"Somewhere, in another life, in another reality, you and I are married, and we have four kids, and we live in Vermont and I'm the mayor and ...you make jam...".
What if Scandal were a 1980s-style family situation comedy, rather than a drama?
The text below is my script for the sit-com pilot. Have a look, and tell me if you think it should be optioned, or remain on the summer slush pile!
I don't own Scandal, which is the exclusive property and creative achievement of Shonda Rhimes and the talented writers of Shondaland.
As always, this author is grateful for all readers and comments, negative and positive.
CLOSING SCENE: "It's Handled"
We are back in the Grant home, as Fitz enters through the front door, as Abby did in an earlier scene. He is entering quickly, virtually fumbling with the locks, so that Kendall and Curtis hear him and come running to the door.
KENDALL
Jumping up and down, agitated
Daddy! Daddy!
Kendall is a little more excited than Curtis, but they both crowd around their father as he comes in
FITZGERALD
Putting one hand around each boy's shoulder
Guys…where's your mom?
CURTIS
In a serious tone
She's in the kitchen.
FITZGERALD
Questioning his sons as he walks toward the kitchen
Is she OK? Does she need a doctor?
KENDALL
Nodding and dancing a little, with all the excitement
Mr. Finn said we didn't need to call a doctor…
FITZGERALD
Mr. Finn said….?
Fitzgerald enters the kitchen and finds Olivia sitting on the floor, with Aleta continuing to huddle in her lap. Huck, meanwhile, has pulled the stove out from its place against the wall, and is in the process of dismantling the gas range pipes in the back in order to shut down the gas.
HUCK
Calling out to Fitzgerald as he works
Hey, Mr. G….I hope you don't mind…I just thought it would be safer, until we can get this cleaned up, if the gas were turned off…some of the stuff in the pot caught fire…
FITZGERALD
Slowly, precisely, seeking clarification; the first order of business is finding out what happened
What, exactly, caught fire?
OLIVIA
Miserably, from her spot on the floor
The apple butter.
FITZGERALD
Raising his eyebrows in a familiar mannerism
The apple butter?
OLIVIA
She raises her head to look up at her husband
The apple butter I was making for the Country Fair we have to go to Sunday afternoon? I was going to bring apple butter for the raffle for the high school orchestra?
She looks down at her lap
And, instead, I nearly blew up the house…
FITZGERALD
Perplexed
I still don't understand…you burned the apple butter, I get that…but….
Fitzgerald looks up and around to note spattered apple butter visible everywhere
Why is there apple butter on the ceiling?
OLIVIA
Keening..
It was my fault…I…
HUCK
Interrupting her to explain..
There was a container of baking soda on the kitchen counter…
OLIVIA
And now she finally bursts into tears
I must have put it in with the apples by mistake….I thought it was sugar….
Wailing
I can't believe I did anything that stupid…
FITZGERALD
Looks soberly at his sobbing wife and tries for humor as he continues to look around…
It's not so bad, Liv…It gives the kitchen a sort of modern art look….very Jackson Pollock….
OLIVIA
Scolding as she continues to weep
Oh, how can you make jokes?
FITZGERALD
Deciding that this is enough, and taking command
OK, guys; your mom and I need to talk alone.
Raising his voice somewhat, to get Huck's attention
Mr. Finn, are you just about done there?
HUCK
Pushing back from behind the stove
Just about, Mr. G!
FITZGERALD
Reaches into his pocket for cash as Huck gets up and walks toward him
Could I trouble you to go into town and pick up a couple of pizzas?
KENDALL and CURTIS and ALETA
All elated; Kendall starts jumping up and down; Aleta scrambles out of her mother's lap to run and hug her father's legs
Yay! Pizza!
FITZGERALD
Hoisting Aleta up into his arms and looking at her
What kind do you want, pumpkin?
ALETA
Pepperoni!
FITZGERALD
Looking down at his sons
That O.K. with you, guys?
