"Love does that."

No. Janeway was not going to have that conversation. But before she could tell him off, he was kissing her. Well, it was hardly more than a peck but still more than had ever happened before. And nothing at all like the passionate display with R a few days previous.

She was completely dumbstruck when he pulled away. Should she slap him? Should she call security? Should she kiss him back?

A hand on his chest was all she managed. She wasn't sure if it was there to push him away or just feel the warmth of his racing heart.

He moved away from her. Where did he think he was going? She followed him possessively with her hand. It was poised to clutch his jacket and drag him back to her, but she didn't complete the action. There would be no more kissing. Not tonight. Not ever. Well, maybe someday, but not on Voyager. Not in the Delta Quadrant.

"Chakotay." She'd meant to sound exasperated, but instead her voice was breathy. Great.

Chakotay took her hand by the wrist and moved it from his chest. "I'm sorry." The kiss he pressed to her palm said otherwise.

She had the sudden urge to grab his chin ad pull it toward her so she could reach his lips again. She quashed it with mentally resounding 'No, stop that!'

"It's time for you to go."

Chakotay obediently released her wrist and stood up. He collected her combadge from the couch. "As soon as my Vulcan escort gets here," he said smiling.

She was grateful for his humor. It was far less awkward for him to leave with a few friendly jibes than in silence.

"I think the brig deserves a rest for now. But next time you interrupt my bath, I won't be so lenient."

"Next time? Would it count as an interruption if I schedule an appointment first?"

She rolled her eyes. "Out!"

"Aye, aye, Captain." He saluted impudently before exiting.

Janeay rubbed both hands down her face before bringing them together over her mouth.

They'd been able to back away after New Earth. Been able to stay "just friends" after many emotionally intimate experiences. They'd controlled themselves for seven years, dammit. But could they ever go back to normal after a kiss?

She didn't sleep that night. She kept arguing with herself about protocol and regulations. About relationships dynamics and crew morale. About consequences and heartbreak. It was a familiar argument. She'd had it with herself countless times before. But this time her heart was winning.

That fact both exhilarated and terrified her.

What was she most afraid of?

Protocol was just a front. An excuse. There weren't any direct rules against this sort of thing, just soft recommendations.

Heartbreak? Well, she knew Chakotay at least returned her feelings. There could be a falling out along the road, and they'd not be able to escape from each other's presence. But the potential for awkwardness in the future was far outweighed by the potential for lasting happiness. At least, it did when she was being honest. And it wasn't as if they hadn't fallen out before. They always managed to come back together.

Crew morale? Half the crew thought the command team was already involved. If anything they'd welcome the news. And the relationship didn't have to be publicized at all, really. It could be, well, not a secret exactly but something personal. So what her crew would think wasn't the problem either.

What she was truly the most afraid of was how the relationship would affect her work. It wasn't that she didn't think they could keep their professional and private lives separate. She was certain they could. It was more about how a relationship would cloud her judgment in a crisis.

And she realized now that her biggest fear was irrelevant. Even outside of a relationship, her feelings for Chakotay already had heavy sway on what she did. Q had gone to some lengths to prove it. But Q had also said something instructive that she'd forgotten about until her heart stubbornly prodded it forward in her mind.

"It won't be a decision so easy as Chuckles or the crew. I know your answer for that one. You're too predictable with all your principles."

Her most poignant arguing point didn't seem to hold water anymore.

So what was holding her back? Why deny herself that happiness?

When she saw him on the bridge the next morning, her heart behaved erratically. Worthless organ. But she'd made up her mind somewhere between 300 and 400 hours. Of course, since then, she'd waffled back and forth a couple dozen times, but at her core, her heart's decision won out.

If Chakotay pursued a relationship between them, this time, she would allow it. If he kissed her again, she'd kiss back. But it was up to him.

He was already leaning over the console between their chairs before she'd settled completely into the captain's seat.

She felt a pang of annoyance followed by embarrassment. What would the crew think? It only took a split second after the thought to feel supremely silly. They wouldn't think anything. Chakotay wasn't about to make some affectionate show on the bridge. They talked over the console all the time. This was completely ordinary.

