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**Oreo Cookies**

I sip on the disgusting luck warm water and try very hard not to bitch out at her. It would be my normal reaction in case someone had done to me what she has but somehow I can't find it in me to be angry. It's more like I'm irritated. She has asked Dad very politely to leave so that she can speak to me in private and yet although he's been gone for almost half an hour she hasn't talked anything about the awful diet plan she's going to force me on. Bella tells me that she's from Arizona and recently divorced. I find that she's the prettiest person I have met in a very long time. I bet that silver dress would look heavenly on her while it looked like crap on me. Everything looks like crap on me because I have hips like a cow and a bloated stomach like a fucking whale. I hate my body.

"Do you have any questions?"

"No,"

"You seem a bit angry. Was it your idea to hire me or your father's?"

I sigh and grab the bowl with the cookies to eat one of them. It's embarrassing to eat in front of her but maybe if she sees it, she'll realize how completely hopeless this project is.

"It was his idea, but he should better donate the money to some none-profit organization that helps to feed kids in the third world."

"It's a good thing that you care about others and I think that your father cares a lot about your happiness too. That's the reason why he hired me."

"He hired you because I'm fat and he's probably ashamed of it—that's why." My voice cracks while I speak and instantly the image of my birth mother turning her back on the ugly, overweight toddler comes to my mind. Crap, I'm going to cry. I can't cry in front of her. It's too embarrassing.

"I don't think your father is ashamed of you because you're overweight. He just doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself anymore. Do you know how heavy you are exactly?"

I drop the half of the cookie on the table and stand up again, knowing that she'll expect me to answer her but I don't want to. This is humiliating and I want to crawl under the blankets in my room and just hide for the rest of my life.

"Do you have a scale?"

"Bathroom," I croak out and she grabs her hand around my wrist when I show her the way.

When I pull the thing out and step on it I feel the tears burning in my eyes but I blink and swallow then back. Maybe she's going to faint if she sees the number on the scale. Or she'll ask Dad for some extra money for extremely difficult cases.

Her face stays calm while she writes down the devastating truth on a small tablet. I'm already glad she doesn't laugh.

"How tall are you?" she asks, scrawling some more notes down into that little tablet.

"4.7…I'm tall for a dwarf."

"You don't seem to feel very confident with how you look and you don't seem very content with your body size."

"Thumbelina…Half-pint…dwarf…shorty…whatever kind of stupid nicknames are out there for people my height someone has already used it. I could live with that but being too fat and too short is just too much of a burden for one person."

I start crying and bury my face in my hands. Hopefully, she'll leave now. I don't want her to see how much this affects me emotionally. I'm ugly and here's this pretty woman who's probably never tried a pair of jeans and didn't fit into them. How can she understand how I feel? Why would she care anyway?

Then I feel her hand under my chin and when I hesitantly raise my head again her lips curl up into a warm smile. She's even more beautiful when she smiles, I think, and suddenly my face feels a bit warmer.

"Are you crying because you are sad or because you are embarrassed?"

"A bit of both, I guess."

"Well, I can't do very much if you are sad because that's understandable to a certain extent. People are giving you a hard time about your weight and that's hurting you. Plus, you are still at High School and that's hard enough without sticking out physically in a way."

"I want to be invisible."

"I can't do that for you, Alice but I'm here to make you feel better about yourself. Look, have you tried to lose weight before?"

"A few times,"

"Do you exercise?"

Apart from those torturous hours I have to endure at School—Sure as hell not. The thing is I detest sports with all of my heart. It sucks, badly. I have no hand –eye-coordination whatsoever and if I try to run I have trouble with my tits bouncing up and down. Swimming would probably be fine if it wouldn't require to be performed barely dressed.

"Alice, do you do any kind of sports?"

I shake my head and sigh deeply, pulling a tissue of my jeans to clean my nose.

"I hate sports. Always have, always will."

"Well, then it'll be one of my challenges to change your attitude about that."

"I hope my father pays you well enough for that."

"It's okay, thanks you but I'll probably still take on some more private clients apart from my gym classes so that I can move out of my Uncle's house as soon as possible. My cousin is going on my nerves and I have trouble overplaying that. Rosie thinks that…,"

"Rosie? As in Rosalie Hale? That's your cousin?"

