A/N *YAWN* It's so late so I apologize for any grammar mistakes, run-on sentences, random badness, etc,
A Loneliness you can't answer for
Chapter 2: What a catch Donnie
EPOV
I couldn't deny the fact that I had practically done everything possible to ruin my life. Just a couple years ago Bella and I were the best of friends and then the whole incident with Tanya and Bella's mom had to happen and our friendship was ruined.
-flashback-
For awhile now I knew I had feelings for Bella, so when I went to Emmett his advice was to make her a bit jealous just to see what she was missing out on and then maybe she would show interest in me. So I talked to Bella about how much I like the new girl Tanya and she seemed a bit distant but still supportive at the same time, so I had to take it to the next level.
I knew I was being ridiculous but I needed Bella to like me, she had become such an important part of me that it was absolutely crucial that I spill my feelings out to her as soon as it's 'safe' according to Emmett.
So I asked Tanya out and she was more than willing. I felt a little bad for using her but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Tanya was pretty good looking, and she seemed a bit ditzy which was perfect for the job. But of course she wasn't perfect for me.
Bella was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. She had long dark mounds of brown hair that was smooth enough to run your fingers through. She wasn't anorexic-skinny like all the other girls had recently become. Bella just was naturally thin, yet she could eat and while she wasn't a pig she didn't care if anyone saw her order a burger. Her warm brown eyes were two of the deepest orbs I had ever seen. There was just so much depth, so much to read and I was desperate to get to decode it all. She had the most amazing smile that was a little uneven on her right side and I loved it. She had the most curious personality and though I'd known her for years there still felt like there was much to figure out about her. I can't quite put my finger on it but I felt like I was in love.
For our date Tanya and I had decided on walking home and then going over to my house for some snacks or something and hang out. Which is precisely where we were now. Tanya and I were laying on my carpet playing 20 questions.
"Alright Edward, who is that girl you're always hanging around with, is she like you're girlfriend and you're cheating on her with me or something?" that was definitely more than one question.
"Oh Bella..she's just my best friend, nothing special I mean we've never dated or anything but we hang out—like friends" I gulped when I finished hoping she didn't think much of it but she started laughing. Then I heard my phone ring and Tanya looked at it.
"Oh look it's miss best friend right now Eddie!" and she began giggling again as she tossed me the phone. Right now I was so infuriated with the situation that I wasn't exactly….myself wheni answered the phone.
"What is it Bella?" I said in a clearly annoyed tone. I was pretty sure I told her about the date this afternoon and now she was interrupting.
I heard the sound of a small sob on the other end and then the small voice of a very strong Bella which confused me but didn't erase me from my state of anger. " I-I'm sorry Edward, I'll j-j-just call you later since you're busy"
Tanya, listening to the conversation began bursting out in laughter again and I could almost feel steam coming out of my ears as I spoke back. "No Bella, what is sooooo important that you need to call me sobbing on the phone whilst interrupting my date?" I regretted the words as I said them because of their insensitivity but I was annoyed and Bella wasn't helping the cause at hand. I waited for her answer but just heard more sobbing and then the click of her ending the call.
I shut my phone and turned to see Tanya standing and biting her lip to control her laughter.
"I think I'm going to go now Edward, my house is just around the corner, but I'll like, see you around, ok?" Great, even the girl I was using didn't want me!
"Yeah sure Tanya, See you" I said opening the door for her and watching her walk out.
I sat in my room for quite awhile just thinking about what I was going to do now and the truth was I had no clue. I was so angry at Bella for putting me in this position even though deep down I knew she wasn't at fault.
So after an hour or so I decided to go to her house and talk to her. When I got to her house I made a point to walk along her lawn. We both had been raised to respect property but I was too angry to even function like the real Edward.
I got to the doorstep and rang the bell 5 times. My patience was running and I needed to talk to her right then for my own selfish reasons.
When she opened the door her face was tear-stained and her eyes were as puffy red. I wanted to ask her what was wrong and to help her but my temper got the best of me. I watched as her face looked shocked at my facial appearance and she stepped out of the house. I barely gave her time to breathe before I set off.