"I'm sorry we didn't finish our conversation last night. It was supposed to be about you finding peace, and I'm afraid I changed the subject drastically." His voice was low so no one else could hear even though his words were perfectly tame. "I was wondering if we could finish over dinner. It is Friday after all, and we missed last week."

"Of course. I look forward to it." And she meant it. Mostly.

As infuriating as being forced into talking about things had been, she had found a measure of relief in it. It was comforting to have Chakotay listen. And to have him care so much about her wellbeing. But baring her soul was less appealing. The night could be potentially very dreary.

Then again, if they were going to have a relationship, there'd have to be honesty. It would be much harder to hide in her shell and ignore personal problems with Chakotay there to try and fix them. Bless him. What a well-meaning idiot. She loved him.

For the first time in a while, Janeway was able to truly relax on the bridge.

Waiting for Chakotay drove Janeway nearly into a panic. She had so many expectations for the evening. And on the other hand, there were so many fears. Yes, she wanted to be open with him, let him in, but she didn't exactly relish the idea of picking at her mental wounds.

There was no way she could stomach dinner. Maybe she should cancel. Her hand was on her combadge when the door chimed.

"Come in," she said after taking a deep breath.

Chakotay walked in wearing a huge smile and bearing a large bowl. She was momentarily calmed.

"Good to see you've remembered the polite way to enter my quarters," she said with a crooked smile. She gestured at the bowl. "What's that?"

"Salad. I wanted to ensure there was at least one edible thing on the table tonight."

She threw a cloth napkin at him. "I'll have you know the garlic bread is divine." With a sneaky shrug she added, "But the pasta might be a little chewy."

"I look forward to it."

They began the meal much as they always had. A few comments about ship gossip, thoughts on their progress that week, a few anecdotes of the more amusing interactions they'd had lately. But the conversation was approaching critical at warp speed.

"I proposed this dinner so we could talk about you," Chakotay said after he'd picked the last few noodles from his plate. "But before we do, I have something else to discuss."

Janeway dabbed at her mouth with her napkin and tried to remain casual, but her heart pounded with apprehension. "So do I. I wouldn't be surprised if it's the same thing."

"It's good to know we're on the same page at least some of the time." He cleared his throat before continuing. "You know how I feel about you. You've known for years. You established boundaries, and I respected them until last night. I'm not sorry for what I did, but I am sorry that you were uncomfortable."

"You're right. I did put up barriers, and I was uncomfortable, but I'm not sorry you did it either," she said quietly. "After the hellish week I've been through, not to mention years of untapped potential, it was just the thing I needed." She leaned her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. It took a substantial amount of willpower to keep talking. "I've had to evaluate our relationship a lot lately. Mostly because R thrust it upon me.

"What?"

"When R pulled me into a trance the first time, it was because he took my form and argued about you. He spent a long time trying to convince me how wonderful our life could be together. I was putty in his hands when he played the final card."

"Let me guess. He turned into me."

"When you held me back, stopped me from walking straight into his clutches, you were keeping me from finally falling into your loving embrace. Or so it seemed to me." She was surprised at how easy it was to talk about it. After she'd gotten over the initial anxiety, it all just proceeded naturally. She wasn't even embarrassed.

Chakotay was a very easy person to talk to. That's why she'd been able to share with him in the past.

"And when you went to finish him, when you kissed him, it was—"

"You again."

Chakotay took a moment to digest the information. With a sad turn to his eyes, he said, "You were delusional."

"True. But R was playing on real feelings. Real secret hopes. That's why he was so dangerous. And that's why the experience was so devastating."

The table between them was too much. She reached for his hand and led him to sit beside her on the couch. With an arm around her shoulders, he held her close.

"I can't even begin to imagine how hard all of it was—is—for you. Hell, Kathryn, I don't think I could go a day in your shoes under normal circumstances."

She let out a sigh of mirth and leaned her head against his shoulder. They hadn't specifically talked about a relationship yet that night, but it was easy to act as if they had. The physical contact was second nature to them both.

