. It had felt so right. But it should have been their lips.
He was right. She did secretly want to know his kiss. But why was it secret? She couldn't think of a good reason. Each time she began to come up with an argument, her mind was wiped blank. And every time she thought of Chakotay, she had trouble breathing.
Finally. "Okay. Yes." And she made toward him.
There was a loud sound—yelling?—but she ignored it and took another step.
Something was in her way. Or rather someone. They were attempting to keep her from Chakotay. She wouldn't allow it.
"Let me go," she demanded, struggling against them.
They didn't heed her. Why didn't they listen? She was the captain! The desire to finally give in and fall into Chakotay's arms was so strong, and her frustration mounted. The result was angry, unbidden tears.
The person said something to her. The words were like molasses, taking far too long for her to comprehend.
"Kathryn." That was her.
"If…it…will…help…" Getting out of the way would help.
"Kill…me." Wait what? Who was this person? She willed her eyes to focus on the large, dark fuzzy mass.
Dark brown eyes. A tattoo. Chakotay.
"What?"
Instantly reality crashed back into place around her. She was in the brig. R was in the cell. Chakotay held her with both hands. Chakotay was offering to…die?
"If it helps you, you can kill me," the man repeated sincerely.
Why was he saying that?
But as she looked into his eyes, saw the concern and the love there, she found it didn't matter.
She tried her voice. It was tight with emotion, but it worked. "Thank you, Chakotay. It does help."
The hands at her shoulders loosened slightly. For a moment, Chakotay looked like he was going to run as far away from her as possible. But he stood firm and nodded.
If she didn't feel so miserable, she would have laughed. As it was, she just leaned her forehead to his shoulder and sighed. "No, I'm not going to kill you," she said. "It's you words that helped. You've cleared my mind."
Chakotay visibly relaxed with a slight chuckle and pulled her into a tight embrace.
Touching.
Janeway pulled away enough to look at R. His appearance was entirely changed. Demon-like was the best she could describe it.
"I think that forcefield has proven itself," she said quietly. "I don't think anyone should be in here with him. He's just proved how dangerous he really is."
Chakotay released her and nodded. "We can monitor him remotely."
I'll have you, Kathryn Janeway.
It was a voice she hadn't yet heard. Concentrated malice. It induced chills instantly throughout the extent of her body.
I'll have you, and we will see how your precious Voyager fares without her captain.
In her state of shock, Janeway didn't protest when Chakotay lead her gingerly from the room. Her mind whirred, processing the threat and what her reaction should be.
Chakotay interrupted her thoughts. "We need to get you to sickbay." His words were somewhat hesitant. She knew it was because he knew how much she disliked being a patient.
Janeway somehow managed a smile. "Yes," she replied, obviously surprising him. "I needed to talk to the Doctor anyway." She took off ahead of Chakotay and didn't turn back to see the puzzled smile on his face.