"Somewhere, in another life, in another reality, you and I are married, and we have four kids, and we live in Vermont and I'm the mayor and ...you make jam...".
What if Scandal were a 1980s-style family situation comedy, rather than a drama?
The text below is my script for the sit-com pilot. Have a look, and tell me if you think it should be optioned, or remain on the summer slush pile!
I don't own Scandal, which is the exclusive property and creative achievement of Shonda Rhimes and the talented writers of Shondaland.
As always, this author is grateful for all readers and comments, negative and positive.
SCENE SIX: "Life is not a romance novel"
We are back in the Mayor's office, where Fitz is on his hands and knees on the floor, crawling around his desk, retrieving and gathering and organizing the papers that are scattered around the floor of his office. Enter Cyrus
CYRUS
Looking quizzical
Fitz, what happened? Did you open the window?
FITZGERALD
Sheepishly
No, I answered the telephone.
CYRUS
Puzzled
Excuse me?
When Cyrus just continues to look at him, Fitzgerald leans back on his haunches and supplies a fuller explanation
FITZGERALD
Explaining
And my father was on the other end…
CYRUS
Ah…
FITZGERALD
As he returns to retrieving papers, and separating them into piles on the floor
I was right, by the way; Mellie is coming because Bill Randolph hatched a plot with my father.
CYRUS
Nodding
Well, you thought that might be it…
He looks on sympathetically, as Fitz continues to gather papers
Can I give you a hand with that?
FITZGERALD
Shaking his head
No…but you can have a seat, Cy, and keep me company…
Fitz grimaces as he reaches for a few sheets that landed rather far from his desk
While I harvest the fruits of my bad temper…
CYRUS
Sympathetically, as Cyrus takes his favorite seat on the nearby sofa
Big Gerry can be very manipulative..
FITZGERALD
Where my father is concerned, I'm not sure "manipulative" quite captures it.
Shuddering with annoyance as he thinks of it
My father wants to work me like a puppet on a string.
Interrupting his paper-chasing to look at Cyrus
And the thing is, he doesn't have the hold on me he used to; not since Mom died, and left me all her money so that Olivia and I could finally build a house for our family…
Lifting his eyebrows and becoming more agitated as he continues
He tried every trick in the book to break up my marriage…and I finally thought I was free of him…and now this!
CYRUS
Reassuringly
There's a limit to what Big Gerry can do, Fitz. He may have plotted with Bill Randolph to get this factory built, but he can't make you leave Olivia.
FITZGERALD
You don't know how far he is willing to go, Cy. He wanted me to marry Mellie something awful. He was angry when I put things off and joined the navy; he was angry when I wanted to wait until I finished my doctorate….but I couldn't help myself…
Fitz is remembering aloud now, even though he knows that Cyrus knows some of this story
..I had always felt something was missing from my relationship with Mellie…she was great, but she never really seemed to "see" me, you know?
He looks at Cyrus, appealing for understanding, and then his voice dips a bit, as he describes one of the most important days of his life
…And then came that day…I was in Washington for that Georgetown summer seminar on women in the developing world…it was the hottest, stickiest, most uncomfortable day of July…and the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen stood up to make her presentation…
CYRUS
Putting in..
And that was Olivia…
FITZGERALD
Nodding, reverently
And that was Olivia. And suddenly, the weather was fine, a cool breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and everything in my life finally made sense. And I felt like every choice I'd ever made; every place I'd ever gone; every thing I'd ever done, had led me up to that one, single, moment….
FITZGERALD
He sits down on the floor, leaning against his desk, and waves his arms in frustration
I've never looked back, Cy; not once! Not when my Dad cut me off, and we were living on pennies in a Washington basement; not when he didn't show up for Nicole's christening; or the twins', or Aleta's….We moved to Vermont because we thought it would be a fresh start; Olivia and I were sick of the Beltway; I wanted a life in politics, but I wanted grassroots, something that would make a difference in the lives of real people, not the kind of soulless Washington wheeling and dealing my father lives for…
Resigned, frustrated, and harried.
And now, despite everything I tried to do to get away from them, I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Theone man in town I can least afford to offend as mayor—the president of the local university—the institution that unquestionably employs the largest number of people in our community; controls the biggest chunk of our economy; the institution that Hallingford is most closely identified with across the rest of the state; the institution that brings in at least 50% of our tourism, and supports many of our local businesses…
Fitz's voice rises as he continues..
-the president of our university is my father-in-law, a man who utterly despises me….a man who left his position as a Dean at Harvard University specifically in order to convince his daughter to leave me…
When Cyrus makes a move to disagree, Fitz waves his hand for emphasis.
Oh believe me. Cy, Pope hates me. I swear thinking of ways to end my marriage to Livvie is what gets that man out of bed every morning.
