Chakotay stared at Kathryn's closed door for a long time. He knew she was in there. He knew Q was there as well.
He and Seven had both rushed to her quarters as soon as they'd seen Q take her. Tuvok joined them as well. She didn't answer the chime. Her personal entry code didn't work. The security override code didn't work. Brute strength didn't work.
Tuvok had called their efforts to a halt. Logic dictated that the captain wouldn't be harmed. Q had never harmed her before. And trying to go against the will of Q was futile. It wasn't logical to waste any more time or energy. They'd see the captain soon enough, he'd said.
Chakotay refused to listen, but he was out of ideas as well. Seven and Tuvok left him outside Kathryn's quarters, staring, willing the door to open just because he wished it.
He used the time to think. He was having difficulty getting his head around everything that'd happened. Kathryn's behavior was puzzling to him, but he felt if he could just understand it, he could help her.
His thoughts were organized chronologically, more or less, the moments they'd shared together over the past couple days. First there'd been the incident on the bridge right after her encounter with Q. She'd been scared, particularly of him. Following that, she'd been evasive. But then there'd been his collapse and subsequent time in sickbay. She'd been worried and caring. And the next day, in the briefing room, she'd nearly opened up to let him in. But something had changed as soon as he touched her. She became distant and upset at his presence.
The most baffling event yet was when he'd saved her from R by offering his life. If anything, Chakotay expected such a bizarre thing to alienate Kathryn even more. But from that moment on, she'd scarcely allowed him to leave her side. She'd asked for his support and seemed genuinely pleased to receive it.
And now here she was, locked in a room. Spirits knew how she'd receive him when she was finally freed. He suspected she'd be standoffish. The only pattern he could discern so far was that she was most out of sorts after meeting with Q.
But why?
He would have stood in front of her door a while longer, but approaching crewmen pulled him from his pondering. Loath as he was to admit it, Tuvok was right. When Kathryn was available, she'd let them know. And he suspected she wouldn't be ready until long after Q's departure.
Chakotay opted to wait it out in his quarters. The doors swished open, and he found himself face to face with Q. With a snarl, he grabbed him by the front of his jacket and slammed him into the nearest bulkhead. "What did you do to her?"
Q merely looked at him, startled but not altogether surprised. "I know I deserve this, but I'd prefer a civilized conversation."
Chakotay tightened his grip but took time to look at the man. His eyes lacked the devilish gleam. In fact he looked penitent. "Civilized? You?" he growled. But he released him nonetheless.
Q brushed down his chest and straightened his jacket. "Not so hard was it?"
"What did you do?" Chakotay repeated.
The man rolled his eyes and sighed. "I'm not here to talk about Kathy." Before Chakotay grabbed him again, he held up a hand. "She'll have to tell you herself. You're her closest friend, after all. I'm sure she'll share eventually."
Chakotay suspected Q was taunting him, but he fervently hoped he was right about Kathryn. "What do you want then?"
"I'm here to apologize." Q made a small bow.
Chakotay snorted. Even his apologies were accompanied by the usual Q arrogance. "I'm supposed to believe that?"
Popping back upright, Q waved a nonchalant hand. "I don't really care if you believe me or not. I'm sorry for using you to manipulate your captain. It was a dreadful thing to do. It had to be done, but I'm still sorry it happened."
"You didn't seem very sorry at the time. You were enjoying it."
Q stood very still. "That was then."
"Why did it 'have to be done?'"
"I've already filled Kathy in with all the details. It would be a bore to repeat them."
"Tell me!"
"Nope, you'll have to ask Kathy." He wisely took a few steps out of Chakotay's reach and crossed his arms petulantly. "And I'd ask her soon. Poor dear. I'm afraid of what might happen if she tries to keep everything in much longer." He yawned and winked. "You know, it's far past my bedtime. Better get back to the continuum."
Chakotay wasn't able to stop him from leaving, but he decided to take his advice. He hurried to Kathryn's quarters and rang the chime.
He almost released a sigh of relief when she answered. There was a little redness around her eyes, but she looked fine besides. He decided to let her have the first word, even though he was dying to ask her everything.
"Commander?"
Formality. Just as he'd thought.
"Kathryn, are you alright?"
"I…I'm breathing at least."
That was more honesty than he'd expected quite frankly.
"You should come to sickbay. Just to make sure."
"Make sure I'm breathing?"