"BELLA HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!" I screamed and I watched her shiver back at my outburst but I wasn't finished just yet. "YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT DATE WAS TO ME AND YOU HAD TO CALL RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL 'SOBBY' AND SAD EXPECTING ALL OF THE ATTENTION TO BE ON YOU!!"
That had to be it, Bella had to be so jealous of me and Tanya that she insisted on calling in the middle of it sounding all sad for my attention. So NOW she wants by complete attention and wants me to notice her. Well not today, I was done. "So much for a great first date with the girl of my dreams, she was mad enough that I even had a best friend whose a girl and then you have to call making it sound like were secretly dating or something. Thanks a lot" I started to walk away the way I came when I heard her voice calling me back
I set off again
"What kind of nerve do you have Bella! This date was important to me, what could POSSIBLY have been important enough for you to ruin it?" that was a stupid question. Anything involving Bella would have been more important but I couldn't let her know that and I was too angry to be reasonable or even sensible.
She looked at me distraught and behind her sad eyes I could see a glimpse of anger rising in them. "I'm sorry I'm such an inconvenience" she spoke in a broken whisper before turning her back on me and walking back to her house. I just stood there like an idiot for a few seconds before slowly walking back to my house.
I knew I had screwed things up pretty bad but I didn't know the extent until the 6pm news that night. There had been a car collision on Main Street with one woman who died later on at the hospital. Renee Swan. I was a monster; no I was a sick excuse for anything breathing. Bella needed me and I just screamed in her face about a girl I didn't even care about. Her mother was dead and I just made everything worse for her.
I thought about going right back over to her house but she probably didn't want me too and there was also the chance that Charlie or Jake could answer the door and if either of them knew what I did I wouldn't stand a chance. I decided to wait till Monday at school when she had maybe somewhat recovered from the death of her mother and would maybe be more keen to listen to me. I was wrong.
When I got to lunch Tanya ran up to me and grabbed onto my waist as if to claim me. I wanted to shrug her off but I couldn't hurt 2 girls in one week, the situation was bad enough. I looked around for her but when I found her she was sitting with Alice on the far end of our usual table. I slowly inched my way over and sat down next to her. I didn't know what to say so I just waited for her to acknowledge my presence but instead she just curled into herself and stared at her food. After a couple of minutes I stood up, there was a lot of progress to make.
I waited on her for the rest of the week. I tried to talk to her at lunch or in the hallways but she simply walked away from me with a polite 'excuse me'. I called her phone but she never picked up. I even went to her house a few times but Jake would answer the door and glare at me without a word until I left. I was getting fed up. I understand she's mad at me but now she's just trying to hurt me and make me feel guilty. I wouldn't have that. The new Edward didn't tolerate being played till he was groveling on his knees begging for forgiveness. Even though the real Edward knew he would do just that for Bella, he would do anything to make her smile again.
But my less-reasonable side placed a phone call under restricted so she had to pick up. And as soon as I heard her soft 'Hello' I spoke. "Bella I tried talking to you all week so I could at least apologize but you won't even give me a chance so I'm done trying. I won't let you win and make me feel guilty because I'm done with you, have a nice life."
I couldn't believe I had said those words but it wasn't me, I wasn't me. Emmett's advice and Tanya's existence had changed me. Neither were to blame I just couldn't find sense anymore. So I broke down and cried as soon as I hung up the phone. I cried like a small helpless girl for the life I had thrown away and for hurting the girl I loved. I cried for Bella's pain and suffering and the additional tears I caused her. I cried for Tanya because I was wasting her time. I cried, and no physical pain could compete with this hole I had buried myself in.
End of flashback
Now without Tanya I had no idea what I was doing. Bella was doing worse. She hardly talked anymore and I saw a few bruises on her face a few weeks ago that made me nervous. But of course no one knew that. Because of my idiocy and selfishness in Bella's time of need we had no relationship. We didn't have hate, we had nothing which was worse. I needed her back, I just didn't know how.
I've got troubled thoughts
And the self esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one who charmed the one
Who gave up on you?
Who gave up on you?
-What a catch Donnie, fall out boy
A/N alright so I hope you appreciate me staying up all night to write this, I was hit with an inspiration and just kind of came up with this, so yeah!
As always I appreciate the reviews and their writers! It's kind of because of that, that I decided to stay up till 4:19 writing this…
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