Fitz continues in discouraged disgust as he rises to his feet and begins leaning over to pick up the paper piles he'd created and deposit them back on his desk in quick, jerky, movements
And now I've got my ex-girlfriend coming to town, dangling the promise of at least 1500 industrial jobs—jobs that I fully recognize this town needs, badly—so that she and her father, and my father, can circle over my family like vultures….
Fitz walks around to his chair, and sits down, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands
CYRUS
Smiling wryly as he commiserates
Wasn't it President Lyndon Johnson who once said, "things could be worse. I could be mayor?" Being a mayor is a tough job, Fitz.
FITZGERALD
Lifts his head to look at Cyrus and smiles grimly
I'm so glad I have you to tell me these things….
He pauses thoughtfully
Truth is, Cy…don't ever tell my father this…but there are times I dream of being President of the United States.
Fitz takes a deep breath and continues as he meets Cyrus's eyes
Not my father's dream, mind you—that I would have married Mellie Randolph, run for office on my military record, and been the All-American president he could have worked like a ventriloquist's dummy….
Fitz leans back in his chair now
No, I dream of actually running and winning on my own terms.
He gives his old friend a rueful smile
I'd move into the White House with Livvie and the kids….
Fitz grins mischievously
We'd flip a grand, graceful bird to anyone who might think that we weren't a real American family; that we didn't deserve to be together; that we didn't deserve to be us—
…and I'd finally have the leverage to tell my dad, and Olivia's Dad, and Mellie Randolph, to take a flying leap into the Potomac.
CYRUS
Grins back
Tell them to jump into the Anacostia.
FITZGERALD
Looking puzzled
Why the Anacostia?
CYRUS
Explaining
It's not as deep, and it's more polluted.
Can't you just imagine Big Gerry and Eli Pope covered in sludge?
Fitzgerald and Cyrus laugh together at the thought and then sober a bit.
CYRUS
More seriously
As I used to say to my ex-wife, Fitz, life is not a romance novel.
I was gay, not straight. No matter what my ex-wife did, in the end I had to be true to myself.
You were meant for Olivia.
No matter what Big Gerry did, no matter what dreams he cherished about you and Mellie as the perfect American couple in the White House, in the end, you had to be true to yourself, and choose Olivia.
Shaking his head
Life is about reality, not fantasy.
He walks over to Fitz's desk to pat his friend sympathetically on the shoulder.
If you had become President, trust me: Big Gerry would have found some other way to try to control you—and Elijah Pope would have figured out a way to track your every move and fill your days and nights with misery….
Shakes his head ruefully
I worked with that man when he was still a Dean at Harvard...
Elijah Pope doesn't think he's had a good day unless he's traumatized at least one person before lunch.
Cyrus smiles conspiratorially
And if you ever do become president, I insist on becoming your chief of staff!
FITZGERALD
Laughing
You have a deal!
Fitz leans back in his chair and looks at Cyrus affectionately. They are still laughing together when the phone in Fitz's office rings.
FITZGERALD
Chuckling as he picks up the receiver
Yes?
The camera slices to Curtis in the Pope-Grant living room, pushing his glasses urgently up his nose, as he clutches Olivia's cellular telephone
CURTIS
Dad? Dad?! You have to come home! Mommy's having a meltdown!
FITZGERALD
Leaning forward as he clutches the phone
Son? What are you talking about?
CURTIS
Excitedly
Mommy's having a meltdown! And there was an explosion in the kitchen!
FITZGERALD
Sitting completely upright in his chair
What?!
We now see Kendall come up behind his twin, to shout into the phone
KENDALL
Mr. Finn put the fire out! It was SO CHILL!
FITZGERALD
Looking increasingly concerned as he stares for a minute at the phone before putting it back to his ear
Curtis…Son…where's your mother?
CURTIS
She's on the kitchen floor.
FITZGERALD
Springing to his feet
She's where?! She's What? Don't do anything, Son….I'm right on my way…..
He puts down the phone and turns to Cyrus, who has been watching Fitzgerald's mood change with mounting concern
Livvie's in some kind of trouble. I have to get home…
Camera close-up on Fitzgerald's worried face
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Author's Note: Cyrus's quote from Lyndon Johnson is taken from a book that partially supplied the inspiration for this piece: Benjamin R. Barber, If Mayors Ruled the World: Dysfunctional Nations, Rising Cities (Yale University Press, 2013).
The relative levels of pollution in the Potomac and Anacostia Rivers are tracked on a Washington, D.C., government website entitled "Green Dash Board: River Health." Readers with an interest may write the author for the reference.
Once again, I am grateful to all the colleagues who have been generous enough to follow and/or review this series, including RthStewart, Slytherinsal, OlitzMe, DayDreamLover, SpinningMoreDreams, CMW2, ShaunV76, Sabiya21, crabapplect, dafney64, taylor9110, Lonibe, jazphace, aburnett0182, Elizabeth Marshall, Morfiwien Greenleaf, and, of course, my muse of encouragement for this series, the irrepressible ScandalMania. I really appreciate your interest in my work!