His heart swooped at the tiny smile that played on her lips.
"You know what I mean," he said, returning a smile of his own.
As expected, she rebuffed his offer. "Have the Doctor come here. I'm afraid the captain will be taking the rest of the week off."
Kathryn didn't make it 'til the rest of the week. She barely lasted twenty-four hours before she was back on the job.
When she showed up on the bridge for the early shift, Chakotay first noticed she'd cut her hair. Maybe he was reading too much into it, but he took it as a plea for normality. She was intent on putting recent events behind her forever.
Chakotay would have been happy to let her do so, if she wasn't adversely affected. She thought she was doing the best thing, but it was actually a sneaky act of self harm. Loving Kathryn was one of the most frustrating things Chakotay had ever done. Why couldn't the impossible woman just talk to him?
He saw her hurting and yearned to heal her, but he was helpless until she told him specifically what was wrong. Q's warning hung heavily on his mind. He suspected that the act of talking things over would be healing enough.
He tried to be accommodating at first. Asking discreet questions, prodding only gently, and respecting her desire to keep quiet. But time on the bridge was becoming uncomfortable for all involved. And she was still distressed even if he was the only one that could see it. More direct measures had to be taken.
He knew Kathryn was in her quarters. He knew she was awake. He wasn't going to give her the chance to ignore him or dismiss him. He knew her entry code, and he used it.
She wasn't in her sitting room. Nor was she in her bedroom. A quiet splash informed him she was taking a bath. That gave him pause. He wasn't sure whether he was prepared to invade her privacy in such a way. He could always come back later…
No. He was going to do it right then. He wouldn't go another day with Kathryn in silent pain sitting beside him.
He entered her bathroom with a purposeful stride and called her name. She was lying back with a washcloth over her eyes, so he considered it only fair that he should announce his presence.
A bit of water sloshed from the tub as Kathryn bolted upright. Her arms crossed defensively across her chest, but so many bubbles clung to her that it was unnecessary.
"Chakotay! How did—? I'm a little busy at the moment." Her pale skin reddened with a mixture of embarrassment and anger.
"I'm here to talk about what happened," Chakotay said, painfully aware that he was blushing as well. "I'm not leaving until you unload your misery."
"No! Get out!"
Chakotay shook his head and stood his ground.
"That's an order, Commander."
"Then throw me in the brig."
Her eyes widened, but only for a moment before she narrowed them and said, "Agreed. I'll call Tuvok right away."
Chakotay darted forward and snatched her combadge from the side of the tub before she could reach it. "You can call Tuvok after our chat."
"Give that back!" She looked as if she was going to lunge at him but at the last moment recalled her naked state. She also noticed the bubbles dissipating from her person. She quickly submerged herself to the neck.
Chakotay tried not to grin. "You can have it after you tell me what Q did."
Even in such a vulnerable situation, Kathryn's death glare was formidable.
Chakotay worried she'd skip Tuvok and the brig in favor of strangling him with her bare hands. At least he'd see her naked before he died.
"I'm only going to say this one more time. Get out."
"Talk to me first."
Flared nostrils were her only response.
"I'll wait here all night if I have to. And those bubbles aren't going to last."
She surreptitiously inspected the water to make sure she was still had enough cover for the time being. Then she scowled as Chakotay let out a chuckle. After some mental deliberation, she finally said, "Fine. We'll talk. But wait out on the couch while I get dressed, or else I'll accidentally confuse an airlock for the brig and jettison your miserable hide into space."
Victory. Those were terms he could accept. But he left with one last teasing remark. "I can only promise five minutes. Any longer and I'll come to get you."
Kathryn was ready in two minutes. She chose to sit in her chair instead of the couch. Not a promising start.
"What do you want to know?"
"Explain what happened. What argument did Q have with R and why were you a part of it?"
"R took over the continuum. He made everyone a little evil and used them for evil. Q escaped and came to me for help. With R dead, everything in the continuum would go back to normal." She spoke without expression.
"Why didn't Q just kill R himself?"
"Q was still under R's control to an extent. His power was limited."
That made sense. "And that's why Q was behaving so strangely. Because of R."
"Yes. Now if you don't mind, I believe you have some time to serve in the brig." She was on her feet and gesturing toward the door.
"I don't think so," Chakotay said firmly. "I didn't go to all this trouble just to find out Q's motivations."
"I answered your question," Kathryn said pointedly, hands on her hips.