Kendall and Curtis nod vigorously as Fitz finishes fumbling out some bills to press into Huck's hands…
Get three, if you would, Mr. Finn; one with Pepperoni; one with mushrooms for my wife and my older daughter; and the third with whatever you're having…the least I can do after all you've done for my family today is buy you a pizza
HUCK
Shaking his head
That's not really necessary, Mr. G…
CURTIS
Mr. Finn said we're Math Gladiators!
FITZGERALD
Looking down at his sons
Did he, now?
Turning to Huck
Please buy yourself a third pizza—I think I've given you enough—and come back and join us for supper, Mr. Finn…
Pauses as something new occurs to him
Unless you had somewhere else you needed to be?
HUCK
Shaking his head
Oh no, Mr. G; I can stay for supper if you really want…
Huck takes the money and leaves out the front door to get the pizzas. Fitzgerald now walks his sons and daughter through the living room and toward the stairs..
Your mom and I need the room to have a little talk. Can you guys go upstairs and play until Mr. Finn comes back?
He puts Aleta down, and she shoots up the stairs, with Kendall and Curtis following her. Fitz looks after them, satisfied for a moment, and then goes over and turns off the television and pushes it back beside the fireplace.
He then returns to the kitchen and leans over Olivia, offering his hand to pull her to her feet.
Stand up, you fire-starting woman, you…
Olivia hiccups a little as she allows Fitz to pull her to her feet, and put an arm around her shoulder as he walks her to the sofa and sits her down. Olivia sits obediently on the sofa, deliberately not leaning into Fitz, which is his cue that Olivia is quite upset, not just about the apple butter but about whatever led her to substitute baking soda for sugar. Fitzgerald looks at her levelly
Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong, Livvie?
OLIVIA
Wretchedly
I can't make jam…
FITZGERALD
Gently ironic
It was never my first requirement in a wife.
OLIVIA
Persisting
Mellie Randolph can make jam..
FITZGERALD
Patiently, while it doesn't register, at first
And note, I didn't marry Mellie…
And then it does register. And Fitzgerald turns serious
You found out about the jam factory.
OLIVIA
Nodding
I found out about the jam factory…
She is finally ready to get a little more confrontational as she swings toward him
Why didn't you tell me?
FITZGERALD
Contrite
I should have, Livvie; I'm sorry.
OLIVIA
Insisting
But why? Why didn't you tell me?
FITZGERALD
Sheepishly
Because I knew you'd be upset…the last time I had to deal with Mellie you spent twelve hours in the bathroom while I froze to death outside…
Cheekily
I didn't realize that this time, you'd try to blow up the kitchen…Ow!
Olivia has poked him in the chest
OLIVIA
Indignantly
You should have told me!
She rises to her feet and is about to leave the room in a huff
FITZGERALD
Nervous and urgent
Wait Livvie…wait one minute! Give me one minute…
This stops Olivia in her tracks. Fitzgerald comes to her and turns her around, takes her hands in his, and looks into Olivia's eyes as he continues
Agreeing; gravely
You're right, I should have told you. That's what Cyrus said, and he was right. Mellie Randolph's company proposed to build a jam factory in Hallingford. I agreed to it because the factory is going to create at least 1500 jobs in our town, jobs that will help over a thousand Hallingford citizens who were thrown out of work when the paper mill closed two years ago.
Olivia is looking at Fitz with a mixture of attention and suspicion as he continues, urgently
I didn't ask for it, and I wouldn't have wanted it, Livvie…Bill Randolph and my dad hatched this up as a plot to bring Mellie up here…but they were prepared to give me everything I wanted…they're even going to buy the produce from local farms…and that cinched it. It's going to be tremendous for the town economically...stimulate local business; stabilize our tax base…
As he is speaking, the part of Olivia that has always been interested in economic policy; the woman who has always been her husband's first sounding board when any governance matter is discussed, is softening at his explanation, and nodding as he finishes…
…it was an offer I couldn't refuse….but I should have told you, and I'm very, very sorry I waited so long….
It finally occurs to Fitz to ask
How did you find out?
OLIVIA
A bit sullenly with some leftover tears
My father told me.
