"Somewhere, in another life, in another reality, you and I are married, and we have four kids, and we live in Vermont and I'm the mayor and ...you make jam...".
What if Scandal were a 1980s-style family situation comedy, rather than a drama?
The text below is my script for the sit-com pilot. Have a look, and tell me if you think it should be optioned, or remain on the summer slush pile!
I don't own Scandal, which is the exclusive property and creative achievement of Shonda Rhimes and the talented writers of Shondaland.
As always, this author is grateful for all readers and comments, negative and positive.
SCENE THREE: "Looking for the Right Words"
The Grant home.
The doorbell rings.
Olivia, who has been pacing in circles on one side of the living room while the boys continue working on their homework, and Aleta watches more television, stops pacing and goes to answer the door.
Enter Abby Wheelen Rosen, owner and chief dessert chef for Hallingford's best bakery/café, "Abby's Sweet Shop." She is one of Olivia's closest friends, and frequently drops in for late afternoon coffee if she can leave the Sweet Shop to her manager, Quinn Perkins, for an hour or two.
ABBY
Peering carefully at Olivia as she enters the living room
What's wrong?
OLIVIA
Tossing her head evasively
Nothing's wrong…why would you think anything was wrong?
ABBY
Knowingly
Liv, your lower lip is trembling. It's a dead giveaway.
Olivia gives a sidelong glance to the boys who are now actually working on their math, while Aleta is still watching television. She jerks her head toward the direction of the kitchen, indicating that Abby should follow her. They go into the kitchen and Abby sits down at the table, while Olivia finds mugs for coffee, and pours some from a coffee maker on the kitchen.
ABBY
Concerned
Liv, what is it?
Olivia finally sits down, fiddles with her coffee, and then looks up at Abby
OLIVIA
Abby, did you know that Mellie Randolph's company was opening a jam factory in town?
ABBY
I heard about it a few days ago…apparently there's going to be a big spread in the Hallingford Messenger on Sunday…
She stops short, horrified
Wait a minute…you didn't know?
OLIVIA
In a small voice
No.
ABBY
Indignant
Fitz didn't tell you?
OLIVIA
Sitting back in her chair
No.
ABBY
Perplexed
So, who did?
OLIVIA
Grimly
My dad!
ABBY
Sits back in her chair, and blows out a breath
Oh dear…
OLIVIA
"Oh dear" is right. I have to hear from my father—a man who hates my husband, and never loses any opportunity to tell me what a mistake it was to marry Fitz—that my husband's ex-fiancé is practically about to be given the key to the city next month…
ABBY
Apologetically
I know you don't like her, Liv, but the factory is going to be terrific for business….we're bound to see more customers at the Sweet Shop once it opens….and we finalized the catering order for desserts at the Gala Dinner this morning….
OLIVIA
Throws up her hands
Great! This is perfect for everyone in town except me!
Muttering as she stand up to get more milk for her coffee
Maybe I should move back to Washington and leave you all to dance around Mellie on a pedestal…
ABBY
Leaning forward and putting her hand out to Olivia in appeal
Aw…Liv…don't be like that…I'm sure Fitz was planning to tell you…it's just a sensitive subject…
Abby shrugs her shoulders elaborately
Fitz was probably just… looking for the right words….
OLIVIA
Wryly
Evidently he was looking for the right words in all the wrong places…
She looks down at her lap and then looks seriously at Abby
Abby, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately….
ABBY
Solicitously
What is it, Livvie?
OLIVIA
I think I want to go back to work.
In a whisper, as if revealing a deep, dark secret
I miss wearing suits!
After a pause
And I'm sick of wearing comfortable shoes!
Completing her confession
I want to put on a pair of heels again!
ABBY
Sits back in her chair, considering. Abby is actually not even surprised by Olivia's confession; she and David don't have any children, and so Abby has never quite understood what motivates parents to begin with
Well, of course you want to dress like a grown-up! And no one could blame you if you missed talking to grown-ups, too…There are only so many conversations any intelligent adult can stand to have about whether someone has finished their homework….
OLIVIA
Interposing…one reason she hasn't raised this with Abby earlier was because she knew that Abby wouldn't completely comprehend her mixed feelings
Actually, Abby, you might be surprised at how many conversations between attorneys are exactly about whether or not someone has finished their homework!
She lifts a brow
Sometimes we have conversations about whether the homework was done at all…
Tilting her head to one side and laying one hand on Abby's arm
And—trust me—my children are far more intelligent than some of the clients I had to work with in Washington…especially the Congressmen…
ABBY
Touching Olivia's hand back with sympathy and retreating a bit; it's not that Abby dislikes Olivia's children; it's just that she's never been completely comfortable around anyone under the age of thirty
Well, it would stand to reason that your children would be special, Liv…
Olivia smiles
Abby continues, looking perplexed
But I don't see the problem with you going back to work… I say, go for it!