"I have more."
She sunk back into the chair and dropped her chin to rest in her hand. "What then?"
Chakotay leaned forward. "Kathryn, you were so upset, so unlike yourself. Why?"
"Q was forcing me to kill someone, and then that someone threatened to kill me instead," she answered irritably. "How was I supposed to act?"
Fair point. But Chakotay knew it went deeper than that. Otherwise she'd have talked to him about it days ago. "How did Q force you? What happened during his first visit?"
Her hesitation and stiffening of shoulders told Chakotay he was on the right track. "He threatened me."
Chakotay frowned somewhat as he watched her move a finger along the side of her face. Normally such an action wouldn't catch his attention, but she was doing it backwards. Jaw to temple instead of the other way around. She'd never done that before.
"How?"
"Why do you need to know, Chakotay?" She'd shifted to a distrustful position.
"Because you're not alright. And I need to help you get better. You had a traumatic experience. There's not a counselor on this ship. Who else are you going to talk to?" He didn't mean to let his voice rise.
"I don't need to talk to anyone."
"You can't see how broken you've become. If anything else happens, you'll shatter. I know it pains you to talk about these things, but a little hurt now will make you stronger in the long run."
Kathryn didn't respond. Instead she looked steadfastly at the stars beyond the viewport. Her hackles were raised now. He needed to change his approach.
"What aren't you telling me?"
Chakotay left the couch to kneel directly in front of her chair. With one movement, he brought both her hands to join his in her lap. "Kathryn. How did he threaten you?"
It still wasn't enough. She refused to look at him, though she allowed him to hold her hands. "I find it extremely presumptuous for you to assume that fixing me is either your responsibility or within your abilities. If I'm broken, I would think I'd be the one that has to do the repairing."
Oh. He was silent for a full minute before he could think of something he could say that wouldn't offend her.
"Q threatened me too."
That got her attention. She met his gaze with a sharp intake of breath and a raised brow.
"He trapped me in the turbolift when I was going down to check on you, after that first encounter you had. It was one of the worst moments of my life."
"What happened?"
"He was you. Lying on the ground, bleeding. Dying." His voice cracked over the last word.
"What?"
"He said you were in danger and the only way to save you was to offer to die."
Silence as she considered that for a moment. "So that's why you did it. That twisted, manipulative bastard."
"He told me not to tell you about it at peril of your life."
She closed her eyes. "After what ended up happening, I guess I'm glad you listened."
"I would've done it, Kathryn, if you'd needed me to," Chakotay said solemnly.
"Done what?"
"Die."
Her hands tightened in his grip.
"If only everyone was as dedicated to their captain."
Oh no. He wasn't going to allow her to shrink from her feelings with lame humor. "I didn't do it because you're my captain. But you already know that."
Her eyes shifted away from his. "Yes, I do."
"What happened with Q?"
"The same thing."
He brushed his thumbs along the backs of her hands. "Tell me about it."
"He didn't tell me what he wanted. Not at first. He just…he just proved that he had me in the palm of his hand."
"How?"
"He used you. In no uncertain terms, he told me he would kill you unless I did him a favor. He was serious, Chakotay. I tried to stand up for myself, and you ended up in sickbay."
The clenching of her hands had grown painful, but he didn't pull away.
"I put everyone on the ship in danger…again! All because I couldn't…couldn't stand the thought of…of being without you." A tear trickled from her eye. She used her shoulders to wipe it away rather than release Chakotay's hands.
There it was. The true underlying cause of her distress.
"You're not weak, Kathryn. You wouldn't have let Q kill a single member of your crew."
"It's different with you. My emotions got the better of me. I acted irrationally. Things could have been handled so much better."
"Love does that."
Her hands stiffened. She was so close to dismissing him, he could see the words forming in her throat. That wouldn't do at all. So he stopped them coming by quickly but softly placing his lips over hers.
It lasted only an instant. He pulled back after the briefest contact and waited for the blows to fall. They never did.
He watched her with deep concern. Her lip trembled. She seemed to have stopped breathing. A quivering hand slipped from his grasp and came to rest on his chest. It didn't push him away, but it was a sort of barrier nonetheless. Something she needed.
He noticed the awkward position reaching up for the kiss had brought him into. One knee was perched beside her, and he was effectively trapping her in the seat. He slid back to the floor. The hand on his chest stayed in place, but it tensed.
Chakotay awaited her response.