FITZGERALD
Sighs…
Your father…my father….we've always had to go to war with our parents to be together, haven't we?
OLIVIA
Blurting it out…she was, indeed, very upset about Fitz not telling her about Mellie Randolph, but she's been harboring some secrets of her own
I want to go back to work!
FITZGERALD
Pauses for a minute as he looks at his wife. He's not really surprised; he had a feeling that Olivia was beginning to get restless, but he wasn't certain, and she hadn't brought it up until now
I know..
OLIVIA
Continuing to barrel on, beginning to pace in front of the sofa, without really paying attention to what Fitz just said; she is thinking aloud, really, as this has been going through her mind for the last month or so, ever since Aleta started kindergarten
I'm worried about how it might affect the boys….. I know Nicole and Aleta still need supervision; but I've been thinking about how Nicole will be ready for college soon…and…
She stops in her tracks and turns to her husband
Wait a minute…you know?
FITZGERALD
Giving his wife a level look
I'm actually surprised you held out this long….
OLIVIA
Defensively
It's not that I don't love being with the kids…
But I like myself better when I'm working….
Wretchedly confessing
When I'm at home and you're gone all day, I feel like you are in motion and I am standing still…
FITZGERALD
Smiling sadly as he turns to his wife
That's so funny, Livvie…
I always feel like you are the one in motion…
A bit like the moon—way above me, forever in my sight, but always just a little bit out of reach…
He smiles conspiratorially at his wife
But it just so happens, there may be a job for you…
OLIVIA
Looking quizzical
What?
FITZGERALD
Remember that scum-bag Sally Langston left as Public Defender?
OLIVIA
Nodding as she sits down again; what should incidentally come across in this exchange is that, much as Fitz trusts Cyrus and David Rosen, he doesn't always let on all he knows or remembers when he speaks with them. By contrast, Fitz is always completely candid with Olivia.
Billy Chambers?
FITZGERALD
Taking a seat beside her
It seems he's been indicted on bribery charges…
Olivia looks interested
OLIVIA
Nods as she begins to curl into her husband as they settle together on the sofa
You always thought he might be up to something…
She pauses and lifts herself slight to peer at her husband…the look on his face concerns her sufficiently so that for a moment Olivia is distracted away from her own worries to focus on her husband
Fitz…what is it?
FITZGERALD
Shaking his head
It's a long story, Livvie…but the short version is that it all goes back to the murder and embezzlement scandal that closed the Paper Mill…
He sighs heavily
And David Rosen is investigating, and they think that Jake Ballard might be involved…
OLIVIA
Startled
Jake Ballard!
FITZGERALD
David thinks he may be dirty…on the take…
Fitz washes the hand that is not curled around Olivia's shoulder over his face
The worst part is that, looking over some of the files David gave me this afternoon, the charge is sounding… plausible…
He continues shaking his head and worrying aloud
…I've known Jake for years….I'm not sure what to do…
As Fitz is speaking the last lines, Olivia swallows hard, and settles back into Fitz with a guilty look on her face. We can see the wheels turning in her head, as she remembers the way Jake cornered her at the Labor Day Picnic, how unsavory the whole encounter felt; and how much she had an apprehension, at the time, that Jake had some sort of hidden agenda that she couldn't put her finger on…
But after a difficult day, in which her trust in her husband has been shaken a bit, Olivia isn't quite ready to tell Fitz about all this…at least not yet…
OLIVIA
Speaking to distract her husband, as she continues to cuddle next to Fitz with a furrowed brow
What has all this got to do with me, and a job?
FITZGERALD
Cyrus and David Rosen need someone to take over the Public Defender's Office now that Chambers is out of commission….
Fitz looks down at his wife with a mixture of pride and affection
Actually, not "someone;" they specifically want you.
OLIVIA
Sitting up out of her husband's embrace as she breathes in a rush of air
Oh!
FITZGERALD
I told them that I didn't want to speak for you, but I thought you might be interested. Was that the correct answer?
OLIVIA
Nodding slowly
Yes, that was the correct answer..