Abby gives Olivia a penetrating look
What's stopping you?
OLIVIA
Anxiously
I've been worrying about how I would handle the afterschool babysitting…I don't want to abandon my children…
She shakes her head as she continues..
It's not so much Aleta I worry about if I could find someone reliable, and Nicole's old enough to manage for a few hours on her own…but sometimes I think the boys would never do their math homework if I wasn't around to stand over them…
ABBY
Laughing
They'd learn to do it fast enough the first time they came home with a bad grade for not finishing it…even if the teacher didn't read them the riot act, you and Fitz certainly would! It might actually teach them some responsibility!
Sobering
But…what does all this have to do with Mellie Randolph?
OLIVIA
Hesitates
I guess…
ABBY
Prompting
You guess…what?
OLIVIA
Bringing it out in a rush
I guess I feel like I need to go back to work if I'm going to be competing for my husband's attention with the C.E.O of an international company…
ABBY
Comforting
Olivia…Fitz loves you….If you want to go back to work, go back to work, but I'd honestly be surprised if Fitz is interested in getting back together with Mellie after all these years….
OLIVIA
Starting to tear up
Then why didn't he tell me that Mellie Randolph was opening a jam factory in Hallingford?
ABBY
Shrewdly
Have YOU told him that Jake Ballard made a pass at you at the Labor Day Picnic?
OLIVIA
Small voice
No.
ABBY
Gee…so I guess you must be searching for the right words, too….
Snaps her fingers as if solving a problem with gentle sarcasm
Hey! Maybe your words are missing in the same place where Fitz needs to look for his!
OLIVIA
Conceding
OK, OK, point taken….but I haven't told Fitz because I think it would hurt him to know that his best friend was being inappropriate with his wife…not because I have the slightest interest in Jake Ballard…
ABBY
Musing
Jake is kinda cute…
Olivia looks shocked
OLIVIA
Abby!
ABBY
Oh come 'on Olivia; we're married, not dead!
OLIVIA
Primly
Maybe so, but I don't really think about other men besides Fitz….
Keening…
And…what am I ever going to wear to that damned gala?
ABBY
Wrinkles her nose, reflects
Wear that black-and-white thing you used to wear to parties in Washington…
Olivia stares at her
ABBY
Pressing her point emphatically
You always looked amazing in it…and it's bound to fit you—you were even able to get into that thing when you were four months pregnant!
OLIVIA
Tearing up again
I can't wear that…I was wearing that the last time I saw Mellie Randolph! She'll think I have only one dress!
ABBY
Shrugging her shoulders
So, take Nicole and go shopping this weekend…You can find some bargain gown in one of the fashion outlets and Nicole will be in retail heaven!
OLIVIA
Considering
I suppose I could…
Abby looks at her watch.
ABBY
Oh Yikes! I gotta get going! I have to go back to the shop and help Quinn close…
She rises to go, but is also speaking urgently as Olivia walks her to the door…
Now listen, I really stopped by to remind you how to make the apple butter—it's sugar, cider vinegar, and water, simmered overnight, with the cloves and the other spices I left for you…don't forget, OK? The vinegar is what gives it that distinctive tang….
OLIVIA
Reassuring her friend
I won't forget, I promise. And thanks for stopping by, Abby.
Abby gives Olivia a quick kiss on the cheek and flies out the door. We watch Olivia close the door behind Abby and return, dispirited, to the kitchen. With leaden movements, she carries the pot from the stove over to the sink, and drains much of the water the apples have been soaking in. We see her add water, vinegar, a few spices in a measuring cup (cloves, coriander, etc.) and then take down a canister and distractedly add several heaping spoonfuls of a white powdery substance. Throughout this process, Olivia continues to look depressed. It is clear her mind is not on her cooking, but on the revelation that her old rival for her husband's affections is coming to Hallingford. Olivia stirs the mixture a few times with a wooden spoon, then lays it aside, covers the pot and places it on the stove. We see her adjusting the stove dials to leave the pot simmering over a low gas flame, and exiting the kitchen to check on her sons,
As she leaves, the camera zooms in to focus, first upon the flame under the pot, and then upon the canister from which Olivia thought she had taken sugar.
The canister is labelled "Baking Soda…"
We hear the ominous sound of bubbling…..
Commercial**Camera Click**Commercial**Camera Click**Commercial**Camera Click**
For this chapter (and a subsequent one), the author consulted several recipes for Apple Butter on the Internet that she will be happy to share upon request. Several call for vinegar, and others do not; my reasons for referring to those that do had more to do with plot considerations, than taste considerations, so I apologize for any offense to the culinary expertise of readers who may know better.
Once again, I would also like to take this opportunity to thank those readers who have expressed interest in this piece! I am honored and grateful for your attention.