"Somewhere, in another life, in another reality, you and I are married, and we have four kids, and we live in Vermont and I'm the mayor and ...you make jam...".
What if Scandal were a 1980s-style family situation comedy, rather than a drama?
The text below is my script for the sit-com pilot. Have a look, and tell me if you think it should be optioned, or remain on the summer slush pile!
I don't own Scandal, which is the exclusive property and creative achievement of Shonda Rhimes and the talented writers of Shondaland.
As always, this author is grateful for all readers and comments, negative and positive.
SCENE FIVE: "Gladiators Show No Fear"
We are back in the Pope-Grant home. Olivia has left the kitchen, dispirited, but, as she enters the living room, she sees that, while she was preparing the apple butter, Huck Finn, who was about done for the day, had entered the living room, and begun talking to her sons, while Aleta continued to watch television.
Huck is now sitting at the dining table, sandwiched between Kendall and Curtis, who stand on either side of him, gazing in rapt attention as Huck draws a diagram on an open page of one of their notebooks.
HUCK
Explaining as he draws
Math is a code.
KENDALL
Excitedly
Like a spy code?
HUCK
Turning to catch Kendall's eye as he responds solemnly
Exactly like a spy code…and those who learn the code…
He looks at both of the boys in turn as he continues
…become Math Gladiators.
Huck returns to drawing his diagram as he continues
Crack the code…and you solve the problem.
And then you are a Math Gladiator.
Curtis pushes his glasses up his nose and leans in as Huck continues
This is what we call "hangman's division."
Huck continues to draw, and then turns to Curtis
What did you say the number was?
CURTIS
375
HUCK
And we're dividing it by what?
KENDALL
25
HUCK
Businesslike
OK, so here we are with 375…what does the "3" mean?
CURTIS
He scrunches up his face, figuring for a moment
300?
HUCK
Firmly
Are you asking me or telling me?
Holding the boy's gaze
Math Gladiators show no fear.
CURTIS
More enthusiastically this time
300!
HUCK
Approvingly
That's better. ..So…now you have to "estimate."
Confiding
That's the difficult part…but remember…Math Gladiators show no fear…
Kendall and Curtis are silent, figuring…so Huck takes pity and breaks it down for them a little..
HUCK
How many "100s" in 300?
KENDALL
Frowning
3…
HUCK
Encouragingly
OK, that's good…and how many "25s" in each hundred?
CURTIS
Enthusiastically
Oh wait, I know! 4!
KENDALL
Looks at his brother quizzically
How did you know that?
CURTIS
Explaining
Because each 25 is like a quarter of a pizza pie? Remember? Mom explained that last week?
KENDALL
The light begins to dawn
Oh!
HUCK
Prompting them now
So how many "25s" in 3 hundreds?
CURTIS
Counts carefully on his fingers…murmuring to himself…
Three fours make….
With a triumphant cry—this is his ah, ha! moment..
TWELVE!
HUCK
Encouraging
Good! Knowing your multiplication tables is very important!
Nodding, with more solemnity
That's the knowledge a Math Gladiator needs…
Huck writes on the diagram
So we write 12 times 25 by the side and subtract 300 from 375. What does that leave us with?
KENDALL
With equal enthusiasm
75!
HUCK
With grave approval
Excellent. And how many 25s in 75?
The boys are busy counting on their fingers
CURTIS
Another moment of triumph
THREE!
HUCK
Excellent.
He returns to the diagram.
So now, the last step is adding your two answers together: twelve plus three…equals?
KENDALL
Leaning into Huck's shoulder
It's fifteen.
HUCK
Prompting
And now do you remember what you do next?
CURTIS
Pushing his glasses up on his nose again
We're supposed to multiply the fifteen and the twenty-five, and see if we get 375.
HUCK
Handing the pencil to Curtis and standing up to give Curtis his seat.
Try it.
Curtis sits down, and begins multiplying; when he hesitates, Kendall tries to take the pencil from him. Huck lays a gentle, restraining hand on Kendall's shoulder.
Math Gladiators wait for their challenge.
Kendall waits, fidgeting, for his brother to finish, while Olivia continues to watch Huck Finn handle her sons. He is doing such a good job that even Aleta has finally been distracted from her television program by the adventure of watching Huck help her brothers with their homework.
CURTIS
Excitedly
It's right! It's right!
HUCK
Gravely shaking Curtis's hand
So, you see? You've cracked the Long Division code.
You are a true Math Gladiator.
He turns to Kendall, as he continues to address Curtis
You should let your brother try the next one…
Huck now sees that Olivia has been watching him interact with her sons with rapt attention. He pushes back his chair, stands up and steps away from the table to walk toward her, explaining
Mrs. G…I wanted to let you know the lawn is mowed, and I finished trimming the apple trees…
He gestures self –consciously, as Olivia continues to stare at him with a mixture of awe and gratitude
…I studied a lot of Math on the inside…I was always good with numbers…and I like solving puzzles…
OLIVIA
Finding her voice
I can see that…
Swallows hard
Mr. Finn…I really can't thank you enough…you've really saved me, and I'm wondering…
Whatever Olivia was about to say is cut off by a sudden racket, as we hear a series of explosive noises—the sound of the pot cover being tossed off the stove; of bubbling and spewing apple goo; and finally, of some of the overflowing goo beginning to catch fire on the stove. Aleta lets out a shriek at the first sound, jumping off the sofa and launching into her mother's arms; Curtis and Kendall run from the table toward the kitchen; while Olivia, now holding Aleta, follows quickly behind.
Huck dashes in front of them, batting his hand through what are now the beginning of smoke billows and firing missles of apple butter, making his way to a fire extinguisher on the far side of the kitchen, weaving like a commando as he runs.
HUCK
Pulling the fire extinguisher off the wall and pulling the lever to open it easily
Stand back, Mrs. G!
He sprays the fire extinguisher, low and precise, at the fire, dousing it completely. Then, batting his hand again through the smoke, Huck makes his way to the stove and turns off the range.
CURTIS AND KENDALL
In unison
AWE-SOME!
Still holding Aleta, Olivia leans against the sink, and slides to the floor below, overcome by the sight of the mess, and the way Huck has just very possibly saved her from burning her house down…
ALETA
Burrowing closer to Olivia
Mommy! Mommy, don't cry….
Curtis looks at his mother, and pushes his glasses up his nose as he looks around, and sees his mother's cellular telephone on the counter.
Picking it up, he runs into the living room, and begins to fiddle with it…
Commercial**Camera Click**Commercial**Camera Click**Commercial**Camera Click**
Author's Note: Huck Finn's teaching method for long division is taken from a particularly well-presented video the author discovered on the internet, featuring the Elementary Mathematics specialist Karyn Hodgens; readers are invited to write to the author if they are interested in the specific reference. The "explosive" effects of baking soda and vinegar may have been *slightly* exaggerated for plot purposes here, but there is a website the author found discussing this chemical reaction, if readers are curious. Finally, the author consulted various websites discussing the best use of a household fire extinguisher, and can share these, upon request, as well.
Once again, I am grateful to all the colleagues who have been generous enough to follow and/or review this series, including RthStewart, Slytherinsal, OlitzMe, DayDreamLover, SpinningMoreDreams, CMW2, ShaunV76, Sabiya21, crabapplect, dafney64, taylor9110, Lonibe, jazphace, aburnett0182, Elizabeth Marshall, Morfiwien Greenleaf, and, of course, my muse of encouragement for this series, the wonderful ScandalMania. I really appreciate your interest in my work!