He went on speaking. "When R spoke to me, it was with your voice."

"Fantastic. We have the same weakness: each other," Janeway said, waving an arm emphatically between them.

"I told you last night, it's not a weakness."

"I'm trying to believe you." She unconsciously ran a finger along her "lick line."

"Why do you do that all of the sudden? You've never done it before." Chakotay's question startled her with its intensity.

"Do what?"

"Touch your face like that." He brushed a knuckle over her cheekbone for emphasis.

She stiffened and jerked her head away.

"Kathryn?" He clasped her hand as if to prevent her fleeing entirely.

She bit her lip before admitting, "Q."

Chakotay scooted away from her so he could angle himself to better look into her eyes. Their knees touched and he kept a hold on her hand. He squeezed it gently to invite her to explain.

"That first time. He laid out his threats. I told him I wouldn't be blackmailed. He said it wasn't blackmail. He said he owned me. Then to prove his point, he licked me. From here," she demonstrated with a wavering finger, "to here."

Chakotay looked murderous but she wasn't finished.

"He'd put me in a sort of stasis, so I couldn't move, but I was so… so…" She couldn't pick a word so she left it up for interpretation. "I wouldn't have been able to move anyway." Damn these tears. Where had they come from? "Ever since, it's been my own private tattoo of shame."

Chakotay's eyes softened from rage to empathy. "Permission to kiss it better?"

Janeway couldn't help but let out a teary laugh. "Granted."

He took the task very seriously. First he positioned a hand on either side of her head, just behind her ears, to hold her steady. Then he carefully placed a tender kiss all along the side of her face.

Janeway's mind couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry so she settled on a mixture that left tears in her eyes but a broad smile on her lips.

When Chakotay finished his trail of kisses, he brushed her tears away and kissed her mouth. She returned it the best she could, but they had to separate before long because she was laughing too hard to continue.

"What?" Chakotay asked with a bemused expression.

She leaned her forehead against his shoulder while she struggled to rein in her amusement. "It's really not funny," she said through giggles. "I don't know why I'm laughing at all."

"Tell me, please," he urged.

With a hand over her mouth, she looked into his eyes. "Well it's just… Q licked me to show ownership in the first place. And now you've kissed me in the same way, and I can't help but think you were really the one owning me the whole time. Not that you own me, I'm not an object, but… Well, I do seem to belong to you." She was rambling and it made her laugh more.

"You're right. It's not funny," Chakotay said. "But I like it. Sort of." He tried to kiss her cheek but caught her ear instead as she buckled over in a fresh fit of mirth. "You're insane."

She sobered almost immediately. "I'm here with you aren't I?"

Chakotay gave her a little shove. She returned it and began chuckling again.

"So is this us now?" he asked before pulling her onto his lap.

She traced his tattoo with one finger and brushed his lips with her thumb. "If you'd like. We have some more talking to do. Several things to figure out. But they can probably wait a while longer."

"A while?"

"At least until after you've kissed me properly."

Chakotay grinned wolfishly. "Like this?"

She barely had enough time to take a breath before he enthusiastically complied.

The End

A/N: Goodness. Consider these my acknowledgements.

First, a million thanks to my bossy-face, slave-driver of a beta: Jesser. Seriously. Without this girl, this story would be pathetic. I came to her with merely the first chapter and the question "What does Q want?" and zero ideas. You have her to thank for all chapters from Chakotay's point of view. You also have her to thank for basically everything. She's brilliant and she spent a lot of time helping me sort out plot difficulties (especially at the end when I wanted to give up and let Janeway run away with Q and become the queen of the universe.) And also she helped me write "much more betterly." So brava, Jesser. (Any mistakes you see are evidence of me being stubborn and ignoring her.)

Now thanks oodles to all you readers. Reviews make me feel positively giddy, and seeing that people are actually reading the slop I put out makes me want to write more. Haha. So don't you worry, I have several more stories in mind and one under construction.

And remember, if you have any comments, please feel free to toss them at me.

Author out.