"Do you know her from school? Is she one of the people picking on you? Because if she is, just ignore her. She's not worth to listen to."

"She's my brother Emmett's girlfriend."

"Oh the Football hottie, I see."

"I don't really think they make a good match."

We walk back into the kitchen and I open the fridge for another bottle of diet coke.

"This crap of a drink and your goal to lose some weight don't make a good match."

I turn around and provocatively slowly I lift the bottle up my lips. It's cool and refreshing and best of all so deliciously sweet.

"Do you know what's in there?"

"I know what's not in there, fat and sugar. It has no calories. Isn't that supposed to be good?"

"It's unhealthy. If you drink that your blood sugar rushes up just to plop down again shortly after and when that happens you'll get hungry. We'll have to break that circle somehow."

"I'll die if I don't get my diet coke."

"I assure you that you won't. Now, from starting tomorrow I want you to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water. Only water, no soda, no vanilla latte's, no juices…no…,"

"Can I at least pour some crystal light in it for some flavor?"

"You remind me of an alcoholic who keeps asking for a beer."

"You are heartless."

"I'm here to help you and if that requires you thinking I'm heartless, let it be. I've been called heartless by my ex often enough during the divorce."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay. I'm done with that part of my life. Just let me give you an advice and that one is actually for free. Don't get married straight out of school. It's a big mistake."

For a moment her eyes look glassy and sad. I don't want them to look that way. I wonder what kind of a low life her ex-husband must have been.

"How long have you been married?"

"Almost three years but I'd like not to talk about it that much. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry." I whisper again while she quickly braids her long hair and twists it up into a knot in her neck. I like it better when she wears it down. It makes her look younger.

She pulls a grey plastic bag out of her handbag and holds it up in front of me.

"Your candy, Alice, all of it, I want you to put it in here." she stats, sounding unnecessarily strict now.

"No," I snarl at her. Even if I'm not allowed to eat them, I still want them to be here in case I want some. It makes me feel better to know it's there.

"Do you want to stay your current clothing size? Candy is not going to help you get thin. Or have you developed some super-new form of chocolate diet?"

"No, I don't. But I…,"

"No but. Give it to me. It's not banned from you forever. You'll get a tiny bit of it when you start making some progress."

I take a deep breath and pull out the boxes of chocolates and caramels. When I'm done I give her one of my I-hate-you-looks. She's already taken away my diet coke. Now she's stealing my beloved Oreo cookies and the Twizzlers. I bet if I had a boyfriend she'd snag him from me too.

Yeah, like you'll ever get one with that ass of yours. The truth is I don't really want one. Guys are gross. They smell of hair gel and cheap deodorant from the One Dollar Shop in the Mall. I've only been in love once and that has been in fifth grade when Jasper borrowed me his scissors for my Art project. He used to be kind of cute but now he hangs out with the wrong people and I actually think that he' smoking weed or some crap like that. He seems totally stoned sometimes. I wonder why they don't kick him out of School.

"Is that everything or do you have something hidden in your room as well?"

I blush and nod my head. Crap, why didn't you just lie to her? You are so fucking stupid, Alice!

The entire way up to my room I keep reproaching myself but I eventually find comfort in the thought of my super-secret emergency candy box in my School looker. No way, she's going to find that one.

I pull out the cartoon from under my bed and hand her each of my candy bars in a theatrical gesture. There you go my friends…

"I'll come back tomorrow with your eating plan. Do you have any allergies that I should know about?"

"No, I don't."

"That's good, makes my work way easier for me."

She clears her throat and nibbles on her lower lip before she speaks up again.

"There is another thing I want you to do until tomorrow. I want you to write down a list of reasons why you do want to lose the weight and we'll discuss it during our next meeting."

When she's gone I sit down on the edge of my bed and hug my teddy bear for a moment before I pull out a sheet of paper and a pen to scrawl down the sentences.

I want to fit into the prettiest dress for Prom

I want to be able to shop clothes outside the plus size area.

I want to have a waist

I want to have thighs that don't rub against each other when you walk

I want to have visual cheekbones

I want Emmett and the others to stop calling me Belly-Ali all the time.

I want people to think me beautiful

I want to be light enough so that someone can carry me around

I want someone to fall in love with me

I want to get kissed until I can't breathe