FITZGERALD
Continuing as he follows his wife into sitting upright
They want you to send in your resume as soon as possible….David was hoping you could come in for an interview Monday morning…
OLIVIA
Furrowing her brow again
That soon? It sounds like they are going to want me to start right away…
FITZGERALD
Agreeing
That was the impression I got…
FITZGERALD
Cyrus said they'd be grateful even if you wanted to treat it as a stepping stone before looking for something bigger…but, Livvie, you don't need to push yourself like that if it's not what you want…I can always take care of expenses…
OLIVIA
Quietly, looking down at her lap
Unless you are out of the picture, and I have to support the children myself.
There is dead silence for a moment, as it is Fitzgerald's turn to look intently as his wife's hunched shoulders
FITZGERALD
Just as quietly
Do you want me out of the picture, Livvie?
OLIVIA
Stiffly, with dignity
I was thinking more about how I would manage everything if you took yourself out of the picture…
Swallowing hard, and then gets up off the sofa because she is restless with the emotional anxiety she has been feeling all day
If you…and Mellie Randolph….
FITZGERALD
As she starts to walk away, Fitzgerald stands up and grabs one arm to pull her back…
Look at me, Liv…
Olivia shifts her head away, but Fitz pulls his wife closer to him, turns her toward him, and reaches one hand out to place under her chin.
Tenderly
Look. At. Me.
What do we always say?
OLIVIA
She sniffs; there is a tear rolling down one check as she replies in a low voice
We're in this together
FITZGERALD
Stronger; more affirmative
We're in this together.
We don't allow the world to divide us….or hurt us….
OLIVIA
Finishing the recitation of what has been a long-standing vow between the two of them
…or hurt the children…
FITZGERALD
Repeating her words tenderly
…Or hurt the children…
OLIVIA
Looking up at him with shining eyes
I really don't need to worry about Mellie Randolph?
FITZGERALD
Emphatically
You have never had to worry about Mellie Randolph.
Fitzgerald leans in and kisses his wife gently on the lips, meeting her eyes once their lips part.
There's only one woman in the world I love.
As Olivia looks up at her husband, Fitzgerald leans in again for a longer kiss that Olivia returns. Her hands snake up around his neck to grasp his hair; his arms go around her and pull her in. They are building up to a passionate embrace when the door swings open and their eldest daughter, Nicole, enters.
NICOLE
With a staccato exclamation of disgust
Ew!
As far as the casting of the children is concerned: while some decisions may be left to the producers about specifics, the author would like to recommend that the actress cast as Nicole Martha should be extremely pretty, and should, as much as possible, resemble her Television Mom.
As she enters, Nicole is wearing a white running suit, and carrying a fashionable back pack which she drops, unceremoniously, on the floor.
Don't you realize that seeing my parents make out could scar me for life?
FITZGERALD
Under his breath
How does she think she got here?
OLIVIA
Under her breath, mimicking their eldest daughter
"Double Ew!"
NICOLE
Reprovingly
I heard that, Dad! Double Ew!
OLIVIA
Stepping back from Fitz, a bit embarrassed
How was your day, dear?
NICOLE
Flouncing into one of the chairs
Ghastly!
Resentfully
Sharon Raymond spent all of lunch flirting with Marcus.
OLIVIA
Fitz looks confused; he is not up on the history of Nicole's interest in Marcus, a boy Nicole knows from the school band, in which Nicole plays the flute. Olivia, on the other hand, jumps in…she has heard all about Marcus Gates, and the odious Sharon Raymond…
Was Marcus flirting back?
NICOLE
Miserably
I don't know if you could say that Marcus was flirting, exactly….but he couldn't stop staring at Sharon's boobs…
OLIVIA
Warningly
Nicole…
NICOLE
Amending her words, wryly
Excuse me…Marcus couldn't take his eyes off Sharon's "chest."
With an angry sniff
Her very ample chest.
Sniffing a mixture of envy and contempt
She is definitely very…developed…
OLIVIA
Reassuring her daughter
Darling, any boy who doesn't appreciate you hasn't earned you…
NICOLE
Dismissive in her misery
Oh Mom, you always say that….
Nicole climbs out of her chair and starts toward the kitchen
I'm going to get a snack…
FITZGERALD
In an arresting voice that stops Nicole in her tracks
Your mother always says it because it's always true….
He looks meaningfully at Olivia
A man who doesn't know when he's found the love of his life doesn't deserve to keep her.
Nicole turns toward her father as Fitzgerald continues
…But right now, Nicole, your mom needs your help.
NICOLE
Looking from her father to her mother with a bit of suspicion
What kind of help?
FITZGERALD
Your mom needs you to help her go shopping.
NICOLE
Her attention is riveted; her father has uttered the magic word
I'm listening….
FITZGERALD
Your mom is going to be going back to work—she has an interview with Uncle Cyrus and Uncle David on Monday. She needs to buy a new suit. She also needs a new dress….
OLIVIA
Warningly
Fitz…
FITZGERALD
Finishing his sentence
…for a party that we're all going to have to go to, three weeks from now, at your grandfather's college…
NICOLE
In negotiation mode..
Where are we going to go shopping?
OLIVIA
Turning away from her husband, who is resorting to what she considers to be questionable negotiation tactics, and now facing her eldest daughter
I was thinking we might try the outlets in New Hampshire…if we don't find what we want, we'll drive down to Boston…
NICOLE
Do I get to buy some clothes?
FITZGERALD
You can pick out a dress for the party…
NICOLE
Driving a hard bargain
One Dress and * two* full school outfits
OLIVIA
Bargaining back
One Dress…
FITZGERALD
The Compromising Politician
One Dress and one school outfit….
NICOLE
Stepping forward to shake her father's hand
Deal.
Turning back toward the kitchen
And NOW, I'm going to go get a snack!
As Nicole walks toward the kitchen, Fitzgerald sits down on the sofa again, and stretches, while patting the place next to him for Olivia
OLIVIA
A little indignantly as she begins to curl back into their characteristic cuddle position
Why on earth did you agree to a second outfit? You don't know your daughter, Fitz…her appetite for clothes is a bottomless pit….
FITZGERALD
Sighing smugly as Olivia settles next to him
You worry too much, Livvie. The important thing is, it's handled….
OLIVIA
Shaking her head with a dubious expression
I'm not so…
Olivia is interrupted as they hear a shriek of dismay from the kitchen.
As Olivia and Fitz come out of "cuddle position" to sit bolt upright, they see Nicole, backing out of the kitchen, pointing up at the kitchen celling with a mixture of horror, indignation, and disgust.
NICOLE
I am NOT cleaning up that mess!
The final camera shot is Fitzgerald and Olivia exchanging glances….
Against the reprise of the opening music, and credits rolling for the conclusion, we see the family eating pizza at the dining table, joined by Huck Finn.
Cue the Red and Blue Rollercoaster…..
THE END
Author's Note:
For this chapter, the author consulted a few internet sites about disabling gas stoves. Again, if readers are interested in these references, or any of the others (especially about long division!) they are welcome to write her for specifics.
As we roll the credits, the author would like to take this opportunity to offer her acknowledgments to the following generous readers and reviewers for their support:
Scandal Mania: Who consistently encouraged the author to develop this story, despite the author's own reservations!
Slytherinsal, Rth Stewart, Marianne Greenleaf, and Elizabeth Marshall, who also supported it, even though their own *terrific* (recommended!) work is in other areas!
And the wonderful readers and writers who follow Scandal pieces and were kind enough to follow mine; review; or write to me personally: DayDreamLover; valke100; SpinningMoreDreams; jazphace; OlitzMe; Zarysmatic; Kbrow84; dafney64; sabiya21; CMW2; crabapplect; taylor9110; Lonibe, aburnett0182; and CorrineStark.
To all these fine authors and reviewers, and to any who may yet take an interest in this piece, the author wishes to express her profound gratitude, now, and in advance.